Orianna's POV
Devastated isn't even the feeling that I feel when those words leave her mouth.
Tears are falling from my eyes and I'm unable to stop them, almost as if I don't have control over my body.
I had a baby in me.
I had a baby in me and it died before I could nurture it. Before I could feel my tummy swell because of another life residing in it.
I miscarried. I'm a bad mom. I couldn't even become a mom.
"Shhh. Ana. It's okay." I hear Quillon's voice.
He's got me in a hug, and my hands are gripping his shirt.
"I lost our baby, Quillon." I sob out.
"Both you and the baby weren't ready my love." He runs his hand through my tangled hair.
I hear the door open the shut.
"I feel horrible. I'm a horrible mom. I can't even safely keep my baby in my womb, I lost it.." he picks me up when my knees start to give out.
He places me on the counter and goes to flush the toilet.
"No!" I cry out.
"What's wrong baby?"
"You just flushed down our baby, Quillon." I sob even more. "You should've left it there."
"Baby," he starts and I shake my head.
"Let's get you cleaned up then we can cuddle and talk about this okay?" He says and I just stare at him as more tears cloud my eyes.
I feel him out me down before gently pulling up my hospital gown.
He turns on the shower and let's the water run for a little before take us in.
He washes my body and I see evidence of my miscarriage, as a pinkish substance goes down the drain.
I hug Quillon in the shower and he quickly hugs me back as we stand under the artificial rain.
We hold each other there for a while before he turns off the shower and takes us out.
He wraps a towel around his lower half before grabbing a towel to dry me off.
He helps me on the hospital gown before slipping on his sweat pants and t-shirt then taking us back into the room.
"Ana... Babe, look at me." He lifts my chin so I can look at him from our lying down position on the bed.
"None of the events that took place are your fault." He reassures me.
"But I couldn't keep our baby in, I couldn't grow our baby." I cry.
"That's because your body isn't strong enough to provide nutrients to the both of y'all."
"You're right. I should've eaten more, but I don't ever feel like eating Quillon-I, the only thing I feel like doing is sleeping. I'm tired from doing nothing and only eat when I remember to or feel like. I'm sorry I lost our bab-" I loudly sob into his chest.
"It's not your fault. Stop thinking that you're doing nothing when your body is actually fighting all those bad cancer cells in your system. The baby couldn't stay in because your body didn't want it, your body is fighting right now and all those strong chemicals from the chemo are assisting it, that's why your body removed the baby from your system. Your body wasn't ready, my love."
"Why do you seem so okay with this. It was our baby, that the both of us lost but it's like you didn't want it. Do you not want a baby with me and that's why you're okay with the fact that I miscarried?"
"Why would you think such a thing? Of course I'm hurt, you think I'm okay after seeing you go through what you just went through in the toilet? I'm hurt, but I know that I have to be strong for you. I know that you and I will have more babies in the future because there's no one else that I'd want as the mother of my children." He kisses my forehead and has me lie on top of him.
"You're just saying all this so I don't feel bad."
"I'm saying this because I love you and I can't stand seeing you in pain like you currently are." He confesses as he keeps his eyes locked in with mines.
His confession has me crying even more. He stops my crying by taking my lips into his. Our lips move smoothly against each other and his hands securely hold my body to his and I can't help but pull away from and cry.
"What's wrong love?"
"You're way too good for me. I don't deserve you." I cry into his chest.
"You're the one that's too good for me and yet you're still with me. I don't know what good deed I'd done to deserve you. But I do know that God does everything he does for a reason and I also know that he United the two for a reason and he wouldn't snatch you from me. You'll get better and you'll come home, we'll get you all healthy again then you and I can get married, then we'll test how fast my sperms can swim if you're up for a baby by then, or we test my sperms before our wedding if you're that impatient." He smiles making me blush.
"You'd like that right? To come home then we can cuddle all you want on a much bigger and comfortable bed."
"Hmm." I yawn out before lying down on his chest. Enjoying his body heat.
"Get some sleep babe, you've had a long night." He kisses my forehead and I let out another yawn before closing my eyes.
°°°
"Did you pray for Yana before you went to sleep?" I ask Zoe.
"'es. I sweep wit Stacy." She says.
She sits on my lap and we're alone in my room.
Brandon is at school and Quillon left to get us snacks.
"That's good. Did Brandon leave his room door open?" I ask her as I throw a glance at Stacy, her dolly that's seated on the chair.
"Yes. 'ijah go wit 'ani. He gimme Skitty an chocate." She smiles.
"Lani left you guys at Quillon's house right?" She nods.
"Did you guys watch a movie?" I ask making her eyes sparkle.
"'es. Bwandon and me and Me'dith watch in out. The other one was very angry then fire came out the head." She giggles.
She goes on and on about the in out cartoon that they watched.
Quillon comes in after a while and has two bags with him.
"Eon!" Zoe exclaims.
"Sweetheart!" Quillon says back with just as much enthusiasm making me smile.
He takes her from my lap before kissing my forehead. He smiles at her and I can't help but look at the both of them interacting with each other.
I wonder what my baby would've looked like. Would Quillon have been just as jolly to play with the child just as he is to be playing with Zoe? Would it have been a girl or boy? What would we have named it?
Why do such things always happen? It's like just when I think things can't get any worse they do.
I didn't ask to lose both my parents and not go to college so I can get a job and look after my siblings.
I didn't ask to get cancer, but I got it anyways.
I didn't ask to get pregnant but what do I expect when I was sexually active with no contraceptive? Of course it was expected sooner or later.
I also didn't ask to fall pregnant and lose my child. I didn't ask for anything that I'm currently going through but I guess life just has a funny of giving us things that we don't ask for.
"..go sit down baby, I'll talk to Ana, okay?" I hear Quillon's voice pull me out of my thoughts.
He sits down on my bed and pulls me in for a hug.
I sniffle and that's when I realise that I was crying. I look over at Zoe and see her looking at me with a frown on her face.
"Don't cry babe." He rubs my back and I sniffle before nodding.
"I'm sorry, my thoughts just kinda got to me." I pull away and quickly wipe my eyes. Quillon cups my face and his thumb wipes away my tears.
"You don't have to apologize, babe. I understand what you going through. Don't forget that I'm also going through the same pain." He whispers the last part to me before pecking my lips.
"You okay Yana?" Zoe quietly asks as she approaches me with Stacy in her arms.
"I'm fine baby. Don't worry about me, okay?" I give her a big smile, making her smile and nod.
"Eon, you bwing chocate?"
"No chocolates." I interrupt her before she can make Quillon succumb with her puppy dog eyes.
"But," she pouts.
"You have to nap. Nap now and you can have chocolates later." I say, leaving no room for argument.
She frowns and pouts at me before hopefully looking up at Quillon.
"I'm sorry sweetheart but there's nothing I can do. You have to nap." He shakes his head. Making her pout even more.
He lifts her up before placing her next to me.
She snuggles closer to me and I place my hand over her, pulling her to me.
I let out a sigh and look up at Quillon. He's already got his eyes on me and he pulls out his phone before motioning that he's going to make a call.
I nod and he leaves the room.
I lightly pat does back and bum as I lull her to sleep.
I hum La Vie En Rose and I can see her eyes get droopy.
°°°
I open my eyes when I hear tapping and I look left to see Quillon working on his laptop. I see Zoe still asleep with her hand thrown over my tummy.
"Hey." I call out to Quillon.
He looks up from his laptop and smiles at me.
"Hey. I came back in after my call and saw the both you knocked out. So I let you guys be. Kilani said she'll take Zoe home with her after her shift." Quillon shuts his laptop before standing. He stretches a bit before coming towards the bed.
"We let Brandon get home earlier than Zoe so he has time to do his homework before Zoe starts slinging to him because she doesn't leave his side when they get home." He chuckles.
He starts digging through the bag before bringing out yoghurt and a spoon then placing it in my hand.
"Eat up." He says and I yawn, tired from my nap.
"I wanna call Brandon." I tell him.
"You can do that, but right after you finish the yoghurt." He nods and eyes the yoghurt then back up at me.
I roll my eyes and open the tub.