And just like the moon we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again.
Lynn lying in her stretcher. She seems so happy, so relived. I don't want her to go. I really don't want to lose her. I just can't accept the fact that I would have to spend the rest of whatever life I have left without her. I feel so selfish. I was not able to do anything for her and here she is giving up her own life for me. She is really kind, really loving, and really selfless. I can't believe she grew up so fast. I wish I could stop the clock and keep her safe and sound with me. I can't though.
I watched as tears spilled from Lynn's eyes. I came forward and wiped them. Her skin felt warm under my touch. Life was still inside her, I don't want her to go cold.
I wanted to say something to her. Something encouraging, something memorable but I just could not utter a word.
"Be brave," is all I was able to mutter
"You too," Lynn replied back. Her voice seemed as though nothing has changed. Honestly she didn't need that, "be brave" she already is so courageous.
"I love you Lynn," I cried. I could not hold my tears back anymore. This maybe the last time I see my sister. My heart feels as though someone is stabbing it with a knife.
"I love you Laura," she hugged me as I wrapped my arms around her. Her voice was shaky. She was shaking herself. She is scared? Well, maybe she needed that "be brave" after all. Both of us held each other. Both of us were breaking inside. Both of us were crying tears of our own despair.
I let go of her. I put my hand over her cheek and rubbed my thumb up and down in gentle strokes across. She looked at me and smiled. Her smile is so beautiful. I just wanna keep looking at me. I looked at her face memorizing everything about her. I don't want to forget her ever. I know I won't be able to but I still want her face fresh in my memory forever.
"I love you," she called out as the doctors took her inside the operation room. I held her hand till the very last moment. Now that her small fingers aren't wrapped around mine, everything seems so much colder.
The doctors put me on my stretcher as they wheeled me to my operation room. Both, Lynn and I were already in hospital gowns. Even thinking about her makes my heart ache. I love her.
The wheeled me inside the room once everyone said what they wanted to say. Mom could barely breathe through her tears and dad's voice seemed so heartbroken. George was literally crying! I didn't know he was this sofa but I am happy he didn't keep his emotions to himself.
I am being laid on my bed. The surgery is starting in ten minutes. After five minutes I would be getting wheeled inside the operation theater. I hope I never get wheeled out if Lynn is no more. I hope Lynn gets to live. Take my knee if you want to just save my sister. I know it is useless and stupid to think this but honestly I just want to do something for her.
I want to live yes but I want to live with her, by my inside. She would be inside you, my subconscious reminded me. But still I want her to live somehow. I just don't want her to go.
But at the same time there is a small part of me wanting to live to see what happens in the future. That part is excited to finally getting to live. Because before I was just surviving.
Listen, I am a very nice human being. Please think again before murdering me XD
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