This chapter is a Mental Health awarness chapter.i think right now is the right time to start speaking up more about Mental Health with lockdown.the number of suicides has gone up a lot during lockdown and i just want everyone to know your not alone.whether you can talk to an adult of some sorts at home or one of these hotlines and websites please speak out because you all deserve a happy and healthy life.there is quite a lot so if you want to skip to the chapter find this emoji -🎀
Please please please check up on your friends.i hope your all having an amazing day.remember you are all worth it❤️
These are some hotlines that the NHS have provides if you need someone to talk to:
Anxiety UK
03 444 775 774 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 7.30pm; Saturday to Sunday, 10am to 2pm)
Website: www.anxietyuk.org.uk
Bipolar UK
A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.
Website: www.bipolaruk.org.uk
CALM
CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.
Phone: 0800 58 58 58 (daily, 5pm to midnight)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Men's Health Forum
24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.
Website: www.menshealthforum.org.uk
Mental Health Foundation
Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.
Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk
Mind
Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)
Website: www.mind.org.uk
No Panic
Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia or OCD.
Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am to 10pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider's Access Charge
Website: www.nopanic.org.uk
OCD Action
Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.
Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider's Access Charge
Website: www.ocdaction.org.uk
OCD UK
A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.
Phone: 0333 212 7890 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm)
Website: www.ocduk.org
PAPYRUS
Young suicide prevention society.
Phone: HOPELINEUK 0800 068 4141 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 10pm, and 2pm to 10pm on weekends and bank holidays)
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀-WARNING SELF HARM!!!
Jaeden
I promised her.i promised that id thrown away all the blades,all the pills that were around the house..anything that i could use to relapse.i told her i was better.
I stood shirtless as i looked at myself in the mirror with tears running down my pale face.why wasnt i good enough? Why was i so skinny? Why was i made like this?
All the body shaming,all of the insult i cant just brush past them and pretend i never read them.i cant help but slip a tear every now and then.
She doesnt know what happens when she leaves.she doesnt know that i unscrewed my sharpener for school or the spare pills that sit at the bottom of my sock drawn.she doesnt know how ashamed i am of my relapse but the feeling of cold blade across my warm skin makes me forget the fact everyone body shames me,to take the numbness away
I sniff and turn away from the mirror,grabbing my shirt and buttoning it up.i ruffle up my blonde hair and wipe my reddening eyes.
15 minutes.shes here in 15.
I grab my phone to see shed messaged me saying shell be here soon.
I couldnt wait to feel her in my arms again.for her to warm my heart and make me feel again.
I look down at my bandaged arms and think about adding some lines but then I remember.i remember the words she spoke to me that night.
'Your worth everything to me.you have so many people who love you.stay alive if not for you but for me.i dont know what id do if you werent around'
Those words kept me sane.every word that left her mouth kept me going.
I closed my eyes,taking in a breath before grabbed my sweatshirt and putting it on.i adjusted my collar so it was sticking out of my sweatshirt.
Another sigh left my lips as i heard my moms faint voice coming from downstairs.
"Jaeden" she called up from the bottom of the stairs.
"Coming" i opened my door to shout down.i grabbed my cup that id used early to put downstairs and left the room.
"Hey" i said to the beautiful h/c haired girl.she smiled up at me as my mom put y/ns coat in the closest.
I jumped down the bottom two stairs to quickly put my cup in the kitchen.
"You alright?" She asked tilting her head slightly as she folded her arms across her body to warm herself up.
"Yeah are you?" I asked grabbing her hand and pulling her in for a hug.
"Im happy as long as you are" she said after wed pulled away.
"Come on" i motioned towards the stairs.
She followed me up and i shut my door once we were in.
"Want a sweatshirt?" I asked pointing to my closet.
"Yeah please" she smiled at me as i went over to get one.
"But i want this one" she smiled as she came over and pointed at the one i had on.if i took it off shed see.
"But im cold cant you wear one of these" i ran my hand over the many sweatshirts.
"But that ones warmer and smells like you" she pouts as she wraps her arms around my torso.
"Please" the puppy dog eyes.those eyes.
"Okay fine" i sighed,grabbed anothing sweatshirt to quickly change over without her seeing.
I slowly pull it over my head.as soon as its off i hand it to her but as soon as she grabs it,she drops it.
Her eyes almost buldge out of her head as her eyes set on my wrapped up arms.
"Y-you relapsed?!" She grabbed my arm and looked at me frantically.
I looked down,ashamed of myself for being the way i am.
"Im sorry" my voice cracking as i spoke.
"No no Jae you dont need to be sorry" she wrapped her arms around my neck,slightly going on her tiptoes.
"I messed up again" i shook my head and fought back tears.
"No you didnt Jaeden stop bringing yourself down this isnt your fault i should have realised sooner,how long has this been going on..?" She asked.the last time i promised id never cut was 5 months ago..i drew my first line exactly 5 weeks after our conversation.
"Not long after our talk" a single tear slipped as i gave her sorrowful eyes.
"I should have realised,we couldve gotten you real help and not just taken away all the sharp blades" she shook her head and she quietly cried to herself.
She let go,looking around my room in various places for im guessing a blade.
"Where is it" she said turning to look at me.
I stood in silence before finally going over to a piggy bank i had that a fan gave me.i opened the bottom.a couple pennys fell out along with a small sharp blade.
I shakily picked it up and handed it to her.
"Is that the only thing..? She took in a shaky breath.
I went over to my sock draw and pulled out the full bottle of pills.
She quickly took them out of my hand and flushed them down the toilet.
She walked back into my room only to walk back to the bathroom with the blade.
I sighed.i didnt know how to fix everything.
"We need to talk with somebody..a professiona,just someone who can help you for real okay? I seriously cant loose you Jae" she cupped my cheeks before lightly kissing me.
"We can deal with talking in the morning for now i think you just need some cuddles"
I hadnt realised how much i was crying until she wiped my eyes.
And thats what we did.we cuddled.
I was far from being better but i was slowly on that journey..
I thought it would be better to write from Jaedens point of view to show that celebrities go through stuff like this too.the hate isnt needed.it recently came to my attention that fans are body shaming Jaeden for being 'skinny'.hes perfect and shouldnt need to feel like his body is bad when everyones body is unique yet beautiful.if you need to talk to someone please talk to someone.my instagram is @_hollyemmax if anyone needs to talk <3