We make our way into the cafe that Charlotte found, and I'm impressed at her decision. The drive took nearly 20 minutes, but it feels like we're nowhere near the city anymore. The walls are an exposed brick, and natural light fills the space. There are plants everywhere, and the whole space has a very rustic but contemporary feel.
We take a seat at a four person booth, me beside Harry and Charlotte beside Mitch. I don't even have time to pick up a menu before Charlotte grabs me by the arm and announces we're going to the bathroom.
As soon as Charlotte swings open the door to the bathroom, I know I'm about to get an explanation for what she needs to tell me.
'Okay don't judge me, but I think I like Mitch. We've spent heaps of time together lately, and we just have a lot of fun.' I didn't think she was going to blurt it out that fast, but it hits me how many times Charlotte brought up Mitch's name while we were out yesterday. I can't believe I didn't realise sooner. I knew they'd been spending a lot of time together, but it never once crossed my mind it might be more than just as friends.
'Oh my god, I should've noticed! You wouldn't shut up about him yesterday. Have you spoken about it?' I excitedly ask.
'Well..no. But I think it might be mutual. I think we had a moment yesterday. I was hanging out with him yesterday after our lunch and he got something in his eye, so I was looking in his eye to see if I could figure it out..and then I think we just had a moment.' I can tell she's happier about this moment more than she's letting on.
'Are you going to talk to him about it?' I feel like we're school girls hiding away in a bathroom giggling about boys. After this Sydney trip from hell, sans last night and this morning, I'm not complaining.
'Well I don't know. That's why I wanted to make you come out to lunch today. To see if you could try and figure out if he feels it too..like watch him or something, I don't know!'
'So I'll just gaze at you and him and not say anything so I can focus on deciding whether you two are marriage material?' I jokingly ask.
'If that's what it takes, yes.' She replies with a laugh, and we make our way out of the bathroom.
'I was going to tell you this morning when I came to find you, but that plan failed when I caught you macking on with Harry!' She teases.
'Oh shut up.' I say and lightly hit her arm, just as we make it back to the table. I slide back into my seat beside Harry.
'Oh by the way, I told Mitch about what I witnessed this morning at the elevators. I had to share my trauma with someone.' She sarcastically remarks, and Mitch and her both burst into a shared laughter. Knowing Charlotte, it wouldn't surprise me if she's put an announcement up on billboards all over LA.
'Wouldn't expect anything less.' Harry smiles back. I feel his hand reach for mine from under the table, and my heart warms at his little gesture.
We order our food; a kale salad for Harry, a hamburger for Mitch, Charlotte and I both order a noodle salad and black coffees for everyone. While we wait, the conversation flows from topic to topic, and I realise I haven't felt this relaxed in a while. It's nice to finally feel at peace. I notice Mitch keeps sneaking glances at Charlotte, and the way he looks at her while she talks is a dead giveaway.
The food finally arrives, and we all dig in. I'm impressed again with Charlotte's choice because the food is amazing, and we eat in near silence, savouring each bite. Harry somehow manages to eat his salad with only one free hand, because his other stays rested beside him. I think he's doing it so he can keep his hand touching my thigh.
Just as we finish, a fan walks up.
'Hi, can I get a photo? My name is Kaela by the way.' The fan says, smiling.
'Of course, let me just slide out of my seat.' Harry responds, swallowing his last bite. I slide out of my seat, allowing Harry to move and stand up. She passes her phone to me, assuming I'll take the photo. I'm not offended and it happens all the time, but I think it's a bit disrespectful to assume I'll just take their photo. Nonetheless, I'm in a good mood and grab her phone without hesitation. Harry puts his arm around the girl, and smiles, mouth closed. I can tell he doesn't appreciate the interrupted lunch and disregard for everyone else in the group, but he's far too nice to act on it. I pass Kaela's phone back to her, and she takes it back without thanking me, eyes fixated on Harry.
'Are you two dating?' She curiously asks. I can tell there's a hint of judgement in her voice, and I'm quite excited for her to leave us alone now.
'Umm..' Harry nervously laughs.
'What makes you think that?' He adds in.
'I saw some photos of you guys, seems like you're dating.' She rudely responds. Harry has amazing fans who are always so respectful towards his personal life but there are a few who don't fit in that category, and this Kaela is one of them. I'm nervous to hear Harry's response, especially because we haven't properly spoken about us.
'Umm..no..well, no. She's..um..she's my assistant. It was nice to meet you.' He says dryly, clearly hinting at her to leave us alone. This feels like a stab in the chest. Harry told me he hated the word 'assistant', yet here he is using it as though it's the only way to describe me. My throat starts tightening, and I don't know what to do. I thought I'd finally come out the other side of all this, but here I am again, less than 12 hours later, nearly in tears and back to being just Harry's assistant. In reality, Harry and I haven't spoken about what we are at the moment, and I even said that I wanted to keep this between us for now. Yet despite this, it still hurts that he called me his assistant, especially after he told me how much he hates that word. I just thought that maybe he hated it because of the barrier it created for me and him, but maybe I thought wrong. Maybe I got too ahead of myself and thought this was more serious than it is.
By now, Kaela has thankfully left us alone, and also left me with a million thoughts in my head.
'Are you going to come sit down?' Harry gently asks, and I realise I'm standing in the middle of the cafe looking like a stunned mullet.
'Oh..yeah, sorry.' I respond and try for a smile, but I think it looks more like a grimace. I slide back in beside Harry, and the conversation continues. We reminisce on our favourite memories from the tour, how we feel about the last 3 shows coming up, what we plan to do when we get back home and all things in between. I slip in a few comments here and there to avoid being totally silent, but my mind is elsewhere.
Charlotte announces she's going to pay, even though everyone tries to stop her. She's certain since she invited us all, and everyone knows nothing is going to change her mind. She slides out of her seat to go to the counter, with Mitch beside her.
In our nearly two hour long stay at the cafe it's filled up with all the late lunchers, and it's almost noisy in here now.
I sense Harry leaning into me, and for a minute I forget why I was zoned out in the first place.
'Are you alright?' Harry whispers into my ear. I don't want to cause a scene in here, and I don't know what I'd say if I even wanted to speak.
'Yeah I'm fine, just tired.' A very basic excuse, but possibly believable considering we only slept for about 4 hours last night.
'Okay' he says, defeated. I think he's on to me, but I really don't want to talk about it right now. Today must be my lucky day, because Harry doesn't say anything, instead reaching for my hand and holding tight.
When we walk out of the cafe, there are fans everywhere. I'm surprised none of us noticed the swarm of bodies around the cafe entrance and I don't know how they found us, but they're all here and screaming. Harry was standing very close to me, making sure his arm was touching mine at all times, but as soon as he saw the fans, he pulled away. If this is what it's going to be like forever, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think. I love him so much, but it hurts that it feels like I can only be his when it's behind closed doors.
'Can we get a photo?!' One fan screams.
'He's way hotter in person don't you think?' Another girl says.
'I love you Harry!' One particularly loud fan shouts, and Harry turns around with a laugh and gives her his beautiful smile.
Harry deals with the crowd so well, and I'm in awe of his ease. He swerves through the fans taking a photo with each one, and attempting a conversation. One girl starts crying, and I find myself walking over and giving her a hug. Charlotte and Mitch have dispersed throughout the crowd too, and they're chatting with fans and taking photos. My sadness is momentarily replaced in the crowd of smiles and excitement, but comes rushing back just as we finally make it to the car and I overhear a girl say,
'I kinda ship them..yeah..but Harry said she's just his assistant. Wait..you didn't see the video?' My heart sinks. What video is she talking about? What is with these videos of Harry that seem to know more about him than I do? First, the concert video and now this one. Something tells me that this is some new video released recently, but what video?
'It was lovely to meet you all! Have a good day!' Harry shouts from beside the car, and we hop inside. It's lucky the windows are tinted, because my smile falls instantly.
My question about the video is answered 5 minutes into the car trip back, when Harry and I both get a simultaneous ding on our phones. It's Harry's manager, Jeff, on our group chat. Here we go.
You two?? Harry dude you could've been a bit more convincing!! Do you want to do damage control or let it go? Let me know.
Attached is a link to a twitter post, with a video. Harry puts his phone down and leans over to watch the link from my phone. The video thumbnail is of the ground; wooden flooring and a pair of white vans with one pink lace..are those Harry's shoes? And are those the floorboards from the cafe? I'm not wondering for long once I read the caption, 'saw harry styles today in sydney and this was his response when i asked if him and his assistant are dating. i tried to get the lowdown but homeboy wouldn't spill and sophie (i think that's her name??) stood there saying nothing lol. whole thing was kinda weird as shit'
The tweet has almost 30,000 retweets and 100,000 comments, and it was posted only an hour ago. It's very obvious this is a tweet directly from that Kaela, and I can't believe that she used Harry's kindness to ask personal questions and invade his personal life. I click on the video, and it starts playing. It's shaky and goes quiet in some parts, and it's quite clear that she filmed it on purpose and didn't want any of us to notice. I should've just dropped her phone in Harry's coffee when I had the chance.
'Are you two dating?'
'Umm..what makes you think that?'
'I saw some photos of you guys, seems like you're dating.'
'Umm..no..well, no. She's..um..she's my assistant. It was nice to meet you.'
The video ends, and Harry and I are both left stunned. Harry meets so many people and I'm usually there when it happens, so we've become used to some rude ones, but this is a new level. I can't remember the last time, if it even happened at all, that a fan has come up and been so invasive as to secretly record a conversation, and then post it. Harry's fans live by his infamous motto too, and it's clear this Kaela wasn't a genuine fan.
It makes it worse that I already hated hearing Harry's response for the first time, but now I have to hear it again and the whole internet can listen in too. The knife just keeps twisting and I can't get a break.
Harry and I are sitting in a silence. It's not awkward, but it's not comfortable either. I know that we're both upset about that video and all the complications and scrutiny it creates, but I'm also upset about what Harry said. We have a lot bigger problems to face, but his response just really niggles at me. For so long I fought how I felt for him, so maybe now I'm hesitant about everything he says for fear it will go back to how it was.
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When we arrive back at the hotel, Harry and I say goodbye to Charlotte and Mitch, and we separate. Throughout the rest of the car trip back, Charlotte and Mitch were so caught up in their own conversation they didn't seem to notice me and Harry's lack of participation.
'Call me with your observations' Charlotte whispers, and winks at me before walking away.
Harry and I both know we have a lot to talk about, both personally and professionally, and he follows me back to my room. I swipe my card on the lock, and we walk in together. I head for the desk and leave my bag there, while taking my shoes off. It's slightly awkward that we're not talking, but I don't even know where to begin. When I turn back around, Harry is still standing at the door and looks lost in thought.
'Can you come here?' He says quietly, arms outstretched. My heart leaps a little bit, and I happily oblige and walk over. Within seconds I'm encompassed in Harry and his vanilla scent. His arms are holding me tight, and he places his cheek on the top of my head. I think this is something he does a lot.
'I'm really sorry.' Is he apologising about the video? That's not his fault.
'For the video? That's not your fault, it's okay. You couldn't have known she was going to record it.' I want to ask about his choice of words too, but now that he's hugging me here, it doesn't seem to matter so much anymore.
'But I'm sorry about what I said. About calling you my..assistant. You're more than that and it just..I didn't know what to say. I..I didn't..I don't know what we are and I didn't know what to say.' My heart swells at his explanation. I was worried for no reason, when he just didn't want to say the wrong thing. He's too perfect. I let go of him and pull his face to mine, kissing him on the lips. I don't really know what else to do, because he stopped my worrying, like he always does.
'I'm yours and that's it. You don't have to be worried about that ever again.' I say. It probably sounds a bit cheesy now it's out of my mouth, but at least I meant well.
'I love you' He says, and kisses me back, this time harder. His hands move up to my face, and I can't help but smile. We really need to respond to Jeff's text at some point, but right now nothing else matters but Harry and it's a good feeling.
'We really need to respond to Jeff's text about the video' I pull away, smiling. I didn't want to have to end our little moment and the words weren't supposed to come out, but we really need to talk about what we're going to do about this video.
'That Kaela really had to go and ruin everything.' He responds laughing, and walks over to the bed.
'What do you want to tell Jeff?' He sweetly adds in. The amount of times the atmosphere has changed between Harry and I in the last half an hour surely has to be a record breaker.
'I don't know.' I want to leave the decision to Harry because it's his career, but it would break my heart if Harry wants to do damage control. Especially if it means completely denying anything between us.
'I thought about it in the car..are you okay if we leave it? I guess I'm sick of pretending to myself, and I don't want to have to pretend to the public now..can we just be us? Like..can we leave it..if you're okay with that? I just don't want to pretend for anyone anymore.' He rambles.
'Of course we can Harry. That's perfect.' I don't know what I ever did to deserve him. That's exactly what I wanted him to say.
Harry grabs his phone and quickly sends a response to Jeff. My phone goes off too.
Leave it. Don't give a shit.
Simple, but effective.
Before I even know what I'm doing, I'm beside Harry on the bed and kissing him. At some point Harry's shirt comes off, and I momentarily freeze to take in his beautifully toned and tattooed torso. I have never kissed Harry, or to be honest, anyone, like this. I can't get enough of him and I never will. My hands are laced in his hair and his hands are everywhere and I'm straddling him. I sigh without realising, and I know it's obvious I have needed this, but I can tell he's needed it too. As much as I want him, I can't do anymore than this. There's something I need to know before we go there yet.
'Wait' I pull away, instantly regretting it.
'I want to..but..I need to..I need to know something first.' I'm nearly out of breath, but I need to ask this.