1994 wine
With a car full of foods, drinks, wine, blankets and gas, off we went on our second date. It wasn't a question that there would be a second date, it all just went naturally. You asked me when I would be free, I told you the date and there it was planned. You picked me up, and I was sure to be at the doorstep already because I knew that it was still a bit too early to meet my parents and siblings. For you, at least. You'd needed more time to process everything going on, whereas I had already imagined dinner at your place.
It didn't matter- I thought it was sweet and no matter how fast- paced I liked everything to go, I respected that you simply weren't ready for it. That time would come, I'd now know. You would too, wouldn't you? Back to our second date, you decided to keep it low-key this time, which I was more than okay with.
I didn't want no fancy restaurants, going to the movies because what would you learn from the person you'd go with? You couldn't talk during the movie, neither did you really look at each other. I'd always thought it was a weird option, so when you decided to take me on a little road trip, I had innerly cheered. You had no idea where to go to, but it didn't matter. The moment your foot touched the gas after picking me up, we got lost in a conversation.
The polite how are you's and the what have you been up to's, but soon after, we came to a much deeper conversation. You rolled the windows down, did the thing only men do with their elbow leaning onto the frame of the window, fingers touching their stubble beard while the other hand would loosely hold onto the steering wheel.
"Does your dad approve of this all?" You had wondered, kept your eyes onto the road as you steered the car a different direction, more like the coast side of the country where we could see lots of green and waters.
"He thinks I'm rather young." I'd said, maybe a bit too nonchalant. Your eyes narrowed, you had a confused expression on your face. Well, maybe more like unsure. I laughed, punched your shoulder. "My mamma was sixteen when she got into a relationship, I'm a year older, he's got nothing to say about it."
You chuckled unsurely. "He's still your father.."
"He's alright with it, Zev. We had a long conversation the day before." It was true. Papà was the kind of person who wanted to know stuff directly. Straight to the point. He couldn't stand people who said a but not b after. He wanted to know what was up with us, wanted to know if there were feelings.
"Papà. It's like Lady and the Tramp. Fresh, but it's there. Not to deny." I had said. His eyes had lightened up by the mention of the movie.
"Aurora, I don't want to hold you back, I just want to protect you from.." I knew what he was talking about. It brought tears to my eyes, but this time not because of the thing I'd been through, only because I realised how the opposite you were. How you were everything that guy hadn't been. And that you didn't want me for a few things only, unlike the cousin who.. Well, you know what had happened to me when I was fourteen.
"I'd like to meet him next time."
But were you ready for that?
I told you that he wanted it, only to get to know you, and probably to make sure you were treating me right, even if I had told him a thousand times that you were treating me better than anyone had ever done before.
"I'm ready for that. It's just.." I remember the pained look in your eyes. You drove slower, and I softly reached for the hand that held the poke. "My father left us when I was four, and I just don't know how to act around.. men? Fatherly figures? I mean I've had Teddy, but would it be the same when.."
That had shattered my heart in a million ways.
"And besides.. I am afraid of disapproval. What if he doesn't think I'm the one for you? I want us to work out.. and then-"
I squeezed your hand. You squeezed back. So I squeezed again. You squeezed back too. We laughed. "Hey, Zev? Please never think that way. He had been observing you at the camping trip. He felt that we had some connection, even if he didn't know about that night. He likes you. And just be you- that's more than enough."
We had continued to drive. We talked about our families. You said you weren't really excited to go home. You had wanted for me to meet your mother- but not your sisters. Your bond was complicated, even after all those years and having grown up, it wasn't fixed. Your sisters held grudges against your father, against you, because according to them you looked like him. Not only from the outside, but innerly too. I could tell that it hurt you, because judging from your stories, your father hadn't been the nicest. Big understatement.
You said your mother had made a few mistakes while raising you and your sisters, but the only thought I had was if that was true, how could she have raised a boy like you? You were afraid that your sisters would say something rude to me. See, even there you cared for me only, and not yourself. And you call yourself..?
Then we talked about my family. How my Italian parents and me and my siblings ended up in England. Easy, mamma and Papà came from Italy, studied at Oxford University, fell in love, ended up marrying and living in England to finish their studies, got pregnant, again, and again, had three children, moved back to Italy, moved back to England for better education systems for us..
"Don't you miss Italy?"
I'd felt homesick, but somehow, you eased that feeling. "I do, but at the same time.. I built up another life here too."
We parked the car, near a lake that looked like the sea. It was insanely big, was half of our view while twirling in a circle. You placed the foods and drinks onto the blankets we had just laid out, I poured the wine, took off my shoes and wiggled my bare toes in the soft breeze that hung around us. Do you remember? Do you remember just sitting there, feeling the breeze, each other's presence, the wine.. Can we go back to that day?
I scooted closer to you- you were still so hesitant. Still, I don't blame you. After your story about your childhood I understood that you had this insane respect for women, having grown up between them only, even when your sisters hadn't been so nice to you. Your father's absence had settled some anxiety inside your body- you didn't know how to act appropriate around women who weren't your family. But, Zev.. You did so insanely well. You had so much respect for me, I could tell that by anything. Sometimes I just wished you'd be a bit more.. assertive. Hahaha.. You didn't have to worry about that, because I liked teasing you about it and taking the first step myself, then.
Our thighs touched and I entangled my fingers through yours. We were young, I admit it, but we were so sure. It'd only been our second official date (well maybe the third if you count the first wine night at the camping) but I could feel that our feelings were growing stronger each second we were in each others presence.
We sipped wine, ate food and talked until our throats became sore and dry from all of the words that had flooded out. I had stared at your long black hair, the fringe that hung just above your hazel eyes. The way my hand looked a light caramelly colour, whilst your skin tone was more like olives. The freckle in your eye. The tiny moles on your face. Smelled your cologne. The washing detergent that came off your clothes. The just shaved stubble beard. Long lashes. Pink lips.
Handsome.
Understatement, the previous statement that is above this line.
"So, what do you want to study after you finish High School?"
Finishing the delicious wraps you had made, I gave you a smile, flicked my hair. "Nothing."
"Nothing?" Your eyes were narrowed, you had this unsure look that makes you look adorable. Still does. You get wrinkles from frowning, babe.
"I want to marry and have children. Loads."
"How many?" We stared at children playing in the lake, with their parents either helping them in their floaties, throwing them into the water or simply watching them by the lakeside.
"Ten."
You choked on your food, your eyes widened. I see it so vividly, still. It makes me laugh, still. Our memories are so.. they make me so nostalgic. Homesick. To a place that was our childhood.
"Kidding, but I want loads. Maybe five, or six. Eight would do, too. I need enough children to redo the 'do-re-mi' song from Sound of Music with." You became awfully quiet after that, just ate your food and sipping onto the wine like it was water after a month of insane drought. "Don't you want kids?" I had asked, purposefully.
"I.." Zev, come on!! You're a guy, I know you didn't think that way. I was just messing. You were too oblivious at times. Scemo. "I've never really.. thought about it."
"How can you not think about babies when you walk into a shop, see baby clothes and toys? I want a child so badly that I'm already buying clothes because they're so cute now that I'm afraid when I'll be pregnant there won't be any nice clothes anymore." You choked again, but apologised after a cough session that lasted almost five minutes. "Dude, I'm not serious."
"Aurora.." You whined. Cheeks were pink. So were your ears. "You're something else."
"I know. Because I've done it."
"Stop messing with me."
"Aw, come on!" I punched your chest. "Amo i bambini. It was a little romper, full of plants, wheelbarrows, cows and farms. Too cute to resist."
You shook your head, laughed. "If that's your aim in life, I would love to help you out with that. But we'd need to marry first."
Zev..
How could you be so reserved and blunt at the same time? It's still a mystery to me.
And, do you ever think back about those innocent dreams? Getting married, getting pregnant, having more than one child.. I wish we could have kept that child-like dreaming. That hope, the certainty of getting what we dreamed for.
My dearest man. My sweetest Zev.
I just kissed you in your sleep. Can't wait to see your sleepy face in the morning. You're beautiful. In and out.
Your Aurora.
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Aurora makes my heart warm.. what do you think of her personality?
Her love towards Zev?
The way Zev used to be compared to now?
Let me know your thoughts! Votes, comments are much much appreciated X