"Summer! Are you still there? Male-late na tayo,"tanong ni Gerica sa kabilang linya, I'm in a group call with my friends.
I rolled my eyes. Ang aga-aga pa pero gusto na nilang pumasok. I don't get the excitement of first days. It only means more hell days to cry for.
"I'm getting ready," tamad na tamad na sabi ko habang nakatingin sa salamin at inaayos ang sarili.
"Good! I'm super ready to meet new people!" maingay na tili ni Rosea.
Huh. If only things were like how they used to be, maybe I'll get the same excitement they feel.
Ngayon, ang tanging nararamdaman ko ay takot at kaba. Takot sa pakikitungo sa akin ng mga tao at kaba para sa mga salitang ibabato nila.
Ang bilis ng pag-ikot ng mundo. First thing, you're up there receiving all you could ever ask for, then you'll be down there being pulled by filthy hands on dirt.
Walang gana kong sinara ang pinto ng kwarto at wala sa sariling tinungo ang daan pababa ng hagdan.
"Aly, breakfast?" aya sa akin ni dad gamit ang second name ko. Prenteng naka-upo ito sa hapag-kainan kasama si mom.
I almost scoffed at the thought. The last thing I want to do is share a table with them.
"I'll just grab a coffee on my way," tanggi ko para hindi na humaba pa ang usapan.
Dire-diretso lamang ang lakad ko palabas nang hindi sila tinatapunan ng kahit isang tingin. Of course, it's a lie, I just don't want to sit with them.
"Ang kapal ng mukha! Nagawa pa ring pumasok?"
"Parang wala lang sa kanya ang ginawa niya."
"It looks like she's not even affected. What a slut."
Ilan lamang sa bulungan at mapangutyang tawanan ang bumati sa akin pagkatapak na pagkatapak ko pa lamang sa unibersidad na ito.
Huh. That's first day for me! Cheers!
Matapang kong ibinabalik ang tingin ng mga mapanghusgang matang nakakasalubong ko. Kahit magtitigan pa kami rito ay hindi ko sila aatrasan.
Suot ang isang white tank top at white flared pants partnered with an oversized bright yellow varsity jacket, taas noo kong tinahak ang daan patungo kung nasaan ang aking mga kaibigan.
Hindi dapat ako ang umiwas. Hindi ako ang may kasalanan sa mga kaguluhang ito. Avoiding their gazes will only make me look guilty!
"Summer! Here!" sigaw ni Rosea habang kumakaway-kaway para ipakita kung nasaan sila.
Putting my pink tote bag down, I sat right across Gerica. We're here at our favorite tambayan, the Sweetums, a coffee shop Rosea works at as a working student.
Huminga ako ng malalim at inilagay na lamang ang mukha sa palad ng nakatukod kong braso sa lamesa.
First day of class and too much is already happening. Lord, how can I survive this year?
"Let me guess, that issue again? Gosh, it's been months, when will people move on?" hula ni Rosea nang mapansin ang simangot sa aking mukha. I know they heard it too. I'm basically the subject of gossip of the whole university.
"Kung siya nga hindi pa nakaka-move on, paano pa kaya ang mga ibang tao?" mataray na anas ni Gerica.
"Excuse me? I've moved on!" I said in defense, but it only sounded that I'm convincing myself more!
I can't believe even my friends since childhood doesn't believe me! I rolled my eyes at them when I saw them snickering like idiots in front of me.
But these idiots are the only real friends I have. I'm relieved I have them. They are making this day bearable. Among the "hundreds" of friends I had, they are the only ones that stayed and never doubted me.
"As a second-year college student here in Amenilia Yñarez University University, we all know that we celebrate our foundation day on the first month of semester. As a part of induction program, the university decided to have the following events..." pag-aannounce sa buong block.
Whatever. I'm not interested. Ibinaba ko na lamang ang tingin sa aking mga kuko. I just had them done last week but I want to change it again. I want it purple now.
"Ms. and Mr. Amenilian, Debates, Exhibitions..."
While they're picking representative for each category, I'm looking at my now below-the-shoulder length hair. Ang haba na pala, kailangan ko na ulit paputulan.
Bagot na bagot ako sa upuan ko, hindi ko alam kung pang ilang tingin ko na sa relo ito, hinihintay matapos ang oras. Wala naman akong sasalihan kaya hindi na ako para magaksaya pa ng panahon sa pakikinig.
Nagsi-palakpakan na ang lahat kaya naman pumalakpak na rin ako, naghahanda na sa pagtatapos.
Finally!
"Summer?"
Napalingon ako dahil sa mga pasimpleng pagsiko ni Gerica sa akin. Nakalimutan kong blockmate ko nga pala ang isang ito. Humiwalay kami kay Rosea kanina dahil iba ang kinukuha nitong kurso, nursing."
Bakit?" bulong ko, hindi maintindihan ang tawag niyadahil para siyang batang nanghihingi ng sagot para mangopya.
Dahan-dahan akong nag-angat ng tingin. Ang mga mapanuksong mata ng lahat ay nakatutok sa akin. Sa mga normal na pagkakataon ay iignorahin ko lamang sila, ngunit ang narinig ko ay nagpainit ng dugo ko.
"Do you agree to be the representative of our block on the debate?" our president asked.
I raised a brow. Siraulo ba sila?
They know that the heat is still directed at me, yet they want me in it? Knowing that everyone will watch? I know they are only making me do it to humiliate me in front of everyone.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes at them, not giving an answer to the stupid question.
"Sige na, miss picture perfect. Ikaw naman ang top onenatin dito," someone teased with an obvious mocking tone.
"Oo nga. Para may silbi ka naman, hindi 'yong design ka lang dito, puro ganda lang, girl?" sabi pa ng isang blockmate ko na tinawanan ng mga tao sa silid na ito.
Akmang tatayo na si Gerica para sumagot pero pinigilan ko siya. I lazily stood up, curling my hair with my fingers.
Pagpatol is never really my thing. I don't stoop low to cheap fights. Pero hindi si Gerica ang lalaban para sa akin, hindi ang iba para sa sarili ko, kung hindi ako.
Ako ang sasagot sa mga mukhang sugpo na 'to.
"Oh dear, bakit hindi na lang ikaw? Wala ka na ngang silbi dito, wala ka pang ganda."
Roar of laughters filled the room.
Nginitian ko siya. Ang panggigigil at inis sa mukha nito ang nagpasaya sa araw ko.
To be completely honest, I don't really care if they will make me the representative because I really am the top student after all. But knowing their intention, I won't give them the satisfaction.
It's not about the hate nor the debate that I'm worried about. Kayang-kaya kong hindi pansinin ang mga bulong-bulungan at mga pasimpleng parinig nila.
"Enough! Let's settle this with voting. Raise your hand if you have someone else in mind that can represent our block," our president asked.
Napairap na lamang ako nang wala ni-isa sa kanila ang nagtaas ng kamay. Palibhasa mga bobo.
"Raise your hand if you want Ms. Morada to be our representative," our president asked the class again.
I groaned inwardly. Don't I have a choice on this?
As expected, everyone raised their hand. Some genuinely want me to be the representative, most of them just wants to annoy the hell out of me.
"Then, it's settled. Majority wins."
All of them applauded and cheered for their lame idea. Boring. I rolled my eyes.
"Kaya mo?" Gerica asked raising her arched brows making her look more intimidating as she already is.
I smiled at her, assuring her. "Of course."
"Do you think I'll fall for that fake smile? Summer..."she said, concerned.
Nginitian ko lamang siya kasi tama siya. Kahit anong pilit kong ignorahin ang lahat ng nangyayari ngayon ay nangingibabaw ang takot at pangamba.
Pangamba hindi para sa mga masasakit na salitang matatanggap ko. Takot hindi para sa mapanghusgang matang makakasalubong ko.
Takot... Pangamba... Dahil may pakiramdam ako kung sino ang makakaharap ko sa debate na ito.
"Summer, do you think you can do it?" ani Gerica na hindi pa rin tumitigil sa pag-aalala.
Huh. Can I do it?
I chuckled, "I'm fine, don't worry about me."
Let's just hope it's not him... Let's just hope it's not...
"EVERETT?!"