One would think that my last day with Hadeon would be the aftermath of a tragedy but it turned out it was actually the calm before the storm.
It wasn't long after we returned back to the house when Dharma came to pick me up. There was something off about her. She usually had a lax disposition but for some reason, she couldn't maintain eye contact with me.
Hades was still in the bathroom when I finished packing, not that I had to pack much. Sinubukan ko siyang katukin para magpaalam na aalis na ako. Hindi niya ako nilabas. I just heard him say 'okay'.
Maybe he didn't wanna say goodbye again. Or maybe it would be too painful for him to see me actually leave and disappear from his view because that was exactly what I felt.
Dharma looked uneasy as she buckled her seatbelts. Hindi rin siya tumitingin sa akin at mukhang sadya 'yon. The Dharma I know would be asking me right now if it was worth it or how things with Hadeon went. Right now, she was too quiet.
She fumbled with starting her car. Sunod niyang kinalikot ang phone she looked extremely agitated.
"Something's up," I concluded. "What is it?"
Dharma inhaled sharply. Binitawan niya ang steering wheel at mukhang sumuko na. Nagpakawala siya ng hininga. Sunod ay hinawi niya ang buhok. She was either stalling or still finding the right words to say.
"Asia had a car accident last night," she finally started.
My eyes widened. The last interaction we had, I congratulated her for getting the movie role through message. That almost felt like a long time ago.
"Is she okay?"
"She's fine. Minor injuries lang. But there are rumors about her driving under the influence."
Naguluhan na ako sa mga sinasabi niya. Anong kinalaman ng nangyari kay Asia sa kinikilos niya ngayon? Dharma doesn't even claim Asia as a friend. It didn't make sense for her to be this affected.
Unless she was stalling and was just feeding me with showbiz news to distract me.
"Anyway, she was trending and everything. It was a mess. Dream Girl also trended then all of a sudden, you trended. Until now. You're trending and Asia's DUI rumor was completely forgotten." Lumingon na siya sa akin. May takot sa mga mata niya.
I instantly went cold and rigid. "What is it about?"
"There are photos circulating online... no one knows who the source is."
Fuck. Kahit na hindi ko pa naririnig ang sunod na sasabihin niya ay alam ko na agad ang pictures na tinutukoy niya.
"There are clear photos of you with Hadeon. Sa parking ng club, sa basement parking ng condo mo, and in another unrecognizable place. The two of you were either holding hands, hugging, or kissing."
Panic began to set in. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I quickly brought out my phone and turned on the power.
"Kitang-kita yung mukha mo sa ibang photos. Hadeon's was blurred in some clear photos but everyone's already assuming that it isn't Gio."
Notifications flooded my phone as soon as it went back to life. My group chat with friends, texts from Gio, texts from Gior and Mama Ton, my team, calls from the same people, but the two lone texts stood out of the most were from my father and an unregistered number.
Unregistered number:
I'm sorry.
I didn't need to wonder who did it. It was clearly the same person who blackmailed me from taking the role that Asia landed, now this happened to Asia and the blackmailer resurfaced. Could it really be her then?
Does it even matter at this point? The cat was out of the bag. Hell is on earth now and there was no way to escape it.
"Everyone was calling me. Pati si Gio. Hinanap ka nilang lahat sa akin. I told them that I didn't know your whereabouts."
I read my father's text last.
Papa:
I warned you.
"Mom," I whispered.
"Kaia, your mom is not doing well."
Umangat ang tingin ko kay Dharma. I was relieved that she didn't say angthing worse but the horror and worry was still there.
"Where is she? Nasa hospital?"
"No. Nasa bahay niyo lang but Gio told me that she's not in condition—"
"Please take me to our house, Dharma."
"Of course. Okay." Nagmamadaling tumango si Dharma at pinaandar na ang sasakyan. "What are you going to do?"
I shook my head. I couldn't think ahead. "I just want to see my mom."
Dharma just nodded and drove off. We both sat in deafining silence until she spoke again, "I'm here for you. You know that, right?"
I bit my lip and looked at my friend with gratitude. "I know. Thank you, Dharma."
Mama is clinically diagnosed with moderate depression. She takes antidepressants to avoid slipping into her black hole, but there were a couple of situations wherein she would refuse to take her meds and in all those situations, my father had something to do with it.
It was a long and painful drive back to Manila. Media swarmed the outside of our gates. Dharma's car was heavily tinted but I still hid and ducked in reflex when I saw them through the window. Mabuti na lang at mahigpit ang security sa subdivision.
Sinalubong ako ni Ate Dina at ibang house help sa pagdating ko. I didn't have the time for greetings. I headed straight to the master bedroom. Nakabukas naman 'yon.
I found my mother in bed, lying on her side. She wasn't sleeping. She looked like in a catatonic trance as she unblinkingly stared at the floor. Suot niya pa rin ang night gown an tingin ko'y mula pa kagabi.
She was so still. I was like her soul left her body and she was just an empty shell. I felt a sharp sting in my chest.
"Mama," I called softly.
She didn't move. Her eyes never left the floor. Huminga ako nang malalim. Maingat akong naglakad palapit. I carefully sat on the bed beside her. Hindi pa rin naalis ang pagkatulala niya sa sahig.
"Mama," I called again and gently placed my hand on her arm. Her eyebrows flinched a bit. She listlessly raised her eyes to look at me.
Her lips parted. Her dead expression was replaced with a pained one. "My baby."
I weakly smiled. "Bakit hindi ka pa kumakain, Ma?"
"Kaia, your father wants us to separate. Hindi pa siya umuuwi mula kagabi. Did I do something wrong again?"
"Ma," I tried my best keep my voice stern. "You need to eat. You know you can't skip on your meds. It will mess up your treatment plan."
Umiling siya. "Hindi pa umuuwi ang Papa mo. Makikipaghiwalay siya sa akin. Paano ako kakain?"
"Ma, please," I pleaded.
"Kaia, tell your father to come home," she begged. Inabot niya ang braso ko at marahan na pinisil 'yon. "He listens to you."
My jaw clamped in anger. He doesn't listen to me. He's a manipulative asshole who selfishly uses you as a bargaining chip.
I wish I could tell her that, but I was scared that it would break her heart. I was scared that it would send her into a depression so deep... it would take her away from me. She just loves him so much.
"Please, Kaia." Her eyes glimmered with tears. "Mamatay ako kapag iniwan ako ng Papa mo. Hindi ko kaya, anak. Please, Kaia. Bring him home. Ask him to take me back." Humigpit ang hawak sa akin ni Mama habang tumatagal.
She looked so miserable that it made me angrier. Angry at her 'cos she was so blinded by her love for him, and angrier at my father for simply being his evil self.
This was nothing compared to her depressive episodes wherein she doesn't talk at all, but I still loathed seeing her like this.
Some episodes, she would take a while before she recovers. Sometimes the medication couldn't improve her condition and she would need therapy. Her last and worst episode, she tried to kill herself.
It happened a year ago when I said no to my father on his plans to arrange me with Gio. I ran away from everything. I packed up my bags and went to Batanes to forget everything.
My father didn't like my disobedience that he intentionally fought with my mother and left home. On the second day of my escape from hell, I received a call that my mother was in the emergency room getting her stomach pumped because she overdosed on her pills.
I was drowning in guilt on the way home. My father added to that guilt when he said that it was my fault. I was too absorbed in blaming myself that I even believed him for a moment.
He said my mom would have never thought of committing suicide if I had only said yes to what he wanted. Kung pumayag ako agad ay hindi na siya aalis ng bahay at hindi na rin maiisipan ni Mama na gawin 'yon. The guilt made my mind fragile and believed him for it.
My mom stayed in the hospital for a couple for days. She was sent to a care facility for a while to recover from her depression and my father did a banging job saving his face by taking care of my mom.
That was when I realized that my father had been controlling and manipulating me my whole life. That was when I realized that I didn't have a choice.
I love my mother too much and Mama loves him too much. Meanwhile, my father is self-serving asshole who loves no one but himself.
"I can't without him, Kaia. I'll die. I can't, I can't," hahulgol ni Mama.
Hinila ko siya para yakapin. She was so weak that she didn't budge. She was sobbing uncontrollably in my arms. I looked at the ceiling to stop my tears from falling.
"Please, Kaia. You love me, right? Please convince your father," she cried.
"I will, Mama. I will fix this," I promised.
Paulit-ulit ko 'yon sinabi hanggang sa kumalma na siya at nakatulog sa pagod. I was so exhausted when I left their room.
Hindi ko pa maiiwan si Mama nang ganito. Kailangan ko pa siyang hintayin magising para kumain at uminom ng gamot niya.
I wasn't lying when I said I was going to fix this. That was why I ended it with Hades in the first place. There was no other path for me but the path that my father had laid out.
Pumunta ako ng sariling kwarto para mapag-isa. Kinalma ko muna ang sarili bago tumawag sa magaling kong ama.
"You've resurfaced," my father said instead of saying hello. "You must have heard about your mother."
I wanted to be civil but his works instantly irked me. He knew where to poke me. He was a narcissist. Of course he knew.
"You know what's happening to her and you don't care?"
"Of course, I care about her. She's m wife, Kaia. How about you? Do you care about your mother?"
Napapikit ako at pinipigilan ang sarili na magalit. It was no use. I called him for one reason only.
"I will do what you say, okay? I will do it."
"Isn't it too late for that, Kaia? You already made a big mess. Consider your mother a collateral damage."
"I will fix it!" napasigaw na ako. "I will fix this. Just..." pinilit kong kumalma at huminga nang malalim. "Just come home. Mama needs you."
"I'll come home when I see that it's worth coming home," sabi niya at matapos ay binaba ang tawag.
I screamed in frustration and threw my phone across the wall. It felt great to release my anger. I wanted to thrash the whole room.
I was about to when knocks came from the door. I turned to its direction. Unti-unti 'yon bumukas hanggang sa makita ko si Gio.
"Seph," mahinahon na tawag niya.
"What are you doing here?" angil ko.
"I was worried about Tita. I came here in the morning. Bumalik lang ulit ako. I was surprised when they said you were here."
Hearing his genuine concern about my mother calmed me a bit. It made me lower my guard down.
"Are you... okay?" nagdadalawang isip ang tono niya nang itanong 'yon.
Hearing that question made me break. Everything was just spiraling. Hades... my mother... my career... which I am yet to find out if I still had one... and the public's opinion.
My God... I could already tell what everyone was saying about me.
Umiling ako at tuluyang nanghina. "I don't know how to fix this, Gio."
Nagmamadali siyang lumapit sa akin. I noticed that he wanted to console me with a hug but stopped himself. He looked helpless as he stood in front of me.
"It's Tito Zeus, isn't it? He's using your mother's illness against you just so you'd marry me?" he asked but he already sounded sure.
Tumango ako at tuluyan nang umiyak. "I can't lose her. She's my mom."
Gio didn't say a word for a while before speaking again, "I will help you."
"I'll claim that the guy in the photos was me."
Umiling ako. "No one will believe us and it won't be enough for my father."
"Then... Then let's get married," he rushly suggested. "We can go to Las Vegas and just get married to end it all."
Napatingin ako sa kanya. It was the final move to end it all. The end game. It was the only move for me.
The public would have to believe it. It wouldn't make it logical for Gio to still marry me when I have "cheated" on him while the whole world knew.
My father would be satisfied somehow. It wouldn't have the same impact like the parties and announcements he had originally planned out but it would solidify his connections.
I wiped the tears off my face and sniffed. I looked at Gio with a determined face and nodded. "I will marry you."