February 9, 1946
Alice woke to the sun on her face. Somehow it felt golden, which she couldn't explain beyond just knowing it to be true. It warmed her, her cheeks flushing even as she avoided opening her eyes. Nix was definitely still asleep; she could feel his arm across her abdomen, her head against his cheek, the steady rise of his chest. For a moment, she just breathed.
When at last she opened her eyes, Alice couldn't help but just smile up at the ceiling. Her ceiling. Their ceiling. For years, Alice had searched for three things always just out of reach; home, family, belonging. She'd found them each separately, but never as one. And she'd lost them. Every time, something had made her lose them.
She'd lost that sense of belonging with her countries. She'd lost home and family in the bar in Paris. She'd regained a sense of belonging and family in Easy, but it had taken years. And even then, home had felt just out of reach, like she could brush it with her fingertips, but no matter how hard she strained to reach home, it eluded her. Certain people had been echoes of home; George, Bill, Harry, Dick. Each of them, they'd been a part of home, but never home itself.
And then she'd found Nix. Alice shifted slightly in the bed, trying not to cause the mattress to spring too much. But she wanted to see him. She wanted to see the way his hair got all messy every night in bed no matter how much he tried to keep it presentable. She wanted to see the peace in his face when he slept, untouched by the war and the politics and the stress of life in New Jersey. She wanted to see the way his steady breathing moved the sheets.
Though his right arm was over her, his left had gotten scrunched up near his chest and face. On her side now, she could reach it. But she didn't want to wake him. Instead, Alice closed her eyes again, took a breath, and put her own hand to her chest, touching the skin beneath the tank top she'd put on the previous night. Somehow, being able to feel the steady beating of her own heart helped calm her nerves. Gene had suggested it in his letter after her birthday.
She always tried to avoid touching the scar tissue from the bullet she'd taken in the Alps. Years later, it still felt different to the rest of the skin, an indent with an unnatural smoothness in parts, and roughness in others. Imperfection. She didn't mind the imperfection itself, but the memories it conjured up, memories of stakeouts and sniper rifles and blood pouring out of herself and her victims, they were uncomfortable on the best of days, and traumatizing on the worst.
The firm pressure of her hand against her skin steadied. Her chilly hand became warmer, matching the temperature of her core, and she just took another deep breath through her nose. The steady beat continued beneath her palm. It felt a bit like peace, an echo of peace.
It reminded Alice that she was alive. Not just alive, but moving forward. She'd found a home, a belonging, a family. Not just an echo, but a firm melody. Alice couldn't help the small smile at her analogy. A melody. A duet.
A duet. Her smile widened at the thought. Today was the day. Paperwork was done, waiting time was done. Nix knew a guy in Princeton, a friend of his, a judge who said he'd get them in for the legal wedding ceremony. Dick would witness. Then they'd be married. She'd get to leave behind the memories and pain of Klein, and take on a potentially new pain in Nixon. But at least it'd be a true duet, and not some sort of operatic aria.
Her eyes closed again. She let her hand fall from her chest back to the mattress and pillow, where she accidentally hit Nix's own. She could feel him stiffen in the mattress. She pretended to sleep, hoping he wouldn't worry about getting up. It was still early. Definitely still early for him, at least.
Alice found she enjoyed mornings. She enjoyed them more since they'd entered Austria, when mornings meant quiet peace, simplicity. Nix called her crazy. Alice called herself lucky.
"I know you're awake," Nix muttered, face still half in the pillow. He grabbed her hand where it'd fallen next to his. "I was an intelligence officer for a reason."
"Go back to sleep," she insisted. Still with her eyes closed, she added, "You're less annoying when you're unconscious."
The half laugh, half scoff he responded with made her own smile grow. Silence followed. Alice assumed he'd taken her advice to heart. Opening her eyes, she snorted a laugh when he was just staring at her, eyes a bit bleary.
"You're staring," she commented.
"I've got a good view."
Alice grinned. "Really? Tell me more."
He smirked. Pushing himself up a bit, he just continued to grin and Alice rolled her eyes. When he put a kiss on her neck, she shivered but didn't protest. "Future Mrs. Lewis Nixon. How's that sound." He continued on.
She grinned, turning her head to intercept his continued inspection of her neck. "I don't know. Klein's got a certain ring to it."
"No," he argued. "I've got the ring."
With a laugh, she just pushed him away. It worked for about half a second before he was back on her, making her laugh the whole time between kisses. Finally, she shook him off and sat up. She twisted to look back where he'd laid down across both pillows. "You're a disgrace."
"Yeah, I know. My dad reminds me that all the time," he added. But he was grinning. "He seems to say it more since you showed up, though."
"I didn't realize I had that kind of power," she teased.
Running her hand through her hair, Alice tried to straighten the wavy, slightly knotted strands. Her gaze drifted to the mirror on Nix's vanity at his side of the room. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Aryan. She shivered, dropping her hands back to her side.
"Nix." All humor evaporated as her tone went dead serious. She felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't want them to fall. Not on her wedding day. Turning back towards him, she took a breath. "Do you want kids?" She watched as he seemed to almost stop breathing.
Sitting up as well, he ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want kids?"
"Adélaïde did," she said, voice quivering for a moment. Her mind went back to Frannie in Philadelphia, and Eugene in her harms. "I don't know now. I don't know how I could ever... touch something that perfect, and small, and innocent. I don't know how. But I guess, whatever part of me is still Adélaïde wants that."
Nix was silent for a moment. The silence wasn't uncomfortable. Her mind raced, trying to figure out where Adélaïde ended and Alice began as frequently happened when such topics came up. She wondered if Nix ever thought of Nixon separate from Lewis. Or was she alone in feeling like two separate people some days?
"Well. I fell in love with both of you," he finally said. "I never thought about kids until I met you," he added. "Jesus, I didn't even like the idea of marriage until I met you, and I was married."
Alice couldn't help but flash him a small smile. He wasted no time in making it a grin by placing a kiss on her lips. Her gaze went to the clock on the wall. "We need to get up." And though he protested, falling back into the bed, Alice pushed herself out and got to her feet. With a small laugh, she grabbed undergarments and went to the bathroom.
Nix rolled his eyes as the door shut. But he smiled. Years later and being able to make her laugh still meant the world. She shouldn't have to cry. It wasn't right.
But the fact that the laugh came at the expense of her refusing him the sight of her getting dressed made him shake his head. She was right, of course. They had to get up. John said to meet him at the Courthouse in Princeton by eleven. Dick would be at the house soon.
And she knew that the way to get him out of bed was to change somewhere else. Shit. He'd planned a marriage to a genius. Nix snickered to himself as he finally crawled out of bed. Two could play at that game, though.
She laughed again when she came in and he'd already dressed. "I see you understood my threat."
"I was an intelligence officer for a reason," he echoed.
Alice shook her head. "So was I, Lewis Nixon. So was I."
"Yeah but you worked under me," he added. "Still do."
With another laugh, she just threw her sleep stuff in his face and pulled on her nicest cocktail dress. It was a light blue. Nix said it complimented her eyes. The fact that he liked the blue made her a little less hostile to her own appearance. If he could accept it, she could learn to do it too.
Dick had let himself in when they finally made their way down the stairs. He was petting Aria in the front room. When Alice's clicking heels betrayed their presence, he stood up again and looked over. "Honestly, never thought I'd see the day."
"We got here," Alice said. She took a deep breath. "Took a while."
"Ready?" Nix asked.
When they all nodded, Alice smiled. A small one, a bit nervous, a bit sad that her family wouldn't be there with her. But Dick was family. So that was okay.
By the time they reached the courthouse, it was nearly eleven. Nix's friend John, a courthouse judge, led them inside. Alice found her thoughts racing so fast she couldn't keep track of everything. They verified her citizenship. Alice felt so thankful to Sink for securing her citizenship during Austria. Documentation was checked, including proof of Nix's divorce. With most of the legal stuff out of the way, they stepped aside for a moment. All they had to do was sign the final papers, Dick as witness, John as officiant, and they'd be married.
When Nix showed her the ring, she started tearing up. It was simple, elegant, gold. He told her it was like her hair, and her laugh, and her smile. That's when she really started crying. Nix just held her, knowing how many emotions and memories were probably filling her head. He ran a hand through her hair, which she'd left mostly undone. It looked almost like it had in Austria.
It took almost five minutes for her to get a hold of herself. Based on the way both John and Dick had been silent, Alice figured the former knew more about their story than most other people in the States.
Her hand shook as she signed the paper. She went first. She wanted to get it done. She wanted to be able to see the ink dry. Then Nix. Then Dick. And then she realized it was done.
She was married. Somehow, that fact made her realize that maybe Nix had been right all along. She was Alice, she was Adélaïde, she was both. She was one person, a very complicated, very messy, very broken, but also very grateful person. She had Nix. She had her duet.
It didn't bother her that the kiss felt like most others. If anything, it reminded her that they'd been as close as a duet for a while. It did bother her that she had started crying again.
"Damn it," she huffed, pulling back from Nix. "Why can't I stop. This is pathetic. I fought in a damn war!"
Nix and Dick both started laughing. They thanked John for his help, and he just nodded, smiling. The man wasn't too much older than they themselves. Was he married?
When they walked outside, the cold had warmed a bit. Still chilly, but not freezing. The perfect weather. As they stood by Nix's car, they stopped. Alice wasted no time in grabbing Dick in a hug and staying there for several beats.
"Keep him out of trouble," Dick reminded her.
While he protested, she just chuckled. "Always."
"Half the time you cause the trouble too," Dick reminded her.
"Apologies in advance when Stanhope gets my letter on Monday," Nix told him. "Ruth volunteered to drop it off, though. I told her he was going to yell, and all she said was good."
"What's it say?" Dick asked.
"The basics. We got married. We didn't tell anyone. We ran off to Europe. We'll be back in a couple weeks," Nix said.
Alice laughed. "The basics." While they all snickered, Dick shaking his head, knowing he'd be in for a storm on Monday when he went into work, she just smiled. Then she looked at him. "Keep track of Aria and Spot! I told them to be good," she added.
"You two get going. Your flight's in a few hours, and you've gotta get to New York," he reminded them. "Say hello to Millie for me."
Alice grinned. She would. They would. Together.
A duet.