Chapter 15
April 14, 1960
John and I walked quietly into the room at the Bambi Kino around eleven the next morning. Our train left earlier this morning from Paris, and we had just arrived to see Stu and George sleeping peacefully in this dingy room. John took off his shoes and lied down on our bed. He motioned for me to do the same, and I lied in his arms thinking about everything that happened this weekend.
John had proved to me that Hamburg had only hardened his shell more on the outside, but inside was still that sweet man that I loved so much. I wanted the rest of this year to fly by, so we could get married as soon as possible. We talked about the future almost the entire night last night. After John proposed to me, we sat at the sparkling Eiffel Tower for another hour before heading back to the hotel. We took another bath together and made sweet love the rest of night. We only slept a few hours, but our Hamburg schedule had made our bodies used to that. I felt completely rested after our short getaway to Paris.
I looked up at John, who had fallen asleep and was snoring quietly. I heard Stuart grunt, which he does in his sleep, and George roll over on his sofa. I'm sure the boys had a late night partying last night. I couldn't believe how everything was turning out. We were all growing as musicians and artists. The boys had developed an impeccable style that I knew would get them places. Now, John and I were engaged, and we would get married upon our return to Liverpool. I honestly couldn't wait.
"Sasha," I heard someone whisper. John snored loudly once more and went back to being quiet.
I looked to find Stu sitting on the edge of his bed in just his briefs, "Hi Stu."
Stuart stood and put on his drainpipe jeans and a black t-shirt, "Can we talk outside?"
"Sure," I said. I moved myself from John's arms without waking him and left him a note saying I'd left with Stu.
Stuart and I walked down the street to a café to get some coffee. Our walk there was in silence, and we didn't speak until we sat down at a table with our cappuccinos.
Stu poured a sugar packet into his, "How was your trip?"
I smiled, every detail coming to mind, "It was wonderful. John is still the man I love. It's just that when he's here in Hamburg, his hard outer shell that he puts on gets harder," I tried to explain.
"I know what you mean, but I'm glad you were able to work everything out with him. You two have a relationship that many people dream about until they've dreamed their whole life away and waste away alone," he spoke beautifully, "I use to dream of a companionship with someone like you had with John. I used to dream of you being my girl, but I've found my girl. I just had to come to bloody Germany to find her."
I smiled. I admired how intelligent Stu was. When he spoke, it was like the whole world stopped to listen to his poetic words, "So, you and Astrid are going well I assume?"
Stu sighed, "I'm moving in with her next month."
I almost spit out my coffee, "What?"
"She begged her mother to let all of us stay there, so we could get out of the Bambi Kino, but her mother said that it was just me or no one," Stu explained, "I agreed. I'm moving next month. I love her so much, Sasha."
Stu looked deep into my eyes with a passion that I used to see in John's before Hamburg sucked all the life out of him. However, I saw glimpses of it this weekend.
I still couldn't believe Stuart was leaving all of us at the Bambi Kino, "Why next month? Why not now?"
Stu took a cigarette from behind his ear and lit it with one of the matches from his pocket, "A little birdie told Paul and Pete that old Bruno is moving us to a nicer club next month, the Kaiserkeller."
"Who's the messenger?"
Stu exhaled his smoke up into the air, "Allan."
"Oh," I said, sipping my coffee.
Stu placed his hand on mine, "I just figured that during our transition to the new club would be the right time to move in with Astrid. Don't be upset with me."
I pulled my hand away from his, "I'm not upset."
"You are," he teased.
"It's just that you're one of the best friends I've ever had," I explained, "You being around all the time makes me feel safe because I know that you can talk to John when he gets angry and unreasonable in a way that I can't talk to him. I have a feeling I won't see you as much."
Stu sighed, "I'll still see you all the time, and I would never stop protecting you from John when he gets in his moods."
I laughed with him and went quiet again.
Stu put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table, "I've got to quit smoking."
When I looked at the ground and didn't reply, Stu spoke again, "Sasha, is there something you're not telling me?"
I couldn't hold it in any longer, and I let the tears begin to roll down my cheeks, "I'm scared Stuart."
Stu rushed out of his chair and pulled it beside me, so he could bring me into his arms, "Scared of what?"
"This weekend was absolutely perfect. I was reminded why I fell in love with John in the first place, but I don't want the way we were this weekend to change."
"You think it will go back to the way it was or get worse?" Stu asked.
"Yes, and well...John proposed to me in Paris," I sniffled.
Stu pulled away from me, "Wait, you two are engaged? Congrats."
He dropped his smile when he noticed how sad I still looked, "I want to marry him, Stu. With all of my heart, I want to marry him, and we're planning on getting married when we get back to Liverpool. What if things change, though? What will I do?"
"You'll move on," he said flatly, "but stop worrying because that will never happen. You and John always work things out. At the end of the day you still love each other the same."
"Thank you Stu," I hugged him, "I will never meet anyone like you ever again. You're the best friend a girl could ask for."
June 22, 1960
We had been in Hamburg almost six months now. Last month, Stuart's piece of gossip came true when we were moved to the nicer club, the Kaiserkeller. He also moved into to Astrid's house, and they were as in love as John and I were. John had had a few drunken outbursts, but for the most part, I was relieved that this new stage in our relationship of being fiancés was going very well. Stu was right about everything, including the fact that just because he lived with Astrid now, we still saw each other as often. John and I would always double-date with Stu and Astrid on nights out.
I was sitting next to John on the bus, looking out at the sunny, summertime Hamburg and resting my head on his shoulder. Stu and Astrid were sat on the seat in front us cuddling and kissing. Astrid's family has a beach house on the outskirts of Hamburg, and she invited us to stay there with her and Stu for his twentieth birthday tomorrow. It was the second of the rare times we had a couple nights off, the first being our trip to Paris. I was excited to have this beach weekend with just the four of us.
The bus stopped at the end of the street and Astrid led us to the beach house. It was big and nicely decorated inside, and out the back door was the sandy beach and the blue ocean connected to it. We all couldn't wait to get out there, so that was the first thing that we did. Astrid and I had so much fun sunbathing and snapping photos of John and Stuart playing in the sand and the water. I knew this weekend was going to be one of the best.
The next day
After making love to each other all night in our private room, John and I were tangled up in the sheets together. This was my favorite place to be. I loved being in his arms after a long, intimate night with each other. John was awake when I looked up at him, and he leaned in to kiss me passionately.
"I love you," he whispered, "How 'bout another round?"
I kissed him roughly to give him my answer, and he rolled on top of me. We were kissing and touching as John thrust in and out of me sensually. I heard the bedroom door creak open.
"Hey, I fixed some brekkie," I heard Stu say.
John and I emerged from under the sheets, our hair a mess, and our skin ridden with large hickeys. I made sure the sheet was covering my breasts to avoid a more awkward moment than what was happening now.
"Didn't your mother ever teach you to knock," John said, panting.
Stu shrugged, "It doesn't bother me anymore Lennon. I lived in the same room as you two for four months. I'm used to it. All you guys ever do is have sex," he laughed, "Breakfast is ready."
"We'll be out in a few," John said.
He caught me off guard when he quickly jumped back on top of me and starting thrusting hard and fast. I moaned louder than I wanted.
Stu sighed, "That's my cue to leave."
I laughed as John continued, and Stu closed the door when he left, "John."
He shut me up with his lips on mine before pulling away and speaking through his heavy pant, "He still likes you, you know?"
"No he doesn't," I groaned as he hit a sweet spot inside of me, "He loves Astrid."
"Whatever," John said, "He still likes ya, and I'm gonna make him jealous. I love doing that."
John picked up the pace, if that was even possible. He started moaning and grunting loud and obnoxiously as he got closer to the edge. I was half laughing, half moaning as my body shook underneath him. John finished with a loud, moany grunt.
"You're ridiculous," I said, laughing and catching my breath.
John laughed and got dressed. After I was dressed, he picked me up bridal style and carried me to the kitchen, kissing me the whole way there. He sat me down in a chair at the table that Stu and Astrid were already seated at. His lips never left mine as he sat down next to me and brought me into his arms. John was full-on snogging me at the table.
Astrid cleared her throat, and Stu spoke up, "Have you quite finished making bloody spectacle of yourself? The whole neighborhood heard your little morning rendezvous."
John dramatically pulled his lips from mine, "Now, I'm finished. Only because I'm starving though."
"I don't see how I've put up with him for nearly three years," I said, and Astrid laughed at me.
"I'm still here though," John smirked, "Say, it's Stu's birthday. Why was he slaving away making this breakfast?"
Stu laughed, taking a bite of the mountain of scrambled eggs on his plate, "Well, I obviously wasn't gonna get any help from you two lovebirds. Astrid helped."
"It's delicious," I told them.
John laughed and smirked, "That's what she said about my..."
"John," I smacked his arm before he could continue making his vulgar remark.
Stu laughed out loud, and Astrid blushed and looked at her plate.
That night after dinner, we had the cake that Astrid and I had baked all afternoon lit up with twenty candles for Stuart. We stood and sang 'Happy Birthday' to him before he blew the blaze of candles out with a secret wish. The cake was almost gone within the next hour. We were all sitting on the back porch watching the waves crash on the shore in the moonlight. John and I were sat on the porch swing, and Stu and Astrid were lying on a lounge chair together. John and Stuart were nursing their third or fourth bottle of beer while me and Astrid had opted for glasses of wine.
"I've got to go pee," I said, kissing John lightly before I stood up to go inside.
When I came out of the bathroom, Stuart was walking past me from the bedrooms, "I had to get a sweater for Astrid. She gets cold easily."
"Okay," I replied looking into his dark eyes.
"Thanks for coming and spending my birthday with us," Stu said stepping closer to me.
"John and I really have enjoyed the short stay. It's a shame it can't last longer," I said, feeling a little uncomfortable as Stuart was standing so close to me.
He sighed, "You look beautiful today," he closed the gap between us putting his arms around my waist.
"Stuart," I tried to wiggle out of his strong grip, but to no avail, "How many beers have you had?"
"Not many, only three," his breath touched my face gently.
He brought his lips to mine, and to mine and his surprised, I didn't struggle. I didn't pull away or try to. I relaxed in his embrace. Our kiss got stronger, and I felt his tongue slip past my lips. As we stood making out in the hallway, a million things were running through my mind. Stu's lips were incredible; he was such a good kisser. I thought about the small kiss he gave me at his flat last year. It hadn't been as enjoyable as this one.
Suddenly his lips left mine, "What am I doing?" He brought his hand up to his forehead.
"Stu," I sighed, "We don't have to tell anyone about this, you know."
He looked at me, "Right, of course," he paced back and forth, "Sorry."
He nervously walked away, leaving me in the hallway alone with my swimming thoughts. I placed my hand on my forehead. I couldn't believe that just happened. I didn't know what to think, actually.
"Sasha," John rounded the corner, "I came to check on you."
I stuttered like an idiot, "I was just going to get a sweater after I went to the bathroom, but I don't think I brought one with me."
John chuckled, "Too much wine? You can wear my jacket."
He took his leather jacket off and slipped it around my shoulders before giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek and whispering in my ear, "I can't wait to get you out of that dress tonight."
"How about we start now?" I said quickly.
John smirked, "I like the way you think, mama."
He picked up and threw me over his shoulder, heading to our room. I had to get the taste and feel of Stu's lips out of my head.