*healthy state of mind, characterized by self control, moderation and a deep awareness of one's true self bringing true happiness*
Also, please don't miss the picture above. It's too pretty.
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Sorry but I couldn't help but put a picture of my kid at first. She was the most beautiful child I'd ever seen. I could agree with putting up with all that pain for nine whole months. She was such a sweetheart. I cried so hard when I lifted her up in my arms for the first time.
Sure taking care of newborns meant a lot of work and sleepless nights. I am going to come clean though. I had all the help that I could imagine from Dae hyun. The guy practically moved into my house. He almost behaved like the father of my baby.
His behavior bothered me a lot. What would my daughter say after growing up? She would call him uncle but he was staying with us 24/7, even when her father wasn't here. I would already be criticized for having a child out of wedlock. That was how the world would perceive me and I wasn't ready to expose my child to the cruelty of the world at such a tender age.
I also didn't want Dae hyun to play the father's role just for my child's sake. That wouldn't be fair to him. Several thoughts kept me up at night apart from my already sleepless state because of her. I was even helped by the friendly nurses at the hospital. The first few months cruised by quite well. Oh, and her name?
Cho Hee Roy.
It meant 'beautiful joy'. I chose the name as soon as I found it. It caught my attention as soon as my gaze fell on it. The way it rolled off my tongue so naturally made me realize that it was the right choice, made for her. And yes, I named her after me. The presence of the father was necessary to register his surname as well as the nationality of the child in Korea. Since that a-hole wasn't there in my life, I named her after me and registered her under my country's nationality. It was quite a hassle but I would do anything for her. I wanted her to grow up into a fine young woman, who received all the love from her mother.
Maren did visit me after my baby was born. Both Noah and Mare were babying her to the extent where they didn't let her sleep. Also, they caught baby fever and wanted to get married sooner, even though their marriage was in a few months. Pictures were being snapped non stop. She was too pretty to just walk by.
See what I mean? She was a natural model. Her father's genes had rubbed in pretty well.
I sang songs to her all day when she was in me. I made sure to bring her up into a talented person by doing everything in my power. She was already a scene stealer. She wanted attention all. the. time. and was being a handful. I was exhausted to say the least.
Days went by really fast as she turned a year old and we had to leave for Maren's wedding. She even booked the tickets for me. She wanted me there at all costs, saying that I needed a holiday. I did. Very very badly. Don't judge me, I loved my daughter but she was physically draining my energy.
We left for Maren's after receiving a whole lot of warnings from Dae hyun. He was invited too, but he had some work, forcing him to just send his wishes. After arriving at her place, I left Cho hee with her parents, who very gladly took care of her and Mare took me out along with her other friends. I really enjoyed that outing. I felt like a single woman again. Those days were really nostalgic.
After being pampered at her place for a week, I made my way back to Korea.
Life just went on. Each milestone in Cho hee's life, her first smile, her first step, her first word every action of hers was etched in my mind, making me realize that I would do anything for her. She was my reason to live on. I very clearly remember the day she called me mom for the first time.
Dae hyun and I were having a movie night with Cho Hee. We were watching every single Disney movie that existed. She was lying on her tummy on the sofa, placing her face on my shoulder, something that her father did very often. Every action of hers reminded me of him. She was his incarnate. I missed him even more and also cussed him out for not being there and missing each beautiful moment in his daughter's life. But that was his loss. He was at fault for losing all the moments that would have lit up his life.
I was snapped out of my thoughts by the sound of a camera shutter. I turned to my right to see Dae hyun taking a picture of us.
"What the hell? I look terrible." I shied away.
"Who told you I was taking a picture of you?" He smirked.
I made a sour face and turned away, looking at the TV. My phone lit up with the arrival of a message.
It was from Dae hyun. I looked at him weirdly for sending me a message while sitting right next to me. He huffed and plucked the phone out of my hands opening the message.
"Awww...." My heart melted immediately, making him chuckle.
I showed the screen to Cho hee. "Baby, look at you! Who is this cute baby?" I kept saying lovely words to her while laughing and she laughed along lighting up my world within seconds.
"Do you see how pretty you look lying on momma?" I asked her.
"Omma.." She giggled making me freeze in shock. I looked at Dae hyun, eyes wide and he just smiled at me proudly. He then lifted my baby up and started cooing to her. We looked like a perfect family just then.
Jimin.
The father was missing all this. My eyes teared up but tears just didn't fall down. I felt choked. Dae hyun noticed me and gave me a hug. I was used to his touches by then. I just relaxed into his touch, making him embrace the both of us. I was just so thankful to have him in my life. He kissed my head and whispered, "He would have rejoiced too. Don't feel sad. Just enjoy the moment."
That's how that happened. I told my daughter stories about her father and me all the time as she grew up.
You never really know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory. Every moment that I spent with Jimin became a lifetime story for Cho Hee.
"Daddy isn't here."
"But everyone has a daddy!" Pause.
"Your father isn't here baby. He can't come now. You'll see him someday. "
Pathetic. Pathetic of me and pathetic of you Park Jimin.
But seeing me work hard, she never pestered me anymore than that. I had been putting up a facade of being well for so long, that at some point the truth had become a part of my acting. The soul reason of my existence was her. Cho hee.
Through the years, Jimin had gotten loads better. He had gotten his surgery and gotten back to the industry but he wasn't the same anymore. He looked and behaved like a man who had seen the hardships of life, which he did. His dating life hadn't been exposed but people somehow guessed that he had broken up. Obviously, people had cussed me out for ages, even till date, for being a gold digger and leaving him after having an accident. Those comments didn't affect me a single bit. Honestly, they made me laugh so hard. Only if they knew, I smiled to myself. Even his fans began speculating that he wasn't happy. His music spoke volumes. His voice singing those sad lines were enough to deliver his feelings to me.
I kept track of everything he did. Seeing him pierced my heart every time, but I loved them all as idols. I would never stop supporting them. Even Cho liked their songs. I looked at her wistfully as she enjoyed dancing to their songs. The kid didn't even realize that her father was there right in front of her.
Her, meeting her father had become a fairy tale. A fairy tale is truly a cruel fantasy that illustrates the brutality and violence of this world in a paradoxical manner. It is not a hallucinogen that gives us hopes and dreams. It is a stimulant that makes you face reality.
Now that we have covered that topic, back to Dae hyun. Thinking about that guy made me sigh. He never ceased making a move on me. His little touches always made me jump. He didn't step over the line for a long time, until one day.
Cho hee and I were star gazing at the terrace. I was glad that my daughter had the same tastes as I did. She fell asleep soon and I laid down next to her, admiring her sleeping face, when I heard a noise behind me making me jump.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered, looking at Dae hyun in shock.
"Just joining my favorite people." He replied cheekily.
We were now lying face to face, looking at each other.
"Why are you here at this hour? Go back home. You might as well shift here, seeing how you spend all your time here." I sighed.
"Can I? I've been waiting for you to ask." He said, excited like a kid.
"Dae hyun."
"Alright. Alright." He giggled. "But don't you think it's time you start thinking about yourself now, rather than living under his shadow."
I moved to lay on my back, looking up at the sky, not giving him a reply.
"He's been long gone Saura. He is living well. You have a life of your own too. You can't convince Cho hee to live without a father for long." He finished.
"Why are you so interested in a woman with a child who isn't even divorced? I got knocked up Dae hyun. I would do you no good. As for Jimin." I turned to look at him.
"Though people leave, they leave traces of them behind." I looked at Cho hee.
"Saura." He said my name, making me turn to look at him, when he pressed his lips over mine.
To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I just stayed in the same position, not understanding what was going on. He pulled back and looked at me, running his hand through my hair.
"Please get a hold of yourself and look at what's in front of you instead of being tangled in the past." He whispered.
This time he leaned towards me and...... I gave in. It just happened in the moment.
I knew that I wasn't attracted to him. But I couldn't explain myself. I felt indebted. I felt like I had to give in to him after all that he had done for me. Providing a future for Cho was also in my mind and if he was okay with it, then I would gladly accept him with open arms.
Thankfully, we didn't go past kissing and cuddling that night. I wasn't ready for anything more and I didn't want it either. I hated myself for not liking him back and he wasn't exactly forcing himself on me. It was his choice to stay with me.
That was how, I consoled myself. I wasn't happy to say the least. He was my happiness and he took it with him. Freaking Jimin. I hated him so much.
To my utter content, Dae hyun kept his hands to himself most of the times and surprised me with kisses from time to time and went no further.
Dae hyun even attended father's day events with Cho. She was content with it, even if she called him uncle. She got the father figure that she needed in life, even if it was Dae hyun.
Things were going well and I was breathing peacefully in a long time.
But of course, things never stayed good forever.
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Author's Note:
I cringed so hard writing some parts of the chapter.🙈🙈🙈 Hope it was good. Guys please do put in some comments to convey if I am doing an acceptable job. Without any comments, I don't know if y'all like it or not.
Until then, thanks to Bighit for blessing our eyes everyday.😍😍🤩