Come on...
These relationships that you think are so awesome...
I'll fill you in a little, I'll fill you in. Especially the teenagers in the audience. and the young people in the audience. Who kind of, just recently shot an email, and somebody emailed back, and a little Facebook thing happened.
And you know, a little wink and a little thing happened. Even though it is a separate school, but in the recess (break) you saw each other and this and that happened.
Let me fill you in a little, You know all of this is a product of low self-esteem.
You (girls/woman) think you're ugly. So if a guy thinks you're cute, you go "wow, really I am beautiful?" You have low self-esteem....
You think nobody is going to like you, nobody is going to marry you, and all of that stuff.
On the other hand, the guy, like you know...
We don't have good friendships and good relationships so we are looking for something. And most of the guys, I don't have to tell you what's going on in your head. You and I have ijma (consensus) on this issue. The things that go on in our heads, there is no need for me to explain that to you.
But you know just because you have raging hormones... and you are day dreaming about girls, and things like that... Don't mean that you are in LOVE!! It just means that you haven't controlled your temptations yet. And you're ruining somebody's life, you're ruining an entire families life.
Do you realise what you are doing? and you call it love?
You tell me if she was like 50lbs heavier, you would still be in love? Because she is still the same person, she still has the same ruh (soul) inside her jasad (body).
If she was a burn victim, if she had her arm burnt off. If she had an ear missing , you would still be in love? Or would you find somebody else to love all of a sudden?
And if you can't answer that question, then honestly come on...
You are not in love you are just hormonal! That's all you are.
This is what we've done to relationships which are supposed to be beautiful. Marriage is supposed to be a beautiful relationship. It's supposed to be a life long relationship.
But because you are watching all of these models on TV and stupid like that... Woman that are throwing themselves at Men, and all of this stuff.
You've developed this delusional concept of what it means to have Love in your life.
Delusional concept...
Our deen came to free the world from this nonsense. To free it.
Because we have a more mature understanding of what it means to have love in your life. I am not saying you shouldn't marry someone you like...You should.
You should be attracted to your future spouse. All of those things are fine.
But there is a decency you have to exhibit before that. You know...
And if you are okay talking to a girl like that, then you should be okay with somebody talking to your sister like that!
You're okay with that, too? Not if you have any ounce of decency left inside you. If you do, then you know... this is how we have to... we have to end these things.
And if you've been in that kind of relationship, or you are in those relationship right now. Nobody knows, only Allah SWT knows and you know. Don't raise your hand, please!
But I'm saying, you're like "after today's lecture I've decided that I no longer want to be your friend." Don't even write that. Because even then you are looking for a response.
You're kidding yourself. And then you're checking, did she reply back?
"Yes we should no longer be friends." and you'll write back... "you're right, we really shouldn't be friends anymore." and then she'll write: "yeah never again."
And then you'll write back...
You're still doing it!
Just stop, just cut it off. It's not good for you.
And guys I have done a whole series on shame. I won't repeat it, but I will tell you this. It is okay to be attracted to a girl, Allah (Swt) put that in you. You're not evil for finding a girl beautiful. That's not haram for you to feel that way! You have to control it, you have to control yourself. Our deen teaches us self control.
And if you cannot exhibit self control in one aspect of your life you will lose self control in other aspects of your life.
Same thing for you girls...
Control yourself, control your giggle. Control your overly friendly demeanour in certain situations. Don't be oblivious, don't just say we are friends. Or he is like a brother to me.
If he ain't your brother, then he ain't your brother. That's it.
Either he is your brother, you share same mother or he is not. And then that's the end of it.