I don't think I'm lonely.
Let me say that again so I might believe it. I don't think I am lonely in the sense that I am 100% completely and utterly alone. But I am lonely.
I'm socially lonely.
I'm creatively lonely.
I'm romantically lonely.
I'm tired of people not reaching out to me? I'm never anyone's first choice of friend but I'd love to have a message every once in a while. A hey. How are you? What's happening? Wanna catch up for a coffee? From an old friend or a new friend or an ex or a stranger. I don't want to be the one making all the effort forever, but I fear that may be the pattern society is falling into. But regardless, I don't seem to be anybody's first choice, not anymore.
I'm tired of not making shit with other people, like films or something. Taking photos by myself is such an isolating task that I can't seem to find anything other than short term joy in it.
I'm tired of not having someone to text all day. To FaceTime. To chat with. To spoil. To love. To pour my enormous amounts of love and affection into since she left. Since they both left. And now I'm lonely.