They rode in silence for what felt like forever. There was something off with Ford. He was acting strange. He was never a particularly talkative guy, which always drove Lily crazy because she wanted to know what he was thinking, but his current quietness went beyond his usual restraint. Despite his demeanor though, Lily was hell bent on holding out. She wasn't going to be the first one to speak, even if it was killing her inside.
"How'd you sleep last night?" Ford finally caved and spoke. Lily felt a quiet victory inside for not being the first to speak.
"Actually, I slept better than I have in a really long time, probably because of the weed. Thanks again for that. I needed to mellow out."
"Really? I would assume your life is pretty mellow in California, what with your perfect husband, that big house and all that money."
Lily was blown away by his snide comment. What was his problem?
"Excuse me? Did you seriously just say that? And how would you even know how big my house is?"
He ignored her question and continued with his tirade.
"Rich, married, childless. That was your dream, right? You got what you wanted."
"Are you kidding me right now?" Lily was shocked by his hostile comments. And saying that being childless was what she wanted was such a slap in the face. How could he be so cruel? What happened to the kind, flirty Ford from last night? Then she remembered that he didn't know about her impending divorce from Richard. Maybe he was irritated that she was flirting with him while she still had a ring on her finger. She stared down at the giant diamond, frustrated with herself for her inability to take it off. She tucked her hand under her leg, hoping he wouldn't notice.
"Money and a husband don't always equal happiness," she replied.
"Says the girl with the giant rock on her finger," he retorted.
Okay, clearly he noticed the ring.
"Why are you being such an asshole, and by the way, it's not like you're an expert on happiness. You don't have a wife or kids or even a girlfriend from what I can tell. You're stuck in this podunk town doing the same thing day in and day out, clinging to Violet and Grant, pretending it's like the 'good ole days'."
She knew it was mean, but Ford was being cruel, and she didn't understand why or what she had done.
"Well you don't need to worry about me clinging to Grant anymore," he said sarcastically and Lily immediately felt bad for her insensitive comment.
"And maybe I like this 'podunk town' and doing the same thing everyday."
"That's bullshit. You're just scared of trying something new, of putting yourself out there and being vulnerable."
He slammed on the brakes and the truck jolted to a screeching halt. Ford threw the car in park and moved closer to Lily.
"I did put myself out there, 16 years ago. A lot of good that did me!"
He was mad. She'd never seen him this angry before but she wasn't going to back down. He was being a jerk and he deserved to hear what she had to say. She wanted to stop herself, but the anger inside was boiling over and it was mixed with her desire for Ford: a dangerous combination. She wanted him, more than she ever had, but she was too pissed to let him know it.
"You LET me leave! You let me walk away!" She yelled, inching towards him.
She was fuming but the rage quickly turned to an overwhelming sadness as tears streamed down her face. Between her marriage ending, Grant dying and seeing Ford again, it was just too much. She was mad at herself for crying in front of him, but she couldn't control the feelings that were overwhelming her.
"And why wouldn't I try to leave? It was all too much at the time. I was a kid. And when we..." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
"Say it."
She shook her head. It was too painful to think about, let alone say aloud, so she did what she did best and skirted around the issue.
"I was scared and sad and I didn't know what to do with those feelings. I didn't know how to handle it, to work my way through it, so when the opportunity presented itself to get the hell out of here, I took it."
"By opportunity you mean letting a rich guy fu..."
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" she yelled. "You have no idea what I was going through."
"Yes, I do! You think you were the only one that was hurting?"
"No, I...." she wasn't sure what to say. Nothing she could say now would change what had happened then. Ford sensed her hesitation and cut her off before she could gather her thoughts.
"Never mind. Forget I ever said anything. What's done is done."
He sat quietly staring down at his hands which were rough and calloused, from what, she didn't know. She realized, in that moment, that there was a lot she didn't know about this man she thought about almost daily. All of Ford's anger seemed to be sucked from his lungs by her words or lack thereof.
"You should go," he said, still not looking up from his hands.
"Typical Ford. You're just going to shut down and bottle it all up! You could have come after me, you know!" Tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
"I did!" he snapped, looking her straight in the eyes now.
His comment instantly froze Lily's tears; her meltdown halted by his words.
"What?" She was genuinely shocked.
"It doesn't matter."
"The hell it doesn't." Lily wiped her tears with the back of her hand, still stunned by his omission.
"You should leave."
"No," she said firmly, angered by him dropping this bombshell and then trying to retreat.
"Get out."
Lily held her ground and Ford knew her well enough to know he couldn't convince her otherwise. Lily Halliday was as stubborn as she was beautiful.
He flung open his door and hopped out of the truck, making it around to Lily's side of the vehicle in three gigantic steps. He threw open her door.
"I said, get out!"
His words said one thing but his eyes said another. She could see the pain and hurt he was feeling. Over the years she hadn't allowed herself to think about how much she had hurt him. She kept it pushed deep down inside with everything else she couldn't face. The idea of her causing him that much pain, after the pain they had both endured, was too much to bear.
"Make me," she said calling his bluff. She didn't know why she said it, but she knew she didn't want to leave.
"Jesus Lily, you're such a child." And in one swift moment he reached in and pulled her out by the arm, flinging her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing. He marched across the lawn and set her down in front of her father's truck, pressing his body up to hers so that she was smashed against the vehicle. His breathing was heavy and labored but not from carrying her. He wanted her, but he wasn't going to let his guard down again and let her in just to have her leave town in a few days.
"Here," he said dangling the keys in front of her face while his other hand was planted firmly on the truck, an inch from Lily's head, their eyes never leaving one another's. He didn't budge.
Lily gave up and took the keys from him but as they left his hand he grabbed her underneath her butt, raising her up into the air. Her body reacted instinctively, knowing just what to do. She wrapped her legs around his waist as his lips crashed against hers. He pressed her further up against the truck as she knocked his hat off and ran her hands wildly through his hair. She'd been imagining this moment for the last 16 years and she wasn't the only one. His lips were furious against hers. Years of built up tension, frustration, anger, passion and desire, were finally being released as his mouth met hers over and over again. She tried to find the strength to pull away but she desperately needed and wanted this. She desperately wanted Ford. She always had. A thousand miles and years of separation hadn't changed that.
And then, just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. Lily's cowboy boots hit the ground as Ford lowered her from his grasp and pulled away, as if he'd suddenly remembered something.
"I, uh, I should go. I promised Violet I would help her with some stuff for tomorrow. You know, since I want to keep 'living in the past,'" he quipped, referencing her previous jab at his lifestyle.
"Ford, we should talk," Lily pleaded.
She wanted to tell him that she wasn't married, that it was over, that it had always been him she had wanted, she was just too damn stupid and stubborn and scared to admit it to herself.
He paused for a minute, running his hand through his hair in that way that always made Lily weak in the knees. He seemed to contemplate her offer, but then shook his head. He bent down to pick up his hat, dusted it off and placed the wide brimmed Stetson back atop his head.
"I'll see you at the funeral," he said backing away. Then he turned and made his way back to his truck, hopping in and quickly driving off down the dirt driveway.
Lily's lips burned for one more kiss and her heart ached for one more moment with Ford. She stood with dirt swirling around her, wondering how she could have just let him walk away, much like she had left Ford standing alone, all those years ago. The roles were reversed now and she was beginning to understand his pain.