"I walked into my own book, seeking peace.
It was night, and I made a careless movement inside the dream; I turned too brusquely the corner and I bruised myself against my madness."
— Anaïs Nin
───※ ·❆· ※───
SASORI
Never did Sasori think that the moment he knocked on the door, he'd be met with multiple shards of ice pointed at him from every direction and a head-cleaver dangerously situated near his carotid artery on the left side of his neck whilst a clone placed a sharp kunai on the other side of a very unfortunate Hidan.
The former Jashinist, unfazed by the current situation, yawned tiredly.
"Well... this is a bit of a sticky situation. You better watch where you're heading that thing." Hidan grinned. "Get it?" Zabuza gave him an unamused glare.
"You know..." Hidan sent Sasori a sly glance. "From a far away distance, you'd kinda look like a hedgehog, you know, cause of the needles."
"Can't we just get rid of them already?" Zabuza growled, an inch away from closing the gap and having blood spurt on his face. Sasori doubted that anyone would want to have Hidan blood on them.
"No!" Hide exclaimed in protest, his green eyes wide and doe-like. Sasori looked away, trying to ignore how similar he looked to his mother. "They're good people! They helped me escape from the Old man!"
Haku, the lone survivor of the Yuki Clan, wore casual attire consisting of a dark blue tunic with his Clan's crest on his chest, brown pants and his hair tied up. Sasori had never seen anyone from that particular Clan before, but he did recall seeing his face on the bingo book a page away from Zabuza Momochi's criminal profile. What differed from then was that they were both no longer sporting the cold eyes of a killer, but rather two people who were trying to live their lives peacefully. The red-head felt guilty for intruding on the family they had built, but the opportunity in meeting someone else like him was too good to pass up.
Haku gave somewhat of a reassuring smile to the young boy, crouching down to his level. "How about you go inside and play with Miyu? We promise to not hurt them?"
Hide gnawed on his bottom lip, looking reluctant as he shot Sasori a worried glance, before scurrying indoors. The red-head gritted his jaw, he didn't deserve his concern or his worry. If Haku were to kill him now, he'd hold nothing against him or all the other people who wanted to see him dead to satisfy their need for vengeance. Alas, the puppeteer knew that he couldn't die yet when his assistance was needed.
"You have ten seconds to change my mind about separating your head from your neck. Though I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a problem for you since you'd still continue to be a nuisance." Zabuza growled warningly.
The red-head studied his aggressive behaviour, which was understandable. He had family behind those doors he was guarding and as far as the former-rogue nin knew, Sasori and his idiotic partner were major threats.
Hidan frowned. "That's not fucking nice at all."
"Five seconds."
"Well shit then."
"Fate Wheel." Sasori intervened quickly, knowing the name would ring a bell. Haku stiffened, warily glancing at Zabuza. "We know what you are. We're the same as you."
"Straight to the fucking point I see." Hidan muttered sarcastically, before sending a toothy grin to Zabuza. "Mind pointing your butcher's knife elsewhere?"
Sasori knew what he was doing. Haku was calculating the situation at hand, devising his next move and studying their intentions through their body language and eyes. The eyes could reveal a lot only if you look correctly, they told your intentions as well as your emotions, a factor most would consider when in the process of making a final judgement of someone. Eventually, Haku's ice needles melted away and Zabuza's clone dispersed. He cautiously pulled his sword away, but remained wary enough to keep himself armed. After all, he couldn't exactly trust two former criminals.
Albeit, they were criminals themselves, but slowly withdrew from that lifestyle. Taking into consideration that Sasori was also a Fate Wheel, he hoped they'd be more understanding of their situation.
"You're the same as me?" Haku allowed his guard to waver, appearing to pertain a mixture of shock and confusion. The same reaction Sasori had upon reading Yahiko's letter.
"Yes." Sasori answered, his eyes flickering to Hidan who was picking his nose with his pinky. "That idiot is one as well. We have a lot to speak about, but... it is not safe to speak so openly."
The game they were playing was dangerous, especially when you didn't exactly know who you were playing against. How could someone- or rather- a group of people, keep their identity discrete and be deemed as an international threat? Either, Sasori was waiting unbeknownst to the fact that they were already making their moves, or they were playing a waiting game and observing how everything played out. Assuming that this Clan had been the one to have committed a homicide in secret and have stolen the stones, Sasori would be wise to not underestimate anyone and being cautious was his only safe bet.
As far as he was aware, the only to be trusted were the Fate Wheels. Even then Yahiko wasn't so lucky and he was a very strong, respectable Shinobi. It was clear they had to move undetected in the shadows, but moving alone would be unwise. The only solution the red-head had in mind was to gather the stones as quickly as possible, locate the remaining Fate Wheels and return the stones to it's rightful designation. There was also the issue of finding the person they were looking for, with the clue that they were the only survivor of the Clan, meaning they were the only one capable to control the storm as hectic as the one stirring in the North.
That led him to the conclusion that whoever this person was, was in grave danger. Suddenly, determination ignited in the depths of his hazel eyes. This was his chance to do something right for once, he had to find this person and he had to protect them no matter what.
"Then you better come inside before I change my mind about beheading you." Zabuza retorted, turning his back as he led them inside.
───※ ·❆· ※───
"So... he had passed." Haku said solemnly, bowing his head as Sasori, instead of explaining everything, handed him Yahiko's letter.
The red-head and the former Jashinist were wedged together on a small couch. Hidan's scythe rested on the other side of the room as Zabuza couldn't quite trust him, though he was too distracted by the child poking her head into the room to care. He wouldn't admit it but Sasori knew that somewhere in that deranged, questionable heart of his that Hidan had a soft spot for children. The letter spoke of everything he needed to know about the locations of three of the stones and the possibility of the person they were looking for being in the Land of Fire. The thought made Sasori feel uneasy, his head was placed on quite a high pedestal by Suna and Konoha, if he had been someone who wasn't known for his crimes perhaps manoeuvring around would've been easier.
"Unfortunately, yes." Sasori answered, sympathetic towards Haku's situation as well as the fact that the only person who could've helped figuring things out much easier was dead. "He has entrusted you with one of the stones, had he not?"
"That, he did." Haku confirmed, his hand grasping onto the chain around his neck and tugged it off.
The red-head couldn't help but feel mesmerised by the stone showcased in front of him. He didn't know exactly what he had expected, half of him thought it'd look like a rock or some sort of rare Earth metal found deep in the trenches of an abandoned mineshaft, but this certainly proved how far off he was. The stone was beautiful, a bright emerald, similar to that of an exotic plant or grass that had dried from a night filled with rain. It reminded him of the type of expensive jewellery someone would find in a Daimyo's house. Even then, he could feel the energy within it, not necessarily oozing out but it coruscated in a continuous circle, the gem itself confining the power it obtained.
"That certainly doesn't look like a fucking rock to me, that's for sure." Hidan muttered in awe.
"You felt that too, didn't you?" Haku raised an eyebrow. "It was the first thing I've noticed about it, I'm assuming it's an energy source of some sorts. However, only we can feel it, to others, it's simply something to show off. That leads me to the assumption that-"
"It's a power generator for the wolf statue." Sasori finished off.
Haku's eyes widened. "So you received the vision as well? What else has happened to you?"
"We fucking resurrected!" Hidan exclaimed, his hands spastically forming ungraceful gestures. "Before all of this, Sasori and I got caught up in some serious shit which ended up getting us exploded into a million pieces. Then we had this dream and there was this creepy voice and then we woke up and suddenly I'm some sort of pacifistic nomad trying to fucking do good things!"
"In other words, we had been informed of our new responsibility and were given the gift of receiving uncoordinated insights of the future through simple skin-to-skin contact or random scrolls falling from the air." Sasori summarised.
"Did they also fall on your head or was I just special?" Zabuza glowered, rubbing his forehead in remembrance of the numerous amount of scrolls specifically targeting him.
"Tell me about it." Sasori grumbled.
"Hmm..." Haku tilted his head in thought. "Was there also a period of five years where you stopped receiving prolonged visions?"
"Yeah." Sasori answered carefully. "Why? Does it mean anything?"
"Everything happens for a reason." Haku speculated, placing the stone back around his neck. "Which is why after the most recent vision I've conducted an investigation on the storm in the North. The huge plot of land outside the borders of the Hidden Waterfalls Village had been unclaimed for as long as I can remember, making it good territory for farmers to plant their crops and small, underdeveloped encampments to arise and build their homes. However, due to the lack of Shinobi or any form of industrialisation, these parts were prone to bandits and criminal activity."
"Baring in mind that what we are up against is completely unknown, I decided that being open to a variety of ideas was the safest option. I read upon myths, rumours, even studied folklore as the residents in the North were quite native and held strong credence towards the tales they've spoke. After reading upon it myself, I've noticed a connection. It was said that the Land in the North was unofficially given the name the Land of Storm."
"The Land of Storm was victim to famine due to it's vicious squalls. People known to be harbingers who tamed the storms took residence in a nearby mountain known as Mount Fuyu, the name derived from some ancient practicing belonging to a tribe living on the highest summit. However, the thought was blown off proportion as the weather was too harsh for survival. But it didn't mean that everyone thought the same."
Hidan then released a loud yawn.
"Don't mind me." Hidan waved off tiredly. "This is the best fucking bed time story I've heard in years. Sasori is unoriginal."
"You sure this guy's a Fate Wheel?" Zabuza questioned wryly. "He's a literal child."
"I may act like a child, but I'm a fucking hot child that's for damn sure." Hidan retorted.
Haku, Zabuza and Sasori gave him an unimpressed look.
"As I was saying." Haku cleared his throat. "On my recent journeys I've encountered an old woman, a refugee fleeing from the North who was camping near the boarders of the Land of Fire, others regarded her as delusional for baring strong beliefs on the inhabitants in the mountains. She had worshipped them even, claiming they were saviours of mankind, powerful beings that were nature's right-hand man, peace-makers and kind people, she even said she'd met one; a kind man with a straw hat. They said that she wasn't always crazy, until one day she scared a few of the campers claiming the end was near and the balance had shifted, she spoke of a chaos unlike nothing anyone had ever seen before."
"She wasn't crazy, was she?" Sasori's eyes widened. This was exactly what Yahiko had said would happen, the possibility of the world's ruination.
"No." Haku stated seriously. "I figured the woman could've given us the answers we needed, but when I had returned to the campsite the refugees were attacked, each one of them found dead. It appeared that their food and water supply had been poisoned, but the state the woman was in told me otherwise. She had a gaping hole on her stomach and her skin seemed to have melted off. That... and, I found this crest."
Sasori took the piece of cloth from his hand, taking note of the dried blood staining it, and unravelled revealing an insignia. The strange symbol consisted of a variety of right-angled triangles forming a star shape, he faintly recalled seeing the symbol somewhere in a book. His grandmother, Chiyo, had an unusual obsession with allegories and hidden meanings within mythological narratives in the Sand's archives, considering she was well-respected she had access to the restricted books hidden from the public to avoid controversy.
Often she'd return and read him stories with the unusual belief that they were true. Granted she didn't directly say it, but Sasori was smart enough to connect the dots and rummage through her collection, he assumed that that was when he had seen the symbol.
Suddenly, his stomach dropped.
"I recognise this." Sasori announced, his grip tightening as he racked through his memory. Albeit, he couldn't exactly remember the meaning of the symbol presented as he was very young. "But... it's unauthenticated. It's not true."
"You guys can literally see into the future." Zabuza replied wryly.
Ignoring him, Sasori released a sigh. "I can't remember the story behind it, but it was in one of my grandmother's books that she'd like to read. Kind of like a children's tale or a way to ward others from a specific place. You said the woman met a man who wore a straw hat? Is there a chance he's the one we're looking for?"
"No." Haku shook his head immediately. "It's in our best interest that the individual we are searching for is younger than us, but this man is definitely someone who can help us. I've also deducted that there might've been people who survived the massacre who are currently in hiding. Another thing, when I arrived at the campsite the woman was barely alive, but conscious enough to have give me a book, or a journal. The thing is... it cannot be open."
Haku disappeared for a minute or two, later returning with a journal the size of a hand. He handed the book to Sasori, as he studied the cover. It seemed old, very old, archaic even. An historical artefact giving off the illusion that it would fall into pieces at any given moment, the cover was leather bound and embroidered with a thick, golden pattern around the edges. The brown leather had scratches and fingerprints imprinted all over it, indicating that someone beforehand had attempted to open the book, but failed. Corners of the thick, dusty pages poked out, when Sasori attempted to open it he felt as though his hands had turned to stone and he was unable to wedge it open.
His shoulders slumped in defeat. Hidan snatched the book out of his hands and placed his fingers on either hand, trying his hardest to pry it open. In doing so his hands turned a pale white and frustration was visible in his purple eyes.
"Ugh," Hidan growled in vexation. "fuck this shit."
"I told you, it can't be opened." Haku's lips quirked upwards in amusement. "The initials in the corners are A. F. I believe it can be open, by the right people- or person. I also believe that whatever is inside this book, has the answers to a few of our questions."
Sasori had a feeling that this was going to get a lot more complicated.
───※ ·❆· ※───
The hoot of an owl sprung him out of his reverie. By dawn, the three of them planned to head out in search for the remaining stones. Till then, Zabuza and his family allowed them to rest for the night at their place. His wife provided generous hospitality and his kid; Miyu, entertained the former-Jashinist who'd managed to keep his sailor mouth at bay to pertain her innocence. Though, Sasori knew it was because Hidan didn't want his ass kicked by the guy whose sword was built for beheading... heads.
No matter how much he tried, he couldn't fit in even a wink of sleep. He assumed it was the fact that the guilt he felt of staying in the place where he had slaughtered an innocent, pregnant woman as well as her father and the fact her son was alive and unaware of the terrible crime he had committed was too overbearing for him to handle. Murder was murder and guilt was guilt. There was nothing that could change what he did and how he felt. A wistful sigh escaped his mouth as he stared up at the sky, he had made sure to star-gaze at a place where he was sure no one could see him, and possibly recognise his face.
Every part of him felt so... wrong for somehow gaining the trust of the child whose mother he had stolen from him, he destroyed countless of innocent lives and could never find solace in the silence; as the silence was the most dangerous. Silence meant he was alone in his thoughts, silence meant he could hear the voices of his victims screaming in his head.
"I made you tea."
Sasori craned his head, he watched as Haku strolled towards him at ease with two mugs that led a trail of steam in the air. He sat down on the fallen log besides the red-head, who took the cup carefully as the scent of Chamomile drifted into his nose.
He held the cup, despite the heat that sizzled into his skin and urged him to let go. Instead he held tighter, satisfied by the way his skin burned.
"Isn't it hot?"
"Yeah."
"Then why are you holding it like that?"
"No reason."
"You're a bit... unusual."
"I get that a lot."
From the corner of his eyes, he saw Haku raise an eyebrow but chose not to respond. Sasori noticed that his features were delicate, feminine even, and much more younger than he. But Sasori recognised those eyes, wise eyes unfitting for that of a child. Nonetheless, he waited a few minutes until the heat abated in his grip and pressed the cup to his lips. The warm substance bubbled in his throat, instantly sending a sense of relief to his shoulders.
"The effects are instantaneous." Haku mused, taking a sip himself before he looked up at the sky. "Zabuza has quite the trouble sleeping with all the nightmares he has, so I make him Chamomile tea every evening. It really helps."
Regaining his manners, Sasori nodded. "Thank you."
They were met with silence. Again. Despite the company of another, the soft breathing faded away into the small noises of nature. The crickets chirping. The sudden rustling in the bushes. The sound of the waves lightly stirring. Tonight, was a peaceful night for others. To him? Not so much.
"Is there something that troubles you?" Haku inquired smoothly.
Sasori released a quiet exhale. "Is it obvious?"
"Very much." Haku responded. "Sometimes you don't even realise you're troubled until someone points out the fact that your shoulders are hunched, your jaw's clenched and your body's tense."
On cue, Sasori unclenched his jaw and loosened the tension in his body. Haku smirked.
"So... what's your story?" Sasori asked.
"Of how I came to be this way?" Haku questioned, Sasori nodded. "Well, it's not really that complicating. As you probably are aware, the Land of Water had suffered from war as well as it's after effects. Kekkei Genkai wielders were heavily stigmatised and my mother and I were no exception. Shortly after discovering that I was able to manipulate water, my father had gathered a mob of villagers and killed my mother. So I killed him and the Villagers, living my life on streets as an orphan. It was long till I'd been found by Zabuza and he took me in as his apprentice, we lived our lives as mercenaries and killed in cold blood."
"Living our lives like this meant constantly having the need to watch our backs. We had enemies, people who wanted revenge and we knew that one day our work was going to land us in trouble. And it did, we were attacked by a group of vengeful Villagers, although we had strength in abilities, they had strength in numbers and eventually we were overpowered. That was until we were saved by someone, till this day I'm still unsure on who it was. However, all I remember is waking up with these powers and realising that change was inevitable. Soon after, we moved on, Zabuza had found someone who loved him and became a father. And I finally have a family that I care deeply about, of course, I knew that I couldn't neglect my duties."
Sasori allowed the boy's words to sink in, glad that someone as young as him found a place in this world where he belonged. The red-head wondered if something like this was possible for him.
"That seems very complicating to me." He said wryly.
Haku simply smiled. "Yes, but I have a feeling yours is even more complicating."
"You got that right." Sasori snorted, staring at his half-empty mug. "Well... to put it simply, I had always been a bit of a psychopath. I'd lost my parents to the White Fang of the Leaf and was left to be raised by my grandmother. Soon, the Third Shinobi World War had begun and the effectiveness of my puppets as well my aptitude in discovering the weaknesses of my opponents earned me the name 'Sasori of the Red Sand'. After I had left Suna comes the very long list of crimes and murderers I've committed, that I'm not very proud of. I had also converted my body into a puppet, immortality one of my main focuses."
"It was after I had escaped a couple of bounty hunters who had roughed me up quite a bit, did I end up tangled in the affairs of the grey-haired dumbass who slaughtered the Daimyo's daughter. All I remember were heavy explosions, bright lights, fumes of smoke and darkness. I'm sure you could figure out what happened after that. We had awoken, completely anew and travelled the Earth for six years trying our best to walk down the path of redemption. The only thing I redeemed is the patience to deal with an idiot like Hidan."
Haku nodded slowly, a small smile playing on his lips. "You know... the first step you take on that path is being able to forgive yourself. It's a rather large step, but necessary if you want to heal."
"I don't deserve forgiveness." Sasori muttered bitterly, finding that his warm tea had turned cold.
"That's not true. Everyone deserves forgiveness if they truly regret what they have done. If you allow it to eat you up then there's no way you'd be able to move on. It's not whether you're able to see a monster in yourself, because what you see is different from what you feel. Monsters aren't capable of feeling regret and that's what you feel the most. Regret, guilt, self-hatred, emptiness."
"What gave me away?" Sasori replied dryly.
"Your eyes are the same as Zabuza's." Haku smiled sadly. "It's this place that's making it harder for you to cope. Something happened that you haven't been able to come to terms with. What happened?"
The red-head allowed his eyes to widen. He'd certainly underestimated Haku's abilities, he was much more perceptive than he let on.
"It's not exactly something-"
"I think you're forgetting that I was a former mercenary and apprentice of a rogue Ninja of the Mist. I can handle it, there's no room for judgement." Haku said bluntly.
"That is... true."
Sasori sighed. Was he really capable of admitting one of his many terrible crimes to someone? Dwelling on it externally made it feel all the more real and explicit, but the thought of confessing and no longer keeping his sins a secret made him feel like breathing would be a little easier.
"Years before my... death, I had made a trip to the Land of Waves in search of a merchant whose debt was overdue. Back then, I was impatient and had a really bad temper. So I killed the merchant and his daughter. Her name was... Akahana Yui, Hide's mother. I didn't know her child had survived, nor is he aware that he had shown kindness to the killer of his mother. She didn't deserve it, nor did her father. He only wanted his daughter to survive and she... was as kind as Hide is. The difficulties he faces... is because of me."
Silence.
He felt like his chest was going burst open from the way his heart pounded erratically. He killed an innocent woman, he killed an innocent man who only wanted to protect his family, how could he live with himself? He had no fucking right to walk so openly in broad daylight. He deserved pain and misery, he deserved to be the one with a sword piercing his skull. Sasori hated himself, he hated his very existence, he despised the person he was. Yet, his self-hatred wasn't satisfactory enough. It made the pain more surreal.
"You killed them, that's that. You're only a killer when you think like one, but right now all I see is someone who regrets the decisions he made. Regret is not justifiable for the murders you committed, but amongst a world where killers roam free are the ones who fell victim to the darkness that surrounded them. You pulled yourself out of that darkness and there's nothing else you can do other than ensuring that you don't make the same mistake again. We were all given a second chance, Zabuza may not be a Fate Wheel but he recognised what he had become and changed for the better. The first step is accepting what you were, what you are and how you will be."
The red-head remained quiet. Giving him some space, Haku stood up and took the empty cup from Sasori and smiled.
"Anyways, you should get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow."
He absentmindedly nodded, the faint scent of chamomile lingering in the air. His words hit him hard. Was change possible? Was forgiving himself possible? Was moving on and becoming a better person possible? Was finding happiness for himself a choice for him?
Sasori sighed and stared at the dark sky.