A/N: This chapter is only dialogue. The dialogue occurs in various, named time-skips, taking place between Scorpius and Dr. Porter. It's formatted differently since we're passing about a month period in a single chapter. Dr. Porter's lines will be written in italics and Scorpius's lines will use the regular font. Enjoy!
Potential trigger warning:
This is mainly a chain of therapy sessions for dealing with trauma at the loss of a parent. Please ask if you want the chapter summary instead of reading. Take care of yourself! ~Crystal
******
~DAY 1~
"How do you feel?"
"It's... complicated."
"Try to explain?"
"Okay."
"Take as long as you need."
"I guess- I guess I feel lost."
"Lost?"
"It's like there's this entire world outside of me but I can't reach it. I want to... but I just- I just can't."
"How about the nightmares?"
"They were gone for a couple days. But l-last night..."
"Scorpius? Are you okay?"
"N-no... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."
"You haven't done anything wrong."
"I... I wish I could believe that."
~DAY 2~
"Your grandmother says it's gotten worse. Are you sure you won't take any medication to help you sleep?"
"I tried. It didn't help me."
"I see. Have the flashes changed again?"
"Flashes?"
"These images are more than nightmares. From your descriptions, you may be dealing with suppressed trauma."
"Oh... in that case... Yeah there's a new scene. I just can't s-stop it."
"Stop what?"
"Her... leaving."
"Who?"
"My... her... my father's... wife."
"Your mother?"
"Yes. Astoria M-Malfoy."
"Every night you see her?"
"The past few. Ever since I blacked out, her face keeps... surfacing."
"Were you there with her?"
"W-what do you mean?"
"When she... left this world. Were you with her?"
"I should have been. But I wasn't."
~DAY 3~
"It hurts to think about it."
"I know. We'll take all of this as slow as you need."
"Can't I...?"
"Yes?"
"Can't I just forget?"
"Do you truly want that?"
"No. I guess I don't."
~DAY 5~
"Her eyes were brown. And they were always... kind. When I was younger, I wanted so badly to I have her eyes instead of my father's."
"Why is that?"
"Because I never thought of A-Astoria as a Malfoy. She was just..."
"It's alright if you can't say it."
"I... Astoria was my... m-moth-"
"You can do this, Scorpius."
"My m-mother. She was m-my mother."
~DAY 8~
"Anything else?"
"Mum hated all of the black in the house. Every year, she'd fight my grandmother about the color scheme. Then one year, she painted my parents' room pink. Bright, cheery pink! Father absolutely hated it. But he loved her and kept it up..."
"Is it still pink now?"
"He locked the room up... I haven't been inside in over a year."
"How old were you?"
"Thirteen."
"Oh."
"It's okay. I don't know what to think either."
~DAY 12~
"Why was it me?"
"Please clarify."
"She died. My MOTHER died. Because my parents decided to have me."
"You blame yourself for her passing?"
"You know the phrase an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth?"
"I do."
"This time it was a mother for a youth. I didn't get a say. I couldn't do anything because she chose me..."
"A blood curse was the reason she died, Scorpius."
"But why did she get weaker?! Because of me!!! I'M THE REASON!!! ........... Sorry. I didn't mean to yell... it's just- I- she only died because I exist."
"We all pass on eventually. Your mother loved you-"
"Yeah? Well my mother died because of that. Everyone who... everyone... oh god... everyone who loves me dies. Is that it?"
"The experiences you've had to endure in life are horrific. But the deaths you've seen are not because you're responsible for them."
"my mum... albus... who next?"
"Albus Potter is alive."
"He didn't exist once... and it was my fault."
"He was alive when you saw him a week ago."
"r-right..."
"Loving you is not a death wish. You've suffered loss, but pinning the blame on yourself will not take it away. Would your mother want-"
"She's gone. I don't know what she wants. Nobody does."
"Do you truly believe that?"
"What?"
"That she's gone completely."
"She's not here."
"Do you believe in an afterlife?"
"I... I don't know."
"Your mother would be proud of the person you are today, Scorpius."
"She- you think...?"
"I've only known you for a couple months, but I can tell you've got a strong heart. A good one. Most people can go their whole life without even grasping at the morals you hold yourself to. It's my honor to be on this journey with you, Scorpius. You're a strong, capable, young boy who has so much life to live."
"T-thank you... I... I didn't know I needed th-that."
~DAY 18~
"Two weeks ago, you told me you never saw your mother as a Malfoy."
"I did?"
"Yes. Do you remember what you meant by that?"
"Hold on..."
"Take as much t-"
"Oh."
"Go ahead."
"You see, when people hear my last name, they make instant assumptions. My grandfather was a death eater. My father too. I come from a very long line of pure-blooded Slytherins with a reputation of hate and lies... but... my mother was never that.
"My mother was brave and she was kind. She would smile and people could feel like the world was okay again. Her laugh was infectious. My mum... loved people without knowing who they were.
"She was everything I wanted to be. Everything I want to be. I look exactly like my father... and so people assume I am him. They look at me and think they know everything about my story they need to. That means I'm left behind.
"Cause of this, I used to wish I had brown hair and brown eyes. I wished I could be someone else in their eyes. As if, just maybe, looking like my mother would... somehow make me closer to her. Even though my father says I act like her in every mannerism."
"She was the opposite of the Malfoy legacy in a way?"
"Yes. And now I have to be both of the opposites..."
"You're not only a legacy."
"I'm the only heir to my bloodline. What else can I be?"
~DAY 22 ~
"Have the flashes gotten any better?"
"They're more confused now."
"What do you mean?"
"There are so many voices crammed into one space... I can't actually hear most of them over the whispering."
"Whispers? So you'd no longer describe them as screaming?"
"Yes."
"Do remember which whispers you can hear?"
"I can hear... Delphi's laugh... Al's scream... my mother's singing... then the various echos of my peer's taunting."
"With images?"
"No. I'm just... falling now. Falling down to somewhere I don't know."
"Do you want to try the medication again?"
"Maybe."
~DAY 27~
"Happy Birthday."
"Not much of a birthday, to be honest."
"Did you receive anything?"
"Rose sent me a sugar quill as a joke..."
"Rose?"
"Granger-Weasley."
"Ah, I see."
"Our first and only date..."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine actually. Probably didn't even count as a date. Turns out I liked someone else so that was the end of anything."
"I see. And this someone else was...?"
"Al."
"Ah, right. I didn't want to make assumptions."
"That's alright. I don't like assuming either. But it is kind of obvious, huh?"
"I wouldn't say that."
"I would. Everyone knew."
"Your father included?"
"Yes. He's great with the idea actually... but who could have thought a Malfoy and a Potter would end up friends? Much less... anything more than that."
"Another way you've defied the odds
"Sometimes I wonder how many odds there are."
~ DAY 30 ~
"Am I getting any better?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is this... is this therapy stuff helping me?"
"I think you're the final judge of that, Scorpius. How do you feel?"
"I don't know."