Even though this tour has had a lot of ups and downs I was sad to see it end. It renewed my spirit that I could make music for me and have fans like it. Playing live again made me want to launch myself into writing an album so I can go out and tour again. But I know I need a break right now.
After the last show in Manchester, we all went our separate ways. Alyssa went back to LA with Diego while Britt went home to Atlanta. Thea and I stayed in England for a few days and got to explore a bit. We got to have a mini vacation to get to decompress from tour and it was nice to get to explore just the two of us. As for Nikki, she went home to Salem and is going to be staying with me for a little while she plans out her next moves. I'm thinking that she probably wants to stay in Salem for a bit since she met Malia.
During the last stretch of tour Eli hovered around me. He stopped hanging out with Ashleys band and was right beside me. I think my breakdown scared him that I would disappear again and I felt bad for that. When tour ended he wanted to come back to Salem for a little while but I managed to get him to go back to LA after a long conversation about my feelings and what I'm planning on doing when I get home.
Nikki and Malia picked Thea and I up from the airport when we got home. It took us a few days to get over the jet lag and for me to unpack and clean everything. During the time Thea got her final clearance to go back to work and she was excited to get back out in the field.
It took about a week for things to feel normal. When I felt like I was stable at home I talked with Doctor Blake at lengths with that she thought was the best course of treatment. After the past few weeks of intense talks with her I have been feeling better. The nightmares are happening less frequent and I've been able to sleep more without talking the sleeping pills. Right now Doctor Blake has given me a few different options to consider. We could continue to have our sessions every couple of days or I could try inpatient therapy.
Making the decision was hard and I did a lot of thinking about it. I ended up agreeing to a two week inpatient program in Boston. Doctor Blake informed me that the program runners keep everything private. I packed myself some clothes and the next day Thea drove me into Boston. I left my phone with Thea and gave her a kiss before I walked through the front door.
The first few days were an adjustment. Disconnecting from everything at home was hard. I agreed not to have any communication from home during my stay since I'm only here for two weeks. Once I got over the grab hands for my phone things were a bit easier. The doctors here are wonderful. Between group and individual therapy I felt like I'm finally getting the help that I have been needing.
By the time the second week came to an end I didn't feel like I was ready to leave. After talking with the doctors here they recommended that I stay another three weeks. So I decided that I would go to New York for the VMAs and then return afterwards to finish the treatment. When I called Alyssa to give her the news she wasn't all that happy because she wanted to me stay in New York to do some press. That didn't last long as she started to stress over everything she need to do for me in preparation for the award show.
Since Thea is going to be working the night of the VMAs, Nikki is going to be coming as my date for the evening. We also are going to be taking a road trip to New York instead of flying. Alyssa will meet us there.
After the decision was made I called Thea to give her the news. I would be staying in the treatment facility till Thursday and Nikki and I would drive down to New York on Friday. Thea understood and wished me well and promised to come and pick me up on Thursday.
When Thursday rolled around and I walked outside of the building for the first time in two weeks I smiled at the sky. My chest felt light for the first time since Asher and Ashley were killed. That was one thing I worked on a lot so far. Recognizing that Asher and Ashley didn't just die, they were murdered. It was something I hated to talk about. Even though I got justice for the killing of my siblings, I hated to say that they were murdered.
When I looked around at the parking lot, I found Thea leaning against her Bronco in her uniform. I smiled brightly super happy to see her. I ran over to her and jumped into her arms. Thea held me tight and I kissed her neck before she put me down.
"Hi there beautiful." I said when I pulled away to take in her face.
"God I missed hearing your voice." Thea said tears in her eyes.
"Hey, hey no tears beautiful." I said and wiped away the few that escaped.
"I know, I just missed you baby." Thea said and leaned in and gave me a kiss.
Our kiss lasted longer than it probably should have for the treatment center parking lot. After we pulled away Thea opened the passenger door of her truck for me and I hopped inside.
"Are you working today?" I asked as Thea pulled out of the treatment center.
"Yea I'm back on nights but I figured I get ready and come pick you up to spend some time with you before I had to go to work. I'm on my swing right now so I'm working tomorrow as well. I could sleep over tonight and see you off tomorrow if you like." Thea asked as she got onto the highway.
"I would love that." I said and smiled at her. Thea smiled and relaxed more into the driver's seat.
I put the radio on and smiled when I heard Tell Her You Love Her on the radio station. Thea took her right hand off the steering wheel and I took it in mine. I sang along to the song as Thea drove us home. That was the first time I heard any of my new music on the radio and it almost brought me to tears.
The ride home wasn't terrible since the traffic was going in the other direction right now. I hopped out of the truck and grabbed my backpack before waiting for Thea to join me. Thea walked ahead of me and opened the door for me. I walked in behind her and saw Nikki and Alyssa standing in the living room.
"Surprise" Alyssa said with a smile on her face.
"Family reunion!" Nikki said and came around the couch to pull Thea and I into a hug. Thea easily got out of the hug but I held onto Nikki a little longer.
"It was easier to work here and get everything together rather than LA." Alyssa said and pulled me into a hug after I let go of Nikki.
"It's all good Alyssa, I hope Nikki didn't mind sharing her bed." I said and Alyssa let me go.
I walked over to the couch and put my bag on the coffee table and sat on the couch. Everyone joined me a few seconds later and I just closed my eyes to soak in the moment.
"So how was the funny farm?" I heard Nikki asked. I opened my eyes and saw Thea and Alyssa hit Nikki's arms.
"I thought you would have a better name for it than that. You've had almost three weeks and that's the best you could come up with?" I said and chuckled.
"Seriously though Ash, how are you feeling?" Alyssa said.
"Better, I really needed to do this. So what has been going on?" I asked.
Nikki launched into all the details of whats going on in the world as I cuddled into Thea's side. Apparently Tell Her You Love Her got picked up on pop radio and has launched to the top of the charts. Alyssa had a lot of work in front of her dealing with all the press wanting to do interviews. She also brought a lot of options for what I could wear to the show. Alyssa also said that the people at the VMA's wanted me to perform. Someone dropped out last minute and they want me to fill the spot. I told her yes and Nikki and I will perform something acoustic.
Thea left an hour later to go to work and Alyssa forced me to go upstairs and start trying on all the different outfits she collected for me to try. Nikki went next door and brought Pat over and we really made it out like a fashion show. I got dressed in my room and walked down the hall to Nikki's room where they were all waiting. Unfortunate for me, Nikki already picked out what she is wearing so all the focus was on me.
After a few glasses of Prosecco and a few outfits I was tired and we took a break. Alyssa brought over a few different things for me to try. I started with all of the dress options but I didn't like anything. Next up were some suit options. There were a few different colors but I wanted something traditional.
I tried on a black suit with a white long sleeved button down shirt first. It felt like too much for me so I ditched the jacket and picked up the fitted black vest that I didn't have on at first. Once I put it on and buttoned everything up I looked in the mirror. I looked sharp.
"I'm going like this; I'll roll up the sleeves before the carpet. I just need a tie, maybe a pocket square. Can you please put on what you are going in so I can see if I have a tie that will match?" I asked and turned around.
Nikki jumped off the bed and quickly got dressed. She is also wearing a suit, her's is more casual then mine. Her suit is navy blue and Nikki is wearing a white V-neck tee shirt. Pat jumped off the bed and said he had the perfect tie for me before rushing off to his house. He returned a few minutes later with a navy blue tie that has some light pink flowers with a matching pocket square.
Pat helped me tie the tie on my neck and I put it into place. He carefully folded the pocket square and placed it into the pocket of the vest. When he like the place it was in he walked over to Nikki and placed a pocket square in her breast pocket and smiled to himself.
"You have two of the same?" I asked looking at her's.
"Ed and I wore them a lot in our younger days when we went out. We wore them to show we belonged to each other. Even though you guys aren't together, I thought it would be nice to match." Pat said and pressed the pocket square into place in Nikki's suit.
"Thanks Pat" I said and pulled him into a hug.
After that we all got out of our formal clothes for Sunday. Once everything was away I ordered some Greek food for dinner. We polished off the bottle of champagne as our food was delivered. Dinner was nice as I got a chance to catch up with Pat and how he has been doing. He didn't stay long after dinner. When he left I had a chance to catch up with all the notifications on my phone before I packed a bag for New York.
Once I had everything packed up I asked Nikki if we could go downstairs and work out a song that I can sing for the show. With the short notice we didn't have time to plan anything crazy so I picked Tell Her You Love Her. We ran through the song a few times to make sure we have it down for the show. By the time we finished up Thea walked through my front door.
Nikki went up to bed while Thea and I took a shower together. After our shower we went to bed and it was nice to sleep in my own bed again. I also missed getting to sleep next to Thea's warm body. It put me right to sleep. The next morning we woke up around 10am to Alyssa and Nikki fighting down the hall. I didn't miss that.
It took me a minute to get out of bed and barge into their room to see what was going on. They were arguing about something dumb and I got in the middle of them to break it up. I was able to get Alyssa out of the room and had her wait downstairs while Nikki finished getting everything she would need for the trip. When I returned to my room Thea was already up getting dressed in her uniform. I have a backup uniform for her here at my house for nights like this.
It didn't take long to get all of our stuff packed away in my car. After it was all away I said bye to Thea so she could go get ready for work today. We all got settled in my car and I drove to Dunkin before we hit the road to get coffee and breakfast. Once I fed Nikki and Alyssa they seemed more civil with each other.
The ride to New York City wasn't bad. We made pretty good time and made it to the hotel a little after 2 in the afternoon. Alyssa got us checked in to our suite and the bellboy brought all our bags upstairs while Nikki and I held our guitars. After we got settled in the suite Alyssa went over my schedule for the weekend. I had two interviews later today before dinner and then a few more before the dress rehearsal of the show. Sunday was the show and I would be walking the red carpet. We are staying here in the city till Monday morning and driving back then so I didn't have to drive us late at night.
Nikki and I relaxed for the rest of the day while Alyssa got everything in order. Towards the end of the day I went to my interviews with Alyssa while Nikki hung out with some of her friends that are here for the show. The interviews went well and the interviewers were really nice. Alyssa must have given them a strict question list to go from because they both asked almost all the same questions.
Saturday was a bit more hectic. We started off with three more interviews that didn't go as smooth as the first two yesterday. The last interviewer of the day went off script and started asking me for details about time with my old label and things that went down with Bobby. Alyssa saw the panic rise in my eyes and she got me out of it. Nikki met us back at the hotel and we got our guitars and headed over to the Barclays Center to rehearse for the show.
Rehearsal went well and after we were done we hung around the arena for a little bit to see who else is going to be at the show. I saw Halsey hanging around back stage and we got to catch up a little bit. She actually told me that she is going to be introducing my performance tomorrow night. It made me feel more at ease.
After we left the arena we got some pizza for dinner and went back to the hotel for the night. The nerves in my belly made sleep hard to come by. When I finally did fall sleep it was almost 1am. The morning came too early for my liking with Alyssa waking me up. We got breakfast early and Alyssa had a few more interviews lined up for me today before I had to get ready for the show.
The interviews went well today, it was focused on the music and being nominated for the awards today. Getting ready for this show was the easiest I have ever been too. To start I just showered and flat ironed my hair. Alyssa put a few small curls into it and when it was done Nikki helped me with my makeup. I went with something easy and when I was happy with it. Nikki and I helped Alyssa put her hair up afterwards. Once she was done Nikki curled her hair and did her makeup.
We ordered room service for lunch before we got dressed for the night. Alyssa is wearing this golden strapless gown and she looked amazing. Once we were all ready we all stood in front of the mirror.
"We are so hot." I said smirking.
"Fuck yea we are, we need pictures of our masterpiece." Nikki said and whipped out her phone. She got some pictures of all of us and we got everything we would need before Alyssa forced us out the door.