-Jared-
"So that was your mate?" Tasha asked as I got out of my car.
"That was her." I was still a little on edge from how Electra and I had left things, but I knew if I went back now I would apologize. I didn't want to apologize.
"She seems...interesting."
"That's one word for it." I couldn't help the slight smile that twitched across my lips.
"Why do I get the feeling there's trouble in paradise?" Tasha asked looking at me skeptically.
"Probably because there hasn't been a single moment of paradise."
"Well what the heck is wrong?"
"She's a hunter for one," I said sitting down next to Tasha on a bench. We were sitting in a park across the street from the hotel she was staying in. "No wait, that's really our only problem. It's the root of all our problems at least."
"What do you mean?"
"She's a hunter who kills things like us; that's a problem. She's part of some organization that could hunt me down and kill me; that's another one. She was trained to despise things like me, there's another one. She's afraid of getting close to me because if she does they could come after us, another problem. Oh, and when I get close to her, I'm so afraid I'm going to slip up and that she'll just kill me on the spot, so afraid in fact that it actually happens. There's another problem."
I had started ticking them off on my fingers. Those were the major ones. The issues that were constantly getting in our way, the ones keeping Electra and me from actually being together.
"Sometimes, I feel like she's only doing it because of what I told her. That she's not actually trying because she wants to, but that it's more like an obligation to her."
"Why would it be an obligation?" Tasha asked sounding confused.
"Her whole life has been an obligation ever since she stepped into hunting. She's always done what someone else wanted her to do, and sometimes I feel like this isn't any different. She was cold, Tash, sometimes I think she's still cold."
"What are you going to do?"
"I told her that I can't keep doing the back and forth. That she's going to have to make a decision soon. I can't be wait for her forever. I think I like her, and there's a chance I could love her, but I can't put my whole life on hold for her."
I felt Tasha's hand on my arm.
"I don't blame you. You got a mate, and that can be a beautiful thing. You just both have to want to give it a shot. It can't be seen as an obligation, to either of you. I know you too Jare, I know you see things as an obligation yourself, and something as big as this, I know you could just as easily turn it into one as well."
I didn't say anything back to that. I didn't have anything to say back to that. She was right, but she was also wrong. I did have a tendency to see things that way, but Electra was not one of those things. She was something else entirely. I just wasn't sure how she felt about it.
"Hey, you brought me here to help, and I don't think it was mate counseling," Tasha said lightly punching my arm.
"I talked to an Alpha about it," I said remembering the conversation I had with Rafe. "I just figured that you might be able to help me with control. I could really use the sage advice of Tasha Holland."
"Control?"
Even though I'd told Tasha I needed some more help, I hadn't really told her exactly what it was yet. Though I sort of had in my rant about the problems Electra and I had. I nodded and ran a hand through my hair.
"I have a problem controlling myself around Electra. The Alpha that I talked to didn't understand it. He said that control around her should be the same as controlling my wolf normally. There shouldn't be anything different about it."
"Well," she started. "You're going through a few different things when you're with her than you normally do. Your heart beats faster and you have the fire inside that flares up with contact," Tasha started. She had a far off look in her eyes before she focused on me again.
Tasha had had a mate at one point, but he'd died defending the pack along side our Alpha.
"All of that pulls your wolf closer to the surface. They are reactions that are similar to when you call it forth to shift. In moments when you're with your mate, it's coming forward on it's own. These are all normal reactions, things that happen when you're with someone you really like...romantically."
"Well how do I get it under control."
"There are two ways, one is significantly more difficult than the other."
"Alright, and what are they?"
"You either have to re-teach yourself; work at it constantly until you no longer feel that laps of control. Just like you had to do when you were first learning," Tasha said.
"Or."
"Or you mark her. Even after the mark you will still have to concentrate, but it will be significantly easier."
"I'm not sure which one you were thinking was the harder one," I said with a tight laugh.
"Obviously marking would be easier," Tasha said as if I were stupid for thinking otherwise.
"I did mention that Electra's a hunter, right? One that keeps going back and forth about what she wants to do. I can't just mark her. She has to want to do it, and asking her to let a werewolf mark her, when she still has some of the thoughts of that organization, that may be more impossible than teaching myself all over again."
Tasha shrugged. "You wanted my help, those are the two options I have for you. I can always help you with learning control again. Though one would think it's easier the second time around, it's actually more difficult."
I groaned. It took me a year to finally learn control over my wolf. I didn't have that long to gain control when it came to Electra. I knew every time I slipped, her instincts told her to kill. I could feel it in the way she tensed. She was fighting her instincts every bit as hard as I was fighting mine, and one of these days one of us wouldn't be able to fight it any longer.
So I was left with those two options, to learn everything all over again, or to mark Electra.
I knew I needed to talk to her about this, but I didn't want to admit my weakness to her, especially when she was my weakness. Electra was someone who didn't seem to have any weaknesses, and to admit to her that I had a huge one-it was one that could possibly break things between us.
I wanted her to make a choice, I thought to myself. Maybe if she hears this she finally will.
I was afraid that her choice would be to break things off. I knew it was the most likely decision she would come to. Why would a hunter want to be with a werewolf, especially one that couldn't grasp control?
I wouldn't hurt her, I knew that I wouldn't, but that was hard to prove. Every time we were together, we were doing a dangerous dance, one that could end up with a dagger straight to my heart.
"I'm going to be needing your help I think," I said looking Tasha in the eyes.
She smiled slightly. "I'm here for you, as long as you need me.
"You don't have to stay in a hotel, Tash. We have plenty of rooms at the house. There are at least three spare bedrooms."
"What about your sister?"
"She's lived under the same roof as one werewolf without knowing anything," I said with a shrug. "As long as you don't shift in the house or do anything weird in front of her, I'm sure it will all be fine."
She looked across the street to the hotel.
"Look, I'll even pay for your room for the night and you can cancel the rest of the nights. It's the least I can do for having you come all the way here. And it will be cheaper for you.
Tasha agreed after another moment and we went over to pay the bill and pick up her things. Once that was taken care of, we both got in our cars and went back to my house. The bike and Electra were both gone and I frowned slightly. I hadn't really expected her to stick around though, especially after I had walked out on her like that.
I hadn't expected her to stay, but I guess I hoped she would so I could talk to her again. I supposed I was wishing I could have said something else to her, something to let her know that while I can't keep doing this, I'm not angry with her.
I understood her hesitation; I understood a lot of things. I knew that it was going to take some time with her. I was just wanted an answer sooner rather than later. With Electra, I could tell she had the ability to drag out a decision like this, and by drag out, I meant it could potentially take years.
My heart would wait that long, but the rest of me couldn't. Like I'd said, I couldn't put my life on hold waiting for her to step up and accept us. I would have to walk away eventually.
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So there we have it. Another Jared POV and another look at Tasha and who she is. We also have two options in place for Jared now. it should be interesting to see where this goes from here!!
Remember to leave your comments below and if you liked the chapter then please give it a vote. Thanks all! :)
~Red