Note:
Oh boy, this chapter is pretty long! Not sure what people's preferences are regarding chapter lenght but I could not find any fitting spot to split the story. So yeah, enjoy :)
End note.
THE GHOSTS OF THE PAST (II).
Sarawat was on his way to band practice when he received a message from Pam, asking to meet since there was something urgent that they needed to talk about. Well look at that. He exhaled, combing a tanned hand through his hair and resolutely made a U-turn, sauntering off in the direction of their place of meeting. They had to talk eventually, so this was now or never.
Sarawat adjusted the strap of the guitar case on his shoulder as he finally noticed Pam. She was leaning on the steel railing that ran along the riverbank. Pam's silky, pink dress was flowing in the slight breeze around her, flatteringly framing her slender frame. The walk path along the river was bustling with all sorts of people at this time, office workers heading home, couples on bikes and families sitting on the slope of the bank parts away from the river itself, letting their children play in the grass. Sarawat crisscrossed through the bikes and pedestrians, coming to stand next to the young woman. He looked quietly out over the grayish river moving ahead sluggishly, squinting at the sun as it reflected playfully in the glistering ripples on the water.
"Oh! You're already here," Pam said with a hitched breath of surprise as she noticed Sarawat. Her long hair whipped about she abruptly turned around to face him. The girl darted in closer to Sarawat, expectantly inclining her head for a kiss and Sarawat dutifully pressed his lips to her temple. Pam opened her big eyes, lashes fluttering and glared candidly at him since the kiss did not land on her lips, but Sarawat did not really care. He was over with playing this charade with her.
"Yes, and now that I'm here, what did you want to talk about?" He asked dryly, almost amusedly. Sometimes Pam acted far too much like a little sister than a girlfriend. At best it entertained him and at worst it annoyed him to no end. Sarawat casually leaned over the railing, elbows perched atop the steel pipe while letting his hands off of it floppily. This time he could already tell that he was most likely going to be annoyed by anything that came out of her mouth.
When the silence stretched a little too long Sarawat turned his head, owlishly staring at Pam over his shoulder. A shadow fell across his face from the guitar case on his back. Pam scrunched up her face disapprovingly, now openly glaring at Sarawat. He was insufferable.
"It's like you don't even care," she said accusingly, jumping straight into the unspoken but implied topic of her being with another dude while crossing her arms over her chest. The movement tightened her dress and flatteringly framed the gentle slope of her breasts. Almost as if she wanted to draw attention to her figure, letting him know what he could lose if the conversation did not go well. Sarawat repressed an eye roll, she was so easy to read. "Are you not even worried?"
"Is there something for me to be worried about?" Sarawat asked in return, cocking his head to one side and arching his eyebrows. Pam's gaze roamed over the young man's face uncertainly, having hit a sudden roadblock in the form of Sarawat's stubbornness. What a tricky bastard!
"Maybe," she daunted, lifting her chin defiantly, hair billowing gently around her face in the breeze. Shit, this was totally not going as she had expected it to.
Sarawat sighed, rubbing at his nape with one hand while stuffing the other one into the pocket of his denim jacket, fingertips grazing at the guitar pick inside.
"Pam, I saw you with another guy. Stop beating around the bush. Are you into him? Should we break up?"
If she liked this new guy, then Sarawat was not going to keep Pam tied down any longer than necessary, especially now when it was clear to him how lacking their relationship had been. Sarawat had initially written off the missing spark as them being childhood friends. Knowing each other for years could very well have been a reason why there was nothing new and exciting sprouting between them, why it had been so mundane and lackluster. Why the hell had they tried to force something that was not even there to begin with?
The young woman was flabbergasted, her pink, small mouth agape as she gawked at Sarawat in shock. She had seen this abrasive side of him before but had never been on the receiving end of it herself.
"Is this- Are you actually breaking up with me?"
Sarawat shrugged his wide shoulders, the guitar case at his back swaying. He then turned around more fully, putting his back against the river and facing his soon to be ex-girlfriend with a blank expression.
"You tell me. are we?"
"I hate you," she whispered vehemently, her hands curled into fists as she punched one hand against Sarawat's strong chest and then another one, letting her fists tumble against his body. "Are you not even a little jealous? Show some emotion! It's like you don't even care!"
Oh, Sarawat did care but it was more about her inappropriate behavior, going behind his back instead of confronting him directly. Sarawat grabbed her small hands, stopping her from assaulting him any further.
"I do care," he said with an exasperated exhale, watching her trash around dramatically in his grasp. Since when where they a part of a K-drama cast? People had now started to turn their heads around when walking by, looking curiously at the two of them. "But right now you're acting like a spoiled child."
"I'm your girlfriend, it's my right to act spoiled around you!"
"Pam, you're one of my oldest friends but you haven't been my girlfriend... for some time now," Sarawat confessed. If even, he added in his mind. Surely she must have felt that something had been missing all this time, well, namely a thing called love.
The girl stilled in his grasp, bowing her head between them while the wheels were turning inside her mind, going back to all their time together, analyzing where and when it had all gone wrong.
"I-" her voice waivered brokenly. "You're right," she then murmured defeated, finally acknowledging the aggravating elephant in the room. However, she was not planning on giving up that easily. Pam looked up, throwing her head back. "But we can still make it work, right?" She asked heatedly. The girl then brazenly darted in closer, going all up in Sarawat's face, her eyes piercing. "Tell me, have you found someone else? Is that why you're acting like this?"
Pam was maybe unable to tell what was going on in Sarawat's head right at this particular moment but she still knew him, knew of his likes and dislikes, knew all about his strange habits. And this, this was a perfect example of him moving on once he had found something more interesting, getting bored with his current plaything.
Sarawat felt a little speechless at her unexpectedly blunt question. Well, did he? Find someone else that is?
And then his mind blanked out completely when Tine suddenly burst into space behind Pam, as if entering through some kind of other dimensional portal. A rosy cheeked Tine clad in comfy jeans and a white t-shirt, his dark hair ruffled and feet bare, hovering a little above the ground bewilderedly. Sarawat had to blink a couple of times to make sure he was not just seeing things, dark lashes fluttering uncomprehendingly. But the other guy just shrugged his wide shoulders merrily, even if a little perplexed at suddenly being out in the blazing sun. Tine pressed a pale finger to his lips in a shushing gesture when it looked like Sarawat was about to splutter something stupid.
What the hell!
Sarawat's eyes grew comically in size. How the heck was Tine all the way out here? Could other people see him too? Sarawat's gaze flickered around the perimeter, trying to discern if someone else had noticed the ghost pop out of thin air but so far it was only Sarawat, everyone else were going about their business as usual; pedestrians passing by and couples sitting in the grass. Sarawat was the only one seeing ghosts in the broad daylight.
Seeing the other guy freeze up ridiculously, Tine nudged his head forward as if telling him to quit dillydallying and return to the conversation at hand. And as an afterthought Tine stuck his pink tongue out at Sarawat teasingly, hands stuck in the pockets of his jeans. Why the hell was he still getting spooked each time Tine showed up?
"Sarawat?" Pam asked, worriedly looking at her boyfriend's shocked expression, noticing how his face had unexpectedly drained of color. She glanced over her shoulder confusedly but saw nothing in particular that could be of interest there. What was going on with him?
"Uh-" Sarawat tried to school his features and failed marginally since his heart was doing crazy somersaults inside his chest. What the actual fuck? Was he going mental, seeing Tine in such odd places? Sarawat finally ripped his imploring gaze from Tine's lithe frame, eyes darting back to the girl as he extorted some serious effort to remember what the hell they had been talking about.
"No, there's no one else. I'm not seeing anyone else," Sarawat replied flatly, still amidst of recollecting himself. His dark eyes kept flickering over her shoulder to the ghost, mind in shambles. He was feeling relieved that Tine had finally reappeared after days of agonizing anticipation but he was also worried that Tine could just as quickly disappear any minute.
Meanwhile, Tine leisurely crossed his arms over his chest, biceps flexing slightly under the strain of his plain white t-shirt, enjoying unfurling the show before his amused eyes. He arched his eyebrows expectantly at Sarawat. How long was he going to stare at Tine with those dark, hypnotizing orbs?
"Pam, I just think that we're better off as friends," Sarawat blurted out finally, eyes still glued to the ghost. And honestly, there was nothing else he could say or do now that would make the break up any less painful for Pam. Might as well just rip off the band-aid.
Ouch.
Tine made a funny face while unashamedly listening in on their conversation, flashing a straight line of white teeth in a grimace. That poor girl, Sarawat was not even trying to let her down gently. Sarawat sent Tine a reprimanding glare, signaling him to stop projecting his thoughts so loudly and just shut up. Tine smiled widely while mimicking a zipping motion, dragging an imaginary zipper over his plump lips with one hand. He then floated a little ways away from the couple to give them some privacy, hands clasped precariously behind his back.
"I don't believe you," Pam hissed, her eyes glistening with unshed, angry tears, successfully pulling Sarawat back into their conversation. "I- I need some time to think about this, let's finish this conversation later."
"Pam-" Sarawat turned to her confusedly, a little slow since his attention kept flickering to Tine all the way over by the railing, where he was serenely looking out over the river. Sarawat was not quite willing to let him out of his sight. Regardless, he still reached out one tanned hand in a futile attempt to grab a hold of Pam's arm as she turned on her heel. The girl however, flinched away from Sarawat as if being burned.
"I said, let's talk later," she repeated through clenched teeth and staggered away, dashing across the walkway, shoulders hunched as she fled up the riverbank from Sarawat and their conversation. Fuck.
"Wow, that went well," Tine mocked, his head inclined, eyes glinting amusedly. "Aren't you going after her?" He made shooing motions with his hands.
Sarawat shook his head, lips twisted. Pam was obviously not interested in finishing this conversation just yet and Sarawat had no patience for her tears right now. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his pants and sauntered over, coming to a halt next to the ghost. A weird emotion fluttered inside of his chest. It was almost as if Sarawat had actually missed this nuisance while he had been gone.
Tine's gaze trailed along Sarawat's tall frame, tracing his alluring movements. He seemed to possess a certain type of unconventional beauty, a masculine elegance that Tine could never conjure since he was just too clumsy, limbs too long and willowy.
"You're just a ghost, don't get ahead of yourself," came the sharp retort. "No need to meddle in human affairs."
Tine pouted his full lips and huffily turned his head back around to look straight ahead at the glistening body of water.
"Can you, I dunno, be less blunt maybe?" he mumbled dejectedly. "I can still feel emotions, even if they are not locked inside a body."
Sarawat's lips curled thinly but he remained otherwise quiet, just staring at the sharp profile of Tine's face as the silence stretched between them, for the first time seeing the ghost out in the sunlight. Tine's fair skin looked almost translucent, a mystifying glow streaming from within his very core, as if his stunning soul was shining through the outer shell. A slight breeze ruffled his black hair, brandishing the slope of his smooth forehead and revealing those shining, round eyes. The young man looked equal parts beautiful and ethereal while leaning over the railing, tranquilly looking at the rippling river that cut into the sleek skyline of the glimmering city towering in the distance. Sarawat's breath hitched. It was as if he never in his twenty-one years of being had eve seen anything as magnificent as this.
Tine was actually enjoying the sudden miracle of being outside after all this time, despite the annoying guy next to him. His phantom heart thudded in his chest heavily at the beautiful illusion of freedom. Tine had not realized how much he had missed quiet everyday moments such as this one until now. An uneventful walk by the river. Popping a sizzling can of soda. Feel the wind blow through his hair. To smile. Laugh.
"It's so beautiful," he murmured while looking at the mesmerizing view, eyes large and glazed. Something suddenly made his gut clench with unreasonable fear and wonder. Was he really the only one stuck in such a predicament? Surely there had to be other lost souls still wandering the living world?
"Yes," Sarawat agreed breathlessly while staring intensely at Tine. This weird ghost was making him feel all sorts of things.
"Ah, I would've liked to take a picture of this," Tine said regretfully, his fingers curling as if trying to catch this moment in his hands.
"You have."
"What?" The ghost turned his head sharply, staring unblinkingly at Sarawat with a pair of liquid orbs.
"Your Instagram account is full of this type of pictures, beautifully capturing the world."
"Yeah?" Tine smiled bashfully, white teeth flashing, one hand raised to cradle at his neck as a flush spread along his creamy skin. It did not seem too farfetched. It would totally be Tine's thing to take romanticized pictures of murky sunsets or lonely trees at sundown. Sarawat's gaze heatedly chased the blush along his skin as it disappeared under the collar of Tine's t-shirt.
"Yeah." Sarawat inhaled deeply, gearing up for what he was about to say, what he had been mulling over and over in his head while waiting for Tine to come back. "Tine, I think you were in love with someone. Do you think that might be the reason why you're still here?"
There had been so many pictures with candid captions of unrequired love on Tine's feed. At first Sarawat had not understood what the short, longing texts meant but once he had read quite a few of them it had certainly painted a much bigger picture of a sad, one sided love. His heart felt heavy just remembering the painstaking choice of words that Tine had carefully put together under certain images.
Tine gaped shell shocked at Sarawat. Could it really be so easy, so cliché? And still something seemed to resonate within him, a thin string buried deep inside his heart was suddenly tugged on, playing a sad chord in the hollows of his ghostly form. Maybe it was not all that untrue, even jokes had a semblance of truth in them.
"Pfft, have you searched for top ten popular ghost story tropes or something?" Tine asked while giggling nervously instead, stifling his unease with the joking remark, mouth in a square, wavering smile. Sarawat however, merely crossed his arms admonishingly, biceps bulging slightly and Tine's gaze was automatically drawn to the lithe muscle. Sarawat stared at Tine with an unreadable expression until the fair skinned man looked away, ears pink.
"I guess. If- if you honestly believe that, then we should find this person. That I love," Tine murmured carefully, holding back his excitement but a coy smile still made an escape, spreading over his lips. "This is so great, Wat!"
Looking at that sweet smile made Sarawat's heart flutter. Well, this went much better than what he had expected, so far Tine was still present and he seemed happy. Imagine that! Sarawat gave himself a mental pat on the back. Maybe Tine came back stronger each time he went away? Who knew how ghost powers worked. What Sarawat knew though, was that this ghost would most probably be his undoing. Shit, he was ready to do anything for Tine to make sure that he would not be sad ever again.
Which is why Sarawat frowned worriedly as the blissful expression abruptly dropped off of Tine's face. The ghost looked around wildly before staggering to a halt as he threw his head back, gaping up at the sky.
"Tine, what is it?" Sarawat asked hurriedly, reaching out a hand as if trying to tug on his arm but aborting the motion at the last moment when his fingertips felt the ever present chill emitting from Tine's form. The ghost swallowed dryly, turning his huge eyes to Sarawat, hands trembling at his sides and face even paler than usual. Shit. Sarawat wanted to hold those hands, engulf them in warmth and maybe somehow, if faith would let him, reassure Tine that everything would be all right. But that was nothing but a fleeting daydream.
"Can't you see that?" Tine whispered frightened, voice thin.
Sarawat's frown deepened, dark brows angled harshly. He looked around hastily, verifying that nothing was out of order around them. He put a hand on the strap of his guitar case as he shuffled closer to Tine, almost as if to shield him from the wicked, invisible things.
"See what, Tine? There's nothing here. It's just us."
Tine's round eyes roamed around wildly as he looked up at the sky again, tilting his head back, hair sliding away from his face. Then he took a deep breath and exhaled just as deeply, fisting his hands and squeezing his eyes shut to stabilize himself. Once his lashes fluttered open again, he seemed calmer. Sarawat inclined his head quizzically, eyes roaming over the other man's features.
"It's nothing, sorry for being weird," Tine hurried to reassure once his strange spiel was over, one trembling hand lifting to cradle at his temple as an afterthought. Sarawat was not convinced but chose to drop the subject for now. He would otherwise not keep up if he wanted to discuss every strange thing that happened since he had met Tine, even less so if he demanded an explanation each time, which Tine rarely could supply.
The fair skinned man then cleared his throat, looking up at Sarawat from under his eyelashes.
"So, can you please show me the pictures?" He asked on a shyer note, fingers tapping against his thigh. "I want to see what this love of mine is all about." A flush spread along his cheeks and Sarawat could do nothing but feel jealous at the person that held Tine's heart in their grasp.
He sighed, nevertheless taking out his cell phone to still Tine's curiosity.
-----
Tine floated in the tiny space between Sarawat's pillow and the headboard of his bed, trying to find comfort in the other man's soft breaths as he slept. In fact, Tine was still anxious about the thing that had happened earlier outside. His whole blob of ghostly energy was now and then trembling in fear just at the mere thought of it. It had felt as if the judgment day had finally come upon him, with the way it had abruptly gone forebodingly dark all around them, as if some had put the lights out.
And when Tine had looked upwards while standing on the riverbank, he had found a solar eclipse gracing his sky. Only Tine's world had been shrouded in darkness, all sounds muted, for a couple of brief heartbeats. The living world had carried on as usual, impartial to the things that went on beyond the veil.
It had been so undeniably frightening and so immensely lonely to be under a black sky. An eerie feeling had then weaved its way into Tine's heart, and it had never left.