Seven (Part two) : Something feeling out of place.
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❝I won't forget about him. Even it takes years.❞
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'Where am I. . ?'
The ambience filled him with calm tranquility, soothing his wake and confused conciousness. If he needed to describe what he saw, he only needed to say one word.
White.
Everything was white.
He opened his eyes to see a white, and quite dusty ceiling, he noticed the white walls and what caught his eye was the worn out curtains swaying in the wind. The sunlight entering through the open windows, giving light to the spacious room.
He turned to look at his left, an IV fluid inserted to his left hand, supplying him minerals and nutrients his fragile body needed. It came to his attention how he craved for food and water. And yet, he was just too lazy to ask.
There were no other people visible, and since there was a comforting silence present in the room, he confirmed he was alone. In a hospital room, he can more or less guess.
After taking in the information that was presented before him, there was something bothering him.
Clutching the white sheets of the bed, he thought as his head was filled with anxiousness and a rising feeling in his chest he can't put his finger on.
Why was he in a hospital room?
Ofcourse, if he didn't think about the events prior, he wouldn't know why was he here in the first place. But the problem is that when he thinks about the events before, nothing comes into mind.
It's like that feeling when you come into a room and you forgot what to get or what you were going to do.
He looked at his dainty hands that had bandages wrapped around his fingers, stinging by his own mere touch. The faint smell of medicine and rubbing alcohol entered his nostrils, however, no matter how much he thought about it, it didn't come to mind how he got those painful cuts.
When he started noticing more things he can't recognize, question after question popped out in his mind, that he himself can't give an answer to. It was all such a mystery.
There was no other way but to try and remember.
While feeling light headed, he struggled to think of the prior events that happened before he woke up, he felt his throb in pain, a bad headache kicking in.
He placed his hands at his forehead and massaged it to ease the pain, but it was futile.
A voice suddenly resonated behind the white curtains, along the sound of an opening door. There were two footsteps, he figured one was his mother and the other was a doctor or something.
He tried to stay still and quiet, knowing even if it was not a good thing to eavesdrop, it was the only thing he could get his questions answered.
"―The results says that he just fainted out of fatigue. He'd wake up soon since it wasn't something serious."
"Ah, that's a relief." His mother replied, sighing under her breath.
"But, is it quite alright if I asked why he had multiple cuts and bruises in his body..?" The doctor asked curiously, brows furrowing together.
"Hm.." She rested her palm on her chin, an unpleasant look on her face. "I heard he was bullied in school, and it's alarming since they took it too far."
"Good thing Kou-kun was there and helped him get to the hospital." His mother smiled sadly.
Wait,
Yes, that's right!
Kou was there!
He can picture it a bit, and a few scenes came into mind. They were in a rooftop..? The rooftop of the school. Kou was in front of him, mouthing. . . something!
But, what was he saying..?
He was saying.. 'I can't . . what? '
Pain surged through Mitsuba's head, he exerted too much effort in remembering even if it didn't help that much.
He groaned loudly, blowing his cover. The curtains quickly revealed Mitsuba's mother, who exclaimed frantically; "You're awake! Does your body hurt? How are you feeling? Do you have a headache?!"
Mitsuba felt dizzy with all her questions but answered nevertheless. "M-my head hurt, every time I-i try to remember.." he meekly replied, averting his eyes.
His mother's eyebrows knitted together, looking back at the doctor who mirrored her expression. Biting her tongue, she hugged her son, "You were bullied in the storage room, and the broken mirror shards cut your skin," His mother pulled away, showing her frown. "I'm going to have you transferred so that this wouldn't happen again."
Her eyes were stern and Mitsuba wanted to object, he wanted to see Kou even if it means being bullied again. He was going to be separated with his only friend who stayed true with him, so of course he would rather stay! But his mother would get fed up by his poor excuses;
He was too weak to disagree, guilt and selfishness crept up his back, for he knew his mother wouldn't change her mind about this.
"O..kay.." he hesitantly agreed.
How could he tell Kou about this?
It was too sudden. Looking back at it, he wished his mother just didn't decide things by herself. He can only hope that they'd have connection once he's out of the hospital. He hoped, atleast.
― ✧ ―
To tell him in person,
or not tell him at all?
He bit his lip, hesitating whether he would actually visit his house and have their last moments together (which was really unlike him) or just have other people telling him he's going to be transferred to another school?
He thought of friends that would be able to relay his message to Kou, but there wasn't any person who came into mind.
And just the thought of seeing him in person made him feel unnerved because who knows what kind of things he told him last time? and to top it all off, he even ended up in the hospital in their last meeting.
That doesn't seem like a proper way to end their ties, right?
That's why Mitsuba was standing right in front of the Minamoto residence, his eyes can't seem to focus on merely looking at the door, nor his hand had the courage to knock.
If he had knocked on the door, what would he even say?
Would Kou be happy to see him..?
Should he make a lame remark or something, like he used to?
Should he pretend nothing happened at all?
Should he just go straight to the point?
Such questions popped up one by one, resulting him in cowering his fist back to his pockets. He felt more anxious and not ready for this. Can't he do something else rather than this?
'But I can't go back.'
In the spur of the moment, he raised his hand to knock on the door, an action made purely on impulse. And before he knew it, the door swung open before him even knocking.
The light creeped onto the ground illuminated by the sky painted with a deep indigo color. A mop of messy blonde hair came rushing out of the opened door, breathing heavily as if he ran a marathon, his pupils searching around. His face morphed into disappointment, "I thought.. Mitsuba went here." He trailed off and went back inside.
Mitsuba, who was hiding behind the wall, lowered his head in humiliation and embarrassment for being so cowardly.
He chose the hard way, huh.
He just knew for a fact that he wouldn't be able to take it if he saw Kou's face heartbroken.
So, he chose to be selfish in the end.
A flaw he overlooked in himself.
A flaw that he never knew he had.
Yet Kou noticed that from the start and he still chose to stay back then.
He clutched the wooden box he was supposed to give him, a pained smile plastered on his face. Tears threatened to fall as he thought,
'There's no way I would forget about him. Even if it takes years.'
― ✧ ―
How many years has it been
since then..?
Three..? Four?
Mitsuba has tried many jobs but none fitted him. Being a model stressed him too much, and he figured that it just wouldn't work out.
One night, he'd lay down in his bed, flat on his stomach. Adoring the dancing stars and the glowing moon. Thinking what would he do with his life from now on. He was never a hobbyist or a multi-talented person in the first place.
Hmm, speaking of which, photography was always there for him.
He sat up, realizing what potential jobs he can earn money from photography. But the only problem was, how many months has it been since he even touched his camera?
He didn't know what it was, but it felt like he lost his color, the motivation to keep moving forward.. It was just isn't the same without him.
His bright smile..
His gleaming blue eyes,
His messy yet fluffy blonde locks..
A memento suddenly came to his mind and he sprung out of his bed and opened his closet, and fished out in the innermost parts of the closet was a box.
A box of photographs.
It was quite old and dusty now. The same wooden box he was supposed to give him that day. His fingertips traced the intricate design, a bitter expression on his face.
It's a shame he didn't get to give this to him.
Well, it was his fault in the first place.
Opening to see its contents, the first thing that caught his attention was a picture of Kou, his back facing him, the clouds blending with the setting sun.
"What did you take a picture of?"
"..Something important to me, . . maybe?"
The dim moonlight made the water trickling down Mitsuba's face visible despite how dark it was in his room.
If he could make use of his photography skills, he'd make a good social media influencer. And when he gets famous, Kou will surely hear of his name and they'll meet again right..?
Being a public figure doesn't sound that bad.
However, he didn't knew of Kou's hardships and how he coped with his loneliness without him.
He heard of him so many times, there was an urge growing in him to see him right away.
However, he didn't want to go back on his word. To not be able to do the favor he asked of him.
Kou was stuck by this dilemma over the years. And he could had chosen to do what he wanted, but he didn't. He can't.
He endured it all by himself, for Mitsuba.
― ✧ ―
Mitsuba's eyes widened in shock, unable to believe the truth. He didn't thought of it that way, no, he never thought of it like that at all.
He never thought, that it was he himself who begged Kou to forget him.
The sun started to set, the light reflecting onto the lake. The soft petals were swept by the wind, as the tension between the two thickened. Guilt crept up his back, his heart sank.
Just what right did he have to ask him of such a thing?
His pink orbs were led up, gleaming in hope and yet, Kou avoided his gaze. Does he have a chance or was he too late..?
Can he even.. correct the mistakes he made eight years ago?
Just how stupid was he back then to hurt both of themselves so much?
"Kou.. I-I'm sorry, I didn't knew what I was think―" his sentence was cut short by Kou's barely audible voice,
"Mitsuba, please." He finally caught sight of Kou's eyes, but it held sadness and loneliness behind those sky blue orbs, rather than its normal happy gleam.
He relied on the last string of hope he can grab on, desperately believing that it would be alright, that he could still fix the damage he caused after eight years.
Mitsuba grabbed the hem of Kou's shirt, eyebrows furrowing.
Was it even possible, . . for him to do that?
Kou flashed a smile, one that's forced and only a mask to hide his pain. "Don't apologise." His voice cracked and wavered.
It hurts.
It hurts, when you can't do anything but apologize for your mistakes, knowing that it wouldn't even work. Knowing that nothing would work anymore.
His mouth was slightly agape, the tricking water flowed down his cheeks going unnoticed, with his eyes narrowing. It was like the background fading, the noises disappearing and the words dispersing into air.
And he can only watch, as he faced his back; A hand he can't hold, no matter how hard he reaches for it.
There stood Mitsuba, left confused and shattered as Kou took his leave.
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