"I think since it went pretty well and quite smoothly, I will get to lean on you from now on... You know... To get flowers" Lilly said, as we were both inspecting the venue we worked on.
"I would love that" I kept it short and simple, but I guess my words were somehow twisted and misunderstood on her part, since she smiled shyly before she turned around, leaving to finish her inspection.
It was not the smile I liked on that face. Wearing a red dress and heels, creating a look that I came to loathe since meeting that one customer... Yet, it was THAT face! THAT DAMNED FACE!!
I knew that this had to stop but I didn't know how to explain it to her and I had absolutely no courage to turn away again, from that same face. My only choice was to refrain from explaining and just create more of a distance for the time being. Maybe then, everything will fall into place and it will be fixed without me needing to say anything.
That was my plan.
But life had another plan written for us. And every single one of us three fell in place to accomplish it.
Without us realizing it, It had already begun and almost reached its end.
A very dreadful end.
As I mentioned, I planned to keep a low profile for a while and stay away but Lilly seemed to plan quite the opposite from mine. And her plan consisted of constant phone calls, even when I did not answer; not even once.
However, four days were quite enough to make me lose my patience, fill me with annoyance and push me to answer "Hello?!" I heard her voice when I picked up the phone.
My plan is not working so I have to end this. Now before later!
"Hey" I kept it short, getting ready to launch the bomb at her.
"How are you? it's been so long since I heard from you"
"I was just busy with work"
"So I heard. I just wanted to tell you that my assistant will be taking care of this next wedding this time. I have some things to attend to"
"Okay"
"O?..K?"
I knew that she was waiting for me to say something and keep the conversation going but I can't lead her on anymore. Amanda's words played in my head turning my annoyance into guilt, and guilt into courage. "Listen, Lilly, I need to tell you something, I-" I started, but I was interrupted by a voice right before I can reach the important part.
"Lilly honey did you see Jasmine?!" A voice that made me freeze when I heard it utter that one name.
.
.
.
THIS CAN NOT BE REAL!!
"Lilly.." I called her name in disbelief at what I was hearing on the other line
"No! she was with you!"
"I turned around for a second and she was gone"
"where is dad?"
"Lilly!" TALK TO ME!!.. "LILLY!" I shouted to get her attention.
"Sorry! I'll call you later!" she responded before she hung on the phone in a hurry.
"Wai-" Damn it! This is not the response I wanted to hear!!
She was her sister! She must be her twin sister!! That's why she looks the same!!
Idiot!! Why didn't I think of that?!
Jasmine and Lilly!!! OF COURSE, THESE TWO FLOWERS ARE FROM THE SAME GARDEN!!!
Fumbling with my phone screen to get her on the line again, I found myself already on my feet with every muscle of my body tense.
Why was she not answering?!!
.
.
.
.
Wait!
Did they just say jazz is gone?!
I felt an anxiety overload charge my body as I ran out of my apartment. What was happening or how it was happening didn't matter, all I know is that something strong took over me as I became a marionette under its full control, making me take my car and drive to their shop as fast as I can. Yet, to my luck... It was closed.
I looked around not knowing where her house was or where I should go. All I could do was try and get a hold of Lilly again. With a nervous breath and shaking nerves, I stood in front of their shop with the phone in my hand, stuck to my ear. All my other senses are shut, as my ears were focused on the continuous beeping, waiting for it to be replaced by her voice.
"Sorry, it's not the time. I need my phone to be available so don't cal-"
"WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!"
"....What?"
"We couldn't find her in the house. We looked around the shop, the streets, everywhere she could be... But we couldn't find her" her father informed me the moment he spotted me coming to where Lilly directed me on the phone after the sudden outburst I had given her.
"There are two more places" I stated still breathless from all the running and more from the surprise I had just gotten. However, this was no time to catch my breath. I gave them the address of the flower shop I used to work in before I ran back to my car, heading to the hotel and parting ways right there... But I wasn't alone; Lilly decided to tag along.
"You were the one that helped her?" Lilly decided to break the silence that filled the car for merely two minutes.
"...Yes"
"You are the owner of that watch." her voice broke
I glanced at her face for a second before I looked back to the road searching around trying to find Jasmine, but that didn't mean that her tears were unnoticed by me. "Yeah"
"God!" I heard her whimper beside me. "She tried to meet you so many times, I promised her to go find you someday but then told her that I was busy and I couldn't ... And all that time, I was the one to meet you"
"Wasn't she at your grandparents?" I had thought she was out of the city this whole time.
"She threw a fit when they tried to take your watch away from her, refused to eat if it wasn't a sandwich, and kept staring at the flowers outside all day long so they sent her back to us. we thought that she just wanted to be with us..." she threw her hands and pushed her head back bumping it with the headrest of her seat "GOD! her new weird interest in flowers makes sense now"
Idiot!
I'm a huge idiot for leaving you! Let alone think for one second that I should just go after your sister!
I parked in a hurry before I threw my guilt away with the wind that I cut through as I ran down my car, inside the hotel, and straight to the reception to ask if she came or if they had spotted her anywhere around.
"Sorry sir, we haven't seen her here" that was their answer.
I turned to Lilly who came after me "You wait here, and call me if you see her" I instructed her before I ran out, running the road to the shop from here. In case she came to the hotel first, then chose to go to the old shop.
Please be safe.
Please!
I beg you!
I kept scanning my surroundings, left and right and sometimes even back, just in case I didn't notice her when I passed... My lungs started to burn with how breathless I was getting and my intakes started shortening as the act of breathing itself became harder.
Halfway through the road, my phone rang. My ringtone didn't get to complete the first note before I picked it up. Not even for a second did my eyes stop scanning, not even a step did my feet stop making, yet all movement ceased when I heard that one sentence. "They found her, she's in the emergency unit now"
"I'll be right there stay where you are" I spun around hurling back to the hotel and straight to my car where I found Lilly waiting after that phone call.
Unlocking it, both of us rode there in silence but for once this silence was suffocating. I was hoping throughout the ride for a call to tell us that she was fine... However, she wouldn't be okay if she had to be admitted to the EU...
NO!
No negative thoughts!
She is fine. She is all right. Just a couple of scratches.
My grip tightened on the wheel as I sped up, unable to wait anymore. I needed to see her for myself, to calm my anxious mind. That was how the ride became a blur, but so did every other thing. All I know is that I am now standing five feet away from her parents as Lilly was right by her mom taking her shaking hands in hers. "How is she?" She asked her, but all her parents did was cry in return to her question and shake their heads.
"What is that supposed to mean?!" my tone was harsh, alarming them and those around us.
"Sir. Please keep it down. There are patients in here." a nurse warned me with plain words but glaring eyes that spelled "If you don't keep quiet, we will kick you out"; which is something I don't want. I need to stay here. And so, I tried to calm myself in return. I turned to her dad hoping to get coherent information from him "Where is she?" I asked him.
"She's getting an operation"
"On what?" Lilly asked before I could
"We found her in front of the flower shop... On the ground... With a pool of blood around her" phrase after phrase, he barely was able to phrase them, yet I don't blame him as I barely was able to take them.
Her mother cried harder as if she was reminded of the state they found her in. Lilly started crying along with her, shaking her head not believing it.
Even I couldn't believe it.
My brain kept telling me that this can not be happening... This is not real...
But my heart felt it. The pain was real... The pain was too real.
I took a fist full of my hair as I puffed my chest and released a shaking breath turning around and refusing to accept any of this...
She must have gone there to see me!!
SHE TRIED TO SEE ME WHILE ALL I DID WAS RUN AWAY FROM HER!!
Two hours of suffocation have passed. Two hours passed of cops interrogating her family, while I was left in front of that door. Two hours passed with that one door separating the two of us... My leg was shaking as I was sitting on a chair with my head down, held with my two hands; heavy and blurry with all the thoughts and the information it had to take in a such short time, blurry like my vision, due to tears that my eyes created then pushed out making them fall to the ground.
I was a mess, waiting for her.
We were a mess waiting for her.
And that closed door made it all worse for all four of us.
Please open up already!
Please!
IT OPENED!! FINALLY!
I jumped up to face the doctor "How is she?" I asked him as fast as I can. As if my speed will grant me a fast answer.
"Sir, where are her parents?" he was surprised to find me in front of him but this is no time for introductions.
"They're with the cops. How is she?!" I was getting impatient
"I need to see her parents first I-"
"JUST TELL ME FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
"Calm down, sir. She is fine. I just need to talk to her guardians about her condition"
I breathed in relief "You could have said so from the beginning." knowing that she was fine wasn't enough "Can I see her?" I needed to see her for myself.
"She is still unconscious for now"
"Why? How long will she stay unconscious? Is there something wrong?" I bombarded him with questions.
"Sir!" he yelled, jolting me in surprise before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. I stared, not knowing what I was anticipating, but he didn't disappoint. He opened his eyes and drew a smile on his face "She will be unconscious till the injection's effect subsides, Sir. Nothing is wrong, everything is fine. I understand what you are going through but I cannot share the patient's state with anyone but her guardians. This is the EU so I cannot waste too much time, there are other patients that need immediate care. I hope you understand."
"Yeah. I apologize. I- " I know what I was doing was pretty annoying but I couldn't control myself, I couldn't even control my body. As proof of that, my legs betrayed me and I stumbled back to where I was sitting "Thank god, and thank you."
He passed me with a slight nod, and he went to inform her parents and cops about her situation.
Our tension subsided but our concern remained the same, fortunately, we were all granted entrance; we were able to get in and check on her while she was still asleep. but none of us expected the state she was in even after being informed about it. The puffy eyes and face, bruises and cuts, I don't like what I'm seeing but I can't keep my eyes away from her face anymore.
It has been four hours since I answered Lilly's call. Four hours and I am here standing in front of her, something I had not expected to happen tonight. What took over me in those past hours seemed to free me and my mind; making all the events and words turn into a blur and only her current image is the clarity.
I wished countless of times to see her but never once in this state. There were times when my yearning for her turned into anger and I imagined myself running to her and gripping her by the collar to meet her eyes and release all of my pain but never once had I wanted her to be in pain... I-
"Are you serious about our daughter?" her father's question averted all the attention that she was getting towards him.
The nervousness his question injected into my body caused me to shift around and look at him then at Lilly. This was it. This must have been my punishment for leaving her.
"Sir, I..."
"I'm not." I wanted to say, but I was afraid he would throw me out and deprive me of seeing Jasmine if I did.
"I am talking about Jasmine" he added when he noticed my hesitation. I gaped at him as he gave me a small, faint smile filled with pain. So faint, that if I didn't look closely I wouldn't have noticed it.
"I-. I am" I nodded slowly but so surely.
I am not ashamed of the feelings I hold for her, nor afraid. I am not hesitant or in pain. Anymore.
I felt the love, that I never felt better before. I felt my love for her fill me, spread through me, and make me whole. And it finally cooled off, causing me to recognize where the harm was done; it was not my lungs that were burning but my heart that was.
_It's not what you say, it's the fact that you say._
I guess some words shouldn't be chosen, for the tangles to unravel.
When realization consumed me but also completed me, a tear surprised me, as it stained my face, yet a smile was curved, when it smoothly reached my lips, wetting them. But my smile didn't last that long, because the question was finally asked, hitting where it hurts most.
"Then why didn't you come to see her again? She waited every day, that it broke my heart to see her that way and I had to send her away"
"I-.." I wiped my tear off, then turned to watch her "I really don't know what to say, sir. Except that I am sorry."
"She-she fought with her life so they wouldn't steal your watch but... She got stabbed at the end"
What?
I stared at him stunned, questioning my ears, not believing what I was hearing. Yet again, I was unable to believe anything that occurred today... I remember how she acted when they stole her phone before, she was shocked but she didn't do anything to get it, she didn't fight to-
"She wore your watch till her wrist bled from scratching it. We tried to get it from her, but she turned the house upside down searching for it when we took it off and hid it while she was asleep... She even begged us to give it back to her" her mom stated, in a tone so low but so loud in this quiet room.
Her words drove my attention to both of her wrists to find one of them bruised and scratched. "I'm sorry... Deeply sorry" That was all I could say. I said it to her family but my heart had meant it for her.
This whole time I was too self-absorbed in my own feelings and thoughts to notice you.
I had thought that this separation will be the death of me... and me only.
But it nearly killed you... for real.
I'm sorry, Jasmine... I am truly sorry.