"Okay, okay, stop pushing!" Mild said as Gulf was trying to get him out the door. He had stayed over since the morning , helping Gulf separate the files he had dropped earlier.
"Mild, you already dropped and mixed the files once, I'm not letting you do it again!"
"Hey that was an accident!" Mild exclaimed pushing Gulfs hands away.
Gulf arched a brow "No it was you throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't talk about Suppasit" he continued before Mild could interrupt " and to be away from the office" They had spent all morning sorting through files and getting them in order thanks to Mild's outburst, it was already 1 pm, Gulf was surprised the chief hadn't called Mild once.
"I just hate working at office alone! I'm so used to us being together! Kana!" He whined loudly "Stop hiding here, just tell me what happened did he hurt you? " Mild started to worry, what if it had been something bad.
Gulf sighed "Mild really it's fine, he didn't hurt me, he didn't do anything to me okay? Its just... me.. I need a break okay?" He looked at his friend pleading he would just drop it, he had enough with his own mind he didn't need someone else to add to it.
"Okay I will drop it if you promise to go out with us this weekend! " Mild looked at him pouting, Gulf could tell this was going to be and endless cycle if he didn't accept.
"Fine! I promise" he finally answered giving up.
"Okay, and you promise to be okay with whatever we decide to do?" He asked a little nervously. Gulf tensed at the thought of being surrounded by people, but he had told himself he needed to stop acting fragile so he would.
"Yes, fine. Whatever it is you decide to do I'll do it, just drop the Suppasit thing okay?"
"Yes!" Mild jumped excitedly and hugged him, this was a start, he was really trying now just like he promised. "I can't wait to tell the guys! They're gonna be so happy you're joining us this time! Bye!" He yelled as he rushed out the house.
Gulf groaned, what had he gotten himself into. He closed the door after watching Mild drive away. He went back to his desk where the case files were piled and sat down. He sighed, maybe he was being a coward by avoiding Mew like this, but he didn't care he needed to stay away from him.
"You're broken, no one wants to deal with all that drama you carry, it's just a burden" Jimmy's words rang in his head. That's right he was broken, broken to the point he wasn't sure why he was still here at times, he felt like he was just existing, the world was the same with him in it or without. He shook his head he hated when dark thoughts took over. He had struggled for years with them. He breathed in deep "Stop it Gulf! You have people that love you" he smiled faintly at the faces that appeared in his mind.
That's right he had to remember even when he didn't love himself, he had people who cared and worried for him. It wasn't good to live for others but since his parents death, it was the only reason he was hanging on, he had seen how hurt Mild had been when he mentioned no longer being here. He couldn't allow anyone else to be hurt because of him, he wouldn't be the reason why they hurt. He smiled sadly at the memory of his parents and the guilt it brought with it.
"I really miss you guys..." he said softly, he felt the tears begin to sting his eyes and closed them "I miss you so fucking much mom and dad" he felt the tears finally spill over and roll down his cheeks. He sat there crying silently letting the pain and guilt he felt drown him.
He remembered his moms beautiful smile and how her warm brown eyes lit up at the sight of him "Kana! My beautiful baby boy! You were amazing out there! Best soccer player on that field!" She said proudly as she peppered him with kisses, he sobbed hard feeling the memory wreck him, "What do you expect of a Traipipattanapong!" His dad exclaimed full of pride while pulling him in for a hug "My son is the best! He will go far in life!" His dads eyes crinkled as he smiled and blinked rapidly to hide his tears. "Are you crying old man?" He had teased back then, his dad had looked at him with eyes beaming with pride and love, his mother holding his hands like she was holding the whole world, Gulf felt his body shake with his cries and he covered his mouth to keep from whaling. His muffled sobs being the only thing echoed in the room.
Later that night...
Gulf had calmed down after a crying for what had felt like forever and then he had pushed all feelings aside and drowned him self in the case files. He finally took a break and looked at the time 9:36 pm. He had heard his phone buzz earlier but had decided to ignored it. He picked it up as he made his way to the kitchen.
Make sure you eat you robot! You always forget when you drown yourself in work 🤬🤬🤬😤😤-Mild
He chuckled cause it was true, the only thing he had today was breakfast, he looked in the fridge but nothing felt appealing, he opted for ordering in. He continued checking his phone, opening the group chat.
Guess who's joining the party this weekend🥳🥳-Mild
The world must be ending if it's him 😱😱-Saint
Or maybe he's just ready to see how sexy I fucking look when we go out 😜😜- Bright
Ewww I don't feel like going now 🤢🤢🤢- Saint
You know you want this body bitch 💪🏼💪🏼- Bright
Gulf couldn't help but smile at his friends. They were way too excited for this. He ordered a pizza and turned the TV on , he watched some dramas as he waited, his phoned beeped.
Can we talk?- Mew
Gulf felt the grip on his phone tighten. How the fuck had he gotten my number
Mild gave me your number and address...- Mew
He was going to murder him, he was going to kill Mild and enjoy it.
Please?- Mew
Gulf sighed, he didn't know wether to keep ignoring his messages or not. What if he showed up here? Fuck.
Nothing to talk about. Let it go. I'm going to sleep.
Gulf sent it and turned off his phone. He didn't need this specially not right now. They didn't even know each other long, and Mew had someone in his life, so who cares if he gets upset because he doesn't answer him, better yet maybe he will start ignoring him all together. He felt a pang of bitterness at the thought and pushed it away. The doorbell rang and he got up.
He paused for a moment. What if it was Mew? Fuck. He didn't have a peephole. He finally straightened his back and opened the door. The pizza guy smiled at him. "Gulf?" He asked. He nodded ignoring the disappointment he felt at the fact that it had not been Suppasit. He grabbed the pizza and shut the door.
—-
Mew looked at the message again.
Nothing to talk about. Let it go. I'm going to sleep. - Gulf
Ugh he hated this! What the hell did he mean nothing to talk about?! They had kissed each other like they couldn't breathe without the other person! And now that he had thought about it he was sure Gulf felt something for him as well! They definitely needed to talk.
He felt so frustrated, he leaned back on his bed. Maybe he should go see him? He lived really close by! No, he shook his head, give him time and space it's going to be fine don't push him.
Nida was right he was most likely scared shitless at the fact that he had kissed Mew back. He closed his eyes remembering, he had groaned in pleasure and put his arms around his neck, yeah he had definitely felt something! He would let him have a little time to mull it over but he was definitely not letting it go. He was going to cling to those small feelings he knew Gulf had until Gulf realized he could be happy.
He felt so tense and he had not gone running this morning from the lack of sleep, he decided to make a night run. He quickly walked to his closet and threw on a pair of shorts, he opted for no shirt and took off. He ran hard and fast feeling his muscles begin to relax. He ran feeling the wind blowing through his hair. Music blasting in his ear
🎶🎵Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right, I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here🎶🎵
He stopped and realized he had ran to his house. He breathed in deep, he was so close yet so fucking far at the same time. He glanced at the townhome. He had driven by earlier and had decided to just go home but now in his run while lost in thoughts it had lead him straight here. He smiled. "Okay I won't force you Kanawut, but I won't just let you go either" he huffed and took off again more determined than before.
**Song: You & Me - Lifehouse