*wandering alone*
(Petition for Bighit to bring Orange haired Jimin and Mint haired Yoongi back.)
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He painted me as his.
This was the thought that crossed my mind Every. Single. Time. I looked at the growing baby bump. To think that a part of him was growing inside me made me love him even more than before. I missed him every single second. I wanted him to be there, for me and his child. I wanted him to caress the bump, speak and sing for the child. I wanted our child to grow up listening to his angelic voice and be born as an exact replica of him. I wanted a mini us running around the house.
It just wasn't that I was sad, I was scared. I was scared that no one was there for me. I was scared at the thought of being alone and being told lies. Yeah, things that happened in my life were sad, but I told myself one thing.
Don't erase. Just turn the page.
These thoughts kept running around my mind 24/7. I packed my bag and sat on the bed not knowing what to do. I wanted to work. I simply couldn't stay idle. That wasn't my style. But I wanted to have a huge holiday too. Things were just not going my way.
When a photographer can't change a scene, he changes his angle and lens to capture the best of that scene. Similarly, when you can't change a situation in your life, change your perspective and mindset to get the best out of that situation. Try to be a filter, not a sponge.
(I am acting like I'm not singing filter while typing this.😂😂)
I spent another day at the hotel and set off on my journey back home. I had to empty the place and hand it over to the house owner. I had been on the trip to clear my mind and I got my answers really soon. I got them soon enough to stop wasting time and get on with life.
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"I'm fine. Thankfully all things like morning sickness are gone. The fact that I thought it was due to the concussion makes me laugh so much." I laughed into the phone.
"I never thought I'd see the old you ever again. I am so so happy to hear your boisterous laugh again." Maren said softly.
"You know me. I am not someone who keeps a long face for long." I smiled.
"Best character ever. I am happy for you. You've been through so much babe. I only want the best for you." She sighed.
"This is not the end yet. I have a baby to push out of my body. All alone, I might add." I said, voice dropping low in fear. The thought of going through all that alone truly frightened me.
"I feel so bad for not being there with you. I was already planning to come back there during your due date." She replied, taking me by surprise.
"What the hell? You are not crossing continents just to see me scream in pain." I shouted, to which she just laughed.
"Chill. Don't make your baby hear you. I don't want another brat like you as a nephew." She said.
This girl.
"Am I really that bad? I want an exact copy of me to be honest. I have such great qua..."
"Oh shut up please. I really hope the child turns out like Jimin. At least...oh. I'm sorry." She stopped midway.
"It's alright. His name isn't dangerous." I laughed. "You can say anything about him. I don't hold a grudge against him anymore. I just accepted my situation."
"See? This is your problem. He doesn't deserve your love and sympathy after all he's done."
"Forget him. Let's talk about you."
We kept chatting, exchanging stories back and forth. She was getting engaged to Noah and I screamed in happiness after hearing it.
"I'll probably get married next year. I want you here." She ordered.
"Yes mam. If I'm fine, I will." I replied.
"I'm not kidding, Rebecca. I need you here. I don't care if you are dying with cancer. I need you here. Noah agrees too, except the cancer part, it seems." She chuckled, making me laugh.
"Alright mam. I'll be there."
"I know you're naming the kid after me so, I want my nephew here." She said, voice proud.
"Hold up. Two questions. Why would I name my kid after you? Secondly, who said the baby is a guy?" I asked her. And then it hit me, I didn't check the gender of the baby.
"You know, you are a doctor for crying out loud. How could you not know the gender of your kid?" She said, exasperated.
I chortled. "Now that I think of it, I want it to be a suspense. I'll find it out after the baby is born."
"I hate you." Maren said from the other side, making me laugh out loud.
"Oh God, the suspense is killing me!" She screamed, joined by Noah.
"You know what they say. Real life is more dramatic than actual dramas."
"Stop saying cool dialogues." Mare scolded me.
We kept talking for hours until our tummies rang the bell for food.
I whipped some food up and ate it while watching T.V. It felt so weird eating all alone in the apartment after having a roommate for four long years. I just pretended like she was in the hospital and me at home eating food. That made me feel a little better.
I pursued packing my stuff when I saw Yoongi's card on my table. I sat down on the bed, flipping the card in between my fingers. All the words that he had said the other day lingered in my mind, giving me weird ideas.
"Please keep in touch. Ask us for help if you ever need it. Don't ever hesitate to give us a call, if you ever need someone to spill your thoughts to."
Should I call him?
Why should you?
He said I could.
Okay what would you say?
Um... About the preg... On second thoughts, No.
That's what I thought.
I sighed. I was battling against myself and I lost that too.
I am a part of you too Idiot. You practically won.
Somehow, I don't feel good about it.
I chuckled to myself.
Just as I placed his card in my purse, I noticed a piece of folded paper along with other cards. I took it out and a name and number stood out to me.
Dr. Jang Beom Soo.
Who was this guy? I racked my brains to find a face matching the name when the bulb lit up in my head.
That doctor from the hospital where Mare and I delivered the baby.
Suddenly a very bizarre idea popped up in my head.
Why not ask him if there was an opening in his hospital? I could work there! I would get a change of scenery and a job all together.
I dialed in his number and put the phone next to my ear. My excitement was going above the roof. After a few rings, his very welcome, tired voice reached my ears.
"Hello sir?" I spoke tentatively.
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I was travelling to the hospital straight from the train station. Luckily the hospital was short of staff and I was more than welcome there.
I paid for the cab and stepped into the lobby. The nurses welcomed me well, after recognizing me from before.
"This way. He has been expecting you." I was lead towards Dr. Jung.
I greeted him and he welcomed me warmly. He was a really nice man. After exchanging details for a while, he asked me the dreaded question.
"What made you choose this place? We don't meet people who've lived in the city, wanting to work in the countryside." He asked, curiously.
"Um...... It's a long story." I chuckled, scratching my head, feeling shy.
"I've got all the time." He smiled, sitting on the sofa in his room, motioning me to sit opposite him.
I started from the very beginning, from dating Jimin to the accident. I revealed the identity of Jimin to him. I trusted him by now. He basically saved my life by accepting me here. I finished the story by confessing that I was pregnant.
He sat up in his seat, in surprise.
"You're pregnant?"
"Yes sir." I said, looking down.
"Congratulations." He smiled.
I looked at him, amused with his reaction. That was what he felt, after hearing my story?
"Don't look at me that way. Having a child is a blessing. You've been gifted with something that other people yearn for. Being a doctor, you must know that very well. You are going to have the baby right?"
"Of course. I am bringing the kid up by myself." I nodded vigorously.
"Then it's right for me to congratulate you. Good luck." He gave me toothy smile, making me giggle.
"If you don't mind professor, can you help me shift here? I need a nice place." I sighed.
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Over a span of a week, I had shifted into a nice place. It was a two bedroom house with a nice porch. I chose it with only one thought in mind.
My child.
Every aspect of the house was perfect for a child to grow in. I didn't have any furniture to begin with. So I shifted with just some basic stuff.
I decided to buy stuff later on as I got my paycheck. I did have money saved, but it was spent in various ways starting from the deposit for the house to buying various stuff. Luckily Mare left a lot of stuff like kitchen utensils for me to use. So I didn't need to worry about those.
Later in the week, I decided to drop the bomb on my family. I most certainly couldn't tell my parents about breaking up with the guy who knocked me up. But I had to tell them about being pregnant.
I was out of my sanity the whole day. I was so stressed that I felt that, telling my parents that I committed a murder would be easier than telling them I'm pregnant.
I did call them in the end. It was a fiasco, to put it simply. They were shattered and broken beyond repair. I didn't want to hurt them but things just happened the way it was. I was called a wh*re and much more. I couldn't listen to my mom anymore. She cut the call and left me hanging.
Her words cut me so deep that I just sat there in my room, crying.
I grew you up and paid for you, only for you to tell me that you got pregnant from a guy even without getting married?
Are you that desperate to sleep with a man? Is that how I brought you up?
You've put the family to shame. I'd rather kill myself. Don't call me your mother anymore. Don't ever speak to me again.
I lost the only family that I had. I lost everything in life. I even started to rethink my decision about having the baby. Would they accept me again, if I aborted the baby?
Once stained, the cloth cannot go back to what it was.
I was tainted according to them. I became their reason of shame, their despair. I was a piece of failure, in their eyes. I hated them so much for being the way they were. Why couldn't they be like other parents?
It killed me, how my mind made me feel so worthless.
Crying so much, I didn't realize anything going around me. I kept crying until, it actually hurt my belly. I held my tummy, in pain as I curled up into a ball on the sofa.
My child was telling me not to cry. My child.
I didn't lose everything. I had a being of my own for me.
The best feeling in the world was knowing that there was someone on your side. One is bigger than any other number in the world.
And another person came for me just as I about to give up on myself.
Crying and in pain, I didn't realize the doorbell ringing continuously. Someone was calling out to me.
I managed to pull myself up and walk towards the door. I opened the door to find a person I trusted. I didn't lose everything after all. Just as I was about to give up walking in the dark and endless tunnel, I started seeing light at the end of it.
I fell into his arms, crying my eyes out. He was taken aback for sure as he took a while to hug me back.
"It's alright. I'm here." He patted my back.
He walked into the house, shutting the door, to stop people from being nosy and staring at us. I kept clinging to him, bawling my eyes out. He was here for me. The last person I had expected.
Dae Hyun.
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Author's Note:
What a emotional rollercoaster! Writing this I realized one thing. If a thing like this ever happened in my life , I would get disowned by my parents.😑😑😑 I hate my life.
Until then, why is he so cute😭😭 I want a RJ too.