Two weeks have already passed after Jungkook and I had the fatal conversation. I would have wished that we could have solved this somehow face to face, but after his last message, I didn't know exactly how to imply that. I nevertheless don't think that a face-to-face conversation would have been of any help to us, because as I know myself damn well, even then I would have run away from a confession.
Admitting your honest feelings is hard.
I like him, yes, but what would have happened if I had told him that? In a way, admitting your feelings forces you to take the next step. And that's exactly what I'm afraid of. I tell him I like him, and then what? Of course, nobody wants to be just friends after that.
That's exactly why I just didn't want Nora to arrange any more dates for me. Apart from the fact that many of them were simply a flop, I myself broke off contact at some point because it was getting too serious.
I was not able to focus properly neither at work nor at home during the last days. All I had in my mind was Jungkook. Strange, but I missed his presence, his laughter, and his gaze that carried so much meaning. I can still feel his kiss on my lips, especially not to start from his sweet taste on them. How he caressed me, how he so tenderly but yet so eagerly captured my lips. I blush as I brush my index finger over my lower lip while I'm sitting on my sofa, a glass of wine in my hand, hoping to relax a little. But this seems to be far from reality because the more I think about him the more restless I become.
I miss him.
My cell phone in one hand and the wine glass in the other, I scroll through my social media account, but nothing seems to entertain me. I had promised myself that I wouldn't click on his profile anymore, which I had found through my stalking skills a few days ago, but I can't hold back right now, curious about if he has posted a new picture but also just to see his face, even if it's only on the screen.
I sigh deeply at the sight of his pretty face and my slight drunkenness starts giving me stupid ideas. A wave of confidence hits me and I decide to pay him a visit.
I call a cab and get to his workshop before the sun goes down. On the way, I become more and more fidgety as I get closer to my destination, but this time I have decided not to act like an immature coward and to finally settle everything with him.
Once I arrive at his workshop, I hand the cab driver some cash for the ride and get out of the car. Just before I reach the entrance I hear two voices from inside and groan that he has to have a customer at that exact same moment. The closer I get to the gate I realize that the second voice belongs to a woman and a peal of loud laughter can be heard, which belongs to the unknown woman. Well, unknown.
As I stand in the doorway I see that Jungkook is standing next to a sports car with an open hood and is fiddling on it with a wrench. And it's not just any car. It's Ashley's car.
Rolling my eyes, I enter the garage and spot Ashley sitting in the driver's seat, her legs hanging crossed through the open window. And she's wearing a dress.
"Wow, Elaine, looks like you spend a lot of time here." she sarcastically calls out in her annoying voice, causing Jungkook to look up from the hood of the car and peer in my direction.
His gaze meets mine and we stare at each other for a few seconds before he exhales and looks down at the wrench that rests in his hand. I never thought that this little move could make me feel so bad.
"I can say the same about you," I exclaim annoyed without looking in Ashley's direction because the reason for my visit is only for Jungkook.
"Well, as you can see, I'm having my car fixed, but I can't see yours, so I wonder what else is bringing you here." her eyelashes flutter as she chews on her gum. I hate her deeply, I really do, and there are no words to even begin to describe that hatred, especially today.
"Maybe you should get a new one, if this one has to be repaired all the time," I say in a slightly too aggravated tone as I point my hand at the expensive car. Any toddler would even know that she is doing this on purpose so she can come to Jungkook's workshop and spend time with him. No car needs to be serviced that often.
Jungkook is quiet during the whole word fight between Ashley and me as he just looks back and forth between me and her without really reacting to it. Just as Ashley is about to start, he raises his hands up and shakes them in the air, indicating that we should stop with the kindergarten.
"Why did you come here, Elaine?" Jungkook asks and those harsh words that make Ashley smirk as she crosses her arms in front of her chest are biting my ass a little bit right now. But I brought this on myself and I probably deserve it.
"Can we please talk in private?" I ask, twirling my fingers around.
"As you can see I'm busy right now, maybe later."
My eyes sting with tears that threaten to run down my cheeks any second and I have to bite my lip in order to prevent this.
"Can I wait over there on the sofa until you are finished?" I ask desperately, my voice trembling a little. I can't just leave now without actually talking to him. Above all, I can't leave this snake, who is watching all of this with an amused look, alone with him.
He just nods without saying anything. I walk over to the sofa from where one can still have a good view so that I can watch them closely. To be honest I had imagined the confrontation in a different way, especially without Ashley, because I don't think I hurt him that much so that he has to be so cold towards me. We haven't even known each other for two months, so he can hardly have developed such strong feelings for me. Can he?
I watch how Ashley deliberately keeps on touching his shoulder and doesn't miss to give me a few greasy looks. She looks over to me as she whispers something in his ear and grins what makes the blood boil inside me. Jungkook doesn't seem to mind, on the contrary, he giggles when she jokes around or touches him. He even looks over at me a few times but continues to flirt with Ashley.
Why is he doing that? He was the one who said he didn't like Ashley, but now he suddenly seems to have no problem with her being here. He even seems to enjoy it according to all the interactions.
I look at Ashley angrily, but that doesn't stop her from picking up where she left off until it just gets too much for me, I can't sit still with this jealousy anymore and I get an idea. So I pull out my cell phone and send a message to Nora.
Me:
Code Red
Call Ashley and tell her you want to meet up.
Nora:
Got it. I'm on it.
Ashley's phone starts ringing and she groans irritated without looking at the screen. She picks up the phone while clearing her throat. As she does, Jungkook looks over to me, a little smile creeps its way on his glossy lips, but he's quick enough to cover it up, and furrowing his eyebrows he gets back to work. It hurts a little and it's hard not to take his ignorant attitude to heart. Jungkook, who usually looks at me with sparkling eyes, is no longer to be found and his place has been taken by a cold guy.
"I'm sorry, Jungkook, but I have to go now. Is my car all checked up?" Ashley asks as she re-enters the garage after she has ended the call.
"Yes, here." Jungkook turns to her as he hands over the car keys.
She kisses him on the cheek as a goodbye and that makes me even angrier, even more annoyed than before. To witness how another woman can be so close to him makes me irritated. Irritated that I care so much when I shouldn't. I have no right to be jealous of Ashley because I'm nothing of Jungkook. I have no right to decide who he talks to, who he spends time with, or who he does anything with.
Waving a sneering grin at me, Ashley gets into her car and speeds off. I slowly make my way over to Jungkook, who is just packing the tools into the toolbox. I watch him taking his time and I grow angry because I know that he is doing it on purpose to annoy me.
"Can you stop ignoring me on purpose and talk to me?" I ask irritated by stepping in front of him and forcing him to look at me.
"I'm not ignoring you." he exhales.
"Yes, you are. Can we talk like two grown-ups for a moment?"
"Okay, what do you want to say? You were the one leaving me on your sofa without saying anything." he steps aside and walks past me only to pick up the cloth on the floor and run to the sink where he washes it off with clean water. "Or do you want to talk about that you like me but you're going to reject me but you're still going to be so jealous of Ashley?"
"What? I'm not jealous of Ashley." I cross my arms in front of my chest, not satisfied with what he was implying.
I hate to have something rubbed in my face, something that's true, but which I don't want to admit. Above all, I don't want to admit that I'm jealous of that girl.
"Oh, come on, Elaine, I'm not blind. You wanted to talk to me like two grown-ups, but you can't even admit that you're jealous." he waves his arms around angrily, his forehead wrinkled, and a drop of sweat running down his neck.
Before coming to his workshop, I had actually planned to solve this calmly, but now everything seems to be getting out of hand. We both look at each other furiously and I don't even know why we are acting this way. It isn't a big deal, it shouldn't be. I actually just wanted to tell him to give me a little more time to sort out my feelings, but all this is going down the road of an argument.
"I'm not jealous of Ashley or anyone else. Why would I be!" I yell without intention.
"Maybe because you like me but you can't admit it?" he yells back.
At this point, we both are yelling at each other. I'm angry, he's angry, but we both don't seem to know any specific reason. It's crazy. It's crazy that we can argue about something silly like this.
"I don't like you." the words slip out of my mouth, but I don't regret it at all. He looks at me with raised eyebrows, not believing what I just said, and I bring my arms in front of my chest where I cross them. I don't like the way he corners me, which makes me stand by my words, which by the way I actually didn't mean at all.
"You don't like me?" he questions sarcastically, he seems to sense and see in my eyes exactly that the words are not of truth. I raise my nose up high stubbornly still not admitting my true feelings.
He walks towards me while shaking his head and laughing humorlessly. "I'll show you whether you like me or not."
"What—"
Even before I can ask what he means by that, he grabs my thighs with his strong arms and lifts me up before throwing me over his shoulder, which makes me squeal. Surprised about his move I find myself looking at his muscular back and even how hard I try to get out of his grip by hitting his back, his arms grip my thighs stronger as he carries me through his workshop. Arriving in front of a car, which I assume is his, he opens the passenger door.
"What are you doing? Put me down!" I shout.
"With pleasure," he grunts as he lifts me off his shoulder and puts me in the passenger seat before closing and locking the door so I can't escape.
Confused as to what this is all about, I knock on the windowpane as he jogs from the passenger side over to the driver's side before opening the door and getting into the car himself. Ignoring my complaints and questions about what he is up to, he leans over the car's middle console and reaches for the seat belt behind me to put it on for me. His face is suddenly very close to me, which intimidates me a bit, firstly because I don't know what he is up to, which scares me a bit, and secondly, because his gaze is more intense than ever, as he looks deep into my eyes and straight through my soul. He leans back into his seat before he starts the engine and while he drives out of the workshop he puts on his own seat belt.
"What's all this about? Let me out. This is kidnapping." I protest.
He just chuckles as he steps harder on the gas pedal, pushing my body further back into the seat. "Show you your true feelings."
I gulp, still worried about where he's taking me. We're driving down the highway in God knows which way and he suddenly steps on the gas pedal full force, making me hold on to the dashboard in front of me. I panic due to the sudden speed, as we are now way over the speed limit.
"Jungkook what are you doing, slow down," I call out as I turn to look at him, but he smirks even more as he holds the steering wheel loosely with just one hand and casually sinks further into the seat. The sight is hot, but the situation makes my mouth dry out of fear and I have to swallow the lump in my throat.
"Slow down, we're going to crash! Who am I talking to?"
"I'm gonna keep going straight at the same speed until you admit you have feelings for me," he shrugs.
I think I'm dealing with a madman. I don't like the idea of being practically forced by him to admit my feelings for him. I've always hated being forced into something I wanted to do anyway.
Even as a child, this was a characteristic of me to always do what I wanted to do and what I thought was right. Although I was generally a quiet child, it never stopped me from expressing my opinion. And when I was told to do something I wanted to do anyway, I tended not to do it because I was stubborn and a stinker. The fact that Jungkook is doing exactly the same thing right now doesn't really allow us to solve the matter in a civilized way.
"You'll be waiting a long time for that." I grin, not backing away from the challenge as I lean back into my seat. But when I realize that the highway is about to cut into normal traffic, I get jittery. The speed on the speedometer doesn't decrease and with every second and distance left behind, we are getting closer to an intersection.
"Jungkook, slow down now. You're not only endangering us, you're endangering others too!" I scold him, but he refuses to step off the gas.
The car is still rolling smoothly on the asphalt towards the intersection and from this distance, I can see a traffic light that lights up red for us. It has already become dark, so I can see the traffic light from this distance and the traffic is not as heavy as at the end of the working hours, but there are still a few cars on the road here and there. We race past two cars, but Jungkook still doesn't slow down. We are only a few hundred meters away from the traffic lights and I look anxiously in Jungkook's direction but in his eyes, there is no sign of withdrawal, quite the opposite in fact.
"Jungkook, stop!" I yell.
"Admit it and I'll stop!" he yells back.
"Don't be stubborn and stop being a jerk!" I grab the dashboard in front of me with one hand and with the other I clasp the seat belt that embraces my body. I notice a car coming out of the right-hand street into the intersection and according to our speed, we will definitely crash into each other if Jungkook doesn't bring the car to a halt. I can see out of the corner of my eye how Jungkook grips the steering wheel tighter and his other hand clings to it while all the muscles and veins on his forearms and hands pop out due to the high adrenaline level.
I guess there are more stubborn people than me.
"Okay! I fucking like you!"