Cam throws his head back laughing and I can't help, but find myself laughing with him. His laugh is so contagious and I'm obsessed with the sound of it. I love seeing him happy. Especially with only a pair of shorts on.
Apparently, he thought throwing me in the water was funny and I really couldn't be mad at him so instead, I raced after him and push him in.
Vince has started a bonfire behind the house and Austin and Natalie brought beer while Penelope brought snacks and stuff to make hot dogs. Nash is sitting on the sand next to Carla and they seem to be deep in conversation.
Cam takes my hand and smiles, "C'mon let's go eat some hot dogs."
We near the bonfire and sit around it while Vince prepares us our hot dogs. Cam gets three beers and hands one to Vince before handing me one. The hot dogs are a little on the burnt side, but I'm not going to complain because all we ate on the boardwalk was a bunch of sugar and snacks.
Once done, Cam pulls me to him so I can sit in front of him, between his legs. With two beers in, I'm feeling a little braver and lean my head back on his chest as we look out to the water.
"My parents use to bring us out to the beach a lot when we were kids." His voice sounds lost and distant.
I take his hand in mine and squeeze, "Good memories?"
Taking a deep breath before he answers me, he says, "Yeah. I don't resent the beach. I always like to come back and just remember."
Biting my lip, I'm not sure if I should ask, but then figure he can just say he's not comfortable talking about it and I won't press.
"Where's your dad now?"
I feel him tense a little, so I squeeze his hand again, "He always takes his work very seriously, it's what caused my parents their divorce. He's a lawyer in Denver now, with his own firm. Which is a good thing because he left my mom the house." He's quiet for a moment as he caresses his thumb on my knuckles as it rests on my belly and lightly presses me closer, "He sends my mom money, but he doesn't really call to check in on us. He'll stop by for visits once in a while, send us expensive gifts, but..." He takes a deep breath before taking a big gulp of his beer before he continues, "I don't really care if he calls or checks in on us anymore. But I know it's taking a toll on Nash, so it pisses me off how he can just blow him off."
Not really sure what to say, I say the only true thing, "You're doing a really good job looking after him. You're obviously not a parent, but I bet you're a great help to your mom. For instance, she doesn't have to worry about him getting in any trouble tonight because you brought him with you."
"Thank you." Kissing my temple, he squeezes me in a hug. Maybe I'm just not a good kisser and he's done trying to practice with me, "You're the best friend I could ever ask for."
I'm being friend-zoned... Not just a regular friend zone... BEST FRIEND ZONED.
Is this why he hasn't been kissing me? So maybe it isn't that I'm a bad kisser. He realized I'm better as his friend? I tense as I remember Vince telling me about his first girlfriend and how they were better off friends. My stomach dips and I cover my throat with my hand, willing the lump to go away.
"I thought Austin and Vince were your best friends," I say to make light of the situation.
"You're added on to the list." I sense his smile and I'm suddenly glad he's hugging me from behind so he can't see my face, "They're my favorite people to hang out with. But with you, I get to tell you things and you're also one of my favorite people. You've got them beat. You're my favorite best friend."
Even with my feelings aside, he has become someone special to me. After all of this ends, I will put my feelings aside and enjoy being his friend. His best friend. I really shouldn't take that for granted.
"Thank you."
"For what?" I force out.
"Just being you." He kisses my cheek this time and it cracks my heart a little that I probably won't feel his lips on mine again. "It's why you're also one of my favorite people."
Maybe calling me his best friend is a way of letting me go easy so he can finally be with Zoey. After sitting with him a little longer as we look at the water and I'm glad Natalie yells over that she wants to watch something inside, I get up and run after her.
Quickly going to the room I'm staying in, I grab some clothes and go in the shower. On Friday when I was so riled up, I had gotten home and had calmed down a bit, and hadn't cried. But now I let the silent tears fall in the shower.
Who was I kidding, thinking Cam could want me?
Changing in a big shirt and a pair of shorts I make my way back into the room to find Cam grabbing his clothes before heading into the shower.
Walking out to the kitchen, Natalie and Giovanna seem to be drunk and recording themselves on Snapchat singing. I grab a plate and place a handful of chips and a couple of cookies. I walk over to the couch and sit next to Carla as she texts rapidly on her phone.
Vince is searching through the movie options while Nash complains about almost everyone he lands on. Giovanna yelps and we all turn to see Natalie giggling while trying to hold her up.
Vince meets my eyes and smirks, "They're going to be the first ones out. They're drunk."
Carla groans, "I can't believe I have to spend the night with them."
I offer for her to stay in my room since we never officially claimed rooms and she makes a face like she tasted something sour, "Sorry, cousin but Penelope and Austin already went up to their room and I'm not going to even consider sleeping in the same room you and Cam will share, which will hold little sleep."
Vince laughs as I try to protest and Nash grins, "At least now I'll know I'll have a bed to sleep on. I thought for sure Vince was hooking up with someone and would have to crash on the couch."
Carla chuckles softly, "Good thing this place is a rental and they have spare beds in almost every room."
Cam walks out into the kitchen, wearing a black shirt and pajama bottoms, just as Vince picks a sci-fi movie. Cam grabs the box of cookies, bringing them over to the coffee table. He sits next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders. Everyone takes one as the movie starts and Giovanna and Natalie come over from the kitchen and sit on the floor giggling.
Before it gets too deep into the movie Vince gets comfortable on the couch as he says, "This is a good way to spend the weekend. My week was shit, my parents kept talking about sending me off to another country for college."
Cam chuckles, "I think everyone had a shit week. Just put in your application at San Francisco as soon as you can."
"Well, you had good company to keep you occupied. So your week wasn't shit all week." Natalie says throwing a jab at Cam. "I have pictures!" She sings, giggling.
I feel him tense and Vince glares at Natalie while telling her to shut up and to just watch the movie. They bicker a little more and he just ends it by telling her, she's drunk and should probably go up to her room. That seemed to shut her up and watched the movie with a scowl on her face.
Once the movie is at the end, Vince looks around and only Natalie and Giovanna are asleep and he smirks at me, knowingly. Nash walks over to the kitchen and comes back with a can of whip cream. Nash walks over to where Natalie and Giovanna are and smiles evilly as he pours whip cream onto their hands.
Vince stands and takes the can of whip cream from Nash and pours some into Natalie's mouth and she instantly eats it up while licking her lips while still asleep, making us all giggle. Then Nash and Vince nudge them both to wake up and start to laugh hysterically as they make a mess of themselves.
I can't help but giggle as Natalie groans and doesn't understand what's going on. Carla and Vince help them up while laughing.
Cam takes my hand leading me to the room. My stomach drops and I know it's for my mixed feelings. I'm going to enjoy having him next to me, but I'm also going to think about how he wants to remain friends.
Getting in bed with him, he pulls me to him and I can't stop my heart from beating rapidly from being in his arms.
"You had a good day today?" He kisses the back of my neck as he holds me from behind.
I nod, "Yeah, thank you for bringing me and convincing my dad."
He kisses the back of my shoulder as he settles himself more comfortably behind me and I can't help but feel sad. No matter how many hints I give him, he doesn't get it? Or is it really that he just wants to be friends?
I can't keep in any longer, "Do you not want to kiss me anymore? Because we're best friends now?"
I can tell he was almost falling asleep because he gives me a soft 'what' before I have to repeat myself.
"Fuck, Livy. That's why you looked so torn during the movie? You think we have to stop kissing because you're one of my best friends?" Groaning, he flips me over so he's above me as I lay on my back now. "You're special to me, Livy. You call the shots and I'll follow. After what happened this last week, everything changed for me." I can faintly see his frown in the dark as the moonlight forms shadows on his face and I can see his eyes trying to look deeply into mine. "I didn't want to kiss you this weekend because I know how much kisses mean to you. I didn't want you to feel like you weren't special on your birthday weekend."
I gulp, I don't know what to say. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed right now. Here he is being the caring boy I'm starting to fall for and I thought the worst.
Chuckling nervously I run my hand on his chest as I bring it up around his neck, "I just thought maybe you didn't want to anymore because I was a bad kisser or you just wanted to keep it strictly friends now."
Please take the subtle hint! Tell me we're more than friends!
"Fuck that." He leans down finally pressing his soft lips on mine, I open my mouth allowing him entrance and moving my hand up to his hair as the other holds onto his waist. I pull him down, feeling his body align with mine.
My heart beats rapidly at the proximity.
He growls deep in his throat as his tongue licks my bottom lip before sucking on it. Pulling on his shirt, he takes the hint and only removes himself enough to take it off and lays over me again.
He runs his nose along with mine while breathing softly against my mouth, "You're special. To me. So special, Cookie."
And I believe this. I believe that I am special. That I mean something to him.
He leans down to kiss me and I wrap my leg around his waist. Growling in my mouth, he pushes himself down on my center, causing a moan to escape me. Suddenly, I feel nervous and excited all at once. He pulls away from my lips to kiss me on my jaw, and my neck before sucking on the skin. It only intensifies the feeling in my core ten times more as I feel his hard-on pressing on me.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I move my hand down, bringing it down in between us, and rub on what's been rubbing my center while he's been kissing me. He jerks back and breaths hard as he tries to look at me through the moonlight.
"What are you doing?" He whispers and I want to giggle. More out of nerves than anything else.
I push him on his back and turn to him so we're laying down facing each other.
Running my hands through his hair, "You're the only guy I've ever trusted this way, Cam."
I cup his face and he places his hand on top of mine, "We can't, Cookie. Not like-"
"I'm not ready for sex. I don't want to do that." I cut him off, "I've just never touched anyone so intimately. I don't even know what they look like, I just-"
Shaking his head, he cuts me off this time, "No, Livy. I can't do this."
Feeling the wave of rejection hit me in the center of my chest, I feel my throat closing up. I blink rapidly, willing my eyes to not shed one tear. I pull my hand back and turn around just as a tear slips out of my eye and I curse myself for crying a second time tonight.
Wrapping his arms behind me, he speaks closer to my ear, "Come on, Livy, do you really want to do this? Think about it. You'll probably regret it in the morning when you're thinking clearly. Am I really the person you want to do this with?"
"You don't even want me." I struggle to get the words out and I silently curse my voice for breaking, letting him know that I'm crying.
"Don't cry, Livy." He kisses the back of my neck and I feel him press his hard-on behind me, causing me to gasp at the feeling of it. "Pretty sure you can feel the proof that that's not true. I just thought you'd want that to be special... you wouldn't regret it if it wasn't?"
Feeling my heartbeat rapidly, I clear my throat, "You're special to me, Cam. You're the only one I trust to be doing this with. No, I wouldn't regret it."
Kissing my neck softly, he slowly moves his hand lower and rubs me between my legs. "This is what you want to do?" I can only nod, I don't trust myself to speak, his lips move closer to my ear, "Then you have to know that if we do this, everything changes. And I do mean, everything. We can't be friends after this."