"Now leave those dreams you built with him.
Now break those dreams yourself."
✧✧✧
I went for the groceries today. Why? The fridge was empty, I don't even have ramen for myself.
I was so scared haha. It wasn't a normal shopping session. This was the first time I was going without you.
It was different. Very. All the clouds in me were already raining.
Unfortunately, I had to pull the cart myself since I don't have you. I felt so lost. I didn't know what to buy and what not to. It hurts, but I think I'm used to it now.
Heck I really know nothing about kitchen stuff.
Everytime I had to make a choice, I turned around to ask you, but you weren't behind me. Every single time I was disappointed.
It was getting difficult to breathe. People were giving me weird stares. Not their fault though since I was the one who spent nearly half an hour thinking over pineapple jam or apple jam.
Thankfully, I found Yeji. Do you remember her? Yes, our neighbour.
She helped me a lot. When we had to go back, she rode me home.
She asked me about you too. There goes everything again. She may know my name, but she doesn't know my story.
Nevertheless, I just shrugged it off saying you must be doing fine without me.
But do you know what happened later?
When we entered the building, I fainted in the elevator. Don't worry, it isn't serious. My body has become a little weak, maybe that's because I've been eating very less these days.
I don't know why...It's just that....my mind stopped functioning.
I'm so miserable without you, aren't I? I'm trying. I'm trying really hard, but I can't pretend it doesn't hurt when actually it does..
Yeji stayed with me till evening. She even made soup to make me feel better! What an angel.
She wanted to stay for the night too to take care of me but I sent her home. I don't want to bother anyone because I know I'm unwanted in this world.
I have eaten my dinner, and here I am lying on the bed, writing this. I'm already teary just thinking about what happened today.
I want to fall asleep before I fall apart. I really do.
I don't know what inside me feels that even if you are away from me, living happily, you still miss me.
Soobin, do you miss me as much as I do? Or do you really don't care about my existence anymore?
It's so weird, I know you'll never answer. Why am I even asking.
But I really wanna say that I miss us. The old us. The happy us. The bright us. The smiling us. The laughing us. The gone us.
-With love, Lia.
✧✧✧
"He never came. He never will."