KIDA IS DETERMINED TO MOVE ON AND FORGET ABOUT YUE. She manages to avoid the topic (both with her friends and with herself) for a solid 12 hours before her feelings burst out during training the next day.
While sharpening their spears, Hahn was blabbing on to the others about whatever; Kida wasn't really paying attention until he said:
"I gotta impress the Chief. I mean, Yue is fine and all, but getting in good with the Chief is definitely better."
Kida stopped sharpening her weapon and instead started shouting at Hahn about how he's a creep and Yue deserves so much better.
"Who, you?" Hahn challenged. Kida narrowed her eyes. "Like that would ever happen. Maybe in the peasant village you come from, but not here."
Sokka had to hold Kida back from starting a fight with Hahn, and for the second time, Kida was asked to leave training early.
That's why Kida can't sleep this night. Somehow, everything falling apart with Yue triggered something within Kida, and she finds herself sitting on the balcony under an almost full moon while the rest of the team is fast asleep. The fear that she'll have nightmares motivates her to stay up, so Kida has nothing to do but spiral, her thoughts dark and jumbled.
This is the universe's way of proving to me that I'm a terrible person. That I don't deserve love. Spirits, I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of leaving. I'm always the one who leaves because every time I think I'm happy, I get scared. I left the Freedom Fighters. I left Suki. I'm not a brave warrior — I lie and I hurt people. It's practically in my blood, who I was born to be. Hiro is gone because of me. When did my whole life become a lie? I know I need to avenge my family somehow and I don't know what else to do. Lie, lie, lie. No one can know who I really am because they'll hate me. Aang, Katara, Sokka...they're my family. They love me. But really, it's all a lie because they don't know. I can't lose them, though, I've already lost one family so what else can I do but keep with the lie? Spirits know that I don't deserve their love. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be happy. Will I ever be happy? Will I ever be —
"Hey," a soft voice pulls Kida out of her thoughts. It's Sokka. He sits down next to Kida and tries to hand her a mug of something warm. She has to uncurl herself from hugging her legs, which she didn't even realize she had done. Kida looks at the mug skeptically. Sokka rolls his eyes. "Just take it. I'm way past the stage of wanting to poison you." He takes a sip from his own mug to demonstrate that it's okay to drink, so Kida takes hers. She hadn't realized how cold her hands had become until the hot mug started to defrost them. Kida takes a tentative sip and looks to Sokka.
"What is this?" Kida asks before taking another sip, allowing the sweet, slightly spicy liquid to warm her throat.
"Something my mom used to make me when I couldn't sleep," he explains. His voice is barely a whisper, but still it soothes Kida just as much as the drink he gave her.
For the next few minutes, there's nothing but silence. Kida tries to focus on the curves of the moon, the colour of the sky, the shapes that the stars form together. Somewhere along the way, Kida finishes her drink and, noticing this, Sokka silently switches their mugs so that she can finish his, too.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Sokka suddenly asks.
"Nothing's wrong," Kida lies.
"Kida, I know you well enough now to tell when you're lying," Sokka counters. All the warmth seeps out of Kida's body as she tenses at his words.
Does he know? She panics, but then remembers: If he did, he wouldn't be sitting here right now.
"Look, Wolftail, I'm fine," she says. "Thanks for the drink, though."
Kida smiles at him before walking inside to her sleeping mat.
»»---------------------►
THE NEXT MORNING, SOKKA WAKES UP WITH A FEVER. Or so he says; apparently he feels too sick to let anyone near him.
"Sokka, at least let me get one of the healers. Or, I can heal you!" Katara argues.
Sokka coughs weakly. "No, it's okay. It'll pass; I just need a day to rest."
"Well, one of us should stay with you at least," Katara sighs.
"I will," Kida offers. "I'd probably get kicked out of training, anyways, so might as well skip a day. You two go do some waterbending."
Katara smiles and hugs Kida briefly before leaving with Aang.
The first half of the day goes by relatively slowly. After eating breakfast, Sokka just wanted to lay down and Kida figured that would be best. It gave her a chance to rest, herself.
In the afternoon, Sokka suggested they go for a walk for some fresh air. It isn't until halfway through that Kida starts to think back to the last time Sokka was sick and how delirious he was and how he isn't acting like that at all right now. In fact, Sokka seems perfectly normal.
"You're not really sick, are you?" Kida realizes.
Sokka shrugs. "I knew you needed rest but wouldn't do it for yourself. I just needed to find a way to make you stay and knew you would only do it to help one of us."
Spirits, he does know me well. "That's....nice of you," Kida replies awkwardly. The two make their way to the stables, where Appa is being held. They greet the flying bison and Kida feeds him some apples while petting his nose. "How's it going, buddy?" Appa groans in response and licks Kida affectionately. Kida laughs. She turns around and sees Sokka staring at her. "What?"
Sokka clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. "Oh, nothing. I've just never seen someone so enthusiastic about a bushel of apples."
"Well, if it's anyone it would be this guy." She hugs Appa one last time before leaving.
Instead of going back to their living space right away, Sokka and Kida decide to stop by a nearby seating area so they could be outside longer.
"Yue broke up with me," Kida admits suddenly, for some reason feeling the need to tell Sokka what happened.
"Yeah, I figured," he replies plainly. Out of the pocket of his jacket, he pulls out the bracelet that Yue gave Kida and shows it to her. Kida takes it back and shoves it in her own pocket.
"So, when Hahn said that thing yesterday, during training," Kida continues. "I sort of just snapped." She finds herself wanting to tell Sokka the reasons for her sleepless nights, and the truth about everything else, right then, but he says something before she has a chance.
"If it makes you feel any better, you're much hotter than Hahn."
Both parties are stunned for a moment. Sokka because Spirits, did I just admit that out loud? and Kida because how the heck do I respond to that? Wait, that's easy.
Kida smirks at Sokka. "I knew you thought I was hot," she teases. Sokka turns bright red, but laughs it off and rolls his eyes.
"I said it to make you feel better," he defends.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, this is all your fault."
"What?"
"If you had told me not to go out with Yue, I wouldn't have fallen for her and gotten my heart broken."
"You can't seriously blame me!" Sokka shouts, getting up and throwing his arms up in frustration. He starts to walk away.
"Okay, well, maybe not entirely, but you played a part in it!" Kida counters and starts to follow him. He ignores her, angry, but ends up walking down a dead end and has no choice but to face her. "Are you seriously mad at me right now?"
"Uh, yeah, " Sokka scoffs. "I spend all day trying to make you feel better, and you're telling me that you feeling crappy again is my fault?"
"That's not what I said! I'm just admitting to you that I wouldn't have gone out with Yue if you had said that I shouldn't go when I asked you."
Sokka narrows his eyes. "Why?"
"Wh...What do you mean, 'why'?" Kida swallows nervously as Sokka takes a few steps towards her.
"Why would it matter what I said?"
"You know why," Kida mumbles.
"No, I don't," Sokka replies, his heart beating faster. At this point, Kida's leaning against a wall of the alleyway, with Sokka standing directly in front of her, but she avoids eye contact. "I wish I had said no," Sokka admits in a whisper.
This makes Kida look up in confusion. "The truth is, part of me wishes you said no, too," she murmurs. "But you didn't. And Yue wasn't a distraction or a backup. I really was happy with her, for a bit."
"I just wanted you to be happy," Sokka explains. "You deserve to be happy."
Overcome with emotion — and not quite sure what else to do — Kida leans forward and kisses Sokka.
This kiss feels different from their first one, less rushed mostly. Sokka's lips are chapped, but his hair is still soft between Kida's fingers and she can feel him smiling against her lips. He wraps his arms around Kida and she feels energized from head to toe, and can't help but think: We could have been doing this this whole time? But then Kida remembers. She remembers why.
"Wait," she breathes, breaking away from their kiss. "I...I can't."
The smile on Sokka's face fades instantly, but he doesn't pull away. "What are you saying?"
"That it was easier when we hated each other." Kida tries to sound mean so that Sokka would get angry, but he doesn't. He stays and searches Kida's eyes.
"What aren't you telling me?" he whispers.
"There you guys are!" Aang suddenly exclaims breathlessly. "I've been looking all over — oh, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt!" he chuckles awkwardly.
Kida pushes Sokka away from her gently. It's then that they see black snow falling from the sky.
"What is it?" Kida asks.
"Soot mixed with snow," Sokka explains, his voice stern as he examines the sky. "I've seen this once before."
"That's why I came looking for you guys," Aang says. "The Fire Nation is here."
»»---------------------►
author's note: y'all we're getting to the end of book one, how we feeling?
thanks for reading :)