I wake up from a deep sleep. There was a lot that went through my mind after Dylan left finding my plan-B pill. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking. More of that I wonder if he thinks it was even worse to do it with Chase. I don't even feel like getting out of bed because I feel like I made the wrong choice. Maybe I'm thinking too much as I said to Dylan it had to happen sooner or later. I'm actually relieved it was with Chase because although I'm one hundred percent over him I was glad it was with someone I know. Now if it was with someone I didn't now at all I think that would have upset Dylan even more. But he's not my protector as much as he wants to be he's not.
After he told me when I'm ready to talk to let him know I couldn't stop thinking of my feelings for him and how the developed so fast just that night it was just the two of us. I don't think I'll ever want him to find out about my feelings it will definitely ruin things between us. I believe if I tell him I will lose him forever. Dylan's with Becky and they seem to be doing great together I don't see them ever breaking up not soon anyway. And as much as I'd hate to admit it I don't think he feels the same way as I feel for him.
Perhaps I should just push this all aside for now. Maybe I need a girls day. I should call up Jackie. I sit up on my bed reaching over for my cell. There aren't any missed calls or texts or anything from Dylan. Sigh I guess he's serious about all of this. I lay back down breathing out a short breath as I call up Jackie brining the phone to my ear.
After a few rings she answers, "hello?" she spoke.
"Hey, I was wondering if you wanna come over and have a girls day?" I asked biting my lower lip. It was already eleven in the moring and it only takes thirty minutes for me to get ready.
I hear her sighing on the other end, "I can't but you can come here. My dog has been feeling a bit unwell so I want to keep an eye on her. I can text you my address." she spat.
I nodded my head although she can't see, "oh all right no problem I'll be over soon." I hungup the call setting my phone down on my night stand.
Finally I toss my feet to the floor then head to the bathroom. After I brush my teeth and splash water on my face I tie my hair up to rinise my body in the shower. I washed my hair last night so no need to wash today. Once I washed my entire body I got out wrapping the towel around myself walking to my room.
Since this morning is the first morning I woke up alone since Dylan's moved out I have to say it felt kind of weird. I never lived alone ever in my life and I'm actually surprised I wasn't scared. Well, I had a lot on y mind to even remember I was alone.
I put on a U-neck blue tee and a pair of black tights with some sandals. Next I stuff my phone in my small purse and finally I check myself in the mirror to fix my bun and lastly I leave my room.
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I make it to Jackie's home which isn't too big or too small. I guess she lives alone and it's just her and her dog. As I unbuckle my seatbelt then climb out of my car I walk unlock her gate then close it behind me and walk up her pavement to the front door. I reach her door as I clear my throat then knock. I didn't see any doorbell unless I'm just blind. A couple seconds later she comes up and opens the door.
She smiles, "come in," she addressed as she stepped aside. I nodded my head then walked in looking around. Jackie had pictures of her parents and her I assume. There were also pictures of her and her dog. Then a picture of when she was little and there was a dog beside her. Wow, she must have had her dog since she was young.
"Come here buddy," I hear Jackie call out in a low tone. I looked back to her border collie dog who looks unwell as she said. I set my purse down then walk over to the dog as I kneel in front of the unwell animal.
"What's wrong with her?" I questioned not knowing if it's a boy or a girl.
"He won't eat his food. I don't know why." She explained assuring me the dog is a male.
I pouted rubbing the back of his ear, "Aw, you know Dylan works at an animal shelter maybe I can ask him what's wrong."
"No I already know he's consipated. I called up his vet and he has an appointment tomorrow. It was the only available time." She spoke petting him.
"What's his name?" I questioned looking to her.
She grinned, "Benny. It's my dad's middle name."
I nodded, "it's cute. It suits him."
"Yeah. He'll be okay though. I just hope this doesn't happen again. It was properly the food I gave him he's not used to switching to new meals I suppose that's what messed up his stomach."
I nodded my head.
"Just wait here you can sit or help yourself to the fridge I'm gonna go see if he'll take a nap." Jackie mentioned standing up. She clapped her hands lightly wanting Benny to follow her.
I turned away walking to sit on the couch looking at the tv that's muted with the news on. I didn't really think on what to do with Jackie. She's the only close girl friend I have and I feel like I can tell her anything. I feel kind of nervous to say the words allowed "I like my roommate Dylan" I shudder at the thought. A part of me wants to keep it to myself but the other part of me feels like I should get it out there in the open.
"Okay, he's asleep. I hope he takes a long nap he was crying all night. So him and I both didn't get a lot of sleep." Jacke explained as she sat across from my on the single chair.
I smiled, "I hope he feels better." I spoke aloud.
She nodded her head, "Yeah me too. So what did you want to talk about?" Jackie asked sitting forward her elbows resting on her knees giving me her full attention.
Oh gee, I totally forgot about what I did with Chase. Maybe I should explain that first. "Uh, so you remember Chase right?"
She laughs scartching her chin, "duh he's the captain of our study group."
I forced a laugh, "yeah. Well," I pause swallowing hard. I'm so nervous why do I feel nervous, "I kind of slept with him last night..."
All a sudden Jackie's whole demaner changes which worries me and makes my heart clench. Jackie looks away clenching her jaw then unclenched like this news was all too much to bear. Oh shit, wait- did she like him?
"Uh, oh my god. Did- did you like him?" I hold my heart feeling I should apologize one hundred times. "I- I am so sorry Jackie. Oh my god I should have talked to you about it first I-"
Finally she sighs horasly messing with her fingers still not daring to look at me, "it's not him that I like." she spat in a low tone.
My brows squeezed together. Who could the other person be-... "Wait a minute..." I scoffed with a small laugh utterly confused. "You like- me?" I questioned pointing to myself. My jaw fell a bit opened very bewildered by this reveal. That explains why she couldn't look at me changing the night of the date with Chase.
She slapped her knees lightly standing up. "Yes, I do like you Cas. From the minture I saw you I couldn't help but get this big crush on you but I knew it was too good to be true for another beautiful girl to like me."
I stand up with her slowly I start to shake my head, "I-I am so sorry I had no idea. I'm sorry if I lead you on or-" she cut me off.
"That's the thing... You didn't lead me on I knew you had no acknowledgment of me ever having feelings for you because when we hungout it was all about you. You never gave any chance to get to know me more. To get to know my family, my life, why I haven't bothered to make any other friends before I met you." Jackie stares at me blankly. She wasn't wrong. I have never asked anything about her or her life. "I came out my sophomore year of college because I liked this girl but she moved away because her parents did not accept her. But mine do. And it seems that-" she pauses as tears are welling in her eyes, "that you don't accept me and want to stop being friends with me because of my feelings for you." She finished biting her lower lip.
I stood there sinking everything in all at once. My lips parted and my eyes darted at her. I was trying so hard to gather my words. I still wanted to be friends with her but I don't know if that will be to painful for her. "Jackie, I would never stop being friends with you because your gay... I understand how hard it can be. And I understand you have feelings for me but I just don't feel the same way..." I let out as my brows frowned. This time I stepped toward her. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't see this. That I never asked anything about you or your family... I never thought I would make this close of a friend when I went to college. I'm not saying you have to stop having feelings for me or anything but I want you to know I still want to be here for you and know more about you. I feel so shitty that your my friend and I never bothered to know more about you." I spat shrugging my shoulders squeezing my brows together wrinkling my forehead. "I'm so sorry Jackie. Can you forgive me?"
She looked down wiping a tear away. "Well, I really hate the idea of losing you and although your a very self-centered girl it would really be a burden to have you out my life for good.." she sniffled.
She's right I guess I am a bit self-centered...
"But feelings come and go but I want to thank you for not freaking out it really means so much to me." She cried at her last words.
I pouted brining her into a hug. "It's okay, Jackie. Why don't we sit here and you tell me everything you been wanting to tell me huh? I'm all ears." I let out in a calm tone.
Jackie pulled away wiping her tears parting her lips, "yes. There's so much I been wanting to say."
A/N: Hey there I hope you enjoyed this chapter:) Remember to vote and comment! Please feel free to correct me of any mistakes <3 I will gladly fix them:)