Warning(s):
Explicit language
Drug abuse
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My back hits the bathroom stall, my fingers tangled in blonde hair, the taste of cigarettes and vodka cloaking my tongue, Duff's hands holding tightly to me, a small, nervous chuckle leaving his lips between kisses.
"We're doin' this here?" He asks me when he pulls away to heave in a breath.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't we?" I grin, kissing him again for a brief moment and he raises his brows.
"Because Tommy and Nikki are with us." He points out.
"They're plastered. They won't notice a thing." I assure him, my hands tugging at his belt, standing on my tip-toes to press my lips to his once more before I get his belt undone, unbuttoning his pants and crouching so I'm eye level with his crotch.
We hear the bathroom door open and I freeze to about making noise, trying not to incriminate myself.
Within less than two seconds, we see Stevie's fluffy blonde hair peeking over the next stall, his eyes following after, scrunched with a smile.
"Jesus, Steven!" I scold, my face turning bright red from embarrassment.
"Whatcha doin'?" He asks.
"Man, seriously, you choose now?" Duff asks him.
"You never answered my question." Steven ignores him, still grinning.
"I was about to pray, Steven." I reply sarcastically.
"Being obvious that you're blowing Duff in the bathroom." He points out.
"Dude!" Duff looks at him pointedly, not impressed.
"What, I'm just saying. You two disappeared at the same time. What do you think's gonna happen?"
"Tommy and Nikki aren't even paying attention." I argue, standing up.
"Nikki got on the subject of divorce and then asked where you were." Steven explains. "I'm trying to get you out there before he asks where Duff is."
"Divorce? What'd he say about divorce?" I ask next and Duff glances at me from the corner of his eye.
"He doesn't want to split half of his money with you." He tells me.
"He doesn't have to. I've been putting away 20% of every check he gets since last February, and that $40,000 from Playboy, into a savings account that's protected by a certificate of deposit." I tell him.
"He hasn't noticed?" Steven asks me next.
"He's been too strung out." I shrug and they look at me, looking to be questioning my morals.
"You've been siphoning money out of your husband's pockets, using his heroin addiction to your advantage because he hasn't been paying enough attention to notice?" Steven clarifies.
"No, no, that makes me sound evil. I'm not evil. I'm being smart--I'm thinking ahead." I state, but Stevie doesn't look convinced. "Stevie, whether we divorce or not, we're both gonna be out of money soon because he's blowing through it. Whatever's in that account can be divided between the two of us if he wants it to be, I don't care."
"So, he knows you've been putting money away?" Duff asks me.
"...No."
"Viv, you don't have a savings account. You have a 'when this shit goes to hell, I'll be stable' account." Steven informs me, glancing at Duff. "We owe Izzy another fifty bucks." He mumbles.
"Dud--"
"--Hey, we're leaving!" Izzy yells in to the bathroom through the crack in the door, and we scurry out, as innocent as possible.
"Here." Steven hands Izzy a few bills of cash.
"What bet is this for?" Izzy asks.
"She's got the 'get the fuck outta dodge' money stash." He replies lowly and Izzy looks at me.
"Smart girl." He nods at me and I roll my eyes.
"Where we going next?" I ask Axl, yelling over the music as we make our way to the door.
"Fuck if I know." He admits with a shrug.
As soon as we get outside, flashes of cameras start at us and I wince, squeezing my eyes closed and keeping my face down, grabbing tightly to Axl's hand to try to calm the anxiety bolting around up my spine.
It only takes him half a second to get on the other side of me to put me farther from the press.
When he wasn't accusing me of trying to break his band up, being a pompous asshole, showing off, or ill from reeling off a manic spell, he was a pretty sweet guy--he is a pretty sweet guy, it just took us so many years to reach a point where we wouldn't argue at least once every time we hung out.
Tommy, Nikki, Steven and Slash end up going to a strip joint while me, Izzy, Duff and Axl decide to head to a bar that's on the outskirts of town in hopes of losing the press...and we do.
The small bar is mainly at the point of the night where most people are stuporing in their drunkenness, a couple lazily shooting pool, a few older men at the bar nursing beers with a pretty bartender organizing her bottles of booze out of boredom...and none of them act like they know who the hell we are, either that, or they don't give a shit.
Axl and Duff blend in with their cowboy boots and cowboy hats, but Izzy doesn't exactly stick out like a sore thumb, of course he's always been good at being lowkey.
I'm just in a simple black dress and heels, sitting at the bar with Duff and the guys as the bartender comes over to us.
"What y'all drinking?" She asks us.
"Beer." Axl, Izzy, and Duff say at the same time and she raises her brows, looking at me.
"Water." I tell her.
"Got it." She nods, starting to get our drinks ready.
"Well, this song is uplifting…" Izzy mumbles and I furrow my brows slightly and concentrate over the country music soothingly playing over the bar and I recognize it as George Jones' "He Stopped Loving Her Today" before I tune it out of my mind because I've only heard it once before through Tansy back in high school and it made me cry like a little bitch.
"I'm having fucking war flashbacks." Axl mumbles, looking around, before taking a sip of his beer and Izzy chuckles.
"I don't know, nostalgia or whatever it is." Izzy replies with a shrug.
"L.A. kick's butt fuck Egypt's ass." Axl states with a scoff and the bartender glances at us.
"Then go back to L.A." she suggests innocently and I raise my brows.
"I agree." I say, and Axl cuts his eyes at me, and she gives a small smile before going down to the counter to check up on the men at the other end. "I like it, it's quiet and peaceful and there aren't a swarm of people up to no good." I pipe out, looking around again for a brief second.
"So, what I'm hearing is I need to start preparing myself to move to a discreet hick town." Duff says with a small smile. "Or at least have another house in a discreet hick town."
"Ha. Ha." I roll my eyes, drinking my water as he gets in my ear and says, "I'm being serious."
I look at him, not expecting him to say that.
Am I even ready to live with him back in L.A.? Let alone have an established relationship to the point he's putting money towards more than one house than one so I have somewhere to stay to get out of busy L.A.?
"Okay, homewrecker and whore, don't plan your future around us." Izzy sarcastically calls us, but his order isn't so sarcastic, while motioning between him and Axl.
"What's the matter, Izz? Scared to face the reality you won't have anyone to buy a house for you in hicktown U.S.A?" I ask him with a grin.
"It's legal to marry your third cousin, here, Vivian, I don't wanna to live here." He scoffs out.
"War flashbacks." Axl repeats to reinstate his point and Izzy nudges at him with a grin he's laughing behind.
Another slow song begins to play and it takes me a moment to realize it's "Behind Closed Doors" by Charlie Rich, and I'm finishing my water in one more swallow before tugging at Duff's hand.
"C'mon." I insist and he looks at me, then to the empty dance floor, then he looks around, nervously. "There aren't any media people in here. Nobody knows who we are. We have, like, one time to have a decently normal moment without being under a microscope." I point out.
He looks at me a moment longer before standing.
"You guys make me sick." Izzy tells us, waving for the bartender to bring him another drink.
He's given up on love ever since he found out his girlfriend, now ex, screwed Nikki when we came back for a break in September without Nikki realizing she was Izzy's girlfriend.
When Duff and I get to the floor, he's wrapping an arm around me, taking my hand in his, pressing a small kiss to my lips as we easily fall into a slow sway to the music.
We dance in silence for a moment before he says, "I'm sorry if the house thing is too soon to mention or something, I didn't mean for it to come out that 'in your face'." He admits and I shake my head a little.
"I wasn't expecting you to be planning stuff like that, yet, is all." I shrug.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean...most guys aren't gonna outright plan for their new girlfriend to move in with them or anything like that within a month and a half of them dating or...whatever we're doing." I tell him and he raises his brows.
"Are we not dating?"
"We are." I smile shyly, looking up at him. "I don't know, I just didn't know you were that serious about me."
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because I'm still married."
"Yeah, but you're getting a divorce, so it's not like me making plans for us in the future is completely crazy." He tells me.
"No, no it isn't." I agree with a little nod. "I just wasn't expecting it."
"Well, are you okay with me making plans?" He questions me and I squeeze at his hand tighter and push up on my tip toes to kiss him sweetly, his arm hugging me to him.
"I love you." He says to me, kissing my hair, and I pull away a little, grinning like a kid as I reply, "I love you, too."
Our lips meet once more, then our tongues, and soon enough moving in with Duff, Mötley Crüe bullshit, Guns N' Roses bullshit, and inevitable divorce bullshit, completely slips my mind.
Duff just had that effect on me, that I knew everything was gonna be okay, even if everything else said differently.
When we get back to the hotel, Vince and Tommy are drunkenly rambling on to the front desk receptionist, trying to convince her to give them another key to Doc's room, so they can sabotage him further, and she doesn't seem to be budging.
I slowly ease away from Duff, not wanting Vince to catch us too close together or he'll flip shit in front of Tommy.
"C'mon, just give us a fuckin' key." Vince says to the woman.
"Sir, you are not staying in the room, therefore I cannot grant you access--"
"--Viv, Viv, come tell her to give us a key to Doc's room!" Tommy waves me over upon seeing me.
"Guys, you don't need a key to his room." I politely tell them, stepping to the desk.
"What? He's our fucking manager, we--"
"--We have a policy that if your name is not on the room's reservation, you cannot have a ke--"
"--My dick has your name on it, bitch, so just start fuckin' suckin'!" Tommy yells, grabbing his junk through his pants and me and the receptionist are mortified.
"Classy." Axl scoffs out to them, his lip curling in disgust as he goes to the elevator.
"Not as classy as your bassist fucking our bassists' wife!" Vince snaps at him and my eyes bug, Axl stopping in his tracks in the middle of the lobby, the receptionist trying to keep her facial expression at bay, but failing.
"Oh, shit." Izzy mumbles, knowing a shit storm is about to tear out.
"Ever thought maybe it's your bassist's wife that's fucking our bassist, instead?!" Axl replies with a smartass smile but I know he's pissed. "And maybe that wouldn't be a problem if your bassist wasn't a strung out--"
"--Okay!" I cut him off before he can continue on, knowing Vince will try to fight him over it...Tommy just stands still...a look of confusion and hurt on his face as his eyes dart between Duff and I.
"I'll be in the room." Izzy mumbles, going to the elevator, Steven and Slash quietly following after him, and I look at Axl and Duff.
"Go with them, I need to talk to Tommy." I say quietly and Duff hesitantly listens, giving Vince a glare, and avoids eye contact with Tommy, as Axl rolls his jaw and balls his fists at his side while staring a hole into Vince's soul before they go to the elevator.
"Tommy, I can explain." I tell him.
"I can't fucking believe you." He pushes past me to leave the hotel and I go after him, grabbing his wrist.
"Tommy, please." I plead and he snatches away from me, tears in his eyes.
"When the fuck are you gonna stop screwing my friends and not tell me?!" He asks me.
"Tommy, I just--"
"--Lemme guess, same shit you pulled with Nikki behind my back for over a year, right?! 'It just happened'!" He throws at me.
"Tommy, it did just happen!" I tell him.
"I can't even…" he trails off, shaking his head, raking his long fingers through his hair. "...Talk to you right no--I can't even look at you right now, Vivian." He frustratedly lets out, heading out the lobby's doors and I don't follow him, knowing he needs time to think.
I stand there for a moment longer, keeping my tears in, but thankful the lobby was empty except for us and the lady at the desk, who's minding her own business--thank fuck.
Vince looks awfully proud.
"So now that the secrecy's shot to hell and we know what you really are, now, who's next--Steven? He has a crush on you. Probably be more than happy to have a turn next time." Vince smugly says as I push past him to get to the elevator.
"Excuse me?" I ask him in a hiss, wondering if I heard him correctly, turning to face him.
"Slash, too." He continues. "Axl's got his eye on Tansy but I'm sure if he saw some of those pictures Nikki let me see, he'd be willing to try you out. Or maybe Izzy. He's got the angsty thing going the way Nikki did when you first got with him, so…" He adds. "What?" He asks me when he sees me glaring at him. "Comes with the territory of being a groupie slut, right? After all, what else are you going for by keeping your legs spread for guys other than Nikki?"
"No." I state, shaking my head. "No. You don't get to degrade me over this, Vince. I won't let you. You don't get to look at me like I'm a slut when you sleep with over ten girls a night--while your marriage is under the pretense of being 'healthy', while your wife and mother of your child is at home, blind to what you're really like on the road. And as for Nikki and I, we took vows. Vows that he broke long before I ever did, so I don't get to be the whore that can't keep her legs closed, and you don't get to judge me for how I'm coping with the complete obliteration of my livelihood after the man I planned on being with, until I grew old and died, publicly humiliated me and chose drugs over me. You don't get to do that." I command and he just stares at me and I go to the door, but turn around to add, "and if Nikki gets heartbroken over Duff and I, then I'll take responsibility for that because I tried everything I could to repair my marriage before I threw in the towel, I can accept breaking one or two hearts, I'm not proud of it, but I don't mind answering for a little collateral. But tell me, Vince, how do you accept renewing your vows to a faithful and loyal woman who's stuck with you through shit most women would've ran from, while you've never gone a month without sleeping with other women? How do you accept the fact you have children that you don't bother seeing, and more children that you probably don't even know exist?" I ask him, furrowing my brows. "Although I guess you can argue that's just what rockstars do, but if I recall, you weren't yet a rockstar in high school when you were getting Tami pregnant while you were still in a two year relationship with Tansy." I finish, stepping into the elevator, watching him disappear as the doors close, leaving him to be pissed.
The guys are in my room when I get back and I let out a huff of air as Axl stares daggers into me.
"They're not going to tell anybody." I say before Axl can even speak.
"Except the lady at the fucking desk." Izzy licks his lips.
"She's not gonna say anything." I reply. "Tommy's pissed at me but he's not gonna tell Nikki."
"Unless you two don't break it off." Axl snaps and I exhale and start undressing to get into my pajamas.
"I'm not doing that." I state and a tension fills the room as Izzy blows smoke from his nose, Duff, Steven and Slash quietly exchanging looks as Axl's nostrils flare. "I'm not doing it and you can't make me." I add.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Vivian?! It's fucking over! You tried to pull it off and it didn't work! They know!" He outburst, walking to me heatedly.
"They know about us hooking up, they don't know that we're not breaking up over them finding out. We'll just keep it under wraps." I argue.
"Viv." Izzy starts as Axl yells, "it's over, Vivian!"
"You're not my fucking parent, Axl, and you're not Duff's either!"
"You're being selfish! You don't give a fuck about Duff or this band because if you did you'd be willing to walk away because if they find out you two are still together--and they fucking will--we're done with!"
"Ax, man." Duff calmly lets out to get him off my back and Axl looks at him.
"Tell her you guys are over." He demands, motioning to me.
Duff looks at me, frustration and sadness in his eyes and I rub my lips together.
"Duff." Axl snaps at him and Duff slowly shakes his head. "Duff." Axl repeats, a little harsher.
Duff just stares at him, scratching his forehead with his thumb while his middle and pointer finger hold a cigarette.
"I'm not tellin' her that." He tells Axl with a level voice and Axl rolls his jaw. "Look, alright, we'll be really careful this time, and we mean it." Duff promises as Axl balls his fists tightly by his side. "I know we haven't been the most lowkey about it but we will be this time, Ax. We've only got a week left on the tour, man. Alright?"
Axl was so worried about Tommy and Vince telling Nikki...but little did they know...
(NIKKI): ...I spent that whole tour with those guys trying to figure out who in Guns N' Roses she was sleeping with. I think it took me so long because deep down I knew who, I was just hoping an amusing turn of events would make it Axl or something...she had too much of an attitude for him to tolerate so I knew that was out. Steven wouldn't have done that me, neither would Slash. Izzy was a possibility, and maybe I would've accepted it a little better if it were him because he was the most like me out of all of them, but like I had done to her with Vanity, she chose someone who was the farthest thing from me to exist: the most polite, most gentlemanly, most loyal, the most together.
Vivian's always said, "what's done in the dark will come to the light," and the ugly reality that had been brought to the light when I stumbled into Duff's hotel bathroom to puke my guts up, only to find Vivian's crucifix--that she'd been wearing every day since before I even met her...the one she would only take off when she was doing something she felt was a sin…I knew.