Salam fam !!!!
The love you guys have been showing is so overwhelming. The comments and the votes, take my breath away...(And this is no CORONA symptoms )
(Attached is the song that I really love. It's 'Hawayein' by Arijit Singh . And a picture of the motorway M2 )
Haya was sitting in the passenger seat staring at the mountains. How her life was tipsy turvy like the road they were on . The road turned and twisted and zigzagged it way to the bottom. Just like her life. Everything was going smoothly and a lot better than her expectations. When everything crashed . Or was going to crash when they reached Lahore.
Lahore ,which was her city . She used to argue with her university fellow's, telling them Lahore was the heart of Pakistan. Who would have thought that Haya , who adored her flamboyant city would dread going back to her city?
There are time , when everything is so smooth , like your life is so perfect that it feels like a dream. You are in the bundle of joy, where everything is getting good and all. Deep in your heart you fear what if it crumbles down and suddenly everything does crash down , falls to pieces. That was what had happened to Haya.
Taimoor and Haya were beginning to understand each other. They argued less, talked more. In the span of those three months they have been married , Haya had become infatuated with Taimoor or so she thought. She had discovered the things she didn't know about him . Things that made her respect him. She even got on terms with him being vain and stubborn. God , she began justifying his narcissism by convincing herself that with a face like his , and that Alpha male personality one becomes vain and conceited. The fact, that he had climbed and worked hard to maintain the social status , instead of depending on his father was a cherry on top.
In those 3 months ,Haya discovered that he preferred to watch old movies Bollywood movies instead of the recent ones claiming that they had great story and dialogues , instead of being full of cheap innuendos . He even cried when Jai(a movie character) died in Sholay. Although he did pretend that he wasn't crying, and that it was something in his eye or whatever, but Haya knew he was and that was awfully cute of him.
He loved Punajbi songs. Those "ishq tere tarpave" , "Suit suit kardo " types songs with catchy beats, which Haya hated in the beginning and then they grew on her, like Taimoor had.
Taimoor she knew was annoying . He lived to annoy her. He used to call her 'naïve', 'childish' ,'impulsive', 'irrational' and the list went on . And she was all of them and she hated being call all that. She could still remember how they used to argue about everything. But now instead of it being a sour topic, it made her smile. The realization of how far they had come made her smile , every time she thought about it.
Taimoor, she had been living with was organized (except for the mess of ties he left) , playful , generous ,thoughtful and most of all patient. Or maybe she was seeing him in a different light. She had too. In those three months he never ever even tried to use his rights on her. He could have forced her on the day one, but he hadn't . He had been patient and most of all accommodating and understanding.
Haya now considered his comebacks as him being playful or him exhibiting an extraordinary sense of humor. All her life Haya had pitied the women he was going to marry, who would have to bear his bossy, vain and conceited man. Once when her mother was praising Taimoor , Haya had laughed and said "Ami ek din main pagal kar day ga who ussay." (He'd drive her nuts, mother) . But now that she thought about it , it was the other way round . Haya was the one driving Taimoor nuts. Sometimes, when she thought about it , she really did feel bad for him. Because she was really indecisiveness and a fucking emotional mess , Taimoor had to bear.
Other times , she considered that they were like the missing puzzle pieces. She was the impulsive , irrational one , while he was sane and clear-headed one. She lacked patience and he was the embodiment of patience. Haya smiled as she realized she had being praising her husband alot . Was it love ? No, she thought dismissing the idea completely. It had to be infatuation. It was definitely infatuation for when they reached Lahore , they'd return back to their usual sworn enemy selves.
The smile which had smothered her face before vanished as if it wasn't there . As her anxious mind filled with vicious dreams that were haunting her and were going to come true when they reached Lahore. She'd have to face her vile relatives especially, Tai and just the thought of seeing Tai made her heart sink.
Staring at the road , Haya reminisced the not so fateful day when she had received a call from her Phupho.
Earlier that month
It was Tuesday and like usual , Haya was busing working on a project . She was developing an e-commerce website for her client, wiping the sweat of her forehead Haya continued staring at the laptop with ferocity. When her phone rang , absent mindedly she grabbed the phone which was lying on the coffee table and answered without looking at the caller ID. She did that when she was extremely occupied.
Haya was greeted by the cheerful voice of her Phupho. Smiling ,she closed the flap of laptop .
"Salam"
"Wasalam" said the cheerful voice from the other side.
" Phupho , kesi hain app?"( How are you?)
"Meri jaan.Mein thek hoon Alhumdulilah. Ap kesi hain? Aur Ali kesay hai ab?( I am great . How are you? And how is Ali ? ) " Phupho inquired. That was one of the reasons why she adored her. Phupho always had paid attention to what she said. Haya loved talking to her.
"Jee ,woh behtar hai ab tu uska plaster bhi utar gaya hai.( He is good ,they removed the plaster too) " Haya replied as she sipped her cold chai which had been lying on the coffee table .
"Haya, meri jaan baat darasal yeh hai k Saman k sasural walay jaldi ruksati karna chah rahah thay. Tu yeh faisla hua k is mahinay k akhir main Saman ki ruksati hai( Saman's in laws wanted to get done with ruskati as soon as possible. We have set a date. It is next month )" Phupho, was cheerful but she tried to be very calm for Haya's sake.
"Bohat Mubarak ho . Phupho" (Congratulation ) Haya had replied and then they talked about the wedding preps and all.
Haya too was excited, she smiled as she cut the call. Weddings had always put her in great mood. Haya was smiling as she put the phone down and froze. And then the realization dawned on her , like a street bulb which had been flicking on and off , just turned on. Now every freaking stone in the path became visible.
It was Saman's wedding. It meant that they had to go back to Lahore. It meant that she'd have to go back to those distant face who betrayed her. It meant she'd have to go back and relieve the nightmares she was trying to suppress. It meant that she'd have to face the strangers who used to be her apnay(close ones ) before. Being in Islamabad, was a relief. She never had appreciated or pondered over the fact that how being away from there had been a relief. It was like she was in a bubble . A bubble where there was room for only sunshine and laughter. Now she had to go back to the darkness which she thought she had left far behind her......
With every passing day her anxiety increased, and she became more restless. Her nightmares came back . She dreamt about a new horrifying scenario every night, and in some of them even Taimoor didn't protect her. It was soon the end of the May and they had to go back.
Taimoor had never brought that night up. She was thankful, that he never demanded an account or explanations. They never talked about it. It was forgotten. Like Haya , wanted it to be. Until , they had to go back.
PRESENT DAY
It was a road trip from Islamabad to Lahore. Haya, Taimoor knew loved road especially carpooling. But the Haya seated beside him continued to stare at the road. She was a nervous wreck. And she either ,slept through the journey or she stared at nothingness.
Taimoor knew that Haya was under extreme stress of going back. Usually , she sang along with the radio. She messed up the lyrics because she didn't know most of them and then smiled , embarrassed by her makeshift lyrics. But today , she sat in silence as if someone had died. And god forbid , as if they weren't going to attend a wedding but a funeral .
They were improving. After all the battle with himself, he had finally accepted that he was in love with her. After the acknowledgment of his feelings to himself, came peace which he hadn't expected.
For Haya , they had become friends. At least some sort of friends. She would let him have the brownie she used to bake for Ali and co. That was such an improvement on his part. She would wait for him at the dinner. She never did ate a dinner without him. He knew that , even though she was too proud to admit it. He had noticed her fidgeting with the wedding ring , as she sat there beside him in a video calls , listening to his mother and Saman discussing about the wedding preparations. The Haya he knew loved weddings. She was the Abdullah dewana. The over excited human , who dances and sings ,seems to be on the 7th sky on someone else wedding.
Taimoor wasn't dumb. He had been observing Haya since the bomb of going back had dropped on her. She had been cheerful about it until she realized they would have to go back. After that Haya was back to her quite aloof self. She would stare at nothing. Sometimes , he'd have to shake her to gain her attention. Coming back home , he usually found her sitting on the sofa in front of the TV completely lost. She spoke less and would just nod at whatever he would say. Most of all , she bit her lips so much that they become , chapped and even bleed .Considering his threat, she didn't do it infront of him , but she did bite them when he wasn't there.
How much he wanted to her help? Tell her that if only she'd let him in, he'll protect her till his last breath. He wanted to tell her that until he breathed his last breath , he'd made sure no harm came her way. But all these things were left unsaid like most of our feelings are.
This is what life is ? Isn't it.A complication and a complicated mess of feelings and confession which are left unsaid.
زمانے بھر کی باتیں ان سے کہ دی
جو کہنا چاہیے تھا وہ کہا نہیں
(Talked about the whole world with you ,
But the things that should have been said were left unsaid)*
Sleeping in the passenger seat , Haya's head rested against the window . Dressed in the dusty peach shalwar qameez, she was exquisite. She had the face of an angel. Her skin was flawless even though he had never seen her pampering it. Her light brown eyebrows were perfectly sculptured into soft arches, her nose was wonderfully straight, and her full mouth was rosier as it bore the red marks of torture which she had inflicted on herself but damn she looked appealing.
Taimoor didn't want to wake up the angel who looked at peace beside him ,but he had to . They were just around the street to his home.
"Hey , kitty wake up. We are here."Taimoor whispered as he tapped her shoulder .
"Huh"... sleeply Haya whispered.
Sleepy Haya was the most fun to be around. She'd say funny stuff which no one in their right mind would and she had the funniest dreams. Stuff like " I just dreamt about giraffes. They had difficulty puking , because you know their long neck and all...... All of that needs to pass , though that tube of neck. It was an awful dream." And sometimes her dreams left him flabbergasted . Who in the right mind dreamt of giraffes and their vomiting problems?
"I hope you dreamt about something pleasant ." Taimoor said as he gave her a smile.
Haya sat there blank as she looked around , finally understanding that they were nearly home. "We are in Lahore." She claimed as she looked at the familiar roads. Her voice was hoarse.
" I can't believe you slept through all of it. Itna confidence hai mujhe pay.Agr main gari parah say neechay gira deta tu tumhari ankh tu phir dozaq main he khulti.(You have such confidence in me that you slept through it. What if I drove the car into a mountain , they you'd probably wake up in hell) " Taimoor joked. Taimoor had hoped that getting her angry and worked up would get her mind of the whatever she had in mind. He had expected her to get all red and grill him with that glare of her. But instead she looked more scarred instead.
But the look on the face , after he had made the remark killed him. She looked at him as if he had just slapped her and Taimoor felt like kicking himself. And he would have punched the nearest wall , but then this would have scared her more. Haya was already freaked out and he didn't want to add more on her plate.
"What did he mean by ending up in hell?" Her alter ego asked. Did he believe that she was the culprit in the Salman case? They had never talked about that. Haya was already anxious , and every comment was setting her off. Maybe he had said that in a fun way , but her over-thinking mind had 1000 different reason lined up which could have been the cause of the statement. Haya was a nervous wreck. They were really going back home. His home , where her life had taken a 360. She would never forget that day. She was so nervous that she felt would puke.
The guard had now opened the main gate and Taimoor drove in. Everyone was waiting in the foyer for them . Phupho had this teary-eyed smile on her face , while Saman was probably jumping with excitement. Phupha Shahab too waited the arrival of his only son.
Getting out of the car Haya went to the veranda where she was greeted by her phupho and everyone. Haya had excepted Phupho to hug Taimoor first. After all he was the son and she was the daughter-in-law. But she instead had reached for Haya first. Kissing her forehead and telling her that she missed her so much.
It was a small gesture, but Haya felt like crying. The fact that everyone was so happy to see them that they were bursting with joy made her feel guilty. She was avoiding this. The thought made her feel like a loser.
Haya was pondering over her situation as she sat on the sofa in her room. It was Taimoor's actually. "Haya, you can get through anything. Phupho loves you. You are strong. Just try to appear a little more enthusiastic for the sake of Phupho and Saman. Plus , weren't you all excited for the wedding. How much worse could it get ? You are already abandoned. What more could you lose?" Her sanity had questioned .
Taimoor , Haya found answering her own question. And it got her more nervous than it should have. "But you never had him in the first place. You can't lose him." Her alter ego mocked.
"Khalaaaa " a bubbly called pulling Haya out from the debate and back to reality .Little Ferozey with a bright smile was running towards her with open arms. Haya smiled as she saw Ferzoey and bent down as she kissed her took her in her arms.
" Ferozeyy , how are you my cuppycake ?" , Haya asked Ferozey. And Ferozey began telling tales about her friends since she had just started kindergarten and Haya was all ears.
"Khalaaa I hate Ayzat. He pulls my hair every day. And yesterday he told me that girls don't play cricket and football." Ferozey said as she pouted and made that disgusted face. Haya laughed.
"No one tells my cupcake what to do. Plus who is he to tell you that? Ask Taimoor we use to play cricket when I was your age and after that. And I was like best. He always took me in his team because when he didn't , he lost. He is too proud to admit it, but you can ask your nano." Haya told Ferozey as she reminisced the days when life was good. She was carefree. No worries at all. Not caring about what people are going to think or say. Not going nuts over 'what ifs' . Those days, when she didn't hate Taimoor. Those days ,when she had the childhood crush on him .
"What are you guys talking about huh?" Taimoor asked. He was standing by the door, his tall frame blocking the entrance . He had this talent of appearing out of thin air again and creeping her out.
Taimoor found Haya sitting with Ferozey. She smiled and winked at Ferozey after telling her something. By the looks of Ferozey , he could tell that she was impressed. Taimoor's curiosity was spiked and he couldn't help himself but ask what had gotten her all smiles .
The sight of Haya's smile lifted Taimoor's spirits, though he was amazed that she would have smiled at anything . Few minutes back she was sad as a winter twilight. Like an angel grieving for good man's sin.
"Mamo " , Ferozey said as she fled from Haya lap towards him, who caught her in his arms and lifted her up.
"Khala ,was telling me how she used to beat you ...." Ferozey continued from where she had left only to be interrupted.
"Khala?" Taimoor asked as he looked appalled , facing Ferozey. Ferozey had the audacity to point at Haya. She was looking at him as if he was really stupid to ask that question. As if it was asking what color was the sun or the sky?
Their wedding and the circumstances which led to it, were so twisted that Ferozey never got around the fact that Haya was married to Taimoor now. Aiman had went back with Uzair bhai after their small valima since Ferozey had to go to school. No one had objected to Ferozey calling Haya , 'Khala' until Taimoor. And truth be told Haya had never given a thought about how Ferozey still called her 'Khala' . Until Taimoor questioned it. Ferozey calling Haya, 'khala' while she referred to Taimoor as ' Mamo' was awkward and strange indeed. Haya smiled as she realized how strange it was.
"Beanie , she is not your khala anymore." He told her. His voice was dead serious as if he was in office. Ferozey looked at him as if he stole her candy. That too , her favorite one and the last one, left.
"Sachi?(is it true) You aren't?" Ferozey asked as her eyes filled with tears , ready to escape her lashes. Taimoor had the chick to say 'Muchi' to her 'sachi'.What was wrong with him.
"What the hell Taimoor? " Haya asked annoyed as she went closer to them and took Ferozey from him.
"Meri jaan , this is not true. I am not going anywhere. You'll always be my star. He doesn't mean it like that." Haya said as she kissed her checks , comforting her while eyeing Taimoor to apologize and explain what he meant by that statement of his.
"Beanie ,she's not going anywhere. You love her, right? And you want her to be here whenever you come to visit nani jaan? " Taimoor asked as he knelt in-front of the sofa where they were seated on finally getting his wits back. This time his tone was soft . Ferozey nodded her head vigorously in answer to his questions.
"So, to be here , she needed to be more than a 'khala'. She's your Momani now." He explained, and Haya rolled her eyes while Ferozey looked at him as if he was explaining quantum physics and quarks.
"Does this all mean; she gets to be her 24/7 and never leave?" Ferozey asked all excited. She didn't care whether Haya was her khala or not. She just wanted Haya around whenever she came to visit her nani.
"Yup, " Taimoor replied pooping his lips and Ferozey, hugged him and then kissed his cheeks. "You are the best Mamo" , Ferozey was smiling as she declared that.
Taimoor smirked but then replied , "I am the only real Mamo." He said as he kissed her cheeks. Ferozey shoke her head in disagreement , her eyes wereglittering with mischief. Haya looked at the pair that they both were smartypants.
"Wait so you'll kiss him and hug him for keeping me here? While I get nothing ", Haya said faking her disappointment. Scratch that she was disappointed a little.
"You too want a kiss ? " Ferozey asked with her little arms looped around Taimoor's neck.
"Yes, obviously" ,Haya responded as she waited for Ferozey to get down and kiss her cheeks.
"Mamo can you please , meri taraf say(from my side) kiss her. I will return that kiss to you. I need to tell Nani jaan that and nano ko bhi batana hai." Ferozey said as she smiled , her cheeks were red. And with that exhilarated Ferozey ran to find her grandparents wanting to be the first to give everyone the 'newz'. Little did she know , everyone knew it already. Haya stood there dumb folded. Did I just get outsmarted by a kindergarten? What a shame. She thought as she shoke her head and smiled glancing at the receding figure of Ferozay.
"So I owe you a kiss. " Taimoor asked as he got up from his knees.And slowly approached her as like a tiger , intimidating his prey . Light on his feet, slow and steady. IS he really going to kiss me?NO , he won't .But what if did. When they held hands,and even that slight touch used to give her butterflies in the stomach. Him ,kissing her would just blow her away. She was already in a turmoil. Lets admit Haya. You want to feel that stubble against your cheeks. Experience if it really tickles like Ferozey claims , Her conscience mocked her. When Taimoor was direct in-front of the beige sofa he bent towards her, his nose was touching her as he intently looked in her eyes. Haya, sat their frozen as he gawked at her like an eagle with such intensity that if she were an ice-cream she would have been a puddle right now.Heck she wasn't an ice-cream but was still melting. Haya waited for him to make his move. God , she had bad anxiety. She wanted him to get over with it . But he stood there enjoying her discomfort.
Haya was seconds away from pulling his lapel , reducing the distance of few inches which he had deliberately left. She knew she would have regretted it later , but right now that had felt like the best option available. Another proof of how her wits just went outdoors when he was near.
But!!! Yes , but he instead leaned down , his jaw brushed her ears and cheeks as he reached for the remote , which was lying on the sofa beside her. WHAT THE HELL? Haya wanted to shout . She wanted to give him piece of her mind.But could she ? No!!! To say ,that she was disappointed was an understatement.She was extremely devastated. What was his deal ?
"You could have asked for that?", Haya said as Taimoor settled on the love seat infront of her switching on the TV. He was smirking and it boiled her blood more. Once a jerk , always a jerk.
"Yeah, but then I don't ask . " He said giving her a tight unapologetic smile. THE HELL YOU DON'T ! She was really done. Arguing with him was not going to help her. She was so frustrated while Taimoor sat there zapping through the tv channels with a smug look on his face.
Haya was so invested in him right now , that she forgot that she was anxious ,few minutes ago. All Haya, could think of right now was , "how to wipe that smug off his face?" . She would have stayed and worked on that if she hadn't heard Aiman appa calling her name. Haya hadn't even greeted Aiman appa and Uzair bhai.
Haya was halfway across the room when she stopped and turned.
" I am too pretty to be called a'Momani' you better figure out something cool to go by my image. Otherwise , I am sticking with khala." Haya told him as she gave him a smile of dominance andleft the room to find Aiman and Phupho. There was a-lot to do in a shadi walaghar(wedding house), and she was the ikloti bahu(only bahu). She had decided to man up . She hadn't done anything wrong. Thus, she shouldn't be the one suffering and avoiding people.
It is done !!! I hope you enjoyed
Stay Safe and never be afraid to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them. Its never to late to make a confession .
Love and kisses your way
فی امان اﷲ
Love Alyna,