The rush of performing live is something I don't think I'll ever get over. It makes me feel so alive. I'm so happy I took this tour spot. Ashley has been amazing to me and my band and I feel like I found a second family here among everyone. Ashley and I have grown closer and we have spent a lot of time writing music together. I feel like we could probably have an album done before tour is over. We have also just hung out a lot when we aren't on stage. I consider her a really good friend now and I can't wait to see where the rest of the tour will take us.
As for my band, we are complete nut jobs together. Nikki and I are always willing to do something crazy together with Britt usually down to tag along while Diego is the mellow mind of reason we need some times. Nikki I feel has become a little sister to me. She comes to me a lot asking for advice and we have bonded over our hardships. Nikki's mom died of a brain aneurysm right after she was born. Her father was always in and out of the picture so she was raised by her conservative grandparents.
My mother died of a sudden heart attack when I was 15. She just went to bed one night and didn't wake up. Asher found her later that day when he got home from school. After Ashley was born our dad left. Mom always just said that he left one day for work and never came back. To this day I don't know if he is alive or dead and I don't care. Asher was turning 18 that year so he was petitioned the court and became Ashley and I's legal guardian.
Nikki left home when she was 17 and ran away to LA where she worked in different clubs as a DJs just to make some money. Just like piano is my first love, Nikki loves guitar. She posted covers of herself playing different arrangements of famous songs, one of them being the song Leave Me Lonely by Ariana Grande. The arrangement went viral and Ariana saw it invited her out to audition for her road band as it was right before she was leaving for her Sweetener World Tour. Nikki performed all over the world with her and was looking for a new show to tack onto when I needed a guitarist. I saw a lot of my younger self in Nikki and I will do anything for her.
Britt's hard exterior has softened a little bit. Don't get me wrong though, she can still be a bitch at a moment's notice but I feel like we cracked her hard shell a little. Britt doesn't talk about her family much just that her mom and brother and live in Atlanta. We actually got to meet them both three days ago when we were in Atlanta.
Britt finished touring with Childish Gambino and was looking for new tours to jump on when mine came up. Britt didn't like my old music too much and didn't really like my new stuff that much either and I appreciated her honesty. As I started to release some more of my stuff she told me that my music grew on her, that she liked the rawness of the new stuff after really getting to listen to them.
When we have road days Diego has a hard time staying still. He has his practice pads out all the time and bangs on them all day long. It drive us all up the wall and I almost threw them out of the bus window one day when he wouldn't stop. Diego is from Long Beach California and we got to meet a lot of his family when we stopped in LA. They drove up from Long Beach and we had such a fun day with them. Our last show is in Irvine California and after the show his mom invited us all to go to their house to celebrate.
The reason why he was on the east coast when I held auditions was because he was couch surfing with some of his friends in New York. When he heard about the audition he hopped on a train and came to audition.
Alyssa has become by best friend basically. She on tour with us as I didn't want to hire a tour manager. I still wanted to get to know her more and this was the perfect way to do it. Alyssa is bubbly, kind and one of the nicest girls I've ever met. I've told her a few times that she is too nice to work in this industry and she just laughs it off. We have been attached at the hip since we left.
Alyssa is from Cleveland Ohio and is excited to see her family when we get there as it's our next stop. We are actually going to her parent's house for dinner. Alyssa is an only child and always had a love for music. When I asked her about picking up an instrument or learning how to sing she always laugh as says she can't sing to save her life. So she went out to LA and worked as an assistant for music acts before landing a jig as a manager for a small band. Then she got hired by Halsey and the rest is history.
Right now we are on the road today. Some days are harder than others when we are driving and today is one of those days. I haven't talk to Thea in two days as she was in the middle of a tour and I miss her. It has taken her some time to get used to the demanding hours of being a sergeant and once she gets off shift she basically goes home, showers and sleeps. I don't know if I'm going to hear from her today so I've been listening to old vocal samples I have on my laptop.
I'm sitting in the back of the bus with Nikki. Britt and Diego are both in there bunks while Alyssa is working in the front of the bus. I deleted an old sample and played the next one. What filled my ears was something I never expected to hear. It scared me a little and I jumped and pushed my headphones off. They clattered onto my keyboard and I looked up.
"You okay?" Nikki asked and put her phone down.
"Looks like you found the old sample from a few years ago." Asher said sitting on the couch opposite of me.
"Yea, I uhm I just found an old sample from my brother that I completely forgot existed." I said and looked back and forth between Asher and Nikki.
"Do you remember when we recorded that? We were in your LA apartment on a break from your tour and you wrote those lyrics in a notebook I found. You wanted to write a song as a thank you to your fans. When you realized they wouldn't get to hear it, you scrapped it but I made you record the outro. After you left to go to a meeting I screamed over it because I was just as frustrated as you were with your contract. When I played it for you, you wanted to leak it so badly but didn't. I was wondering if you were ever going to find it again." Asher said and looked out the window.
"I'm going to get something to munch on, do you want something?" Nikki asked.
"Just a water please, thank you." I said not taking my eyes off Asher.
Nikki left the lounge and closed the door behind her. I think she thought I might want a moment alone now that I found the song and I'm grateful for that.
"It's been so long, you're right I did forget this song existed. I'm so happy I found it. Have you seen a show yet? What do you think of the new stuff?" I asked as I pulled up the full file to work on it.
"It's very you Ash, the real you, I'm excited that you finally get to share it with the world. Ashley and I are so proud of you and the new career you are building." Asher said with a smile. I could only smile at the compliment.
"Do you remember if I ever recorded the full song? I want to release this now that I can." I said looking down my laptop.
"No you never did; I think you threw out the pages you wrote it down on. I remember some of the lyrics if you want to write them down." Asher said and turned to me.
Asher sung the parts of the song he remember and I wrote the lyrics down. This was the longest he has ever stayed with me since I started seeing his ghost. Him and Ashley would only appear to me a few minutes at a time. The most they've ever stayed with me was about 7 minutes. I know that I probably won't see him again for a while after this. It was no longer then 15 minutes when I saw the look on his face. He needed to go.
"Before you go can you watch over Thea? It would give me some peace of mind to know that you are looking out for her. I haven't heard from her a lot these past few weeks and I just want to know she is safe." I said trying to hold back my tears.
"Ashley watches over a lot and so does her wife. Allison really loves the St. Michael's pendant you gave her. It makes her happy that she isn't alone anymore. You'll be hearing from Thea soon though, don't worry. The next time I pop into one of your shows I want to hear you playing that song to the crowd." Asher said and gave me a smile.
"Thank you Asher." I said as a wiped a tear away from my eye.
When I looked up from the table Asher was gone and Nikki walked back into the lounge. She handed me a bottle of water and stay down next to me on the couch. Nikki put her snack on the table and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Can I hear it?" She asked and nodded towards my laptop. I nodded and pulled my head phones from the jack and hit play. The sound of Asher's voice filled the lounge as the file played again.
It wasn't long before Alyssa, Britt and Diego all came to join us in the lounge and I had a hard time keeping it together. I told them about the song and what it means to me. Just as the first few tears started to fall my cell phone rang and it was Thea wanting to facetime. When my friends saw who it was they left me alone to answer the call.
"Hey baby." I said and started crying when I saw her face.
"Am I that ugly that the sight of me reduces you to tears?" Thea joked. She was at home sitting on her lazy boy.
"No I just found an old song that Asher sang on and it kind of threw me for a loop." I said and wiped away my tears.
"Something tells me that you forgot about that song." Thea said.
"Yea but I don't really want to talk about it right now, how are you doing?" I asked wanting a subject change.
"Long days then longer nights and everything starts to blend together after a while. I don't even know what day it is just that I have to be at headquarters in two hours and I'm not looking forward to it even though tonight I'm at headquarters reviewing paperwork. How is tour going? I've seen some videos and you're amazing out there." Thea raved.
"Hopefully it will calm down soon and thank you! I'm excited to see you. Only 31 one more days but who's counting?" I said after looking at the countdown I have on my laptop.
"If I was able to swing together some days off right now I would totally come out and meet you wherever you are because of how much I miss you." Thea said and sighed.
"Same here, if I had more days off in a row I would totally hop a flight to Boston right now to see you even if it's just for a few hours." I said and look out the window.
"Soon babe soon." Thea said and flashed me a smile.
We talked for an hour and caught up more about how we are doing. When she had to get ready for work there were a few tears shed on both sides. I still haven't told her I love her yet because I want the first time for us to do that to be in person.
A few minutes after I hung up with Thea I pulled up the song file. It took me a few minutes to polish the lyrics as the song came back to me a little bit more when I sang it. As I was finishing up recording Nikki came back into the lounge. I played her the finished vocal cut and she liked it. Alyssa, Britt and Diego all came back in and listened to the song. They all had thoughts about how to arrange the music in the background and once we got to Ohio Alyssa got us set up in a studio so I could finish it. I titled the song My Heart and Asher is getting a writing credit on the song.
Our night at Alyssa parent's house was nice. We had a home cooked meal for the first time since tour started and I adored Alyssa's parents. I could see where she gets her personality from, she's a perfect blend of her parents. Being around her mom made me miss mine and I took a break from everything and went out into their backyard and found Nikki already outside. It didn't take long to realize why she was outside too and I just pulled her into a hug.
The rest of the night was quick and we went to the hotel for the night. Alyssa picked us up the next morning and brought us to the studio. It didn't take long for us to finish the song and I released it with a picture of Asher and I as the cover art.
Out of all the songs I released so far, My Heart broke the top ten on the charts within an hour of its release.
The song on the side is called My Heart by Paramore.
I cried writing this chapter.