This oneshot has been requested by a couple of people, it's kinda like part 2 of the oneshot Top Floor, which is the oneshot before this one (chapter 14) so it would help if you read that one first.
Also, I've literally just finished writing it so it's not proof read and the ending's a bit crap because I just wanted to get it done, I will edit it in the future to make it better. here are the prompts:
It would be kind of interesting if you did a similar one shot where Sophie finds songs that Nathan wrote during that period of time and he catches her or something like that - tennispunk138, TWFanfiction
Think you should revisit it and get Nathan to ask her about the song and how depressed she got when they broke up - Daydreamer_Livii, TWFanFiction
The lyrics used in this chater are from these songs...
Beautiful to Me - Olly Murs (the video to this is on the side, I'm loving Olly Murs at the moment and I really love this song, it's so cute and kinda reminds me of Nathan and Sophie, check it out)
Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran
Show Me Love - The Wanted
Warzone - The Wanted
Everybody Knows - The Wanted
Hope you like it :)
I stirred the sugar and the milk in Nathan's tea before picking up the hot cup carefully in my hands carrying it out of his kitchen. I walked back into the living room where I'd left Nathan and placed the cup on the coffee table in front of him, before looking towards my boyfriend. I knelt down in front of him and gently brushed his short fringe away from his eyes, smiling to myself. He'd fallen fast asleep, his notebook and pen still in his hands from where he'd been writing some lyrics in it. I gently slid the book and the pen from out of his hands, causing him to stir slightly but not actually wake up.
I placed the pen on the coffee table but not the notebook. I kept it in my hand as I sat down on the wooden floor of Nathan's living room and leant back against the sofa.
Nosying through Nathan's notebook is not something I should be doing but I knew he wouldn't be too angry with me. If he was looking through mine, I wouldn't really mind that much. I was merely curious about what song he was currently working on.
I opened the book on the last page he had been working on.
She ties her hair up tight
Puts her armour on
When she steps outside
She lives in black and white
And the colour's gone
But it's in her eyes
Time and time again we're going back to the start
And I try and try again to bring some light to the dark
You know, every day's a battle and it tears her apart
And I don't know why
And I'm picking up the pieces when they fall to her feet
She's been fighting off the demons, though she'll never be free
She's been hiding in the shadows, yeah, it's hard to believe
No, I don't know why
Love, don't ever change the way you are
You light the sky just like a star
I don't care what you see
You're beautiful to me
I hid my face in my hands, even though Nathan was fast asleep and no one else could see me. This was exactly why I don't read Nathan's songs on a regular basis. At no other time do I feel so warm and happy and loved and at the same time, so awkward and embarrased. I mean, I get like that when Nathan tells me his feelings to my face, but when he puts them into a song, it becomes so much more powerful. Anyone can say they love someone, but to produce a beautifully written song about it is a talent only a handful of people can successfully achieve and I'm so proud to say that my boyfriend is one of those people.
I turned my head to see Nathan's sleeping face. He was so precious. I don't know what I'd done to deserve such a treasure.
I looked back down at the notebook and flicked back a few pages to see what other songs he'd written.
You look so beautiful in this light
Your silhouette over me
The way it brings out the blue in your eyes
Is the Tenerife Sea
And all of the voices surrounding us here
They just fade out when you take a breath
Just say the word and I will disappear
Into the wilderness
Should this be the last thing I see
I want you to know it's enough for me
'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need
I'm so in love, so in love
So in love, so in love
I vaguely recognised this one because he'd asked me to help him with a couple of the lines a few weeks ago. I didn't know what song it was when he'd asked me or what it was about. I didn't know it was about me. I shook my head and bit my lip to hide a smile, glancing at Nathan on the sofa behind me. Sly bastard.
Flicking back further into the book was like flicking back in time. Some songs I remembered because we'd written them together and seeing the lyrics brought back memories from those writing sessions. I smiled, seeing where I'd started doodling in the corner of one of the pages and he'd playfully told me off, and another page where I'd left a ketchup stain smeared across the paper, much to his annoyance. I had a similar one in my notebook where he'd tried to get me back.
Then I came across Show Me Love. I remembered the first time him and the boys had sang that on the tour, the same night that Nathan and I had gotten trapped in that elevator backstage. I knew he'd written it about me from the moment he'd sang that first verse to the arena filled with fangirls.
You should've known I love you
Though I'll never say it too much
Maybe you didn't get me
Maybe I'll never know what I'd done
Now I'm lost in the distance
You look at me like a stranger
Cause how it looks right now to me
Is you were scared of the danger
I could've shown you America
All the bright lights of the universe
We could have reached the highest heights
A different place, a different life
Remember that night underneath the stars
For a minute I thought the world was ours
All you had to do was show me love
I'd asked Nathan about it once and he told me that the 'night underneath the stars' referred to that night we'd spent on the golfcourse. I found it funny because the fans probably had no clue that that was what that line meant. Even though the song was about the break up of our relationship, I didn't care about the boys having it released as a single and stuff because Nathan and I have overcome that. He's already promised me that he will show me America someday.
Turning back a few more pages, a read the title Warzone. This song kinda hit home more because it was so obvious that it was about me. I can't believe I had to see the girl of my dreams cheating on me. And then even worse wasThe pain you caused has left me dead inside. I hated that lyric. It just reminds me of how much I hurt Nathan by not telling him the truth. I turned back another page, hoping to find something that didn't remind me of how shitty a person I was.
And now everybody knows my name
Everybody feels my pain
But you don't even care
You're so unaware
And I'm left to deal with the shame
Now everybody knows that I'm
Just a bum without you by my side
Welcome to the show
Everybody knows
Everyone but you
Everyone but you
Now if I die today, would you even come?
Written on my grave will say, 'Here lies someone
With a broken heart'
'Cause she tore it apart.
God, I didn't like this one either. I know that Nathan had to deal with the shame of having everyone know his girlfriend cheated on him whilst he was downstairs. He told me that very night how shameful it was. "Do you know how humiliating that is?" He had said, "To hear someone bragging about how they've just shagged your girlfriend?". I had my own shame to worry about, even after the whole incident, but it must have been awful for Nathan too. Everyone knew the rumours. Even though he wasn't at school, he still spoke to all his friends there. He even visited the school a couple of times, sometimes with the rest of The Wanted, days on which I would conveniently have a day off sick or, had I not found out in advance, would linger in the toilets and more secluded parts of the school. He couldn't have not heard all the rumours going around about what his girlfriend had allegedly done, he couldn't not know that everyone was talking about him, and me.
And I tore his heart apart. I didn't even mean to, I didn't even want to. But regardless of that, it still hurt him. I still made him feel like complete and utter shit, and that made me feel like complete and utter shit. He deserved so much better. He was always such an amazing boyfriend to me, even back then, and he always treated me well and he would never intentionally hurt me. He was just an amazing person in general and he should never have had to go through that hurt. I hated myself so much for it. Whether I was scared about the consequences or not, I still should have told him. I know that. It was completely unfair of me not to.
I sniffed and brushed a tear away from my face. I'm such a cow.
Suddenly, I heard Nathan stir from behind me before I felt him stroke his hand over my hair, pushing it across my neck so it was gathered over one shoulder.
"You being nosy?" He chuckled sleepily, his voice a little raspy from his nap. He could obviously see I was reading his notebook. I felt the sofa dip a little as he sat up, before he slid his arm around my shoulders and pressed his cheek against my temple. He let out a sigh as he realised what I was reading.
"Did I really make you feel like that?" I asked.
"Soph, it doesn't matter" he said, before pressing a kiss against my temple, "it's in the past, it doesn't matter anymore"
"It does" I mumbled, "I hurt you, Nath, I fucking hurt you and you didn't deserve any of that-"
"Soph" he sighed, climbing off the sofa and taking the place next to me, sliding his arm around my shoulder and placing his temple against mine, "you didn't deserve anything that happened to you either, you got hurt more than me. I was heartbroken, but you were heartbroken and you had all the rumours and people saying crap about you and you'd just been..." He stopped himself before he could say the word because he never says that word around me, "you'd just had Scott... do that. Point is, you were hurt too, don't forget that"
I just slid my arms around his torso and snuggled my face into his shoulder. He picked up the notebook and flicked through until he found the more recent songs. Then he got hold of all the other pages before that in a big wad between his fingers and started to rip the pages out. I quickly place my hand over his to stop him from getting any further.
"Don't"
"Why not? Those songs are irrelevant now, I don't feel like that anymore"
"That doesn't mean you should get rid of them" I said quietly. He sighed and pulled his hands away, before picking up the notebook and placing it down on the floor next to him. Then he slid his arm around my shoulders and held me tightly, the two of us falling into a comfortable silence.
"Soph?" Nathan said softly after a number of quiet moments.
"Mm?" I hummed.
"Can I ask you about something?"
I looked up at him and waited for him to continue.
"A while back when we were on the tour, before we were speaking properly again, I, erm, I looked through your song book" he looked down, "I know I shouldn't have done because at the time it was really none of my business"
I didn't really care that he'd looked through it; I mean, I'd just looked through his so...
"But there was a song in it that you'd written that... it was... well, it upset me bec-"
"Was it one where I was being horrible about you or something? Because I was probably just in a bad mood when I wrote it"
"No" he shook his head and smiled, "have you written lots of songs being horrible about me?"
"... No" I replied unconvincingly and making him chuckle, "to be honest, there's only a couple, ones I wrote when I was feeling a bit angry, I haven't written any recently"
"Well, that's good to hear" he smiled, before it faded, "anyway, erm, the song you wrote... it was really... really sad, like, it made me cry because it upset me so much that you might have felt like that"
"What song was it?"
"It was called Top Floor" he replied hesitantly.
"Oh..."
Top Floor was one of the darkest moments of my life. I never wanted it to be seen by another human being. I never wanted to have to explain it because it just brought back bad memories.
"Nath, you have to understand that I was in a really dark place at that time and I couldn't see it getting any better" I told him quietly.
"Did you try?" He asked, "did you try and..."
"No" I said, before he had to say it out loud, "I considered it for a moment"
"Soph..." he sighed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me tight against him, burying his face in my neck.
"I'd had a really bad week, I was really depressed about everything and some of Scott's friends were taunting me about me sleeping with Scott and trying to provoke me, whilst someone else started a rumour that I'd been sleeping with some other guy as well" I began, "my mum and Jeremy were going away that weekend but because I was so unhappy, she didn't want to leave me on my own so Sam stayed at his friends while I went to London for the weekend with them. To be honest, it just made me feel worse because it meant I was closer to you and I was worried that I might see you or something. On the first night, my mum and Jeremy went to have dinner at the hotel but I said I wasn't hungry. I got bored being stuck in the room so I went to explore and found a way to get onto the roof of the hotel. I sat near the edge and wondered if anyone would give a shit if I just threw myself off, certainly no one at school would. I'd never have the balls to actually do it so I write a song about it instead"
"Soph, there are so many people that care about you" Nathan told me.
"It didn't feel like it at the time" I replied, "It felt like the whole world was against me. It had been a few weeks since we'd broke up and you'd gone, and nothing seemed to be getting better. It felt like I'd never be happy again"
"Sophie, if you'd have killed yourself, I would have killed myself too"
"Don't be stupid" I frowned.
"I would"
"You wouldn't have because thats a stupid reason to kill yourself" I told him, "anyway, you hated me"
"I hated what you did, I didn't hate you" he corrected, "and I still cared about you, if I'd have known things were that bad..."
"Don't start blaming yourself" I sighed as I began to brush my hand over his soft hair. He looked up at me with a sad expression on his face.
"Soph, don't you ever think that no one cares about you" he told me, cupping my cheek in his hand and stroking his thumb over my skin, "I care about you more than anything else in the world, you are my world"
I blushed and looked down, before he rested his forehead against mine.
"I'm not your world" I mumbled.
"You are"
"Then you must have a really sad life" I replied, bringing my eyes up to look at him again and trying hide a grin. He stared back at me with a playful deadpanned expression.
"I probably do" he replied as he slid his arm around my legs and pulled them across his lap, "but I don't care as long as you're in it"
"You're being embarrassingly cheesy today" I mumbled.
"I don't care" he said, before reaching down next to him and picking up the notebook, before flicking through to the most recent song, "look" he added as he pointed to the lyrics on the page, "you're beautiful to me" he kissed my forehead and smiled down at me.
I just slid my arm around his torso and nestled my head into his neck.
"I love you" I whispered.
"I love you too"
Thanks for reading