The next month went by in a blur. When Harry admitted to me he wanted to go back into the band, it was more of a wish and admittance than something that was actually happening. There hadn't been any talks about a reunion, and Harry was almost resigned to it not happening. He truly did love being in the band all the way up until the hiatus, but I know that he went through a lot during those 5 years. The best in his life, but he also had some of his lowest moments. After everything, I think he was scared to admit he wanted to be back in the band. Scared that if he let the idea in, then it would happen and it would all go wrong.
For 5 years, Harry lived and breathed the band, and he loved it. He felt the warmth from all over the world at all times of the day and he couldn't ever be more thankful for it, but one day he was an everyday 16 year old boy from Holmes Chapel, and the next he was thrust into an international spotlight. And from what he's told me, this wasn't always easy. At 16 years old, he was portrayed as a womaniser and spent the next 5 years clouded by this reputation. His management didn't help, and slowly I think Harry started to feel more and more isolated, despite his bandmates beside him every step of the way. As One Direction's fan base grew, and the boys filled more and more arenas, Harry slowly began to feel more and more alone, and he grew this desire to explore his abilities not just in the band. Sometimes the minute they walked off the stage the Harry Styles facade fell. Behind the face of Harry Styles from One Direction, the biggest boyband in the world, he was just Harry. An exhausted, overworked, scared and in many ways, just trying to stay afloat 22 year old.
Behind the tours and the meet and greets and the interviews were a team of people who were more focused on One Direction as a profitable company than as a band of everyday British boys. Harry was truly inspired by every single one of their fans and would do anything for them, but feeling the weight from thousands of different people every single night sometimes became scary. Especially when every move they made was watched by a team of people who refused to let these everyday British boys do anything that may tarnish the 'brand's' image or lower ticket and album sales.
I could tell a weight had been lifted off Harry's shoulders the second he told me how he felt. I will always support Harry in whatever he wants to do, but this desire to end the hiatus scared me more than I wanted to admit. I loved Harry too much to watch him go through what he did last time. I chose to keep these worries to myself, because at that point, no reunion talks had even begun. At least that's what we thought, until we bumped into Liam whilst out on a hike in Beverly Hills.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 MONTH AND 1 WEEK AFTER THE TOUR ENDED
'Harry mate! Good to see you, man!' I hear a voice coming from behind us, and after hearing this voice on the phone countless times in the last month, I instantly know who it is. Liam.
'Liam, good to see you! I'm so used to hearing you on the phone but I haven't seen you in person in ages!' Harry says, hugging Liam. Watching them together after so long warms my heart. It's like watching two best friends reunite after years apart, and in many ways, that's exactly what it is. The scene is almost like a movie, two international superstars standing at the top of a hill with the Hollywood sign in the background, together after 5 years apart.
'Yeah man, it's been so long..and this must be Sophie?' Liam asks, shifting his gaze to me and smiling.
'That's me!' I awkwardly respond, trying my best to give a good impression. It feels like I've known Liam for forever, but this is the first time we've actually been together in person.
'It's so great to meet you finally' he laughs, and Harry and I join him. Liam's friendly personality is stopping this conversation from taking an awkward turn, and now I know why Harry loves him so much.
'You should meet Maya..my girlfriend, I think you two would get along really well.' He says, pulling me in for a hug too. I've seen all the photos of Liam and Maya together, and Harry says that he can tell how happy Liam is with her.
'I'd love to meet her!' I respond.
'We should catch up..you, me, Louis and Niall. I haven't seen you all in so long.' Harry suggests, and I'm so glad. I know how much Harry misses the boys, and I wonder if this is his way of figuring out how the other boys feel about ending the hiatus. I can't help the little worry that forms inside me at the thought of the band actually reuniting, but I push it away.
'Let's just get the band back together.' Liam jokes, but I can tell he's not really joking.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just as Harry suggested, the boys organised to catch up the next week. Niall offered to host, and they all met at his house. It was 'strictly a boy's day', as stated by Louis, but as soon as Harry walked back through the door I could tell he'd had an amazing day. He was radiant, and he spent the next two hours telling me about every moment.
As it turned out, the other boys had actually spoken about a reunion, but Harry didn't know. They hadn't mentioned anything to him assuming he wouldn't be interested in a reunion, especially after coming off of such a successful solo world tour. Harry, being so kind, actually appreciated the fact they hadn't mentioned it. They knew he could have been put in a difficult position, and were only trying to avoid an awkward situation for him. But in the end, all the boys agreed, over a shot according to Harry, that they would end the hiatus. 18 months turned into 5 years, but finally they were all ready to come back.
I realised during Harry's absence that in the last year, my days had been consumed with the tour. Whether it was preparation for the tour, actually touring or my time spent with Harry in the last two months, my whole life had become filled with him.
I tried to keep myself entertained while he was gone on this 'boy's day', but I found myself wandering around the house not knowing what to do. I would've called Charlotte to go out for lunch, but her and the rest of the band had started spending more and more time together, rehearsing without Harry, and I assumed she wouldn't be available. I had an inkling that the backing band may have been becoming more of a band in their own right, and I really liked that idea, so I chose to not bother her.
It nearly concerned me that my whole life had become so filled with Harry that I didn't know what to do without him, and I decided I needed to find something to channel my energy into. Something I could do in my spare time, and hopefully something that would become my passion.
After a long time spent thinking, I decided to start a blog. I'm not sure why this idea came to me, but I've always had a love for writing, and there's something nice about being able to share your passion through words. At this point, given my sole focus on Harry at all times of the day, I probably should've decided to make a Harry dedicated blog. Nonetheless, I decided to make a blog all about fashion. Whether it's putting together my own outfits, watching runway fashion shows or reading designer catwalk books, I've loved fashion since I can remember. It took a while to come up with a name, but I eventually decided on one, 'Écharpe en Cachemire' - Cashmere Scarf.
I learnt French in highschool, and by the time I graduated it was easily my favourite language. I kept learning all throughout college, and now I can speak French. It's a little known fact about me, and I rarely use the skill, but if I ever end up in Paris and nobody speaks English, I imagine it will be useful.
Once Harry finished telling me about his day, nearly down to the minute, I told him about my latest blog owning venture. He was very excited for me, and I felt so blessed to have someone like Harry.
At this point, we were two weeks through June and it made sense to announce the reunion on the 10 year anniversary. The rumour mills were already flying about a reunion on the anniversary anyway, so why not give the tabloids what they want.
The worries about the management becoming the toxic environment never fully went away, but I reminded myself that One Direction is signed under Columbia Records now, and it will all be different. This time, I won't be there to watch Harry, or any of the boys, go through what they once did.
Almost as soon as the boys mutually decided to end the hiatus, Columbia was informed and contracts were signed by the end of the next week. Watching it all happening was almost surreal, and I could see how complete and certain Harry felt in this. Harry promised that Columbia would get them new management, and I could tell he really believed it would be better this time. I believed him, and his certainty grew my certainty.
Harry invited everyone over to his house after they signed the contracts for a 'celebratory dinner', as he called it. He made sure everyone came, including Eleanor and Maya, just so I could meet everyone, and I loved him more for it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 MONTH AND 3 WEEKS AFTER THE TOUR ENDED
'We all show up at the same time? Solid timing lads!' Louis laughs, looking behind him at the trail of people exiting their cars. Harry leads everyone through the house until we reach the massive glass sliding doors that open up to the terrace and the stunning view of the Hollywood Hills.
'Mate, this is a beautiful place...' Niall says, mesmerised by the landscaping of the outdoor area and garden.
'..oh and you must be Sophie. I've heard so many things about you..good things of course!' Niall winks, and laughs his typical infectious laugh.
'Who knows what Harry's saying about me!' I shoot back, and Niall breaks into even more laughter. Liam cuts my conversation with Niall short when he starts asking about the bushes. I've only met Liam once before, but this seems like something he'd do.
'It's so nice out here man, who does the gardening for you?' he queries, eyes fixated on one of the hedges bordering the staircase to the upper level of the garden.
'This guy I met while I was in Italy. He comes to L.A. throughout the year to see his kids and when he's here, I always get him to do the hedges.' Harry answers, busy putting wood into the pizza oven.
I spot Louis admiring the view by the edge of the lower level of the garden, and I walk down the stairs to introduce myself, but he beats me to it.
'I'm going to take a guess and say this one's Sophie?' Louis laughs, looking at Harry but pointing to me.
'Your guess would be correct. It's great to meet you.' I laugh back. I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to shake his hand or hug him, but he answers that question when he pulls in for a bear hug. My gaze shifts to Eleanor, who isn't far away but also seems quite distracted looking at the view, and I walk over to join her.
'I bought champagne. I'm Eleanor by the way' she smiles, passing the bottle to me. Of course I know who she is already and I'm sure she knows that I know, but she introduces herself anyway. I decide that I like her already, just based on her taste in champagne. Louis Roederer Cristal Brut Champagne - very expensive, but one of my favourites.
'Wow thank you! It's so lovely to meet you. I'm Sophie. Did you want a glass?' I ask, guiding her to the kitchen. Harry's house is designed for hosting events like this, with the kitchen conveniently located right near the glass doors. On our way to the kitchen, I spot Maya standing beside Liam. I can tell she's not as interested in the hedge as her boyfriend is, so I give her an easy out and offer her a glass too, forgetting the fact Harry told me she's 19.
'We're on our way to the kitchen to open the bottle, did you want to join?' I ask, displaying the bottle in my hand.
'I'd love to, but I can't drink yet. I'll join you though! And it's Maya' She smiles. I notice she has a beautiful smile, and I decide that I like my new group of girlfriends. While I'll always love Charlotte and Sarah, times are changing and I won't be able to see them as much. Of course we'll talk all the time, but I'm glad the girls I'm guessing I'll be spending a lot of time with, seem so lovely.
'Sorry! I forgot..but please join us anyway! I'm Sophie.' I answer, introducing myself, while Eleanor simultaneously does the same thing. I watch Eleanor turn her head to look at the boys behind us, and she says what we're all thinking.
'Look at all of them..just like brothers. I think we're going to be spending a lot of time together!'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The 'celebratory dinner' went off without a hitch, and we all had a great time. Eleanor, Maya and I spent the nearly whole night laughing and chatting by the firepit, and Eleanor told us old stories from the band. She's the real expert here when it comes to all things One Direction, and it's comforting knowing that Eleanor knows what she's doing. Throughout our conversation, I'd sneak glances at Harry who had the biggest smile plastered on his face the whole night. Sometimes he'd do the same to me, and we'd make eye contact and I'd smile at him for a little longer than I needed to. Maybe it was just the champagne at work, but I started to feel so positive for what was to come.
Once that night was over, reality started to hit. The One Direction team were already stressed enough, organising the events for the 10 year anniversary, and to pile more stress on, they needed to organise a reunion announcement in a month. Usually, something like this would take at least 6 months to plan, but One Direction has been known to break records.
I started to see Harry less than usual, because he'd always be at a meeting or a photoshoot or a fitting, and he said that he didn't want to waste my time by making me come to all these unnecessary events. Deep down I knew he was just too kind to tell me he felt bad to make his assistant slash girlfriend follow his every step on the journey to ending a 5 year long hiatus. I knew this wasn't sustainable and that we'd need to talk about this working arrangement at some point because this isn't how professional relationships work, and our personal one was getting in the way of that. But nonetheless, Harry continued to get busier and busier the closer it came to the 23rd, and so I kept pushing away the conversation.
All this free time when I should've been working, and a frequently empty house or apartment allowed me to dive into focusing on my blog. What initially started as something I hoped would entertain me quickly became a passion, and I found myself focusing more and more on the blog. Slowly, my work started to pay off and I started watching the readers increase with each post.