His chubby hands doodled excitedly on the paper. Crayons of various colors strewn carelessly around the boy. Not far from him, an identical boy with dark hair is also focusing in coloring on his own piece of paper. He scooted closer to the boy and they giggled childishly as they compared their piece of art. Their eyes bright with innocence and excitement as their hands continue their work on the paper.
Later, a blonde woman smiled warmly at the drawing they presented to her. Happiness radiated from her blue eyes just like sun itself. A dark-haired man ruffled their heads affectionately and he directed a proud grin at the boys. A grin that made them lightly blushed as they sported the same grin to their father figure. A pair of red eyes soften at the sight of them. Happiness brimming in his chest and threatened to burst out, a feeling he never experienced in hundreds of years.
Two pieces of paper combined into a complete drawing. A blonde woman with a blonde boy is holding hands with a black-haired man and a black-haired boy when put side to side. All of them beaming brightly in childish scribbles, uneven lines of hair and clothes. The color of the house when slightly beyond the lines as doodles of trees and flowers completed the landscape. The sun is shining warmly in the paper above the blue sky. A perfect happy family with no problems.
No secrets.
***
He wished he could turn back time. To the past when he was still a child. An oblivious, innocent child.
When his ignorance is truly a greatest bliss.
***
The two boys peered excitedly into the crib. Their faces flushed with excitement as they observed their newborn sisters blinking owlishly at them. Confusion is clear in their tiny red jeweled eyes as they stared back at their big brothers. The dark-haired boy curiously poked the blonde baby's chubby cheek, marveled at her soft skin as he pulled his hand away. He beamed when the baby smiled at the gentle touch. His brother observed the interaction before his own curiosity and envy gnawed on him. The blonde boy experimentally stroked the dark-haired baby tiny fist with his finger. The infant grabbed the digit tightly and waved it excitedly as she gurgled happily at the boy.
Not far from them, their mother rested comfortably on the couch as she chuckled at her children's antics. She leaned against her husband, still exhausted and weary after giving birth a few days ago. Her husband stroked her head lovingly as he observed the boys' delight in playing around with their new siblings. Careful to make sure every touch of his sons did not hurt the fragile newborns. In the pastel nursery, the woman and man felt the most complete and happy with their new family with them.
Then, the babies sneezed. Their thickly pajamas-clad bodies shivered at the slight winter air. The boys panicked, turning immediately to their parents for help. Their anxiety slightly amused the married couple.
"It seems like we forgot the blankets for the babies. Why don't you take it from the wardrobe in our room, Emrys?" suggested Lucas.
The boy nodded excitedly at the order, delighted to ease his sisters. Then, Athanasia pulled her husband's sleeve in panic and Lucas immediately understood her worry about the secret in their room. He quickly stopped the boy.
"Wait. Let me take it. You might search the wrong area and take the napkins, instead." Lucas joked as he pulled the boy back into the room and exited the room.
Emrys grumbled as Athanasia sighed in relief. Next to the crib, a blonde boy watched the whole interaction in silence. Confused at his parents' shared enigmatic glances. However, he immediately forgot about it when the babies sneezed again.
A few more years, Arius will be reminded about the incident and finally understood the anxious gazes of his parents at the moment.
***
He wished he never found the picture and letters. He wished his parents were there to stop him from entering their room that day. He wished that he and his twin weren't so nosy to snoop around their wardrobe.
He wished he never the truth about his lineage.
***
Arius peeked quietly into the room just outside the door. It was in the middle of the night and a few days have passed since he discovered what is hidden in the always locked part of wardrobe. His siblings were all in deep sleep when he suddenly woke up from his slumber. The truth is still shaking his core and he dreamed of bloody crowns, terrifying nooses and a pair of cold jeweled eyes so similar to his own. He decided to take a glass of water to calm down and hopefully to go back to sleep when he heard the sobs and sniffs from the main room.
There on the floor, his mother was kneeling with the letters and picture held closely against her chest. His father was right beside her, hugging and calming her. Both of them didn't notice his presence at all.
"What do we do now, Lucas? The kids...they shouldn't know about this. They shouldn't know that their mother is a traitor to the empire. How can I gaze into the boys' eyes anymore after this?" Amidst her sobs, Athanasia struggled to let out her words from her throat. Her tears falling freely from her eyes.
She succeeded in feigning her calm for these few days. Acting as if nothing had happened, much less the girls will notice the subtle tension between her mother and brothers. She treated her sons just like before despite their unusual silence about the matter. Thinking that they need some time to accept the truth that they are related to the one of the most powerful imperial family and the fact that their mother is actually a criminal in the run.
Truthfully, she was scared. She was afraid to see the disgust in her children's eyes. The same look imprinted in the eyes of the people who she helped before at her execution. She was anxious that if her family will turn their backs on her again and she knew if her sons ever decided to leave her, not even Lucas can comfort her this time.
"They shouldn't have the burden of knowing their mother's dark and unworthy past."
Lucas opened his mouth to answer but Arius left before hearing it. As he laid down on the bed, an arm covering his eyes, he struggled to contain the heat behind his eyes and the dark feeling that dangerously seeped into his chest towards the Obelia imperial family.
***
He wished he didn't hear the sorrow and pain in his mother's voice. He prayed numerous times that the hatred never settled in his heart to the empire that pushed Athanasia's self-esteem to the dirt that she entertained the thought of her own children betraying her. Because no matter who his mother is -a criminal, an imperial traitor, a princess, a whore, whatever- she should know that his love and loyalty will be hers no matter what happen.
He wished the desire to avenge his mother never appeared in his mind. The need to punish those who wronged and broke Athanasia into pieces of herself never planted itself in his very soul.
***
He was 16 when someone noticed the subtle darkness in his eyes. The burning hatred in his body. The flames of rage suppressed tightly in the depths of his mind, perfectly concealed by his ever friendly smiles.
His employer, Mr. Cadoc, was the one who reached out to him after the closing the bar. It was one of the nights when Emrys had to call in sick for having a cold, after playing around the rain carelessly with their sisters. At least, Attheia and Eva have the sense to wear their raincoats and umbrellas before diving into the rain. Arius decided that the saying of 'idiots can't catch a cold' was proven wrong when his twin started to flush from fever. He happily relayed his conclusion to Emrys and was rewarded with curses from his sick twin, which he simply laughed it off. Not in the least offended by the vulgar words.
He was leisurely polishing a glass when the former warrior took a seat in front of him. His old and experienced eyes observed his movements carefully.
"Is there something weighting on your mind, kid?" asked the older man with concern.
The blonde paused before looking confusedly at his employer. His default smile automatically on his lips. "Not really. Do I look bothered by something, Mr. Cadoc?"
"No, you don't. However, if there something wrong you know you can confide in me, right? Afterall, we can't never guess what is going on in someone's head," answered the burly man casually as he placed his chin on his hand. His eyes still following the youth's movements behind the counter.
"I told you that I'm alright, sir. Don't worry too much about it." Arius responded hastily as uncomfortable feeling increased inside him. The old man sometimes was too observant to be true. Even his parents can never guess the thick resentment he harbored to the empire.
The two enveloped in silence before the bar owner finally sighed.
"Arius."
The boy quickly turned to face the man, startled by the sternness in the use of his name.
"I had fought many wars. I engaged in many battles in my youth and I encountered many types of people in the battlefield. And I am certain that I had found many people with that look in your eyes. Those who had lost hope in the future and used their anger to live out the rest of their lives. Those who seeks revenge on those who killed their family. The eyes that had given up on the world."
Arius refused to meet the man's eyes and was staring quite intensely at the wooden counter. The former warrior continued in his soft and gentle voice when the teenager listened quietly.
"You are a kind and sensitive boy, Arius. You cared for others' feelings and always think before you speak. Unlike Emrys, who expressed his mind without much thought. But you are being too hard on yourself. I understand the responsibility as the oldest child more than you think. The one who will be the first to be responsible for your parents and siblings will be you. They will lean on you. They will expect more from you. But don't let the responsibility cloud your mind when you are still young. Your parents are still healthy to carry out their duties for your sake. Be as selfish as you can at this age. Think about yourself. Don't take on burdens too big for your small shoulders to carry."
The wise words continued, "The kindest are the ones who will fall the deepest, Arius. They can hold as much darkness as they used to hold kindness in themselves. Believe me, these people made the mistake of loving others more than themselves that when they finally broke, the worst ending is waiting for them. They fought the hardest battles within themselves until they can't take it anymore. There is a worse end than death. It is when you let the demons inside you take control until you don't recognize yourself anymore. Don't let the temptations of revenge consumed you and you will be able to live happily."
"How to stop it then?" inquired a quiet voice. The older man noted that the voice sounds so young. So desperate and he can only see an innocent child. A child burdened with the mistakes of the past when he wasn't even born.
"It is to forgive. Forgive yourself and forgive others. Forgive and move on. Start a new fresh chapter of your life. Magic or not, a human's life is too short to blame your and others' mistakes. Treasure the every moment of your life. Don't let others' stupidity take it away from you. You deserve to live in peace just like everyone else." The kind man ruffled the blonde's head in fatherly affections. "Reach out your hand to others. Other people won't know your problems if you didn't share it. The helping hand will always be there to support you. Your family will always be there for you."
***
How did it become like this? What had happened to him? Did Mr. Cadoc's words back then didn't leave any trace in his mind? His heart?
How did he become this cold person from his once innocent self?
No. Mr. Cadoc's words had affected him then. Ever since then, he was always wavering. Always questioning. His family is fine on their own. Unbothered by the past, they are living perfectly as a happy family at their modest home in countryside. They are happy. He is happy. The act of revenge will just waste his time he could spend with his family. It is unnecessary.
But his darkest thoughts are always there. Lurking silently at the deepest corner of his mind, threatening to corrupt his whole being once more. The summon from the imperial palace is the final push to finally free it out. A golden chance for him to see with his own eyes the family who was willing to slaughter their own kin without any fair judgement. A family related to him by the blood in his veins and jeweled eyes.
He accepted the invitation wholeheartedly. He disguised his intention to closely observe the Emperor as a matter to pass his time. A thing simply to ease his boredom. He assured himself that he will just observe, heal the Emperor and go home. Their whatever family problems are things that didn't concern him at all. At the very least, he will prank them in immature things before leaving the imperial grounds forever.
But the moment he laid his eyes on the imperial family, his rage struggled to contain itself before lashing out. A severely cursed Emperor(he will never admit the man as his grandfather ever), a princess who barely even a proper human, a consort doomed to his father's and wife's words for the rest of his life, a stupid, shameless powerlust duke and a walking corpse. A pathetic bunch who called themselves the highest people in the mighty Obelia Empire.
To think his family is forced to hide their existence from these people made him want to laugh his ass off.
Ah, he forgot to include the pitiful excuse of a countess in the mix.
When Emrys finally cornered their undead granduncle, he froze him in the coldest spell in his arsenal. A spell that expressed his frosty feelings towards the whole imperial family. Every time he felt the need to scream their true relation in Claude's face each time he joined him for tea. When he held himself from shaking Jennette vigorously, demanding answers why she didn't beg the Emperor to spare his mother back then. The need to punch Ezekiel's face, so obvious in his attraction to Athanasia each time he compared him to 'a smart person he once loved', yet so useless even with power in his hands. The urge he suppressed to torture Roger, who look down at him every time they encountered, as if a commoner like him is way beneath the ground beneath his polished shoes.
Words cannot describe how much he hates all of them.
But he can't deny that he hates himself the most.
When he once again in the crossroads, he once again picked the path he will regret. He has the choice to simply let the curse ruined Claude to his death, to let Anastacius hold the reign again. He has the choice to ignore everything. The empire is going to ruin itself in the near future without his interference anyway. But the hatred burned hotly against his reason. The fall of the empire is not enough to punish the ones who pushed for his mother's tragedy. The ones who forced his family to live in the shadows. Unable to go out without covering their cursed eyes all the time. Forced to hide their true selves from the rest of community. Forever hiding the secret of their lineage from the world.
At first, he just intended for Anastacius' demise. He has no intention to reveal Jennette 's secret and Roger's sneaky plot to control the royal family. He never thought that the revelation of Anastacius still living will trigger the others' secrets to be revealed as well. He broke Claude's curse so he can live in regret for the rest of his life. To see Claude destroy himself will satisfy his sadistic pleasure more than enough. He never thought that restoring Claude's magic will allow the Emperor to clearly see the black magic in Jennette's body and Anastacius' dark magic around the Alpheus mansion. He underestimated Claude's magic, disregarding the rumors of his power as he refused to believe such powerful person could fall so low due to a curse.
In the end, all three of them are executed except for Ezekiel, saved due to the fact he was under Jennette's black magic influence. Countess Rosalia, even though spared from death, faced the worst fate. Expelled from the empire as a tribute to a clan in the north where the weather claimed the lives of thousands each year and the never ending of clansmen's lust which broke even more of women's lives. In other words, she was send as a prostitute to the head of the clan.
He hates that he was the reason for their deaths. He hates that he didn't feel any remorse for their demise. He hates that he was satisfied to see Claude's broken and empty self. He hates that he came from a bloodline filled with slaughter of their own blood.
He hates the fact that he is no different from the ones he swore he will never become.
***
Author's note: I dedicated this chapter to all my sisters and brothers who once gone through this kind of situation Arius is going. For all of you who didn't understand, even though I always portrayed Arius as one who takes after Lucas, his heart is as kind as Athanasia's. He placed too much expectations on himself as the oldest child. He has a twisted sense of responsibility that he needs to avenge his mother for her past.
However, after Mr. Cadoc reached out to him, he began to question himself whether his revenge is unnecessary or not. He accepted that his family will live happily together with the past behind them but the thought of it never completely disappear from his mind because it can only vanish when his family comfort him about it. He needs to hear that 'it's okay' and 'you'll be fine without it' from Lucas and Athanasia. Yet, they never did notice the assurance he needs so badly.
We must remember, Athy is still quite broken and fragile after enduring years of abandoment and mental abuse from her execution and she cannot take any further burdens on her emotional state as she only focus the happiness her new family provides. Lucas, on the other hand, had experienced YEARS of loneliness and are ignorant of the concept of familial love and taking care of each other. The only love he ever received are in the short period of his relationship with Athy and his family compared to his more longer lifespan. That's why they didn't and couldn't identify Arius' depression as they believed he is just as cheerful as he always been in the outside.
I don't know if I delivered this type of thing well enough in this chapter so I apologized if I made a mistake. I listened to the Citizen Soldier's songs alot when I was typing away at this chapter. For those who thought that no one cares about you and is battling your own demons, I suggested you to listen to them. It might not be help much but I, myself feel a little better that there are someone out there knows and care when I battled my own demons in my head.
I hope all of you are leading a happy life with your loved ones. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy everyone!