Playlist:
Beautiful Pain - Eminem ft Sia
You don't know how lucky you are - Keaton Henson
Honest - Kodaline
» i've been taking so long to update it's frustrating but heyyyyyy long chapter to compensate it.
~*~
Louis has been waking up every day at 6am so he can get ready on time to get the bus and go to work, he has been eating left overs and ordering take away too much, he has been watching TV alone and falling asleep on the same couch with the same silence he got used to and not really waking up in the middle of night because no one was there to wake him up. So he got stuck in his nightmares.
It fucks him up honestly, everything fucks him up. The house smells like cigarette all the time because he doesn't even goes by the window to smoke anymore, he doesn't do his laundry often, he gets home and the only thing he feels like doing is sleeping because at least he won't be alone in his dreams. For not too long.
It's sounds crazy but it's been almost more than a month that he doesn't speak with Zayn, making him absent from the flat obviously, which means Louis paid the bill alone this time and he doesn't know what to do anymore.
He feels left out and maybe his pride is too high to even go to speak with him first. Well... he doesn't really want to. He needs a break but he also needs a break from this break. Basically Louis is a mess. Again. And he feels pathetic because once again he feels dependent from people he thought he would never really feel. Even from Liam. He took Zayn's side apparently – isn't he surprised? –, probably because the day from their fight Zayn went to his place and crashed there. If that's what he wants Louis won't beg him to come back. He will eventually come back, he still has some of his stuff in the flat – a lot of stuff – he just can't make him stay.
It doesn't even feel a bother for Zayn the fact that they work on the same place. He manages a way for Louis to hardly see him and when they do and walk by each other it seems like it doesn't even matter, he doesn't look at Louis' face. The blue eyed guy doesn't know how to interpret that, so maybe that's why he still gained the courage to go talk with his friend. He chose to go and Louis is actually thankful that it was him who told Zayn to leave, otherwise it'd be too painful to watch him leave that door with a suitcase.
Louis hates the fact that since he has no one else to actually be with, he spends more time with Harry and maybe half of that time with Ed too, eating pizza and watching football games, just guys being pals – even though Harry keeps playing on his phone while the two guys discuss what's on TV, once almost hitting each other because they always cheer for the opposite team, or for the opposite contestant when it's playing the xfactor.
Louis also hated even more the second day after he fought with Zayn because he called Harry after ignoring his texts the whole two days, it was 8pm when he decided to call him and ask if he wanted to come over and eat something. Maybe because it was going to be the second day he was going to have dinner alone, and that would only hit him harder that Zayn was actually doing this. Of course Harry asked a bunch of questions, of course Louis avoided them, of course Harry ended up knowing that he and Zayn weren't in the best terms, of course Louis didn't tell him the truth but... Harry kind of wanted to make him speak because he noticed the state of him and the state of the flat – Louis might had broken some things and didn't even clean it, and it already smelled too much of cigarette – but Louis wouldn't tell him, he wouldn't. He won't. But Harry insisted until Louis got tired and said leave because two more words out of Harry's mouth would make him freak out and talk shit.
I'm not going to fucking leave. Harry answered and Louis was kind of in shock but didn't tell him a second time because in reality he didn't want him to leave. Like he wanted Zayn to stay.
So it's April now, Louis is at home because they have a two weeks break, which he kind of hates it right now because he has nothing to do, especially when Harry is still working otherwise him. So he is watching those weird documentaries that you can actually learn something, but it's about absurd things that just bored people would watch it really, which is adequate for Louis right now.
The phone rings and he swears he doesn't want to answer because okay, this TV show is actually interesting. But when it stops, it rings again so he decides to answer it not go a person die from him ignoring it, and moves only to reach the coffee table – it's a lot really – to grab the noisy thing
"Hello," He says in an annoyed and husky voice.
"I knew you were too lazy to answer the phone." He hears a female voice from the other side, it's not his mother so it can only be –
"Hi Zoe." He tries to fake a friendly voice. "My beautiful and kind sister. How are you?"
"Too much brother." She chuckles. "But I'm good, thanks for asking. What about you?"
"Living." He rolls his eyes and wished she could see. He wished she could also read his mind to know what's been up lately because he certainly can't say it.
"Always wonderful. So I'm calling you to tell you something important."
"I hope it's about someone's death or birth, otherwise I'm not interested and it's not important."
"Jesus, Louis, such a sense of humour let me tell you." She protests and Louis shrugs, ignoring again the fact that she can't see him. "None of those thankfully. Well, the birth is not a bad one I mean, it depends on the situation but –"
"Rambling. You're rambling and I'm losing my time."
"I want to ask you nicely to stop being this rude..."
"Of course, sis."
"... and to come to my wedding party."
"Of cour – what the fuck?" Louis' eye get wide and he repeats their two last exchange of words in his mind to see what he lost there, because apparently it's something big. "Wedding? I hope you're not talking about your wedding. You aren't getting married, I don't allow that. Zoe," He shouts her name and starts walking quickly in circles around the living room till the kitchen's part. "Zoe, you're not – what the hell are you saying? Why are you only asking me this, what am I losing here? Zoe –"
"Louis!" She yells from the other side of the phone, so loud that makes Louis flinch, stop and put the phone away from his ear. "Thank you." She says when he doesn't speak, Louis is kind of in shock at the moment. Wedding? They are some weird words for him. "I'm getting Marriage with George this week."
"This week?" He freaks out again. "And I only get to know that now? Now?" He says loudly. He isn't mad, he is just surprised with the new and what the hell? He is confused. "No, no, no." He shakes his head and starts walking again, Zoe sighs on the other side. "Remember what I told you? You were only allowed to marry Harry? That's still up."
"Louis," she actually chuckles now. "that'd be impossible, you know that."
"Exactly." He lets a small chuckle escape too and then his lips stay in a smile. "You're going to get married? For real?"
"For real." She says and Louis knows, he knows she is smiling. That's good, that's wonderful.
"But, now? This week? Wow." he leans over on the counter and takes his free hand above his forehead. "I'm sorry I didn't even..." he sighs and then smiles again. "So soon. You're young. I'm just in shock."
"Well, this has been getting planned since the beginning of the year." Louis is ready to speak again, protesting again about how can she be telling him this now? He is her brother, they tell each other everything. He can't believe this. "I know, let me speak. He proposed on New Year but the deal is making this a small thing, not many people because what's the deal of inviting people who don't even care? I told mom and dad after you left and I just wanted their reaction to have yours. We're in college, finishing this year, we could wait till next year or wait more three perhaps but... I feel like delaying important decisions aren't my type of thing. And I'm so happy, he is so happy, we make each other happy." She sighs. "Dad said this could be a mistake, we are only dating for four, almost five years. It isn't much, but... we just know these things." She pauses and Louis wonders if he can finally speak but her voice interrupts. "You inspired me on this. Sorry to touch in this subject but you and Harry at that time... That's what inspires me in this relationship and you just know... There's no room for mistakes but if they happen, we need to forgive them, we need to handle the pain but right now we just need to hold each other. Everything always ends well, I believe in happy endings." She finishes and Louis is speechless, what should he say? What can he fucking say without sounding an emotional wreck?
"Was I the last one to know this?" So he decides to say and Zoe might understand what he is doing, that's why she laughs.
"I'm so, so, so sorry Louis."
"I was, I can't believe this. I'm so insulted, I'm not going." He jokes "And stop pouting." He just knows that's what she is doing.
"I need you there." She speaks like a child and Louis laughs. This is good, this is making him feel better.
"I will think about that. You're lucky I'm on break."
"I know, that's why we chose this date, because of you!" He gets the sarcasm and fakes a laugh, while Zoe keeps laughing for real.
"All right, tell me about it."
"Okay, but don't interrupt me." She starts and Louis nods – she is still not seeing you Louis – and walks back to the couch, sitting down and turning off the TV. "It's this Friday." Two fucking days, he has two fucking days to get ready for a wedding, she is so killing her and not taking a present with him. "Don't kill me, I know I'm terrible."
"You're so disorganised." He rolls his eyes one more time.
"I said not to interrupt me, brother." She sighs annoyed. "Anyway. Get a nice suit, that's important. It's going to be here in Liverpool, we're truly thinking about staying here by the way. God, I have a lot to update you about. Okay," She sounds so excited Louis can imagine her touching her hair, changing positions from where she is sat on, keeping her lips twisted into a smile, her blue eyes shining brightly. Louis actually feels some light in this dark and lonely flat right now. "We have the ceremony in the morning, around noon, so be here early, obviously." he will need to wake up at 7am because of this, he is so making her death's plan "Then we have the normal lunch that probably will turn out as a dinner. Mom, dad and Peter will stay here, in our beach house. "The beach house. "Because in the next day we want to have lunch with everyone and George's parents. I want you here as well, obviously. And the last thing I'm asking you for, okay, the last two things are, first, is Zayn there? I want to invite him as well." Fuck, of course.
"He is not." He says in a neutral tone and Zoe would say that he only heard the last words she said instead of everything like he should have. "Call him and tell him the news, I'm sure he will be really glad to hear that from you now."
"Oh, okay." She says and Louis wants to scream ask me what's wrong, ask me if we're okay and if we fought like you and mom always do, because it's killing him but if she doesn't ask, he won't say a thing, he doesn't want to be selfish, she's sounding so happy he doesn't want to ruin everything. "I will call him then. The other thing is," she makes a pause. "I want you to talk with Harry. I want him present too, but I have proposal."
"A proposal? You're going to propose to him, after all."
"Shut up, Louis and listen to me."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"I want him to be the photograph." She says and Louis... Louis doesn't know why but he starts smiling, grinning, he even stands up from the couch with the new.
"Really?" He asks happily.
"Yes," She chuckles. "We talked about him working on that café but that he still tries with photography and well... We will pay him, I'm sure he will do a wonderful job and I talked about him to George and he actually suggested then to give him a try, you know. He has some contacts maybe this work will help him."
"Zoe, that's wonderful, he is going to be so happy. I will tell him, yes, of course." Just the thought of listening to Harry – no he will even tell him personally, he won't let this opportunity go. Harry will be so happy, he will be grinning like crazy, he will be looking at Louis that way, he will ask a million of times if he is kidding because he can't believe it and Louis will hug him and of course Harry will want to call Zoe afterwards. Congratulate her for the wedding and thank her. And Louis will be watching all of that.
"I'm sure he will."
"Thank you." He says and there's a small pause and it is not Louis' place to actually thank her... and he is thanking her for what really? For giving Harry this opportunity? For inviting him for the wedding like she'll invite Zayn? He just feels grateful and Zoe might feel confused and in this situation the normal would be her asking why he is thanking her for.
Instead, she only says. "You're welcome, brother."
~*~
Friday comes quickly and waiting for it to come, Louis decided to have good days. Because that's it, he decides it, he decides everything it happens to him. It's his choice. So after he told Harry about the wedding and the little job – and of course it happened everything he expected to – they spent their time shopping. Louis always hated it and apparently Harry does too, or they did... it was actually really amusing them walking around the mall to buy a suit, ending up buying each one a shirt – might or might not be matching ones like they once had – and black pants, because a whole suit is too expensive, they didn't save enough for that. Then it was the shoes, apparently Harry had for him ones and when he told Louis he could lend him a pair, Louis kicked him in the ass, literally, because that was to mock him, definitely. You're like Sasquatch and I'm Tinkerbell you dumbass, making Harry look at him for a moment that Louis honestly felt like it was wrong, because he was supposed to laugh but instead he smiled and said cute, making Louis kick him again harder since he is not supposed to say these things.
The next day Louis and Harry came over to Ed one last time, Louis played with the cat, gained a few new scratches and then ended up sleeping over at Harry's so the morning came early and when Louis wakes up he doesn't know how to feel and it's too early to even think about it, but... apparently not too early for him to feel his heart beating so fast it seems like it's going to fly out of his chest.
"Louis, I'll bring the water if you don't get up." Louis groans and puts his arms around the pillow, snuggling better and keeping his eyes shut tightly because there's some wrong light in the room right now. "It's late!"
"Is not, have time." He mumbles, not really making sense but he feels so comfortable, so warm and the déjà vu is just making for him impossible to even move and react towards life and Harry.
"No we don't. I'm ready but you still have tones of things to do. Come on!" Harry shakes his shoulder and then makes a disgusted sound. "Lewis, you're dribbling on my pillow." fucking déjà vu, and they're going to Liverpool like the same day, years ago.
"I'm not Lewis." He groans again and moves his face to the other side, without first cleaning his mouth on the pillow case, of course. "This is my pillow." He defends himself because there's no way he could actually move to the other side of the bed during the night.
He doesn't know how things really went like this... he and Harry just casually and since the first day made it look normal and formal the fact that they sleep in the same bed like before. Even if it's not like before, they're still sharing the same sheets, mattress and space. Louis hears Harry's little snores, and feels the heat of his body and damn, how can they do this after so many years? It's not normal but Louis feels... "Comfy." he smiles and then hears Harry sighing, probably in annoyance.
But there's silence, silence for too long and Louis might probably fall asleep again, until...
"You fucker!" He shouts, sitting up on the mattress after feeling the coldness and wetness of the water Harry pours over him. If he remembers well, the morning they had to wake up for their first vacations together in Liverpool, Louis threatened Harry to do this but he didn't actually do it, so this is quite unfair. Even though it makes him think how much they changed, it's like they switched bodies or something.
"I'm giving you ten minutes to get ready. We need to be there early, I have a job to do." Harry says firmly, his knees against the mattress with the empty jar in his hand and with a funny, although serious, face expression.
And maybe that is enough to make Louis get up and get ready because he must look horrific with all the sleep in his eyes, the pale face and the messy hair and it's just embarrassing since Harry looks... this good. His hair pulled back, making it look longer than the usual, his broad shoulders salient, his chest tattoo exposed with that shirt that Louis chose especially because it fit him perfectly. He looks so handsome it makes Louis go insane. But just a little bit.
And maybe they leave too late and Harry keeps protesting while Louis only laughs, if you hadn't poured water on me we wouldn't be taking time changing the sheets, making Harry shut up for only a minute to continue again. And also, maybe Louis can't speak too much during the trip because Harry plays a too familiar mix on the car and wow Louis we're actually going to Liverpool, again and that's pretty much when Louis' hearts sinks.
~*~
"Why don't you go talk to him?" Louis hears Harry whispering on his ear, next to him. They're in the restaurant already, everyone is gathering around the tables for the appetizers.
The ceremony was beautiful, somehow Louis didn't know quite well how he would react at it and feel towards it but in reality he loved it. His mother cried next to him, his father brushed her back saying remember the day we got married and now we have this wonderful family, which made her cry even more and then there was Peter next to him asking Louis how he will know the right person to marry with. Louis didn't know how to answer him so he ended up asking him if he was ten or something.
Zoe looked amazing with her long, however simple, white dress and Louis is sure so proud of her. So proud of the smile she kept all the time. So proud of choosing a man who put that ring in her finger with such shine in his eyes. And Louis can't believe she's getting married before him, I mean, it'd be expected but he didn't see it coming now, like this. So to kept his mind off by describing the two as the hottest couple and what the fuck, how are they real?
And Harry... oh, Harry looks like a kid on a theme park. He is doing what he loves in such ambient. Everything looks so bright and shiny it turns everything so catchy. He looked a professional snapping Zoe pictures before getting into the church, he made all those poses and gave those advices. While the priest talked he kept focusing on his job and at watching everything. Louis is liking this even though why don't you go talk to him are basically the first words Harry tells him because he has been very busy. But now he asks Louis this, touches the subject, making Louis ignore the fact that Harry is bent down next to his chair, with the photograph camera in his hands.
Louis looks at the person Harry is referring to, not sure why and sees Zayn sitting on his table, chatting with some of Zoe's friends – as said they didn't invite many people and Louis actually thinks it makes everything more honest.
Louis had seen Zayn stood up on the row of seats opposite his, in the same corridor as him. He held his both own hands in front of his belly, attentively looking forward, with Liam next to him knowing god knows what but both wearing a smoking and looking incredibly attractive with their so well done beard and quiff. He is still next to Zayn, not really leaving his side and Louis asks himself if Zoe invited him or if Zayn decided to bring him afraid of being alone. He is pathetic.
Louis is pathetic too. The most pathetic one really.
"I'm not going to talk to him. Not today. Especially today." he looks away but not looking at Harry, he looks forward strictly. "He can't even look at me. He doesn't care." Louis finishes and his voice fails a little at hiding the sadness.
"Louis..." Harry rests his hand above the blue eyed boy's shoulder. "I don't know what happened between you two and why but... did you tell him to leave?" He asks and Louis understands what he means, Harry understands what happened and Louis doesn't even know how he did that.
He chews the inside of his cheek and his eyes probably show how shocked he is. Harry's words make him understand the obvious. Zayn is doing this because he thinks that's what Louis wants. He wants him to leave, at least for now and he is respecting Louis. He is giving him space.
However, Zayn should have known by now that that's not what Louis wants, that's never what he wants. Louis hates being alone, Louis hates this feeling, hates the emptiness, he hates it but he still told Zayn to leave to hurt himself, to see what Zayn's limit was. And Zayn is hurt too, Louis feels so bad for making him say that out loud, make his friend think that way... Louis hates the fact that Zayn was right. But Louis needs him and Louis also sees a Zayn in him, in their friendship. Always saw a Zayn more than a Harry.
Louis has no time to answer, to say something because someone calls Harry so he stands up, pats Louis' head and walks away. It'll be a long night, especially when he has wine everywhere and is in the groom's table with his family and George's one.
~*~
Louis finds fun and distraction with his brother next to him till he decides to go dancing with George's younger sister. There's music, the food is tasty, everyone looks happy and amused and Louis is drinking water. Water. His bum hurts by being sat for so long, his wrist aches by being supporting his head on his palm for so long.
He got tired of watching Harry – not tired it was more like to discipline himself and stop – walking around with the camera, laughing and meeting new people. He also made a new friend, Louis' little cousin that even he didn't know he had. She is two years old and Louis had never seen such baby. He seriously should communicate better with his family, but look at him now in his sister's wedding drinking water, sat on the same spot he was since the beginning of the evening and looking at his childhood friend, who is having more fun with a family that isn't even his.
Louis also wonders how it would be if Harry met the rest of his family years ago, when they were still together. They don't know Harry is Louis' childhood best friend – ex boyfriend – they think he is just Zoe's friend, who she decided to hire to take pictures. And allowed him to drink a little bit more of alcohol than he should during his job. It's not fair for Louis.
He notices how Harry tried to avoid talking with his cousin, Cassie, because of course Zoe invited the neighbours, till this very moment when Derek walks with her under his arm, towards the green eyed guy. Louis almost feels the urge to stand up but he sees Harry smiling and he takes some pictures at the couple and Louis stays still. He can't do this to Harry, he is a big boy he can take care of himself.
When Cassie starts talking with Harry and he makes a serious face, Louis decides that is time to look away and leave it to him. He can't do this.
Then he sees his parents talking with George's and thankfully they get along pretty well. That wouldn't happen if Louis and Harry got married –and what the hell. Louis shakes his head, that's not going to happen, but he thought they were going to stay together when they were younger. So, seeing things that way, maybe it was better like this. Never happening. Zoe is going to have a wonderful life and Louis might feel a bit jealous of it, it's wrong but he can't stop it, however he is happy for her. He always wished that for her and he hopes Peter gets the same luck.
George and Zoe are sat on the table with their friends, where somehow Zayn and Liam are part of. Well, at least that.
Louis thanks the gods above when is time to cut the cake so his table can finally be filled with people again and he doesn't look like the depressed older brother anymore, whose life is miserable and his others siblings are the ones who will win at life. He raises his eyebrows looking at nowhere by listening to his own thoughts. At least he didn't smoke yet. Neither drink, of course. So when the employees come to the table to serve the champagne Louis declines it politely, receiving a pleasant smile from his father. At least that.
Then it comes the toast and oh shit Louis needs to do a speech, so he takes some deep breathes while Carl does his along with Fiona, where they talk about their own marriage – of course – since Zoe was never able to be present – of course again – and then reveal some humiliating scenes about her young age, which Louis is very familiar with some of them. After George's parents and best friend doing theirs, it's Louis' turn and he wants to pull his hair out. He has a small paper with him and it almost seems nothing compared to the essays other people read. It's always like this.
He stands up from his seat, takes the microphone and smiles. "I'm smiling but I literally want to run away from here." He starts, keeping his fake grin in his face while people laugh and keep their eyes on him. "I'm Louis Tomlinson, a very happy person as you might have noticed, or not because I've been spending the last hours sat in this same chair alone and my bum already hurts." Another row of laughs, he looks at his sister and smiles, the fakest smile he can manage to and everyone notices it, keeping laughing. Especially Peter, who is almost falling over his chair. "I'm Zoe's best brother," Peter protests. "sorry insignificant one," Louis says to the younger kid. "or maybe I'm just really the one she hates the most, since I was the last person knowing she was getting married. And she's making me speak in front of this people I never saw or just remember vaguely from my young age. Good job sister," He makes a thumbs up and she laughs, mouthing an I'm sorry, I love you. "Of course you do." He nods and he is almost not able to be heard since people keep laughing.
"We aren't very similar as you can see, she's a blonde and I'm pretty. Thanks mom." He smiles at Fiona, who shakes her head chuckling. He notices how Carl leans over at his wife and Louis smiles. "I prepared something," He raises the paper in his hand. "But is literally me talking about how good is being here, how happy I am for my sister getting married first than me and the type of good person she is, which is all lies and I'm not even following it." He throws the paper in the air and shrugs, keeping the microphone close to his lips. "That's what you get for inviting me to your wedding two days ago." He tries to say seriously, looking at her but failing a little. "I'm not going to humiliate you either, like our parents did. Thanks me later. But I have a few words to say. First of all," He raises one finger. "good choice." He looks at George. "You found a really pretty man to be next to you and maybe that's the smartest choice you have ever done." George laughs and Zoe tries to make an incredulous face but then starts laughing along her husband. "Now that I look better, he kind of looks like someone we know, don't we Zoe?" Louis smirks and then he looks at Harry, who is close to his table and Louis notices how he has been snapping pictures of him. Louis waves and Harry notices chuckling and he knows what is coming. Zoe is too because she's covering her face in her hands.
"That's right, the photographer when he was around sixteen years old. My best friend at the time and the guy I was in love with and you decided to kiss while I went to the bathroom." Louis expects a bad reaction from the people but is actually the otherwise, making him a bit relieved. "We both have similar tastes you see. And this is me, casually coming out to everyone, I was always good at this. Always. Am I right?" he looks at his family who nod and laughs along. "Sorry, Hazz." Louis waves again at the green eyed boy, who was laughing but now just looks at Louis with a small smile in his lips. "So this is the point I want to reach. No, not the gay part, don't worry grandma." He looks over at Carl's mother, who gives him a frown but he feels accomplished since everyone seems to be enjoying listening to him. "But yes, the love part." He makes a disgusted sound. "I know guys, I'm sorry for who is single here." He raises his hand and looks around till more people do the same. When he looks over at Zayn he is looking at Liam and Louis doesn't see their arms raising. He knew it. "I can see very interesting things now." He comments and Zayn quickly turns his eyes to him. Louis smiles a little.
"But isn't it because of that, that we are here today? Because these two people love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together?" He looks over at the couple and his sister smiles at him tenderly. "Good luck with that." He winks and she laughs along with George, who holds her hand above the table. "All my life, my sister can prove it and even agree with me, I spent it living with love around me." Zoe nods and Louis looks forward, proudly. "It's quite an amazing feeling. First when our parents announced to us that we were going to have a baby brother, Peter, then with our deceased grandpa, who we cared so much about. Especially me, but I'm trying not to centre this on me." He says cheekily and people chuckle. "With our parents, who we see them loving each other more every day and I think that's what inspired us the most, because they can always teach us a lot." He smiles at his parents and everyone is in awe. "We had a cat," he chuckles and shakes his head looking down. "that's kind of a challenge but there's also love involved." He sighs. "Then I want to touch this subject because it had a big impact in this family. My love for my best friend that I previously referred." He looks over at Harry, who puts down the camera, he doesn't notice but Zoe is nodding again and people keep their eyes locked with Louis.
"It changed our family because it was kind of having another brother. He was part of the family and giving the circumstances he wasn't only loved by me but by everyone else. I'm not going to touch that subject again sister, don't worry." He looks by the corner of his eyes at Zoe, she laughs and kisses George on the cheek. "But yes, love was a big part of our family and I think in name of my sister, me, my parents and my brother we want to thank Harry." He raises his hand and points at the guy, everyone follows Louis' gesture and applaud. Harry's cheeks are so red but he tries to hide it with his camera. "So thank you." Louis nods and Harry smiles at him. "My sister was my anchor by the time I was discovering myself and that also helped us to learn to love each other too. There wasn't much love between our relationship but that changed and I started to appreciate her presence a lot more. So yes, she is a very good person, maybe I should have stick up with the other paper." He laughs. "And she learnt a lot too. That's why she is here with George, very happy, very mature and with a new name and dress." He smiles at her and she shakes her head, eyes filled with kindness and lips forming a big grin. "That's what she told me, which I'm very glad to. She said I inspired her, that all the love she saw during the years made her believe in happy endings, made her believe that true love exists and that made me feel really good and happy."
"So you inspired me too, sister. Because saying that you gave me hope, I can still learn to love again, forgive others," he looks over at Zayn and keeps his eyes with his friend. "appreciate whole types of love," Zayn nods. "that we keep holding us and the ones who wish us happiness." then he looks over at Harry, who has that relaxed expression, that lovely smile and fond in his eyes. "And that once again, there's always a happy ending for everyone." People applaud and Louis breathes, because maybe he had been holding it for too long. "Maybe is better if I just stop here and finally say congratulations to these two beautiful people standing close to me," he points to George and Zoe. "also saying that everyone looks perfect and that it's an honour being present here this day." He smiles. "And finally let people eat freely because that's what they came here for. I'm telling you, Harry ask everyone here to stand next to the person who has made their life worth living for a photo and you'll see the bartender being almost crushed to death." Everyone laughs again and Louis makes sure to see how Harry throws his head down and claps his hands laughing. "Thank you." He smiles and sits down receiving a wave of other applauses and laughter.
It actually went pretty well.
~*~
"Your toast went pretty well." Louis hears and Harry sits next to him, in Peter's seat. He didn't mind being alone in the table once again while the newlyweds have their dance till everyone else joined them. Louis actually likes seeing it but he also likes to have Harry's presence next to him.
"It did, didn't it?" He smiles, turning his attention to the guy. The sleeves from his shirt are already up till his elbows, his hair is all messy and sweaty and he puts his camera above the table and looks back at Louis with the sexiest smile he could ever give.
"Yes, I liked it a lot."
"Thank you, Harry." Louis smiles, blue meeting green in the middle of the mess and noise of the party. It's Louis and Harry and the people around and that works. That's good. "Are you enjoying this?" Harry nods frenetically and Louis notices his slightly bloodshot eyes and that he is smiling too much. "I bet you are." He laughs.
"Yes I am. I love this. And I'm really thankful for the opportunity. Your sister looks really pretty." He says looking over at her dancing with George's father. Louis raises his eyebrow and then Harry looks at him giggling. "But you look really hot." Louis is a little taken back with the comment but Harry spoke seriously considering his state, then he leans a little bit over and looks into Louis' eyes. "May I have this dance, please?"
Louis laughs, forgetting the little fight that is going on his stomach. "You know I can't dance." Does he? Does he still know?
Harry smirks. "I know... But it's just to be closer. For a bit more." He says offering his hand to Louis. Louis sees his whole life passing in front of his life till the moment Harry said these same words on the day they went to prom. He is killing him.
The older guy gulps in dry but accepts it anyway. Harry leads Louis to the dance floor where everyone is, half of them wasted, others just really enjoying the time with their partner.
The song isn't even slow, it's the kind of just dancing around in a club, but Harry grabs Louis' hands and rests them in his own shoulders and when he drops them, he holds Louis' waist, to get him closer to his body.
Harry smiles and looks down at Louis. They balance their bodies together, just so they don't keep steady in the middle of the place and look at each other like dorks. Louis feels his knees weak and he isn't even drunk.
"Remember when we talked about getting married?" Harry asks, chuckling and what the fuck, has some respect because Louis wants to fucking cry. "Do you remember, Louis?" he asks more seriously when Louis doesn't answer but keeps surprised looking at him. He nods and then looks down, breaking the gaze. Harry takes his hand from Louis' waist, only to raise his face by his chin, meeting his blue eyes again "no, look at me beautiful." he whispers and puts it in the previous place again. "We were so young but already knew with who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. We talked about inviting my parents too so they would see how happy I was with you and they would end up being good people. We talked about what we would do in our honeymoon." He laughs again and Louis knows why that's why he groans and hides his face on Harry's shoulder. "Crazy, crazy kids." Harry keeps laughing. "And we would buy a house on the beach, live there, buy another cat so Daisy could have little kittens and then it'd be our turn. Have a baby. And we would see her growing up, yes a she Louis, I said I wanted a girl not a boy." It's Louis' turn to laugh and he pulls his forehead away and looks up at Harry. "And we would be together forever." He says now seriously, no smile, no joke, just eyes locked with Louis' and his voice sounds like an angel and it tastes sweetly.
And Louis feels so close, so warm so...
"Hello, can I have this dance with, Harry?" Louis looks at his side and sees Zoe with Fiona ready to take Harry away. Take Harry away.
"Sure." Louis smiles a little and pulls away from the guy, who is still looking down at him. "All yours, sister." She smiles at him and it means something, Louis just doesn't want to find out what.
Harry accepts Zoe's hand and Louis goes to his mother.
"Hello, son." Fiona laughs and Louis puts one of his hand in her waist and with the other holds his hand.
"I'm not dancing mom."
"I know let's just pretend." She jokes and starts leading them, making Louis kind of want to puke because she might swing him around too fast.
"I'm proud of you too. Always was." She says out of nowhere, Louis hears her voice and he feels like he is eighteen and just came out to her. "You think you didn't, but you always did what makes you happy." She smiles and Louis thinks he doesn't need anything else. He has everything, he heard everything and he is so glad of everything, he has just been blind all this time but that could have been changed if he had turned on the light.
"Thank you mom." He hugs her even though they're right around them dancing and enjoying the music.
When they move, leaded by Fiona and get close to Harry and Zoe, Louis can hear something.
"And you take care of my brother. Don't leave him anymore. You have him so locked in the palm of your hand, it's unbelievable." He hears Zoe's voice.
"But... we aren't dating, you know that Zoe, don't you?"
"Yes." She answers. "But you don't need that, you two have always been in love. All this time." She finishes, Fiona is looking at Louis, she probably hears that too and now wants a reaction from his son.
He opens his mouth but shuts again, Fiona keeps smiling at him. He looks around and pulls away from his mother, smiles a little and sees Zayn dancing with Louis' grandmother. She always liked him somehow, she fell in love with him by Christmas. He nods at his mother, squeezes her hand and goes to them, he will deal with Harry later. Later. And he doesn't even want to know what Zoe talked with him more about.
"Excuse me, I didn't want to interrupt." Louis says coming behind the two. His grandmother looks up at him and Zayn probably thinks Louis wants to dance with her by the way he pulls away and nods but Louis speaks. "But I wanted to dance with my friend, granny." He says politely with a small smile.
She raises her eyebrow and looks at Zayn then at Louis, with a sigh she leaves and Louis wants to laugh really, she never really was a talkative person with him and always liked better his siblings and apparently Zayn, who now looks at the blue eyed man confused.
Louis smiles and holds Zayn's hand and puts his other one on his shoulder, "Hi," he says and tries to lead the dance and maybe failing a little. Maybe. Definitely.
"What are you trying to do, Louis?" Zayn asks, not really sounding annoyed or mad, just really asking in his usual tone, when he speaks with Louis.
That's why when we fight you never apologise first, because it wasn't worth it for you.
"Apologising to you, showing that it is, in fact, worth it." He says honestly, never stopping looking at Zayn, because he can, he actually can look at Zayn and say these things, he can be honest, he allows Zayn to see the truth behind his eyes. "So I'm sorry. I need you Zayn, it wasn't this fight that made me realise it, I knew it already, it was just really hard to deal with it. With this fight I only got to know how much I hurt you and I'm truly sorry for that. I knew what I was doing but was always afraid of stopping it. I thought you didn't mind and this is the truth."
"Okay." Zayn nods. "I forgive you." Louis opens his eyes widely.
"That's it? You won't tell me anything else? You are going to forgiving me just like that?" Louis asks, while leading the dance, ending up to be a mess between the people.
"Yes," Zayn smiles. "You know what you did and you finally learnt that you need me, you need people to be happy. You saw your mistakes and you will change that. You needed space too, both needed. Our friendship needed this break and you chose when to have it, so I respected it." Louis looks at his friend admired with his words. Zayn always knows how to deal with him, always knows what's the best, always makes Louis want to be a better person.
"I'm really thankful to have you." He decides to say and Zayn smiles, kissing his forehead.
"I know little one. I'm thankful to have you too." He answers
"Well... and aren't you thankful to have Liam as well?" He asks with a smirk, teasing and he knows what's about to come when Zayn makes the face. The fucking face when he looks like he is in the moon and gravity isn't a thing.
~*~
The wind is too cold to be outside but Louis doesn't consider his choice when decides to sit on the sand imagining the colour of the sea since it's too dark to even see the way the waves hit the ground, yet he also imagines that with the way it sounds on his ears. And why's that? Because he isn't alone in the darkness, he has Harry next to him.
It's too late to even be awake, so Louis knows tonight they won't sleep. His parents and Peter are in the beach house, probably already too into their dreams to even think about what Louis and Harry might be doing outside. They won't know that Harry was too overwhelmed to be inside that house, too energetic to even sleep and Louis was okay with that. They won't know the way Harry asked Louis to just go sit on the sand and watch whatever they could imagine in the darkness, along with the sound of the waves, they won't know how Louis held his hand and lead him outside by the back door and Harry looked around playing in his mind all the lost memories they two have from this place.
Louis isn't feeling cold, he is actually pretty warm, the wind hits his face and blows his hair to the back, making him smell better Harry's perfume from the jacket he put above Louis' shoulders.
The moment is too good, too sweet and Louis feels so powerful, so free right now that it doesn't even matter that is new moon up in the sky and the only light they have to actually see some shapes and shadows is the one behind them, from the house.
"Harry," Louis' voice is heard and it's almost tough for Harry to hear it by being so used to the only sound of the ocean a little bit forward. "Do you remember everything that happened here, in Liverpool?" He asks and Louis knows how special this place is for Harry, for both of them. It has a story, it's when they reached the middle of their relationship and it started something new there to make them keep going.
"Of course I do." Harry says softly making Louis smile a little.
"Remember when you told me how you fell for me?" He asks and there's silence, there's silence, which only confirms what Louis knew already. "You said I inspired you to be a better person, you said I chose you to be the one that I knew better than anyone else. You said I accepted you when no one else did. You were fourteen and I couldn't believe that you felt that way for so long, thinking that you were alone on that."
"Yes. Yes I do remember." Louis nods and Harry's voice keeps calm and soft and that's wonderful, because Louis' heart is beating too fast.
"I never told you how I fell for you." Louis heard Harry catching his breath in his throat, he notices how he stiffs in his place and how he shuts his fists, touching the sand on the side of his body.
"How... How did you?" Harry asks, his voice tiny and different from the other times. Louis isn't used to be the one speaking like this by now, between them.
"Really slowly. So slowly. But it was beautiful. And I was so young. I fell in love with everything that was on you to hate. I fell in love with everything you hated about yourself. I fell in love with your flaws, turning them into virtues. I fell in love with you in the right way. With every kiss you gave me. With every touch we shared. Nothing you could ever do would let me down, I'm serious though. I loved you for a really long time and even if in some moments, before everything, I didn't get to kiss you, if I could literally just sit by you and hear you talking it'd be so much better than nothing." He pauses and looks up and there is it, there it is the stars shining for them. "How am I supposed to forget about you now?" He asks, a small chuckle coming out between his lips, he doesn't even look at Harry now, he is afraid of knowing what he might be feeling and letting his courage going away. "I melted my brain away to forget you but it never fucking worked. I wished I could just erase you from my memory like in the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, so then I could be happy." He gulps.
"But then I realised," He looks over at the side at Harry and there it is, green eyes sparkling for him, who needs the starts if he has Harry? "that I wouldn't be happy if I didn't have the memories I have with you." He stops again, looking at Harry's features and he sees so many things there, he sees so many fucking things and feelings, Louis is in the clouds in the sunset and it's wonderful. "But I don't only want memories."
"Louis..." Harry whispers and Louis notices how he is a bit closer than before, how he is breathing heavily and how he looks at Louis' lips, licking his own.
"Harry..." Louis lets out, he puts his hand on the sand, somehow meeting Harry's. They don't even react with the touch, is just there and if Louis tries to interlace his fingers between Harry's, casually and as if like that he'd not only fill the space between their fingers but every other type of emptiness, they keep with their eyes locked. "I'm going to kiss you now." Louis says in a low tone and Harry only nods and that's his answer.
That's his answer.
Louis bites his bottom lip, looks at Harry's pink ones, the ones he knows so well, an upper lip thinner than the bottom one, so beautifully shaped and doesn't waste time, he rests his hand above Harry's cheek and leans over to press their lips together.
And there it is. It's like he remembered, it's even better than what he remembers because it has been so long that it tastes better.
Harry holds Louis' opposite hip right away when they start moving their lips, first slowly and carefully, tenderly and giving time to get used to such incredible feeling. The tip of their noses brush each time they lean their heads to the other side, tasting and sucking each other's lips and that's enough for Louis to decide to move and sit on Harry's lap, letting Harry's jacket fall behind.
Harry immediately hums in pleasure and maybe even as a thank you for feeling Louis' body closer to him. He parts his legs and rests is thighs next to Harry's legs and throws his arms around his neck, instantly grabbing a fist of Harry's hair from the back with one of his hand. Contact, contact and contact.
It's so warm, so right, so needed that Louis can't stop. Harry gets Louis even closer to his chest, pushing him to himself by Louis' curve of his bum, making the older boy moan by brushing himself on Harry's jeans. Then he sinks his fingers on Louis waist to keep him still.
There's more than the sound of the waves in the air now, there's two bodies breathing heavily and desperately and between them there's no more space left. Their lips move in synchrony, now faster and Louis' grip on Harry's hair gets stronger.
It's like they're kissing as if they've done it for years and never stopped. They know how to do it right, they know where the other's lip begins, they know how to kiss the way the other likes, they know how to touch the other, how to place their hands, how to move... the feeling is almost painful, but it's a beautiful pain.
"Louis, Louis... Louis." Harry repeats between their lips and Louis has to shut his eyes even tighter. This is insane, this is something that is happening and Louis thinks he is finally having a good dream and got rid of the nightmares.
Louis literally hums as an answer and that makes Harry separate their lips, receiving a sound of disapproval now from the blue eyed man, but it's soon knocked away when Harry's fingertips get on the first buttons of Louis' shirt. he undoes only three, puts the fabric away – and it's so quickly that Louis has no time to recover his breathe – and kisses Louis' neck all the way down till his collarbones. And he gets his lips on the special spot of them, he kisses that place so many times, it's sloppy but so tender.
Louis has his head thrown on the side to give Harry more space and skin. "So good," Louis whispers and he is like this just by a kiss. A kiss.
"I missed this so much." Harry says between kisses up from his neck to his jaw. He holds Louis' face and passes his fingers above his lips, touching them and looking at how puffy and red they are. "I missed you so much." Harry whispers and Louis' feels his warm breathe hitting them.
Then Harry is kissing him again and that's it.
His brain lights on fire and the warmth spreads throughout his entire body. He is addicted, he can't bare not to be with Harry and he can barely breathe when he is around. This kiss is his salvation and torment. He lived for this moment to come again and he would die with the memory of them on his own lips. Louis dedicated his life to be with him from the moment of that first kiss, for the moment he knows that if he loses him he will lose himself. Harry was and always will be the half that makes him a whole.
And it's the same with Harry.
~*~
» after this what do you have to say about zouis' relationship now? what do you think it was louis' reasons for him to kiss harry?