Jessie woke up in the middle of the night extremely confused, as he felt a strong pair of arms caressing his naked arms. He turned his neck back slightly and saw Riley's sleeping face right next to him.
Jessie's nerves shot up as he realised he must have fallen asleep in Riley's arms. This was the first time they had ever slept together in the same bed - even if it was only for a couple of hours.
Reaching for his phone that was on the floor, Jessie saw that it was a little before midnight. After they finished having sex, Jessie assumed that they must have ran out of energy and passed out before he could sleep in his own bed.
But the way that Riley was currently caging him into his bed made Jessie think otherwise, as the grip on him was still strong.
It was a special kind of feeling that Jessie was currently experiencing, there was something strangely comforting with being held closely by Riley.
Jessie kept kissing Riley back the last couple of hours because he was enjoying the feeling of having Riley against him, and no matter how much he wanted to avoid it, he knew that he liked it.
But in the back of his mind, Jessie kept thinking that it was wrong to be enjoying this. He didn't want to be deeply connected with Riley this way, and he wanted to get out of this crazy situation whilst he still had the chance.
Jessie tenderly lifted Riley's arm of his body and moved it front of himself. Now free from his grasp, Jessie slipped out of the bed and put on the clothes nearest to him.
The sound of picking up his keys terrified Jessie when he saw that Riley was stirring in his sleep. But thankfully Riley only ended up turning around in the bed, facing the wall as he was still asleep.
Now dressed in the random clothes around him, Jessie took one last look at Riley and left the door quietly so that he wouldn't be woken up.
~~~~~~~~~~
"What's so urgent that you send me a cryptic message to come out here in the middle of the night?"
Cameron sat next to his brother in the middle of an empty football pitch. The midnight sky was clear, a cold breezed washed through the area, and Jessie was flat on his back against the grass.
"I did something stupid." Jessie vaguely told Cameron as he rubbed his own face with his hands.
"That could literally be anything..." Cameron joked as he smacked Jessie's leg. "But I'll just ask anyway, what did you do in front of Olivia that was so stupid?"
Jessie felt like his head was going to explode because of everything that was going on between Riley and Olivia. He needed someone to talk to, and Jessie needed the only other person he felt comfortable talking too.
"I've been sleeping with someone that I shouldn't have."
Cameron pulled Jessie's arm so that he could drag his body upwards. Now sitting face to face, Cameron saw that Jessie was trying to look at everywhere but him.
"The fact that you aren't saying their name is kind of concerning," Cameron warned him. "Who is this side chick that is ruining things between you and Olivia?"
Jessie peeked a look at an inviting Cameron, he then looked away as he whispered to Cameron, "It's... It's a guy."
There was a momentary silence between them both, as the only sound that could be heard was the environment around them.
"A guy..." Cameron said all dragged out, as he tried to process what his brother shyly whispered to him. "You've been sleeping, as in plural, with a guy..."
Jessie hesitantly nodded his head as he was dreading the moment that his twin brother would hate him too. Jessie hated himself, and given that his twin brother was so similar to himself, Jessie was afraid that Cameron was going to hate him too.
"Wow... I can't say that I expected this Jessie." Cameron then patted Jessie's leg so that he would look back at him. "Why do you feel like you need to tell me this?"
Jessie dragged his knees up as he hid his face by resting his head against them. "Because I've been really confused lately. It's like I'm living a double life, and I can't handle it. I don't know what to do, and I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong choice and fuck everything up again."
A deep in thought Cameron scratched his chin as he listened to Jessie. "Hmm... Interesting..."
A teary eyed Jessie looked up and saw Cameron's reaction-less face. Cameron didn't shed an inkling of his non-expressive demeanour, and the silence was quickly agitating Jessie.
"Say something!" Jessie yelled as he punched his brother. "Just say something... Anything! Tell me how disgusting I am! Tell me I'm a cheating freak of a whore! Tell me-"
Cameron punched his brother back before he pulled him close. Cameron gave his vulnerable brother a much needed hug as he held him close.
"Stop talking for a minute." Cameron whispered as he pulled Jessie's head closer to rest against his own shoulder.
Jessie couldn't even try to talk as he felt his breath hitch up. He clung onto his brother as he felt Cameron's hand soothingly rub his back.
"I'm sorry," Jessie cried softly. "I'm sorry for sleeping with another man."
Cameron laughed as he smacked the back of his brother's head. When Jessie looked back at him hurt, Cameron gently held his face and shook it side to side. "Don't be sorry, stupid. There's nothing wrong with what you've done."
"But it's wrong!" Jessie protested, "It's gross, and it's disgusting, and it's shameful!"
"Stupid brother... I know that it isn't how you really feel. I mean, if you thought it was true, then you wouldn't be sleeping with Riley."
"What?!" Jessie shook his head in disbelief as he hid his shock behind a laugh. "Why... Why would you say that?"
"Those are his usual gym shirt and shorts that you're wearing, you just admitted to sleeping with a guy a couple of minutes ago, and..." Cameron then pointed towards Jessie's pink and purple neck, "That's a massive fucking hickey right there."
Jessie instinctively covered his neck as he shied away from how his brother caught him on the act. He was a deer caught in headlines as he watched Cameron's eyes become confident and cocky.
"You've been with me all day, except when you were preparing for your date. Given that you went back to our room, the only other person that lives there is Riley."
A smug Cameron grinned at Jessie because of his proud detective work. Jessie didn't know if he should be proud of how perceptive his brother was, or grossed out on how Cameron nailed every information correctly.
"You want a fucking medal, Detective Cameron? Or should I give you a number to a therapist instead?"
Cameron shrugged his shoulders as he admitted he wanted some kind of reward for his hard work. "Buying me breakfast tomorrow will be enough."
Jessie swallowed the air as he tried to gather his thoughts on what was worrying his thoughts. When he saw Cameron encouraging him to talk and open up, Jessie finally explained what was happening with him tonight.
"Me and Riley have been having sex, like a lot." Jessie confessed. "It was mainly about us having a bit of fun together. There was always sexual tension between our hate for each other, and sex was a great way to relieve the stress and-"
Cameron awkwardly laughed as he held his hand out to stop Jessie briefly. "I don't need this much detail Jessie."
Jessie stopped going into more detail about how great it all felt, as he tried to give Cameron the bigger picture on his hookups with Riley. "I cancelled my date with Olivia because he kept kissing me and shutting me up. Tonight, Riley told me that he likes me, and this was the first time I truly heard how he felt about me."
Cameron continued to listen to every one of Jessie's words. He could hear the struggle in the way of how Jessie tried to explain Riley's feelings for him, and Cameron knew that Jessie was struggling to process everything.
"So the fact that he's been open with his feelings for you, has made you all confused?" Cameron asked. When Jessie nodded his head yes, he then asked Jessie. "Do you have feelings for Riley?"
"No!" Jessie quickly yelled.
But when he saw the comforting look on Cameron's face, Jessie dropped his protective shield. "Maybe?"
"Maybe?" Cameron repeated. The way Jessie made it into a question gave Cameron assurance that there was more than meets the eye.
Jessie vigorously nodded his head as he tried to explain his feelings to Cameron. "Something kind of clicked for us tonight, and it made me reevaluate everything about Riley. I can't deny that I feel something for Riley - maybe. But I can't tell you if I'm sure about those feelings because they're so new."
Cameron brought up his relationship with Olivia, and how he has been trying to date her again. To everybody else it looked there was a relationship between Jessie and Olivia, so Cameron just wanted to make sure that nobody would be hurt if things changed between them all.
"There must be a reason why me and Olivia could never really make a go out of being boyfriend and girlfriend all this time." Jessie pointed out. "The relationship I have with Olivia is completely different to Riley."
Being with Olivia was comfortable, easy, and normal. He had no worries whenever he was around Olivia, and he felt he could easily settle for this nice life.
Even if it wasn't Olivia, Jessie could always fall for another woman. A straight lifestyle painted the picture of a nuclear family - with a wife, a house, and some kids. This was the lifestyle that Jessie always wanted, and a relationship with any woman would make his dreams come closer to fruition.
But with Riley, things were like fireworks - it was always exciting, fun, and thrilling. There was never a dull moment whenever he was with Riley, and Jessie couldn't deny the special connection they shared with each other.
However, standing too close too fireworks was just a catastrophe. Jessie was scared that accepting his growing feelings for Riley would be a disaster in the making. There were so many reasons that were embedded into his mind on why things could never been taken seriously with Riley.
"Riley has predatory-like behaviour that results in his underwear being on the floor of every guys and girls room. That type of behaviour can't be trusted, because people like that don't change."
Cameron smacked Jessie again as he pitied his brother's one dimensional thinking. "Those are mom and dad's words that you're saying. I remember them saying something like that about him or his mom before, and I'm guessing it was part of the reason you 'hated' Riley when we were younger."
Cameron grabbed Jessie's hand and encouraged him to speak from the heart. "How do you really feel about Riley?"
Jessie knew that Cameron was right, those were the kind of words that they used to describe Riley, and those were the words that other people used to be spiteful against Riley.
When Cameron asked Jessie about his true feelings for Riley, Jessie's heartbeat fluttered slightly as he realised what he felt for his best friend.
"I feel... alive." Jessie admitted quietly. "I can be myself when I'm around Riley, and he's the only other person I want to share things with."
Jessie chuckled to himself as his eyes shined whilst talking about Riley. "He makes me laugh, he makes me smile, and I like the way he makes me feel."
"I think you have your answer there then..." Cameron told Jessie with a comforting hand on his shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~
Jessie's talk with Cameron helped him point out how he had been settling with Olivia because of the expectations he felt.
Whilst he did care for Olivia, Jessie felt like it wasn't enough for either of them. It wasn't fair to drag Olivia through his own mess, and he needed to sort that out soon since she didn't deserve this.
Jessie had his own fear of rejection from liking another man. His first feelings for a man was his best friend, and that man was opposite of the door he was facing.
Jessie entered the room and closed the door behind him. Locking the door, Jessie stripped himself down as he looked around the room.
In front of him were two different beds, with the first bed being empty. It felt safe from a difficult world, it was comforting because there were less expectations that Jessie had to meet, and it was normal because everything seemed so easy.
The other bed had Riley sleeping in it, and this bed was scary for Jessie to think about. Accepting this bed meant that things could be more difficult for him, this bed meant that his whole lifestyle was going to change, and it might things were going to be more frightening if he continued to sleep in this one.
But Riley's bed was also comforting and loving. As scary as the bed symbolised, it felt less scary with Riley in it. Riley brought out the best in him, and Jessie knew that the feelings that were growing for him weren't needed to be afraid of.
Jessie swallowed his nerves as he thought about his own confusing feelings for Riley, but those feelings made Jessie feel brave and cherished.
Jessie climbed into Riley's bed and tucked himself under the covers. Jessie's heartbeat was erratic as he moved his head, so that it was on top of Riley's warm and bare chest.
Riley felt the movement on the bed, and his hanging arm soon encircled Jessie so that he was stuck to his body. Riley had his eyes closed when he placed a gentle kiss to Jessie's head, and his reaching arm was now soothing Jessie's nerves by how they were caressing his skin.
Jessie felt his body calm down and become more excited at the same time. This feeling of having Riley comfort him, without even thinking about it, made Jessie feel protected, cared for, and loved.
Riley's calming breath encouraged Jessie to reach out of his comfort zone. Deciding on the future he wanted, he lifted his head so that he could gently kiss Riley on the lips.
Jessie then rested his head back onto Riley's chest, as he closed his eyes shut and tried to shut out everything that was turning him against his growing feelings for Riley.
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