THE FAMILY TIES THAT BIND US (I).
Sarawat stared at his mother from across the room, his head tilted and hands crossed over his broad chest as he reclined in the visitor's leather sofa in her grand office. The older woman was dressed in sharply tailored power suit with a greyish houndstooth pattern, lustrous pearls around her neck.
"Honey, I'm so happy that you've decided to visit," his mother said sugary, arms placed atop the table with hands folded neatly over each other. She smiled thinly, the smile not quite reaching her sharp eyes. "Have you finally changed your mind about staying in the family business? Our company will be very lucky to have you on board. You have so much poten-"
"Sorry," Sarawat said tonelessly, interrupting her speech, unwinding his big hands and leaning forward minimally, sneakers squeaking slightly as he slid his feet over the sleek floor. "But I'm not here about this."
"Ow, then what are you here for?" His mother arched her fine brows in mock politeness, her bow shaped lips, much like Sarawat's own, pressed into a thin line as they engaged in a silent battle of wills. As if anything else unrelated to the company was of low to no importance to her, which probably was actually the truth, Sarawat thought grimly with a sneer on his lips. How was it possible for someone to have such a one track mind?
"Someone is snooping around your precious company, trying to dig for information. I just wanted to convey the warning," he said casually, sharp chin tipping upwards as he tracked his mother's reaction from under his long lashes.
Mrs. Guntithanon's expression turned severely pinched, lips pursed, as if she had swallowed a sour lemon. She certainly did not like hearing this from someone else other than her own intelligence people, who by the looks of it had fucked up if Sarawat was the one relaying this information to her. Someone was surely getting fired tonight.
"And how do you know about this?"
Sarawat smirked, lips jerking upwards on one side as he squinted at his mother from under his fringe, elbows on his lithe thighs as he leaned forward, the light colored windbreaker jacket rustling on his wide frame. It was always the same old battle with this woman. She loved to brag about Sarawat when he was doing everything according to her will, dancing precisely according to her tune but as soon as he was a step ahead or wanted to do things differently she harshly condemned him. It was all or nothing with her.
However, who could really blame her? Sarawat's mother had been the one to build up their company from scratch by her own hard effort, through cold sweat and bitter tears. Sarawat could vaguely remember how their family had lived in a one-room apartment when he was little, before Phukong was born and before their lives had picked up at a totally different pace. He tried to be grateful for all the things and opportunities he had received but still, there was a line that she should be careful not to cross.
"The guy your people used for information laundering sent me a request."
Mrs. Guntithanon's brows scrunched up at hearing this, a tiny, annoyed pinch forming between the two arches. Sarawat always threw these curveballs at her, she was slowly getting all the more vexed by his childish antics, playing all these games with her. Why could he not be more like Phukong? But on the other hand, she backtracked, Phukong had no mind of his own. So gullible, an exact copy of her husband. She sighed. Phukong was exceptionally good at doing what other people told him to do but he seemed to miss a certain drive to go to the bottom of things, to dig deeper. As much as she hated the stubbornly daring trait in Sarawat, it was also the force that had driven her to build her own empire from the bare ground. Sarawat was just too alike her and their strong wills clashed more often than not. It was a pity that he could not see things from her perspective. They could have made the company so much more powerful if only Sarawat aligned his interests with hers and forgot all about that childish dream of making music.
"Why are you still in touch with him?" She asked sternly, eyes glinting. "Haven't I said to cease all contact with those people over half a year ago?"
To put it bluntly, Sarawat's mother had been disclosing sensitive information about her competitors and in some case even partners to different outlets. Anonymous tips were sometimes left with the police or the media, while other times the information was sold to an interested party for blackmail or other, less than legal purposes. And since Sarawat had a sharp, scrutinizing mind, his mother had asked him to help go through hordes of doubtful documents in search of incriminating white collar violations. At times Sarawat had been asked to help out with the deliveries too, since she reckoned that it was safer to trust her own son than anyone else with certain type of information. Mrs. Guntithanon never did mention the illegal side of these actions to him, thinking that she had her son wrapped around her little finger in a bubble of compassion and claims of helping out the authorities. Well, she should have thought twice about that.
Unbeknownst to her Sarawat had used this opportunity to make some cash of his own on the side, since he understood very well what was going on beyond the Good Samaritan façade that his mother liked to hide behind. Her grave oversight was that she thought herself being smarter than anyone else around her.
"The guy contacted me," Sarawat lied. "So I wonder," he pinned his mother with a hard stare. "What is it other people hope to find by digging in your dirt? Hm?"
"You've seen it all," she said while unclasping her hands and leaning back into the expensive looking desk chair, fingers tapping against the armrests, the rings on the digits glinting lavishly. "I am also curious what things these people might be looking for." She inclined her head to the side, chin jutting out while gazing openly at her son.
Sarawat scowled at his mother, prominent brows angled sharply and lips twisted, hands curling into fists on his jeans clad knees. So she was not going to make this easy on him, huh?
Actually, Sarawat had already a while ago gone through the files that his mother kept at home in her study. However, there had been nothing incriminating, just a couple of confusing documents that did not really add anything to the bigger picture and some foreign bills with no obvious clues on how they could be connected with the company at all, even less be considered as blackmail material. What the hell was his mother thinking?
-----
Sarawat leaned one sturdy shoulder on the doorframe of his balcony, pulling away the flimsy curtain jerkily and lightening a cigarette, his big hands cupped around the flame. He took then a slow drag, cigarette pinched between his nimble fingers, letting the thick, white smoke pool between his pinkish lips before breathing it out frustratingly into the sky. The dark scowl had been stuck on his face ever since the talk with his mother but now it remained there for a totally different reason. His lips jerked snidely on one side, flashing the little white scar on the side of his upper lip, as he took another drag of the smoke, trying to find at least one grounding moment in his life before he totally went crazy with worry.
Where the hell was Tine holing up?
Sarawat was irrationally worried that the kiss with Pear, which played on a loop through his mind, had finally sealed the deal, making Tine finally find the peace for his unsettled soul. Shit. His heart raced crazily in his chest just at the mere thought of it, of Tine indefinitely stepping out into the light. Was Tine really gone now? Even the guitar pick seemed to have evaporated into thin air. It looked as if a bomb had exploded in Sarawat's dorm room after he so desperately had searched through all his things on the hunt after that elusive piece of plastic just this morning.
Nothing, and still no Tine. Sarawat could not wrap his mind around this. Why would he disappear so suddenly? Had it scared him that much being in Sarawat's body? Had Tine been able to glimpse Sarawat's deepest and darkest thoughts, now wanting nothing to do with him? Shit. It hurt to think about it.
A queasy feeling spread in the pit of his stomach, making Sarawat feel nauseous. The smoke suddenly hitched in his throat and he rapidly blinked away the sting in his eyes at the unpleasant, burning sensation in his windpipe. How would he live the rest of his life without Tine? Now that he had gotten a taste of it, Sarawat was not so sure that he was ever ready of letting him go. He wanted Tine right there with him, staying together in this room, strumming melodies on his acoustic guitar and chatting late into the night. There was just something fresh about Tine's invigorating presence, like a tiger balm on Sarawat's bruised soul.
At this point Sarawat had no clue on how to resolve this whole situation, the lingering desperation over this fact made a tremor run through his hands. Natty had mentioned three reasons for spirits to linger around in the living world and none of them had talked about completing unfinished business. That is, if Pear had really been Tine's unfinished business.
Trying to find loopholes, Sarawat had already ruled out the reason of Tine not having any family or friends since his friends so obviously guarded the memory of him even now that he was gone.
The other reason for Tine to linger around was that Tine's life expectancy was not over. Sarawat's frown deepened, lips souring as he tried not to hope too much. He really should not try opening this Pandora's box. What the hell did that even mean? Had Tine managed to die before it was his time to go? How was that even possible?
And the final reason, it had been about not knowing the cause of his death. So unless confessing and kissing Pear had something to do with Tine's death, which Sarawat hardly believed was the case, then the kiss was not the answer to why Tine was still sticking around. Nor was it the reason for him to suddenly disappear like this without a trace. Yet there was still no Tine.
Sarawat combed a hand though his hair in frustration, pulling the fringe back from his wide forehead. What a mess. He was not even jealous over that bizarre kiss, as long as Tine came back to him, that was all that mattered. Tine's bright smile had pierced through the dark void inside of Sarawat, filling him with these fluttery butterflies and if Tine left, Sarawat would be left completely empty. Not even music would be able to help him crawl back from that abyss.
-----
The band practice had gone way over time and Sarawat had barely been mentally present for any of it, his mind still worriedly stuck on Tine. He was probably feeling deader inside than Tine had ever been. But Dim had been adamant that Sarawat should show up and participate in band practice since they had an upcoming music festival with neighboring universities and their band had to outshine everyone else on stage. Period.
As soon as they had finished up the juniors streamed impatiently into the music room for their own practice. Sarawat looked up fleetingly from zipping up his guitar case and his dark eyes locked instantly with Pear's clear ones. The girl flushed and scurried right out of the room like a spooked animal. Shouldering his bag and guitar Sarawat followed instinctively after her, giving into the sudden chase.
He managed to catch Pear's tiny wrist just as she was rounding a corner, her light footfalls echoing through the hall.
"I'm sorry Phi," the girl shrieked while trying to get away from him, jerking her hand in his grasp. "I just did what-"
"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down," Sarawat said in a soothing tone while still holding onto her wrist. Then he realized that the girl must have been afraid of him because of the kiss. She could not have known that Tine had possessed his body, so for her it must have seemed that Sarawat had crazily planted a smooch on her out of nowhere. But then his thoughts haltered as the girl kept mindlessly apologizing, her eyes squeezed shut while she kept mumbling the words. His angled eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, fringe falling over his forehead and obscuring his eyes.
"Why are you sorry? Shouldn't I be the one to apologize?"
The girl's eyes flew open as she stared flabbergasted at Sarawat, jaw unhinged as her wrist went limp in his grasp. Her gaze darted down to the floor, avoiding Sarawat's piercing stare.
"Uh-," she drawled, her other hand nervously fidgeting with the strap of her messenger bag. "I might've taken something of yours," she finally muttered, eyes flickering upwards to his and then back down again, gauging his reaction. Sarawat owlishly stared at Pear as she one handedly rummaged through her bag. She then raised a clutched hand and as she slowly opened it up, a guitar pick was revealed lying in the middle of her soft palm.
-----
Sarawat stormed off, the guitar pick clutched harshly in his hand. He was fuming. How dared Tine do this to him? Playing with his emotions so mercilessly. Did he know what he was doing to Sarawat, what he was making him feel?
The tall young man came to a fury infused halt while purposefully striding over the campus grounds, suddenly changing direction and veering off into a hidden nook that was overshadowed by trees where a miniscule student park was located. The dense leaves rustled overhead as he walked between the unoccupied park benches. The gleamingsunrays coming in through the leafy patchwork fell down on Sarawat's broad frame in an eerie patternof webs.
"Come out," Sarawat snarled under the cooling shadow of the vegetation, one hand clenching around the strap of his guitar case. "I know you're here, so fucking show yourself."
Silence. The bright, green leaves rustled above, almost like condescending whispers. Why was this silly person trying to bring someone back from the dead? Sarawat felt a pang in his chest at the torturous stillness and his head dropped, fluffy fringe obscuring his view as a wet breath lodged in his throat. Was this really it? He hated the fact that he was still hoping for a miracle. The guitar pick had been his last logical resort at bringing Tine back. If it did not work then what next, ask Natty to summon Tine? Or maybe just go ahead and die himself?
As he was standing there, weighting his sparse, barely there choices, chilly air crept over his skin and Sarawat's head jerked upwards. His heart thumped crazily as hope instantly puckered up and bloomed inside his chest.
And there he was. Tine. Hovering a couple of steps in front of Sarawat, his form slightly translucent in the bright daylight. He fidgeted shyly, wringing his hands around each other. His sharp cheeks were flushed and hair a little wind swept, as if he worriedly had been combing his shaky hands through the soft strands. It had actually been scary to see Sarawat being this angry so he had been rather nervous about stepping out into his visible form.
"Um, hi?" Tine winced slightly at how awkward it sounded, the little smile that was plastered on his face flashed his pearly whites. Tine raised a hand, wriggling his pale fingers in a silly wave, the other hand stuck in the pocket of his jeans.
"Do you know how worried I was?" Sarawat whispered brokenly, arms hanging limply at his sides, shoulders slumped with relief as he stared at Tine with an unreadable gaze, hurt swimming in the sultry downturn of his lips. "I thought you had disappeared forever."
"I'm sorry?" Tine said thinly, shrugging his round shoulders and then rubbing at his own nape. He was not quite sure how to handle Sarawat's sudden mood swings.
"You're not allowed to do this again, to disappear like this," Sarawat said fiercely as he took a step closer to the ghost, heat swimming in his dark pools as he reduced the space between them. Tine's breaths hitched, chest heaving. The exposed skin of Sarawat's face and body grew slightly colder in such close proximity to Tine, like a deathly caress. "You're mine now. Do you get it?"
Tine squeaked lightly and blushed instantly, round eyes going wide at the admission from Sarawat, from his crush. Did this really mean what he hoped it meant? His ghostly heart did somersaults in his chest, fingertips tingling with a sweet buzz. He was so happy. It was getting harder to maintain his presence with the cascade of feelings that were rushing through him, pulsing like a bright star within his core. Tine had liked Sarawat for a long time, but too shy and unsure to do anything about it. If only this could have happened much earlier, when Tine was still alive, then they would be surely kissing right now. Because that had been a confession, right? Right?
Sarawat reached out a tentative hand, trying not to spook Tine as he was holding himself uncharacteristically still, almost like a small animal. The ghost's doe eyes darted over Sarawat's face before the clear gaze finally zeroed in on Sarawat's bow shaped mouth. Tine licked his own fleshy lips unconsciously and Sarawat smirked. He raised his tanned hand higher, long fingers fluttering cautiously at the edge of Tine's face, careful not to distort Tine's shallow manifestation, the illusion of him being human. Sarawat's heart ached. He really wanted to touch Tine.
"I really want to kiss you right now, Tine."
"I know, me too," Tine replied sadly.