Alive or just breathing?
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Sooyeon's P.O.V.
The hospital office was as devoid of beauty as I was of hope.
Its walls were simply cream, not peeling or dirty, just cream. There was no decoration at all, save the limp curtain that momentously hid the background behind the glassy window. It was perhaps once the kind of green that reminds people of spring-time and hope, but it's faded so much that the hue was insipid.
The doctor's face was still like a brick. His movements were all sharp and with purpose, he analyzed the chart for a few seconds and looked up with a perfunctory smile flashed for just a moment.
Yet this was the man you both prayed for and never wanted to see in your life. This eminent oncologist had the ability to save but the task of often delivering the death prognosis and estimating the amount of time his patient had left.
That's why I hated hospitals. I always did.
I lost the two people I loved the most in this world in a damn hospital.
And now I wasn't sure if I was going to lose myself as well.
Funny, isn't it?
"So," The doctor finally broke the silence, " I had a look at your test results. As expected, your chest X-rays showed a small number of enlarged lymph nodes and your high white blood cell count has almost doubled in the last few weeks."
I just sat there silently, waiting for him to keep on explaining.
"The good news is that the MUGA scan showed that your heart is functioning okay, as well as your lungs and kidney. It hasn't reached your bones yet, so this will definitely ease the treatment process."
A sudden wave of relief washed through my body. At last there was still some hope left for me.
"I understand." I calmly responded although my posture was as still as a rock and my palms were sweating like crazy.
I had stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
Basically cancer.
I was diagnosed almost three weeks ago and haven't told anyone about it yet.
Not even to my aunt. Not even to Taehyung.
It's because this is all so new to me and so hard to process that I can't find the proper words to say. And I certainly don't want people to pity me either.
It feels as if the entire sky has crumbled down and I have to endure its weight on my shoulder. It feels as if I'm drowning and instead of going up,I'm just being pulled further down.
I cried for days when I found out and I've never felt more scared or hopeless in my entire life but,I realized that if I wanted to be okay again and overcome this,I had to pull myself together and be strong.
"How soon do I need to start my treatment?" I asked as the doctor let out a sigh.
"The sooner, the better chances you have for a successful recovery."
"And how long will it last?"
"I can't say that for sure. Different patients have different responses, some need a longer time and some can recover quite fast. The good thing is that you're still in the early stages. It's normal to feel scared or lost but, you can beat this."
The doctor gave me another reassuring smile as I did the same, although a mixed swirl of emotions were running through me.
I couldn't help but wonder how was my life going to become as of now?
And how would I tell this to Taehyung without breaking our relationship?
***
By the time I got home, sun was setting and enveloped the city in a blanket of purple and orange hue.
The porch light was on, and the familiar yellow glow made the house feel warm and inviting. The metal of the doorknob was cool against my palm and I twisted it with ease, entering the well-lit living room.
My mood was barely keeping it from throwing itself to the trash can and the sour and vile aroma hitting my nose almost instantly put the dots over i.
The harsh scent took me to none other than my boyfriend Taehyung, swirling the can of beer in his hands and another two or three spread across my favorite red carpet.
"Taehyung?" I widened my eyes at the sight of him, his head leaning on the sofa and body all spread on the floor, "What are you doing?"
"Ohhh,look who's here!" He shouted, cheeks flushed pink and his finger pointed at me, " It's Soo...Soo-yeonnie's backkk..."
He slured the words out, his fists now slamming on the table as he tried to gain composure and stand up.
"Why have you been drinking?" I asked in concern as throughout these months of dating Tae, he had never gotten drunk before. Besides, he wasn't even the type to enjoy drinking.
"Sooyeonnie...here..." He giggled like a child, his eyes lost completely in a crescent as he stumbled a few times while making his way towards me.
"Be careful!" I shouted as I let my bag fall to the floor and managed to get a grip of Taehyung's body before he slipped.
"Sooyeonnieee..." He cutely giggled again as he hugged me tight and nuzzled his face onto my neck. I tried keep the balance for both of us but Taehyung was kinda heavy for me to hold, so I slowly walked us towards the couch for support.
" My little Soo..." He said as he lightly kissed my shoulder, "But...why is Soo so lateee? I missed Soo..."
He pouted his lips in a sad manner as I just took a deep breath while finally managing to support his weight on the sofa. I placed my hands over my hips, giving Taehyung a stern look.
"Why did you drink so much? You never drink." I stated as I looked at him. Taehyung just wouldn't stop smiling and playing with his fingers.
"Is Soo mad?" He asked me in his puppy eyes and then looked down apologetically.
"Yes. I'm mad." I answered before crouching down to pick up the empty beer cans. "Tell me , why did you drink?"
"Tae was sad..." He trailed off, " Tae was sad because Rinnie is mean to him."
"Harin?" I asked and he nodded his head feverishly, "Did you drink because of....her?"
He nodded his head again while whining like a child.
He drank because of Harin? What exactly happened that affected him this much?
Taehyung's not this kind of person. We've fought in the past too and he's never done such thing.
"Rinnie doesn't like Tae anymore..." He placed both his palms over his face, completely covering it while letting out small sobs. I walked to his side and leaned down to his eye level, gently stroking his head.
"That's not true, Harin really loves you. You're her only brother." I spoke and he peeped one of his eyes out of his hand.
"Really?" He asked as I chuckled and nodded my head. " Tae likes Rinnie too...he likes her this muchhhhh...." He open his arms wide open while giggling cutely.
"I know." I softly answered as he unexpectedly wrapped his arms around my neck, bringing my face closer to his.
"Tae likes Soo too..." He mumbled through his lips as I gently chuckled and caressed his cheek. Taehyung let out a satisfied growl,his bright smile plastered in his face.
"I like you too." I answered back and gave him a small peck in the forhead.Then,I stood up while Taehyung completely collapsed back to the couch with an exhausting sigh and began to doze off , " Let's get you to bed first."
I tried pulling him back up as he finally gave in and reluctantly forced himself to stand in his feet.
After a few minutes,I managed to bring him to my bedroom and make him sit on the bed. His green shirt had wet marks of beer and sweat all over so it would be best to change him into something clean.
Luckily, he had a few blouses laying around here as I quickly grabbed the fresh black one and removed the dirty one off his body.
"If you wanted to see me naked, all you have to do is ask." He spoke unexpectedly clear and coherent, and raspier than usual. He seemed to have totally forgotten his childish behavior just mere minutes ago.
"Trust me, I don't." I scoffed and focused my eyes on his blouse. Taehyung flashed me one of those signature half smiles I loved and shifted closer to me.
"You smell good," He slowly leaned in and smelled my perfume, "Really good..."
I was trying not to get sidetracked at our close proximity, but I couldn't help it. He was making it difficult for me to finish dressing him with all those silly movements.
"Taehyung,not now.You're drunk." I said dismissing his statement as I reached down to take off his socks so he wouldn't feel so hot anymore.
He just smiled and inclined in again, snuffling the crook of my neck.
"And you're so warm," Tae rested his forehead on my shoulder and I felt his arms drape around my lower body. He respired deeply, his shoulders unfolding as he relaxed his entire body against me.
This made no sense right now but, after what I went through today, I really need to have him hug me like this. I needed him to hold me and make me feel better.
"You feel nice." He said, causing me to shudder at the rumble of his voice against me. I bit down on my bottom lip gently, and removed his arms from around me.
"Tae please, you need to get some sleep now." I insisted. His smiled faded, his expression grew deep. His eyes stared intently back at me and then travelled down to my lips, slowly he reached forward and pushed away a loose strand of my hair.
"I really want to kiss you.." He gazed at my lips as I lightly chuckled and pushed him back to bed.
"You can kiss me all you want when you're sober okay?" I smiled as he pouted his lips and obediently laid his head on the pillow, immediately drifting off to dreamland. I pulled the blanket over his body as his light snores filled the silence of the room.
I couldn't help but snicker at his cute expression.
Then,I decided to let him sleep and quietly left the room,heading back to the living room to fix the mess.
After cleaning everything up, I hopped on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
Weirdly enough, I felt a few droplets of tears escape my eyes and roll down my cheek. I didn't even understand why I was suddenly crying like an idiot.
I reached for the phone on my jacket and scrolled through my contact list until my aunt's name popped up. I dialed her, waiting for her to pick up. And it didn't take long.
"Aunty..." I spoke in a trembling voice while trying to hold back my tears.
"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" Her voice soft and loving, "Is everything okay?"
"Aunty..." I said again,this time I couldn't prevent my tears from falling, she had heard me too.
"Oh God, Sooyeon! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Her voice went completely in panic mode as I could imagine her worried face.
"Aunty,I...I really need you right now..."
"What happened my little one? You're worrying me."
"Aunty," I spoke as I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears,
"I need to tell you something."
♧♧♧
Hey my lovies❤Hope you're doing okay! Sorry for taking this long and for not happening much in this chapter but the following ones will have some drama in it...I assure you hehehe
Anyway, please be careful and take care of yourself! I love you💜