**disclaimer: suicidal thoughts!**
"No no no no!". I screamed as I woke up from my dream, well nightmare. I look around me and found myself in my own room. I had managed to escape from Taehyung embrace last night after he fell asleep and left to my own room.
I have a huge headache from crying last night. After I went to my room last night and locked my door and laid down in bed, I cried for hours upon hours until I fell asleep at 6 am. I looked at my clock on the wall and saw that it was only 8:30 am, that means I have only slept for 2 and a half hours.
My nightmare was about me and my mom getting into a car crash and as I woke up, I hoped it was all a dream but I quickly made the realization that it really happened.
My mom is dead, she is really not here anymore. Wait she is really not here anymore. Omg, omg, omg she isn't here anymore. The real realization of her not being here has finally processed into my head, and I can't get it out of my head. I'm alone, I lost her.
Who is the one who is really going to take care of me now, with love, not hate? I'm forced to live with the Kims as Mr Kim is my legal guardian and I know for sure I'm not going to get the love I want in this house hold.
I need to find my freedom, away from them all.
My mom is dead because of Mr Kim, he is in the mafia. She is dead because the one who shot my mom is a rival of Mr Kim.
'But what if Mr Kim hadn't anything to do with it?'. My mind spoke. 'No why are you picking Mr Kims side, he is the bad man here!'. My mind started arguing again for the hundredth time. 'You can't just blame it on someone because you don't like them'.
That's right maybe it's my fault she is dead, I told her we should go home earlier, I drove us of to the abyss. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have driven us off the road. It's a mistake I will always regret.
Omg, it's my fault. My mom is dead because of me. I killed her.
I killed my mom.
I put my hands trough my hair as I was sitting curled up with my knees up. Tears started leaving my eyes again.
I killed her. I made us drive off the cliff. Because of these thoughts I started breathing heavily. I'm a murderer.
O gosh, o gosh, o gosh, I killed my mother. I'm the worst child to ever exist.
"I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to kill you". I sobbed stressed out. Did I really kill her? Do I have blood on my hands?
'No you didn't kill her! You panicked, you did what you had to and tried to save her to the very last moment! Don't blame yourself'. My own mind scolded me.
I'm going crazy again. I need to get these thoughts off my mind.
I started getting out of bed as I decided to take a shower, this will help clear my mind.
As I walked into my bathroom, I saw my reflection in the mirror and saw that I was wearing a black shirt. Oh shit, I'm wearing Taehyungs shirt. Ieuw, ieuw, ieuw. As soon as that realization came to my head I took of his shirt as fast as the speed of light.
'Gosh girl, wear your own clothes'. My mind spoke.
"Okay stop overthinking, take a damn shower". I scolded myself as I prevented myself to get an inside argument again.
After I had taken a shower I was still having huge headaches, itchiness and cramps. The headache comes because I have cried myself in my own body weight, the itchiness is because of the wounds I got from the accident and the cramps is because my monthly friend is still around. The pain is too much to handle, I need some kind of medication or painkillers to lessen the pain. I looked around in my cupboard but I think I already ran out of them.
I remember that I saw painkillers in the kitchen yesterday as I was looking for a heating pack. I need to get them if I want to survive this day, or maybe I don't want to survive this day, but at least I'm not in pain.
I then got some clothes from my closet and put them on before leaving my room.
As I was walking trough the hallway and down the stairs, I realized something. I'm living in the house me and my mom moved too when she married Mr Kim. Mr Kim, the boss of a mafia gang, I'm walking trough the hallways of a cold hearted mafia boss.
The main thought that went trough my mind was my moms death that I didn't even had the time to process that the Kims are REALLY, like really, in the mafia. Which means that they actually do illegal things, like dealing drugs, having illegal weapons, possessing black money and killing people.
And the worse thing is that my mom knew about it, she took me into this drama. Maybe it's her fault that she's dead. 'No it's not! She can't choose who she falls in love with, it's faith'. I got scolded by myself again.
I stood still in the middle of the stairs, do I even dare to show my face around in this house? I have said horrible things towards Seokjin, I have ruined Jimins room and made him get a hard one, I made Jungkook mad because I wasn't listening to him and disrespected him, I made Hoseok mad by having a big mouth, I made Taehyung hate me, I got into discussions with Namjoon and I made Yoongi annoyed and embarrassed by buying period products with him.
I dug my own grave very, very deep into the ground.
Out of frustration I slandered myself off the stairs and trough the hallway.
"Good morning Miss Y/n". I heard Miss A say happily as we crossed ways. I looked up annoyed by her happy voice. Miss A made a shocked expression as she looked at my face. "Y/n-ssi, you look white". Miss A said as she put her hand on my forehead. "You are glowing, let me get you something". Miss A said, but before she could do something I interrupted her.
"Miss A you can take today off". I told her as I bit my underlip and started making my way to the kitchen again.
Miss A looked at me with a confused expression. "But, but, I already used all my vacation days for this year". She said.
"I said take the day off". I told her a bit rude. She is a really nice and caring person, but she reminds me of my mom so I don't want to see her around for now.
"Sorry, I can only take the day off when I have permission from Mr Kim". Miss A told me.
"I said take the freaking day off!". I said madly as she didn't listen to me after the second time. Miss A was shocked by my reaction. "...I'm- I'm sorry". I said apologetic because of my outburst, I shouldn't out my sadness to her. "Don't worry you will still get paid". I told her.
Miss A gave a small thankful nod, she is probably still confused by my out burst. "Oh, Y/n-ssi can you tell your mom, that I have put the missing papers she was looking for in a red folder in the library?". Okay I like this woman but, I can't take it anymore, why did she had to mention my mom?
"She's dead". I told her straight forward, she has to get to know one way or another.
Miss A was quiet for a few seconds as she was shocked by the news. "W-what?" Miss A said in a low voice. Tears started leaving my eyes as I started thinking about her again.
As soon as Miss A saw me crying, she came to me and hugged me tightly. "O- o god, I'm sorry. I- I didn't know that". She said apologetic. "Sweaty, don't cry". Miss A said as she wiped away my tears as I saw one escape from her eyes too. I knew that Miss A liked my mom, she is probably also a bit touched by this.
I noticed that Miss A helt in her urge to ask me what happened, but luckily she didn't ask the question.
I stoped Miss A from wiping away more tears, by softly taking her wrist and pushing it away. "Spent your free day wisely". I told her and this time really left to go to the kitchen.
I heard Miss A sniff once end then heard her walk away to the front door. I entered the kitchen and walked to the kitchen island, I opened a drawer and looked trough it but it didn't had any medicine. Then I opened another one but that one was filled with silverware, I know for sure it was in one of these drawers.
I closed the drawer and wanted to open the next one but a sudden cramp popped up so I looked for support with one hand on the countertop and with the other hand I covered my stomach. "Aahw". I said in pain.
I have never had such painful cramps in my life before. Usually my periods aren't as bad as this one, but I think the lack of sleep, my wounds from the accident and the anxiety of my moms passing adds up to it all.
Why did I have to be born as a girl? Life would have been a hundred times easier if I was a boy, then I would've whooped my stepbrothers asses a long time ago.
As I recovered from the pain, I looked up to the countertop on the other side of the kitchen island. My eyes were fixated on a wooden block next to the sink witch is filled with sharp cutting knifes.
What if I just end my life? It will stop the pain, it will save me from a miserable life, I can go to my mom and dad.
This sounds as a great idea to me. I can just end it. There is no one here that cares about me. I straightened myself and started walking towards the wooden block.
As I stood in front of the sink, I reached out for one of the black grips sticking form the wooden block. "What are you doing?". I heard a voice say behind me. I quickly turned around and my eyes widened as I saw two persons standing in front of me.
Why do they have to ruin my plan? I was this close to being free. "Now, are you going to tell us?". Yoongi asked as I didn't answer him.
Am I going to answer him back? Am I not? My stepbrothers have told me multiple times that I'm a really bad lier, so if I tell them a lie, they will know I'm not telling the truth.
And what will they do to me if they find out what I was about to do? They could probably just lock me up in a basement somewhere deep in the woods, I can bet on it that they have a dark basement somewhere in the woods.
Okay new plan: Get the painkillers and get your ass back into your room. As I had made my new plan, I started walking back towards the drawers on the other side of the kitchen but was stopped by Namjoon as he held me by my upper arm.
"She looks white". Namjoon said and did the same thing as Miss A did by puts his hand on my forehead. "I think she has a fever, she is even whiter then you are". Namjoon said to Yoongi.
"Let me see". Yoongi said as he gripped my chin in his quiet big hand while analyzing me. "She does look white". Yoongi said and put his other hand on my forehead.
It's like their talking about me as if I'm not even here. I got Yoongi's hands and pushed them away as I started making my way to the drawers again. But right after I took a few steps, I felt the same hands pulling me back to my spot.
"Where are you going?". Namjoon said with an obtuse tone. I'm not going to talk to them because in one way or another, I'm going to make them mad again. And this time I don't even dare to open my mouth as I now know that they kill people on a living. I'm sure Mr Kim bought this house with the money he made by killing people.
So for my own safety, I just tried to wiggle my arm out of Namjoons grip. But this whole mafia thing probably also explains why they are also strong, which leads me to having no change against them. Namjoon just shot me a glare, before looking over me towards Yoongi, who is standing behind me.
"Do you think her wounds are cleaned properly? Maybe they got infected". Namjoon said to Yoongi, as he looked over me. Okay and now they are acting like they care?! The can lick my freaking ass. Who do they suddenly think they are? Don't act like you care about me as I know you don't.
"No, I don't think that's the problem. They were cleaned by an experienced nurse". Yoongi said and stood beside Namjoon to look at me again. As he took a quick look over me he started speaking again. "I think it's because of other things. She kinda looks afraid, tired, anxious and uhmm.. A bit depressive? I think the events that happened last night have had a hard impact on her". Yoongi analyzed me. And who are you Yoongi? Did you suddenly become a doctor, huh? "I think someone should measure her temperature and that she should rest until she becomes better". Yoongi said.
They are still talking as if I'm not standing right in front of them, not that I mind, I don't want anything to do with them anyways.
This makes me put to think. Am I really sick? I didn't look that bad when I was in my bathroom.
Well I don't really care, any change for me to escape from them will do, even if that means getting a fever higher then 109 degrees. Again I wiggled my arm out of Namjoons grip and walked past them.
This time I didn't get stoped by one of them as I walked to the drawer. I opened the third drawer and saw the container with painkillers.
I got the container out of the drawer and put it in the front pocket of my sweater. I then turned around and walked out of the kitchen without giving a glance at the two boys standing in the kitchen.
"I better see you resting in your bed if I look for you!". I hear Yoongi say from the kitchen as I passed the dining room.
"I better see you in your grave the next time I see you". I said to myself as I walked up the stairs.
What did they suddenly become? Not only is Yoongi a mafia member but he suddenly has a doctor license huh? I want to scream out at them that they should just mind their own freaking business, but I mean would it really make a difference? They will always keep doing the things they want, rather I like it or not. So why should I give them a reaction, as I know that's what they want?
Well for now I just have to suck it up.
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(A/n)
Yeah, this chapter kinda sucks.. sorry guys.
And thank you guys, all my uploaded chapters have over 1K views, thanks.