We tend to forget that those whom we call abnormal, or disabled, are also human. They lead a life just like we do; with families, and friends around them.
Sometimes I feel like they handle even more than we do, as they deal with hardships in their way. Sure! They do require quite the attention, but that never means that they don't give us theirs in return. We have to notice and understand their ways of expressing themselves.
Knowing the truth made me perceive the two sisters in a different light. The video broke me, in the same way, it built something in me. I might be misunderstanding, or reading into her actions more than I should, but I can't help but see it all as love.
Lilly said her byes to Jasmine while I was watching the video right outside of the ward, later on, she left the city. It must've been hard for her, looking at her sister and realizing what she had lost with her hatred; what her envy deprived her and her sister of. She must hate herself now, yet none of us can save her from her guilt, as each of us deals with the severe consequences of what she had done.
Upon her leaving, I felt the extreme need to latch onto Jasmine. I had no desire to leave. I wanted to fill my eyes with her, maybe I feared her disappearance, and maybe I was afraid something would happen and I wouldn't be there for her. I wanted to protect her, and I knew that it was due to the knowledge I have come to acquire in this very short time.
The truth that Jasmine was not like this when she was born, hurts me. The fact that her sister was the cause hurts even more. When her sister dived into her jealousy and hatred, Jasmine cared enough to go crazy when she believed she had lost her.
I closed the window and let the drapes down when I noticed Jasmine slowly drifting off to dreamland. The mild lavender scent filled the room, soothing my heart as I sat by her bed and watched her body relaxing, making sure she doesn't move around and pull the IV fluid and hurt herself.
After a few minutes of silence, I caught my mind playing different scenarios of how it could have been.
How we could have met.
How we could have fallen in love?
It even went far to imagine our wedding, our kids...
Us growing old...
I was taken by surprise when a knock obviated my daydream. I turned and glanced at the door, to find Jasmine's mother opening it slightly; just enough to get her head in and check on her daughter before she asked me in a whisper "How is she?"
"She's good. She was a little annoyed with the pain when she moved, but she is handling it well" I murmured, as I rose from my spot and walked to the door, pulling it wide open "Get in"
"Thank you, Toby. You must be tired, yet you are here accompanying her"
"Not a bit. I want to stay with her." I gazed at Jasmine sleeping with a slightly opened mouth, her hair was everywhere and her hands up, like she was at a gunpoint... Couldn't help but think that it was adorable. Every single day, the urgency to just cuddle with her tightly in my arms was growing inside of me. But I kept myself in check, not to cross the line with her in any way or form, even when she was looking this cute and tempting in front of me.
Her mother and I sat beside her in silence, the only sound filling the room were her small sighs generated through her mom's caresses.
"Don't blame yourself, Toby. This is on us." her words took me off-guard.
"Huh?.." I smiled at her "I'm alright, don't worry about me"
She nodded "Good...*sigh*"
There was more that she wanted to say, I can tell. But I don't know if I should push her to say it...
I don't know if I'm ready to hear it.
"Lilly told us that you know about everything now." She started.
"Yeah" I hope it's not going where I think it is.
"Do you... Blame us?"
It is going straight that way...
"No"
She gave me a fake smile, not believing what I said, before that stretch her lips were in disappeared and a serious line replaced it. "She told you her part of the story, a part that will make you hate her for what she has done. Except, as parents, we are the main and sole reason for all of this. We treated Jasmine way better than Lilly, she was more intelligent, kind, and caring and we couldn't help it. We knew how violent Lilly got, we saw the bruises and we witnessed a couple of their fights so we never left them alone... Until that day..." Her hand stopped the caresses as she pulled it away to lay it on her knee. Her eyes averted from Jasmine's face to the ground by her feet.
"We got a call from the police saying that there was a fire in my brother's workplace and that they needed us to verify if he was one of the bodies that they had found, as there-... In a very bad state..." she closed her eyes and breathed in and out, slowly and loudly, before she spoke again. "I left in a hurry, and their dad followed behind saying that he couldn't leave me alone to deal with it. He knew I needed support. We couldn't take the girls with us to such a place so we called our old neighbors to keep them company, they agreed but they never showed up... and the rest, you know it"
I lifted my arm to let my hand squeeze and pat her upper arm and shoulder in what I intended to be a comforting touch. However, actions are not enough, words needed to be used too. "It's not your fault, you did your best; you made sure to call for someone to watch over them. They were the ones to not show up. And we can't blame them, they must have had their reason... No one could have thought that things would turn out to be this way"
She agreed "I know.." she smiled at me before wiping her tears away "I know" she repeated.
"And... We can't blame Lilly, even though she did what should have never been done. But she was a kid, and a very envious one... I guess, we can say it was Jasmine's destiny. It was how her story developed, no one could've stopped it" I turned my attention back to the laying beauty and from the side of my vision I can tell that her mom did the same.
She nodded "We just have to accept it"
"Yeah. We just have to accept it"
I felt her studying me before she spoke again "I'm glad her story had you in it"
Turning and Looking her in the eyes, after her heartwarming statement, I found relief in them. I smiled weakly but sincerely "I'm glad her story had me"
I turned to Jasmine when she arched her back and twisted, moaning in pain. I was up on my feet in a second, held her hand and waist, and pulled her back to lay fully on her back.
I saw her. I took her in full, with the healing cuts and bruises. Her presence with me healed my heart as much as her state ruined it.
The little girl that followed me in the busy streets.
The little girl that held my shirt tightly.
The little girl that ate nuts when she had allergies.
The little girl that pouted and fought when she was angry.
The little girl that jumped and shared my joy when I got my opportunity.
The woman that I fell in love with.
I'm glad it was me, you met... I'm glad I wore that watch that day.
Her mother's hand held mine squeezing it "Listen, we're not trying to put pressure on you, Toby. We just think that you deserve to know what you are getting yourself into... This is her truth."
"And I fairly accept it"
What we also forget, is that when you meet a person, no matter who and in what condition, you meet an incomplete story. And when you are carrying a story of your own, your stories collide. They affect each other and they add much more events; that you never thought could happen.
But what matters here, is not the change of your story, nor the reality of theirs. What matters is your will to write a new one with them.
So.
Are you willing to make a story?
Because I; Toby Finley, am.