When the weekend had arrived, I awoke on Saturday morning by the ringing of the doorbell. With disheveled hair and a sleep face, I stepped down the stairs, fixing my pajama shorts and blouse before I opened the door ajar. I peeked around the corner, frowned when I saw Salomé standing in front of me.
"Good morning." She rummaged through her bag, fished something out of it. "I'm so sorry for waking you and perhaps your family, but.." Her outstretched hand almost touched my chest. Her hand held some papers. "Proof of registration for the trip. Gloria, I mean.."
Wiping my hand over my face, I took the papers from her hands, flipping through them.
"Sorry." She shook her head, chuckled lightly. "Bit of a chaotic morning. Gloria's father gave me the papers when he picked her up from the dinner party, and since the trip is on Monday.. I couldn't have given you this at a better time. She cannot join if she doesn't have her parents' approval, of course. Teddy had given me your address."
"Right, right." I cleared my throat. Sleep had thickened my voice. "Thanks. It is important."
Salomé nodded, glanced behind me, cleared her throat and took a step back. "Talk about time with people from that side of the world." She laughed a little. "Their time schedules are a bit different compared to those in England."
"They are, aren't they." Wiping my face again, I felt a bit more awake, suddenly aware of Salomé's actual presence here. I smiled at her and for some reasons, felt the need to just have a chat, Aurora's absence killing me on the insides today. However, I didn't feel like inviting her in, just yet. "Uhm, are you free? For the morning."
Salomé narrowed her light eyes, glanced behind me again before she answered. "Yeah.. what for?"
"Do you feel like a walk?" I suggested, brushing my fingers over the waistband of my pajama shorts. "Just to.." I added quickly, not wanting to give her the wrong impressions. "Discuss Gloria's behaviour and some preparations for the trip."
"Oh, do you mean about the play therapy?" She stuffed one of her hands into the pocket of the long skirt she was wearing. It fit her well. She looked classy, feminine. To be fair, she was beautiful. The morning sun made strands of her hair look literal golden, instead of the brown colour it naturally had. My gaze roamed over her face, noticing a tiny freckle on the tip of her small nose.
I nodded, couldn't answer. It'd been a while since I had allowed myself to look at a woman who wasn't Aurora. In fact, I hadn't paid attention to them the moment I had met Aurora. It made me feel strange. My fingers touched my ring, as if they were begging for my thoughts not to go further.
"Yeah, if.."
"She knows about it." I said, somewhat annoyed. Immediately, I felt guilty, so I covered it up with a smile. "Do you want coffee? You can sit here on the porch, watch the.. sun. I'll get changed quickly."
"Right." Salomé nodded, took a seat on the rocking chair that stood on the porch, facing the exact place where the sun rose. Once the coffee was done, I handed it to her, ignoring the way our fingers brushed together. I changed quickly, washed my face, brushed my teeth and skipped breakfast.
I locked the door behind me, waved the empty cup of coffee off when Salomé wanted to hand it to me with a questionable look. "Leave it here. It won't walk away."
"Well, you never know." She laughed a little, pulled the strap of her handbag back onto her shoulder as it had slipped off. "You are full of surprises. An English teacher with dance moves." She simply smiled.
"You're going to haunt me with that forever, aren't you?"
"Cannot promise I won't." She laughed. "Were you home alone?"
"Yeah, went out for the day." I didn't specify that it had only been Benji. Who had enjoyed dinner at Unc Teddy's so much that Teddy offered for him to sleep over in the weekend. They had the biggest plans, from going to a farm Teddy used to work at to going to KFC in the afternoon. I knew Teddy had offered to give Benji a break, but also to enlighten the pressure of duties for me at home, which made me feel guilty too. I had time to do everything at a slow pace, seeing I didn't have to worry about Benji, yet I chose to take a walk with a woman and abandon the household that way, anyway.
"It's beautiful here." Salomé mentioned, gazing at the meadow and the tiny yellow flowers peeking out the grass. "You grew up in this area?"
"Isn't it." I mumbled out, remembering how Aurora used to run through the grass, twirling around between the buttercups and the dandelions. With the breeze hitting her dark hair, then the smile that would appear onto her face when she reached for my hand, pulled me close to her. Talking about her hurt. But I didn't want to give Salomé more suspicions. "I didn't grow up here, my wife wanted to live in this area."
"I like that. It's a good choice."
"Yeah, well, it was actually something for the time being. We were saving for the house in Italy." It came out before I thought it through.
"Italy? Wow.." Salomé turned her face to me, followed me as we strolled through the small grove surrounding the area I lived in. "Why all the way over there?"
"She's Italian. My wife, I mean." Stuffing my hands in the pockets of my trousers, I stared at my feet as we walked. "Her family had a house near the lakeside. We wanted to live there, but obviously we needed to pay our share, so we had to save. We married when we were young."
Salomé didn't say anything for a while. "So.. why aren't you saving for it anymore?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said everything in past tense. As if the house isn't there anymore."
On the contrary. "Oh." I swallowed. "We just settled.. here, I guess. With my son at school, my job here and stuff. We didn't really see a reason to move anymore."
"But Italy is stunning."
Great starter to change the subject for me. "Have you been there before?" Without much notice, I pulled a branch out of our way, waiting for Salomé to pass.
"Oh, yeah. I have been there. My father had seen enough of Africa for a while, so we travelled through Europe, where he met other missionaries and priests and stuff." Salomé's voice softened. Her eyes trailed down to her feet.
I wondered if I had said something wrong. Her mood had changed within a second. "Did you like it there?" I asked, carefully. "Where did you go to?"
Salomé looked up, took a deep breath. "Verona. You know, as a girl who was fed with literature while being young, my father thought it would be nice to go to the well- known Romeo e Giulietta balcony." She let out a soft laugh. "It was stunning. Packed full with tourists. You see.. I wasn't in a good place back then. Had been through some stuff before all that and I think I was in my deepest depth moment, the all time low. I couldn't really enjoy myself, even if I wanted to."
"I'm sorry about that." I didn't question further. Figured it wasn't fair if I didn't tell her about my tragedies, either.
"It's alright, something so.. unimaginable happened there too.." Salomé sighed, shrugged her shoulders and glanced at me. "Anyway, if your wife is Italian, and you are.."
"British and my father was South Asian."
"Was?"
"He passed away not too long ago." I shrugged.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I barely knew him."
Salomé bit her bottom lip, rolled her eyes a little. "Sorry, I surely know how to dig deep sometimes, don't I? I don't mean to upset you with my questions. I only wanted to say that if your wife is Italian, you are British and South Asian, your son is going to be a heartbreaker."
"Agreed." I laughed, thought of Benjamin. His slightly long, disheveled light brown and golden hair. The grey eyes. The small mole onto his cheek. The rosiness of them. The little gap between his front teeth.
We sat down onto one of the benches that was placed there for the purpose of having a picnic. Silence engulfed us for a moment. My thoughts were with Aurora, but also with Salomé. I didn't know why, or how, but I was enjoying myself. It was nice to get out of the house for a bit, to be with someone who didn't know too much about you. To be with a woman.
"So, Gloria's progress?"
"We'll discuss it at school." I mumbled out, slouching back onto the bench. Salomé sat across me, her arms leaning onto the wooden table. "Were you free today? From play therapy?"
"Yeah, I am. I have a few children who come whenever they want to. It's usually after school, or sometimes even before. It depends. Usually he comes over, sees if I'm home and if I'm not, he'll go back." She shrugged, twirled her loose hair into a bun, like she did last time.
"That's an easy way to work." I teased a little, glanced at her to make sure I didn't hurt her. "Just whenever it comes to you."
"Ah, yeah. I don't really mind."
"Do you like it here?"
Salomé shrugged, gazed at the sky for a while. It looked threatening. As if the clouds could burst out anytime. "I love the kids. I love the job."
"But?"
Her tongue rolled over her upper lip. "I've never settled. I don't think I know the feeling of going home. You know what I mean? I've never had a place that felt like home, other than my father. It's hard settling for something that has never been familiar to you."
"So there may be a chance that you'll be gone within weeks again?"
"I don't think so." Salomé shook her head, narrowed her eyes thoughtfully as she looked at me, "But yeah, there will come a day where the kids have settled here in England, unlike me, and don't need the day activities anymore. My job will be over.. I would have fulfilled the task. Most likely, the hopeless soul that belongs to me will find another place to stick around for a while."
I played with a leaf that had fallen off the tree, onto the table by the breeze that started to come up. "Do you like traveling, then? Or are you.. searching for a home?"
"I've got no seat meat, to be fair. I'm quite chaotic at times. I don't always enjoy traveling, but the other part of me can't stay wherever I am." She sighed. Shrugged. "The thing is.. it's been my father's job since I was born. I don't know any differently. I never had the chance to make friends, because sometimes, months later, we would move to another city. Another state. Country, even. Part of the world. I closed myself off, because every time I was close to getting friends, we were moving not much later. I built a wall around myself so I wouldn't hurt myself anymore, by losing friends each time. There was a lot of pressure around that wall, that time. Now.. it's a little gone, because I don't have anybody deciding where I have to go to anymore. I thought I'd feel more free, but maybe I'm even more lost now."
"Don't get me wrong, I've seen half of the world, which is amazing. More than anyone can wish for, perhaps. I love my father, his job is amazing. He has the biggest heart I've ever heard beating. Seen touching people. But for a child? Not ideal.."
"Besides all of the beautiful aspects of his job.. his job also planted something inside me. Something uncomfortable. Something that's telling me to always look further, because the place I thought would be my home, turned out not to be it. It tells me not to settle, I'm not able to. It's something I can't explain.."
Her naturally darker eyebrows were furrowed, her lips moved slowly as she talked, with her gaze onto the wooden table in front of us. Her features softened, she looked up at me. "Wow. Look at me, spilling all of that what's inside my heart. We were here for Gloria's behaviour and the trip."
"It's quite alright." I said, the urge to reach for her hand taking its grip over my mind. It blocked my thinking for a moment, but with one glance onto my ring, I knew how to hold myself back. "You said you'd be here for me if I needed something off my chest, and I'm here for you too."
"It's not okay."
"Why isn't it?"
"You should go home, see your wife."
"She's not home."
"Then to wherever she is."
I swallowed. My gaze falling onto the small trackway that was beside the meadow full of flowers. The trackway we had followed when we were on our way towards the graveyard. The trackway we had followed so Aurora could say her last goodbye to the place she had loved, even when she was in heaven already. I could see the hearse driving slowly in my mind. Benji and I following after. My mother. Aurora's parents. Her brothers.
"I'm sorry.." Salomé must have seen something in my face. Concern laced her features. "Is everything alright between you two? I didn't mean to.."
Drops of rain started falling down. I took it as my cue to leave. "I have to go. Family is coming over later, and I need to prepare some food." I lied, smiled at her, pushed it through the wave of emotions that engulfed me out of all sudden.
"Totally, yeah." Salomé stood up right after, straightened her skirt and glanced up at the sky. "I'll see you on Monday. Teddy asked for me to tag along.. more adults to watch the children on the trip."
"Sure. Until then." Giving her another smile, even if it came out rather weak, I returned my way back home. Stepping inside the living room, my eyes fell onto the corner of the room, where the dining table had been shoved away from when the coffin stood there. With my beautiful wife in it. The memories seemed to be so long ago, yet at the same time it felt like it was yesterday.
I plopped down onto the couch, stared at the pile of laundry that needed to be ironed for me and Benji to look at least a bit decent while going out. I stared at the photos standing onto the small fireplace. Baby Benji. Freshly engaged Aurora and I. Benji's latest school photo. Where the pain was readable in his eyes. Where his lips were pressed together in a small smile, whereas his teeth and the little gap had always been visible in the school photos every single year before.
Sometimes, a thought lingered in my mind.
What on earth had happened to us all?
•
Salomé & Zev.. do you think maybe in the future they will find a way together?
When will Zev's truth come out, especially towards her?
Do you think they would fit together?
Let me know your thoughts!! Votes and comments are really appreciated. It makes me motivated to write and update more..<3