So, this is basically Wilder's pov for issue zeroth: kiss and don't tell
I can't remember who gave me this suggestion :D
Dedicating this to hype boi euphornium
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Wilder: should've been the first kiss
When Kendra's hands slipped a little more south of my waist, I knew trouble was brewing.
Her mouth moved fervently against mine as my lips froze. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could still hear the muffled sounds from her party around the pool. I should've realized what was on her mind when she had apprehended me alone. But of course, my inebriated brain didn't think of all the rational possibilities.
I kissed her back slowly, trying to reduce her pace and stroked her arms gently. To let her know that even though I wasn't opposed to making out, squeezing my butt fell in a territory that I wasn't ready to venture into yet. Not with her at least.
"Let's go to my room," she spoke breathlessly against my mouth as she leaned back to peer up at me. I gazed into her hazel eyes, glittering under the dim lights of the backyard. I had my back pressed against some sort of a shed I assumed. I hadn't had the opportunity to explore her house fully yet anyway.
"Er..." I tried to take a light humorous approach to the situation and smirked at her. "I don't think the host disappearing during the party makes for a very good host."
She giggled. "When the host's boyfriend is so fucking hot it's understandable."
She pressed her lips to mine again and this time, I gently held her waist and pushed her a little further away. She leaned back again, her eyes dark. "I...I think we should go back."
She sighed and nodded. I felt a pang in my chest. I had wanted to break up with her ever since I realized that she might genuinely like me much more than I liked her. However, every time that I had tried to break up with her, I somehow never had the guts. And now it was feeling like more of an obligation than a relationship. I turned away from her, returning towards the pool. Hoping that being in the midst of the crowd would help me feel less guilty.
"Collins!"
I turned around at Archer's voice and gave him what I hoped was a polite smile. He waved back at me and walked towards me with a drink in his hand that he handed to me. "Cheers, mate!"
He clinked our glasses together and I downed it along with him. Thankfully, Kendra had wandered off to her girlfriends which was a relief for me. I was dreading the time when I would have to make up to her. I knew that such kind of rejection was always a massive blow to self-confidence. However, she was gorgeous. Smart. Strong. I hoped she wouldn't think too much of it. Apart from the fact that she would probably have an inkling that I wasn't as straight as I claimed to be.
But hell, even spaghetti is only straight until it's in water.
"We got that match against Jamieson High. Coach Bradman has been on about how good they are but-" I winced when he slapped me on the back, " I think we got it, yo."
I sighed softly so that he wouldn't hear. Under normal circumstances, I may have been interested to discuss about the match, however, I had just spotted two figures at the far end of the room, and I couldn't take my eyes off from one of them.
Nico.
My heart lurched painfully in my chest when I saw Marien talking to him, standing a little closer than necessary. He smiled politely and nodded to something she had said, shuffling his feet like he did whenever he felt awkward. I gazed at him for a while, somehow able to see the characteristic sparkle in his eyes even from so far away. My heart ached with a familiar pain. It was easier when I didn't see him at school, because every time that I did, my chest seemed to collapse upon itself like a massive blackhole giving in to the force of gravity at the end of its days.
Marien laughed loudly at something he had said. He looked amused for a while and gave her a faltering smile. I knew he wasn't used to parties of this scale and I was also surprised to see that he wasn't flanked by Camden or Rayleigh.
Archer droned on about the match tactics and I nodded, making polite exclamations such as 'Right' and 'Yep' at the correct times. I kept my eyes fixed on Nico as he seemed to slink away from Marien. My stomach churned when she placed a hand on his arm and laughed again. He shirked her away gently, clearly uncomfortable.
I wondered if it would be too weird to try and rescue him. He wasn't mine to rescue, I knew that. What if I suddenly did decide to talk to him? There was no way he could forgive me for what I had done. At the time, it had seemed like the most prudent plan, but despite the fact that he was blind when it came to himself, the fact that he was talented and funny and adorable was slowly percolating through the school. Which meant that more girls like Marien would possibly try to hit on him. Even without Mrs Evans' unhomofy plan. I couldn't fathom the thought of seeing him with someone else.
How selfish was I? I had no right to feel this way. And yet, I did.
I took another sip of the drink, tuning out Archer's words when I saw Nico finally extricating himself from Marien and quickly make his way into the kitchen. He seemed to mumble some excuse, looking extremely awkward as he opened the glass doors and disappeared behind it. Making a split-second decision, I nodded at Archer, mumbling a made up excuse about needing a drink refill and decided to follow him.
I made my way through the crowd of people, glancing at the rest of my team members who were either engaged in uncivilized makeout sessions or simply talking too loudly. Kendra was still engaged in a conversation with some girl and I managed to slip into the glass doors and find myself in the modern kitchen.
He turned around when I entered, his eyes wide. He had been leaning over the sink, presumably for a drink of water going by the dark sprinkles on his t-shirt. I walked closer to him, entranced and terrified at the same time. Our contact had been zero over the last couple of years, even though I had yearned for it everyday.
His eyes widened further, almost comically, his mouth agape as he stared at me shamelessly. I felt another pang in my heart, that he would be so shocked that I even decided to approach him in the first place. But the elephant in the room remained.
What now?
He glanced behind him and then back at me. The air around us had solidified suddenly. I inadvertently remembered our last meeting. And how it had ended.
"Er...Wilder?" he asked, as if confirming that I was not an illusion.
I bit my lip, unable to say anything and moved closer to him. His eyes were trained on me, making my legs feel wobbly due to some reason. I had always thought of him to be my little secret. That I was the one to know how amazing he was. And although I was proud that others were seeing it now, I couldn't tame the vicious monster of jealousy and possessiveness writhing in my belly.
I moved closer to him so that we were merely a foot apart. He gazed up at me, his lips parted slightly. I gazed into his eyes, glittering enigmatically under the bright lights. His dark curls covering his forehead. My eyes travelled to his lips and I found myself wondering how they would feel. His upper lip was a little narrower than his bottom one. The cupid's bow dipping delicately at the centre. The pinkish tint of them reminded me of the softest hue of roses.
My heart hammered in my chest. I knew he was extremely liable to kick me if I tried to touch him. His eyes shifted to my lips and back to my eyes again, making my stomach clench nervously. I wasn't sure why the green in his eyes seemed suddenly darker, why the air around us seemed suddenly electrified. I took a shuddering breath, trying to get a grip on myself when there were loud yells from outside and the lights went off in the entire building, plunging everything into semi-darkness.
"Oh," he whispered under his breath, and somehow, the sound was irresistible to me. All rationality left me and for once, I decided to drop my guard. I leaned forwards and kissed him.
The contact sent my heart into a frenzy. I was inadvertently reminded of kissing Kendra, merely because of how different it felt. I waited for a while to see if he would react. Whether he would push me away, or pull me in. My heart stopped in my chest when his hands reached for my hair, his fingers entangling between the strands. His mouth opened against mine and I pulled him closer to me, the heat between us rising in a catatonic wave.
For once, I was careless, but somehow, I couldn't get myself to be scared.
I dipped my tongue into his mouth, letting it entangle with his as a spark coursed through my body. His mouth was warm. Soft. Welcoming. Our hearts seemed to synchronize in harmony as the kiss deepened further. I loved the way he tasted like chocolate. I knew he always had a weakness for them. It felt strange. Different. Beautiful.
Perfect.
Almost like love.
But I wasn't sure. How could I be? There was too much history between us. Too much history of me tossing him around like a rag doll. How was this ever going to work if my heart reacted this way to him? I had thought that staying away from him would become easier with years, yet somehow it had gotten difficult. I hadn't stopped loving him. I had simply stopped letting myself accept that I did.
The world around us disappeared into insignificant pinpricks, our hot, eager mouths moving breathlessly before finally, rationality found me like a gunshot to my chest. I leaned away from him and staggered back, placing my hands on the counter, disbelieving what had just happened. My heart already aching from the loss of his touch.
And I was terrified of how right it had felt.
I managed to glance at him, feeling my own cheeks burning. His face was flushed, his eyes glassy as if he was as bewildered as I was. I raked a hand through my hair, realizing how fucked up everything was. Here I was, at my girlfriend's party, kissing my ex-best friend whom I had treated like trash. I hoped I could play it off as nothing. But then, what?
"Don't...tell anyone about this." I said, taking a shuddering breath and trying to calm myself even as I yearned to kiss him again.
"Why?" he asked, clenching his jaw in defiance.
I took another deep breath, trying to hear my own low voice over the pounding of my heart. I noticed how his eyes seemed almost black, glinting under the dim lights still streaming from outside.
"Because I have a girlfriend and...I'm not gay."
He scoffed. "Your tongue inside my mouth seemed pretty fucking gay to me, Collins."
I gazed behind me in alarm, my blood running cold. If discovered, it would be a massive scandal. Not to mention, absolutely humiliating for Kendra and possibly subject both Nico and I to ridicule. I didn't want him to face any more shit because of me than he already had. I took another deep breath and glared at him even as my heart leapt. I hadn't been this close to him in a long time. I had forgotten the comfort and ease. "Don't, Evans. Just forget about it."
"I will. Once I tell Kendra," he grinned cheekily at me, and in spite of myself, I found myself entranced at the way his beautiful eyes lit up when he smiled. However, there was certain darkness in his alluring irises. "Hey Kendra, cool party! By the way, your boyfriend is gay."
I clenched my fists and walked closer to him, wondering if I should just kiss him again. On another hand, this might be a good way to get Kendra to break up with me. "I'm serious, Evans. Just forget this happened and we'll be cool."
He was quiet, studying me with a gaze so unwavering that I felt my confidence crippling. I tried to appear defiant as I spoke, "You're not telling anyone, okay?"
He turned his face away from me, muttering under his breath. "No one would believe me anyway."
I looked at him in surprise. What did he mean? Was it so unbelievable to him that I would want to kiss him? A horrifying thought formed in my head. What if he thought I was just making fun of him? Or humouring him because I knew about his feelings for me? No way. He knew me better than that.
My heart jumped up to my throat when the glass doors opened behind me and Archer's voice yelled loudly, "Collins, come on, we're having a cannonball contest!"
A part of me was relieved that they had arrived to break the almost solid tension. However, I kind of wished that they hadn't. The conflicting feelings of wanting to be around Nicola and needing to be as far as possible from him were two relentless beasts engaged in combat in my chest.
"Evans," McKinney drawled, "Would you like to join us?"
My stomach clenched nervously. They were going to try to pick on him again. Before I could try to diffuse the tension however, Hector spoke. "Man, this must be such a party for you!" he chuckled, "Half-naked guys all-around-" they all laughed as Nico's eyes momentarily drifted to me. I couldn't get myself to look at him, nervously shuffling my feet. He had every opportunity to oust me. But I knew he would never stoop that low. He was too noble for this world. "This must be like your fantasies coming true!"
I decided to step in, before I could however, much to my surprise, Nico flashed him his adorable grin. "Yes, Hector. However, my fantasies shan't be fulfilled unless these lips of mine were to find yours."
I almost smiled at his words, my stomach unclenching slightly. I watched, bewildered as Nico walked confidently up to Hector, glaring up at him even though he was tiny next to him. He seemed to study him for a while, crinkling his nose as if in distaste. "You're not my type. I don't consider men below the intelligence quotient of ten."
This time I struggled to hold a laugh back when McKinney whispered. "Such a weirdo. Why does he talk like that?"
"Do you expect anything less against your cheap below the belt taunts?" I said, watching as Nico sauntered out of the kitchen with his head held high. I glanced at McKinney and tried to speak in a firm voice. "I told you. Lay off him."
He rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if they knew or had an inkling that my feelings for Nico transcended to something much more than friendship. Even if they did, I knew none of them would dare to mention it to my face. Not until I remained the football captain. Not until I remained Wilder Collins.
Gay Wilder Collins was a hypothesis I was terrified to explore. Because if I ever came out of the closet, my sexuality would be the most important thing about me.
"Whatever man. Come on," Archer crossed his arms in front of his chest and nodded at me. "It's body shots time!"
I sighed softly, raking a hand through my hair as my heart sunk. The one time that I had watched the entire football team getting drunk had resulted in too much vomit on the floor that I had barely evaded. The raucous sounds and laughter still made me wary, and I was in no mood to repeat that.
"I'll head home," I answered, pretending to yawn for good measure. "See you guys on the field."
Archer nodded at me while McKinney stared at me suspiciously. Maybe he knew. Maybe he didn't. He wouldn't have the courage to do anything anyway. I managed to give Kendra a sloppy enough kiss and slip out of the party, sitting quietly in my car for a while, finding myself touching my lips softly and reminiscing the touch of Nico's on them. And I wondered if it had merely been a dream.
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I initially didn't plan to, but seems like Wilder is much more romantic than I gave him credit for :") Just happened naturally and I think it does fit his personality. Let me know what you thought of this chapter! Which other bonus pov are you guys most looking forward to?
This is too much fun and I can't stop writing bonus stuff.