"Are you sure you want to train today?" Xavier frowned, offering me his hand to help me off of the forest floor.
"I'm sure." I nodded, dusting the dry mud and leaves off of my legs.
We had been training every day for the last week because more and more time was going past without any sign of Jude or his friends to be seen. You would think that Jude being quiet would be a good thing, but it was setting us all on edge because we knew it wouldn't last long.
As a result of our training, the bruises on my body were growing. I felt much more capable in my ability, but I must admit I was quite sore. When you're up against a werewolf, you tend to get thrown around like a rag doll and you just have to learn how to take it in your stride.
"At least take a ten minute break, baby." Xavier pleaded, looking at me with concern.
I sighed, nodding to agree to a break and falling to the ground again in exhaustion. I had done nothing but work my ass off this week, so a break was a big deal for me (and much needed).
Xavier silently handed me some water and I downed it all, devouring the cool liquid like it was the elixir of life. Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I looked up at Xavier with a grateful smile.
"Since we're on a break, could we talk for a second?" I requested, my stomach twisting with nervousness.
"Sure, what about?" Xavier dropped to the ground, sitting beside me and giving me his full attention.
"When you and Noah were sorting out the rogues at the border, I had a chat with Gracie and she told me more about marking your mate." I began cautiously, "Could you tell me more about the actual process? She said it helped a lot with her nerves about being separated from her mate and I was really struggling with that- not knowing whether you're okay or not, I mean."
Xavier made sure to listen tentatively to what I had to say, taking ahold of my hand so that we both had a bit of comfort from the tingles. He was debating what to say in his head before he came out with it, so it took a while for him to respond.
"Mating is when you have sex for the first time, Cam..." Xavier finally managed to get out, shocking me.
"Oh." Was the only thing I could get out, my cheeks slowly turning red.
I'm not sure what I had expected mating to involve, but it wasn't that- some kind of ritual involving the moon goddess, maybe. The atmosphere was beyond awkward now. It had been a while since Xavier and I had shared an awkward moment, so it was sort of a throwback to the start of our relationship.
"I'm sorry that everyone keeps bringing it up." Xavier sighed, "I know we're trying to take things at our own pace, so don't let any of this pressure you. Not Jude, not my parents, not Noah and Gracie. I want to do this when we're ready- not for convenience because Jude's a prick and it would make things easier."
I took a moment to myself to think about what he said. Regardless of how I felt about not knowing whether Xavier was safe or not, Xavier was right about us needing to take things at our own pace.
"What if taking it slow comes back to bite us in the ass?" I sighed.
"What if rushing things comes back to bite us in the ass?" Xavier retaliated, "We could make up a hundred 'what if' questions, but I'd be happier if we didn't let Jude and pack issues effect our relationship. You're special and I want you to feel special and ready when it happens."
I groaned, falling backwards on the grass with my head in my hands. Why was everything so complicated? The hatred I had for Jude only intensified with each passing day as more reasons to hate him were presented to me.
"Fuck Jude, honestly." I grumbled, crossing my arms behind my head and looking up at the green sky of leaves above us.
"I know it's frustrating, baby- I'm sorry." Xavier apologised, laying next to me and looking up too.
"No, I don't blame you. I blame Jude."
"Things will calm down soon, hopefully."
"Hopefully."
After that we were left in silence for a while. I had a lot to think about, so I was grateful for the moments silence. With everything going on, Xavier and I barely got moments alone to chill out like this anymore, so it felt good to just be with him and not have to be fretting about what we need to do if we're attacked.
A single leaf fell from one of the top branches above us, drifting down and zig zagging through the sky. Moments where it caught the sun were beautiful as it looked almost more gold than green, captivating our attention. It eventually landed just between the two of us, so that we had to turn to look at each other to see where it landed.
Our eyes connected and the smile that spread across his perfect face was breathtaking and contagious. Smiling back at him, we just stared at each other for a while. He really was the most handsome guy I had ever seen; from his buzzed hair to the slight stubble decorating his jaw, he was perfect in every way to me.
"Can I kiss you?" Xavier whispered, making my heart soar as I nodded.
He was smooth, moving closer and pressing his lips to mine in one swift movement, stealing my breath away and making me melt into his touch. He was too damn good at making me fall for him at every hurdle.
Every touch his fingertips made against my body filled me with pure ecstasy, making me feel as if I were in heaven. I had never felt like this with anyone and after knowing this feeling, I never wanted to be with anyone else...
I never wanted this moment to end.
Of course, we weren't exactly that lucky. Things tended to never go how we wanted and lately good moments like this didn't last long. This particular moment was interrupted by the incessant ringing of Xavier's phone- a sound I had come to hate recently, since it never seemed to bring good news.
Xavier pulled away form me reluctantly, glancing towards the spot under the tree where his phone sat with his other belongings. I could tell that he felt bad about work interrupting our little moment, but I was glad that we got such a special moment at all- never mind the length of it.
"Go." I smiled, trying to let him know that it was okay.
"I'm sorry." He murmured, placing one last kiss on my lips before he jumped to his feet and jogged to his ringing phone.
Rolling back onto my back, I looked up at the green canopy above and thought about whether Xavier and I would have more moments like this once all of the Jude drama was over. Would there always be a 'Jude' as long as Xavier was Alpha? Or would we get periods of peace? I had so many questions, but I didn't want to put any more pressure on Xavier right now- he's dealing with enough.
"No, it's okay." Xavier grunted into the phone, slipping his coat back on.
Sitting up in my spot, I could see how frustrated he was that he had to leave. It was probably a call from Noah, asking him to get to the pack house as soon as possible for yet another meeting about boarder security and lockdown drills.
"I'll be there in five." Xavier hung up the phone, tucking it away with another heavy sigh.
"Leaving so soon, Alpha Evans?" I teased, making him groan.
"You just had to get Kodiak on your side, didn't you?" Xavier moped, "Now he doesn't want to leave!"
"No, you promised you'd be five minutes." I reminded him, a playful smile on my lips.
"Want to come with me?" Xavier offered, "It's nothing exciting, but Noah needs my signature on a few forms so I have to be at the meeting."
"Can't he just forge it?" I chuckled.
"I don't think that the elders would approve." Xavier tutted playfully, "Coming?"
"I think I'll stay here and walk around a little actually." I hummed, "I've been to a million meetings but I've only taken a walk around the pack grounds a handful of times."
"Okay, baby." Xavier nodded, "Let me know if you get lost or if you want me to come meet you. My front door's unlocked if you wanna go home, too."
"You sound like a mother." I shook my head with a smile, "I'll be fine. Go, quickly- they're waiting."
"Let them wait. I want a goodbye kiss."
Xavier crouched down to my level and tilted my chin up, taking a second to look at me. After a second of waiting, I got impatient and closed the gap between us, pressing my lips to his. He made the noise that let me know that he was overly happy, wrapping his arms around me and tackling me to the forest floor.
"You. Are. Perfect." With every word Xavier placed another kiss on my lips, making me giggle.
"You need to go!" I exclaimed, through the delighted giggles.
"How can I leave when you're so perfect?" Xavier murmured, brushing my hair out of my face with the tips of his fingers.
"You flirt. Get going."
"Fine, spoilsport."
With one last kiss, Xavier was gone and I was left alone with the trees.
Being alone like this with the trees in view reminded me of nighttimes sat in my old windowsill. Sometimes I miss nights like those- a cigarette in one hand, a packet of biscuits beside me and a view that could win first prize in a photography contest. The tranquility and nostalgia of it would always be something I would look back on fondly, but I was so much happier now.
I was living decently and trying to be a good person because for once, I was looking forward to the future. Never before had I thought that Cameron White would be excited about what the future holds, but Xavier had changed that aspect of me. Changed it for the better.
Without having realised it, my eyes had started tearing up and fat tears were silently rolling down my cheeks as I lay in the grass and stared up at the trees. However, they weren't tears of sadness- I was happy that I had met somebody like Xavier and that I had found a reason to look forward to tomorrow.
"God, when did I become so damn emotional?" I muttered to myself, wiping my tears away with the backs of my hands.
I scoffed to myself, getting off the floor to stop myself from overthinking any more and turning into a sobbing, emotional mess. How did I go from not caring about a breakup in the slightest to suddenly crying in happiness over absolutely nothing? I blame Xavier.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, musing over whether I should text him or not. When did I turn into a love-struck tween? Letting my phone drop to my chest, I sighed deeply. I wanted to text him, but it had literally only been ten minutes.
"Fuck it." I muttered, picking up my abandoned phone once again.
I typed a quick text saying that I missed him already and that I hoped the meeting was going well, but I ended up deleting it all once I realised how sappy and desperate that sounded. I put my phone down once again, only to pick it up again two seconds later.
Once again, I typed out that I missed him and was hoping the meeting went well, but this time I added a question on what he wanted for dinner. See, the subject of dinner gave the text meaning, so that it didn't seem like I wanted t text him for the sake of texting him. Of course, I did just want to text him, but I didn't want him to know that- I was always texting first. I read it over a few times, pondering whether to press send or not.
'You've been typing for the last ten minutes, you okay?' -Xavier
I blushed at that, dropping the phone once again...
How embarrassing.