It was now the end of March and the snow were slowly starting to melt away. Yes, it turns out that we did get a late, but snowy winter after all. The streets of New York were covered with slush and melting snow. To be honest it wasn't a pretty sight at all. The remains of snow had turned black, swamped with mud and dirt. School wasn't great either. Over the weeks, the workload kept on piling up. By the end of this week, I was expected to finish a lab report for science, finish making a powerpoint for gym class since we it was part of the curriculum do touch on a unit on health in gym class and finish my skit to present in spanish class. But the workload wasn't the only thing that was stressing me out. Believe it or not, it was Laila. She had turned paler over the past few weeks and she had also lost some weight. I know I shouldn't be worrying about her too much, but my gut instincts told me that there was something wrong.I decided to wait for the best opportunity to talk to her alone. I was currently sitting in the library with Olivia after school as our spanish skit was due tomorrow. Ms.Cunningham had told us to act out a scene from a restaurant and we had to use as much as vocabularily that we had learned thus far. We had props and costumes with us to act out the skit in order to be prepared for tomorrow. I looked up at Olivia and I couldn't help myself but laugh.
"What?" Olivia asked pouting.
"It's your mustache. You look quite fascinating in it," I said giggling.
"Oh shush, I know you envy my mustache." Olivia said.
The next day, Laila wasn't present in gym class. When Mrs.Jayce asked us if anyone knew if Laila was alright, Anna replied Laila had texted her telling her that she had catched a mild cold. The rest of the day was just plain boring. Well except for spanish because we were presenting and the entire time, my heart was pounding really hard. I absolutely hate presenting. When I was younger I always wanted to be a teacher as I had the best teachers, especially when I was in elementary. I still remember my grade one teacher, Ms.Graham. She was such a sweetheart. But as I got older I lost interest in wanting to become a teacher as I realised how hard and nerve wrecking it really is to stand in front of the whole class and teach every single day. Why was presentation part of high school curriculum anyway? Do they love seeing kids pass out and turn into a wreck? I secretly think its to take revenge on us since we're nothing more than a bunch of rebellious teens to the adult world.
After school Maryam, Hillary and I walked home together as this was our usual routine. But today Abdullah has once again decided to ditch his friend Elvin and walk with us. How wonderful (sarcasm). As we were walking, I heard a couple of guys laughing and talking behind us. Out of curiosity I turned back to see who they were and saw Connor, Daniel and Abraham. When Hillary and Maryam went on their own ways, I was left alone with Abdullah. I have to tell Suleiman to talk to him. He is my non mahram and I can't be with him alone. The entire time he was talking, I was just ignoring him. Couldn't he get the hint?
When I arrived home, mom was waiting for me with a worried look.
"Assalamualaikum ummi. What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Wa alaikussalam dear, why don't we have a seat? I have to tell you something."
I took off my boots and took a seat across from mom at the kitchen table.
"Laila's mom called and she said Laila isn't doing too well. She said it would make Laila feel better if you visit her." Mom told me.
Whoops, I guess Laila's mom doesn't know that we're not friends anymore and that Laila probably hates my guts. But mom's words told me that it was serious. So I decided to go as a muslim since it is required of us to go visit the sick.
When we got there Laila's mom was expecting us and she made us sit down and have some tea and cake.
"So Aisha hunny, how are you? It's been a while since you've come here."
"Alhamdulillah I'm fine, Sara. I'm sorry I haven't been visiting lately." I said looking at my hands. Sarah was Laila's mom's first name. I was really close to her since I practically grew up with Laila.
"It's fine," she said smiling.
"So umm... how's Laila?" I asked not quite sure if I was ready for her response.
"She's not doing too well hunny, her heart is getting worse and she just came home from a surgery today."
"Oh my Allah," mom whispered.
I was beyond shock. I knew Laila grew up with a cardiovascular problem and time to time she needed to get her heart checked and take some medications; But I didn't know that it had become this severe.
"There's something else." Sara said.
I nodded and she continued, "The doctor said this is the last surgery she can do. If her heart fails again, she won't be able to make it." She cracked on the last part. Mom and I got up and hugged her to console her.
"Please keep this between us. I haven't told anyone yet, not even Laila. Honestly I don't plan on telling her. She's probably awake by now. Why don't you go up and check up on her." Sara suggested.
I nodded and headed to Laila's room. Her bedroom was the last one down the hall. I had really missed this place. It reminded me of all the good time Laila and I had shared. When I was right in front of her door, I took a deep breath and I hesitantly knocked. After a minute I heard a weak "come in."
Her bedroom was still the same as I lost saw it. Laila was lying in her bed analysing me. She looked really scary today. She had dark bags under eyes, her skin colour had changed into a pale tint and she looked extremely weak and fragile. I took a seat right beside her bed and started playing with my fingers. After a long awkward silence she broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?" she croaked.
I looked up at her and said, "I'm here to see how you're doing." I said smiling a weak smile.
She stared at me with sad green eyes which no longer had the bright green that I knew.
"So how are you feeling?" I asked.
She ignored my question and instead asked me, "What did mom tell you?"
"Umm she said that your heart problem had acted up today and that you had a surgery." I whispered.
She stared at me for a bit until she broke down. "I'm going to die, Aisha." Laila said sobbing.
That took me off guard. I came closer to her and held her hand.
"You're not going to die, Laila." I said reassuring her. But to be honest, I didn't quite know if I was reassuring Laila or me.
She scoffed. "Yeah right. I heard the doctor talking to mom when I was in the washroom. They thought I wouldn't be able to hear but I heard everything." She said sniffling.
I gave her a tissue and she took it gladly. She nodded and suddenly I felt her grip my hand tighter.
"Aisha I know I've been bad to you and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am so sorry, really I am. Everytime I saw you in the hallway, a part of me always felt guilty and I knew deep down that I had messed up my life. But I couldn't stop. High school was so overwhelming and before I knew it I had a boyfriend, I was wearing crop tops and shorts and I had lost myself. I am such a bad person and I deserve every pain and hardship that comes my way." She was staring at the ceiling now lost in thought.
"Laia everything happens for a reason and this is Allah reminding you of his blessings upon you. The fact that your heart is still beating is a chance for you to change your life for the better good." I said tears stinging my eyes.
"And no you're not a bad person. Did you know you were the first girl I knew to wear hijab in elementary and middle school? You were such an inspiration and that motivated me to wear the hijab as well."
She looked at me in shock and suddenly I felt her grip my hand tighter.
"Can you please help me become the person who I once was? Please help me as I am so lost." she whispered, tears falling out of her eyes.
"Of course I will. Insha'Allah everything will be fine. Call me when you're feeling better okay?"
She nodded in relief.
"Oh and Aisha, please don't tell anyone. I want this to be kept a secret." Laila told me.
I smiled and closed the door after me. Mom and I went home.
Dinner was so quiet. I played around with my food for most of dinner since I didn't really have much of an appetite. Mom had asked me numerous times if I was feeling well and I had simply nodded. It wasn't until I was in my room that I replayed the incident that happened at Laila's home. Oh my Allah, I may be possibly losing Laila. I made du'aa for Laila asking Allah to forgive her and help her. After I closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.