After my awkward phone call with Nathan I decide that I need something to keep my mind off of him for good. When I reached this point with Danny, where I was absolutely sure that I needed to do something to just delete him from my brain, I moved away, but I can't keep doing that, so I decide to do the next best thing. I'm gonna get all the apps on phone, swipe left and right until I get some matches and date the shit out of every guy I can.
Not for sex – I don't want to jump right into something – but just to assure myself that there are decent guys my own age out there, who don't have kids who I could end up teaching, who aren't like Danny, or Nathan, or any guy I've dated before. I just need a normal guy who wants to take me out to dinner or buy me a drink or take me for a walk or something. I don't give a shit what the date will be, I just know that I need to stop focusing on Nathan.
That's how I end up in the park on Friday around noon, looking around to see if my date is already here. A tall guy with blonde hair that falls into his face waves at me from the other side of the park. Yeah, that's him. Paul. He looks just like his pictures, which is a relief.
"You look beautiful," he says the moment we reach each other. "I really like your coat."
"Thanks." It's just a random black coat, nothing sexy. I purposely didn't dress up for this date. It's just a walk in the park and maybe we'll get something to eat, but that's it. I'm in jeans, a Christmas sweater and a black coat that used to be my mom's. "You look good too."
To be fair, he really does. Dark blue jeans, black button-up shirt and a beige coat hanging open over it. He looks like he did dress up at least a bit, more than I did for sure. All I know about him is that he's 25, getting his accountancy degree and working as a bartender. His blue eyes are rather striking and he's got a nice build. Not the hottest guy I've ever seen, but not bad either.
We walk around for a while, chatting easily. Paul turns out to be quite funny, cracking me up a few times. When he asks me if I want to get some lunch after strolling through the park for an hour, I decide to just go with it. He's nice enough and I don't have anywhere to be. He takes me to a cute little Italian place and we share a pizza. It's all very lovely and civil, but there are no sparks flying. By the end of the date, I already know that he's not the one for me. I'm not really looking for the one, of course, but he's not even going to be the one to take my mind off of Nathan.
He wants to walk me back home afterwards, but I assure him that's not necessary. He seems a bit disappointed, but he doesn't press the matter. Surely he didn't expect me to take him back to my place in the middle of the afternoon? At least we split the bill at lunch, so I don't feel too bad about shutting him down. He wanted to pay, like a gentleman, but I hate it when guys pay for me. A man can buy me a drink, sure, but not lunch or dinner. It always makes me feel like I owe them something afterwards. I'm a strong, independent woman. No need for a guy to pay for me.
I feel a little better after the date, though. Paul was nice. Not more than that, but nice all the same. I get back on the app and see that I've got three more matches. I scroll through them and see that there's one guy I was quite excited about when I swiped him into the yes pile. His name is Darius and he's got deep brown eyes and a shitload of tattoos that cover his arms and neck. Before Nathan, I'd have never gone for a guy like that, but tattoos have grown on me. Darius is handsome in an unexpected way, with his somewhat crooked nose, short black hair and devilish grin. He doesn't look like relationship material at all, and maybe that's what I need. Paul didn't do the trick for me, after all.
He shoots a message back when I say hi and within three minutes, we already agree to meet up for cocktails. He lives one town over and that works for me, since I don't want to run into anyone I know. I'm not sure if I'm gonna let Darius take me home if he wants to, but I have a feeling that after a few drinks I just might be into that. Who cares? I'm young, fun, single, and sort of on the rebound. And I never did have that one-night stand I was planning on having. Maybe that's what I need.
This time, I do dress up. The red dress is an old one, but I never actually wore it anywhere, since it is quite slutty. Shaughna insisted I looked hot in it, but I never had the guts to wear it out. It's short and shows off my cleavage more than I'd normally like, but Darius is getting fun, slutty Caroline tonight. I curl my long dark hair and let it down. I put make-up on and consider putting on red lipstick, but I don't want to get it all over the poor guy if I kiss him, so I decide to just settle for some lip gloss. I video call Shaughna when I'm done and she tells me that I look so hot it should be illegal.
"Darius is a lucky guy," she tells me. She's in a short black dress herself, all dolled up just like I am.
"Who are you doing out with?" I ask, almost wishing I was over there. I'm excited to go out and meet this guy, but hanging out with Shaughna would be fun as well. Less stressful.
Shaughna giggles and throws her long blonde hair over her shoulder. "Just a few friends from work. Maybe I'll bump into someone hot, maybe not. I'm just gonna get drunk and have a good time."
"Have fun."
"You too." She winks. "Go and fuck that criminal right out of your system, Car. Keep Darius up all night."
I laugh. "We'll see."
My uber will arrive any minute now – no way I'm driving tonight, I want to drink a few cocktails to fuel my bravado – so I check myself in the mirror one last time and pull on my heels. I hardly ever dress up this much, and I have to say it feels good. I feel beautiful, sexy, and like I can take on the world. Even if tonight is a disaster with a horrible guy and I have to call an uber within five minutes of getting there, at least I will look smoking hot.
I step out of my apartment, making sure I have my keys with me – Nathan doesn't have my spare key anymore, so I gave one to Tiffany, but she's out for the night as well, like she always is on Friday – before I pull the door shut behind me. When I turn around, I notice a man getting out of his car and staring at me.
Nathan.
Jesus Christ, can I never catch a break?
"Caroline?" he asks, his eyes moving up and down my body, shell-shocked. I'm wearing a coat, but it's open, so he's getting the full effect of the outfit, cleavage and all.
"Hey," I say stupidly, just standing there. Why is he here? Did he come to see me?
"You look..." He takes a step in my direction before stopping himself. "Wow. Beautiful."
I shiver – and not from the cold, even though it is early December – and rack my brain to find something to say. I'm saved from having to answer by Annabel opening her door.
"Nathan, I thought I heard you!" She beams at him before following his gaze to where I am standing. "Oh, hey, Caroline. Isn't that outfit a little cold for this time of year?"
"I'm going out for cocktails," I say just when my uber pulls up.
"Oooooh," Annabel says with a wink. "Hot date. I get it. Have fun."
Nathan's brow furrows and he lets his eyes travel over me once more, looking angry now. Well, too bad. He ended things with me – well, we both sort of did, I guess – so he should have seen this coming. Why should I spend Friday night alone, crying and eating ice cream? I already did that last week and I felt utterly stupid for it. If he doesn't want me to date, he should have realized that sooner.
"Nathan, are you coming in?" Annabel says when Nathan and I both just stand there like idiots, staring at each other.
I tear my gaze from him and take in Annabel for the first time since she got out. She's in a clinging dress as well and she's wearing a lot of make-up and jewelry. I've never seen her like this. Wait... was she waiting for Nathan to arrive? Were they... dating?
"Yeah, I'm coming," Nathan replies, closing his car door. He gives me one last lingering look before following Annabel inside of her apartment.
Holy shit. He's dating Annabel. My neighbor. At her house. That can only mean one thing: they're gonna have sex. I mean, I know that I'm heading out to see a new guy in a slutty dress, but not at my own house. If things don't go well, I can just go back home and take a cold shower. The fact that they are meeting at her house... You only invite a man to your house and dress up like that if you're absolutely certain you want things to end up in the bedroom.
Or the kitchen. The couch. The shower. Bend over the table... I shiver again as I recall Nathan and I getting freaky on pretty much every flat surface of my apartment. And now he's gonna do it all again with Annabel, on the other side of my wall.
Obviously, I don't mean shit to him.
My uber driver honks and I hurry into the car, trying to put Nathan out of my mind. I can't even blame him for moving on. He and I just had a fling. Annabel is a way more appropriate choice. She's around his age, she's not his daughter's teacher, she's known him a hell of a lot longer than I have and she's beautiful. Nice too. They make so much more sense together.
Still, it stings. Every time I think I see something in his eyes that lets me know that I wasn't stupid for thinking that he actually cared about me, he does or says something that makes it perfectly clear that he doesn't.
Even though I want to stop thinking about him, I manage to get myself completely riled up during the drive to the cocktail bar. I'm flustered and annoyed as I get out of the car. I'm gonna have to get a grip soon if I want this night to end up fun. A few guys are having a smoke outside of the bar and I glance at them, wondering is Darius is already here.
"Holy shit," I hear a deep voice say from behind me. "Please tell you you're Caroline."
I turn around on my heels and smile at the tall guy behind me, giving me that devilish grin he wore in his pictures. His hair is a little longer, but other than that, he doesn't seem much different.
"Darius?"
"Thank fuck," he replies, his eyes traveling over me. "You look amazing. Absolutely breathtaking. If you hadn't been my date already, I would have totally dumped her for you. That dress..."
"Thanks." I feel a little flustered by his intense gaze, but it's always nice to hear you look good. "You look good too."
"Good?" He cocks an eyebrow at me. "Babe, I look like a motherfucking sex god."
I can't help but laugh at that. He grins and holds out his hand for me to take. I hesitate but give him mine anyway and he pulls me with him to the entrance of the bar. The place is packed, but Darius made a reservation for us, so we hand over our coats and walk right through to a table in the far back. Darius leads me there with a hand on the small of my back, keeping close to me. He's in ripped jeans and simple black T-shirt with a V-neck that show off his tattoos. I must admit he looks hot.
I slid into the booth and expect him to sit down opposite me, but he motions for me slide down further so he can sit down next to me.
"The music here is always a bit loud," he explains. "It's easier to talk if we don't have to shout at each other from across the table." His hand is already on my knee, making me suspect that he has other reasons as for wanting to sit here as well.
"Do you take all your dates here?" I ask, shooting him a teasing look and picking up the menu.
"Yes," he says bluntly. "I live only one street over and I like the drinks and ambiance here."
"Wow, way to make a girl feel special." I'm not really annoyed, just trying to get a rise out of him.
He laughs and squeezes my knee. "Trust me, my dates don't normally look this good. Your pictures don't do you any justice, Caroline. I mean, you looked good in them, but come one..." His eyes travel to my breasts. "I did not expect a bombshell of this level of hotness."
"Babe, I always look like a motherfucker sex goddess," I tell him, smiling.
He laughs at me trying to mimic him. "Cute," he tells me. "Really cute."
I glance at the menu, but I don't drink cocktails often, so I only recognize a few names. I always like a mojito, so I decide to just start with that. A waitress comes over and he orders a mojito before I can, so when I place my own order, it looks like I'm copying him.
He smirks and moves in even closer. "Already trusting my taste?"
"Well, you did pick me to go on a date with, so your taste can't be that bad." I don't usually fall into a flirty pattern with someone I just met, but Darius' intense gaze makes me feel like I already had five cocktails when in truth our first ones haven't even arrived yet.
"Do you want me to chat you up for another hour or can I lean in for the first kiss already?" he asks, surprising me with his bluntness. "Because to be honest, I really want your lips on mine."
For a second, I hesitate. I know that if I say yes now, I will seem like a total slut, but maybe I don't care about that. I mean, we both know why we're here. Darius is making it perfectly obvious with every word and every touch that he wants to take me home. He's hot, but he's obviously a player and he and I are never gonna be more than a one-night stand. Why not just get this night started?
Instead of replying, I put a hand on the back of his neck and pull him to me, closing my eyes. His lips are softer than I expected them to be and he tastes like he brushed his teeth right before getting here – minty and fresh. I flick my tongue over his bottom lip, and he opens up immediately, our tongues exploring each other. The hand on my knee moves up, sliding underneath my dress so he can touch my bare thigh, digging his fingers in a little. I dig my nails into his neck and deepen the kiss. Finally, something that actually takes my mind off of Nathan. Way better than that stupid walk in the park with Paul. I'm already wondering what it will feel like to have Darius' hands touching me in other places.
"Hmm," Darius grunts when we finally break apart. "You were absolutely right."
"About what?" I ask, a little breathless.
He smirks and moves his fingers even higher up my leg, grazing the edge of my thong. "About being a sex goddess."
"Maybe, but I'm not an exhibitionist," I say, grabbing his hand and removing it so I can pull my dress back down. I may be getting excited already, but I won't have a guy I barely know groping me in a bar.
The waitress gets back with our drinks and we both take a sip. It's strong, just the way I like it. Darius laughs when I gulp half of the mojito down before putting it down.
"Are you really that eager to get drunk?" he teases. "I think our kiss was pretty hot already, without any alcohol fueling us."
"Just thirsty." This guy is a lot, honestly. I like it, but I have a hard time keeping up with him. He has his hand on my knee again. He doesn't move it up, so I decide to just leave it be.
"So, tell me about yourself, Caroline. What do you do?"
Okay. Good. Normal date questions. "I'm a teacher."
"Ooooh, so I'm hot for teacher?" He grins. "Do you ever hook up with your students?"
"Erm, no. That would be gross and illegal."
"I slept with my French teacher in high school," Darius replies with that devilish smile still in place. "Illegal, sure, but definitely not gross."
Okay... Is this guy even capable of asking me a normal question not about sex? I don't need him to be a prince charming, but he can at least try to not be a total creep, right?
"Sorry," he says when he sees my expression. "We're just gonna pretend I did not just say that. So, you're a teacher. What grade?"
"Second."
"Oh," he says, understanding flashing in his eyes. "Okay, yeah, my comment about sex was totally inappropriate. Sorry."
Let's give the guy one more chance. "What do you do?"
"Tattoo artist." He gestures at himself. "My body is my canvas. And other peoples' bodies." He runs a finger down my arm. "Although I can tell your body doesn't need any embellishment. You're beautiful already. Do you have any tattoos underneath that dress of yours?"
"No, I don't." I look at the ones in his neck and see that they're flames, black and red. "Are you completely covered?"
"Just my neck, chest, back and arms." He winks. "I'm a work in progress. You might get to see later."
"Maybe." I'm not ready to give into him just yet, but when he leans down to kiss me again, I get lost in the kiss anyway, moaning a little when he moves down to my neck, sucking and biting softly. I have to remind myself that we're still in a bar, where people can see us.
Breaking away, I grab my drink and push myself a little further from him, which only makes him smirk. He seems to be perfectly aware of the battle raging within me. I think he's a total player and he doesn't want to get to know my mind, just my body. At the same time, I know that I came here for this. And I'm loving it. Do I give into my inner slut or not?
"Another cocktail?" he asks when I'm done with my drink.
His glass is still almost completely full, so I just grab it and gulp that one down too. I'm gonna need some liquid courage if I wanna do this.
"Let's go," I say, meeting his curious gaze.
He immediately pulls out a few bills, throws them on the table and pulls me up from my seat. He motions for the waitress to get our coats and a few seconds later, we're out on the street again. I think all in all, we were only in the bar for about thirty minutes. Wow, I'm getting easier by the second.
Darius kisses me again, pushing me up against the wall right next to the entrance. I kiss him back but push him away when his hands slip under my coat. I may be easy, but I didn't want him to grope me in the bar and I'm not giving in right now, not in the street.
"Come on," I say, breathing hard. "You live close, right?"
"That street," he points to the right and laughs when I grab his hand and drag him in that direction.
We're in front of his place within minutes and he gets out his key to let me into a small house that looks like... well, like it should be torn down, to be honest. It's old and gross and not very well taken care of.
"I've got roommates," he warns me. "Don't worry, they won't come into my room."
I follow him up the stairs and I can hear loud music coming from at least two of the rooms we pass. He's 27 so I hadn't expected him to live in a place that's basically a dirty frat house, but oh well. What does it matter?
His room is small and rather neat considering the state of the house and it has a bed. That's really all we need, right? He kisses me again and all thoughts of the horrible place he lives in leave my mind. His hands move down my back until he's at the hem of my dress and he pulls it up so he can touch my ass.
"A thong?" he breathes, moving his lips to my neck and placing a kiss there. "Nice."
His fingers dig into my ass for a moment before he pulls the dress further up, taking it off completely. I do the same to his shirt. He wasn't lying when he said his chest was covered. I notice that most of his tattoos are flames, in all shapes and colors.
"Inferno," I read, running my fingers over the word on his abdomen.
"I'm sure gonna burn in hell for what I'm about to do to you," he responds, grabbing my breast through my bra. "May as well get used to the flames eating away my flesh, right?"
He reaches behind me to unclasp my bra and I let it slide down to the floor. His hands are on me again, pinching my nipples as he kisses me. He's rough and demanding just the way I like it. My hands find his zipper and I start taking off his pants. Soon enough, we're both completely naked.
"Fuck," he says, his eyes roaming over me, "I thought you were hot in that dress, but you look even better naked."
He looks alright, but I have to say I'm not a fan of his tattoos. All those flames on his upper body and then those pale white legs without any ink on them... It's like he's two people at once. At least his penis is a decent size and it's hard, so I shouldn't complain.
Darius pushes me onto the bed and immediately throws himself on top of me, grabbing my legs to pull them apart.
"Hey," I complain, "not so fast."
"I just want to be inside of you," he grunts, his cock already at my entrance.
"Not without a condom," I insist, pushing him off of me. "And I'm not sure what kind of girls you usually sleep with, but I'm gonna need you to put in a bit more effort before we get to that part."
Darius groans in frustration, his eyes dark. He moves so he's on top again, grabbing my wrists and pulling them above me. He takes both of them in one hand, pushing them down on the bed so I can't use my arms anymore. His free hand moves down between my legs and he pushes two fingers into me without warning, making me gasp in surprise.
"Let's get you off then," he says, looking into my eyes with something that almost resembles hatred.
Him taking control of me like this is a total turn-on, but I don't like the look in his eyes one bit. It's almost like he thinks it's ridiculous that I won't just let him fuck me right away. And maybe I should have expected that. He wasn't exactly subtle in the bar, now was he? What did I expect?
His fingers start working on me, but he's not at the right spot, so it's not doing much for me. I tell him to move his fingers down a bit, but that only seems to get him more annoyed. He lets go of my wrists and rolls off of me, cursing.
"I thought you wanted a quick fuck," he grunts. "I'm not gonna spend hours trying to get you off."
"Fine," I reply. "Then don't. I'm gonna leave now." If he gets this fed-up over touching me for what can't have been more than five minutes, he doesn't deserve me. Not even for one night. I came here for one night of good sex to move on from Nathan, but all Darius has done is making me wish that I was in bed with Nathan again. Just like Dshawn had done that one stupid night. Why can't I just get a good fuck for once? Darius had been just the right amount of rough with me so far, so he could have actually made me come quite easily and I'd have had sex with him for sure. Stupid bastard ruined this night for both of us.
Darius doesn't even try to talk me out of leaving. He just grabs his phone and starts typing away on it while he lays on his bed completely naked. He's probably already looking for another girl, one even easier than me. For crying out loud, it's not like I asked for that much. He's an asshole.
"Bye," he calls when I finish dressing and slam the door behind me.
I have never been this humiliated in my life. At least I didn't actually have sex with that sorry excuse for a human being. All that I can do now is just call an uber and go back home.
It takes a while before a car picks me up and I spend the entire way back cursing myself for being so goddamn stupid. Annabel's lights are still on when I get back and Nathan's car is still there, so they must be having a way nicer time than I am.
Life is so unfair.