LAINE
I land back at Leeds Bradford airport and go straight to my parent's house. The past twelve hours a total blur. After roaming the neighbourhood that surrounds Zena's house the other day, I came across a taxi rank that I practically sprinted to after the humiliation of Theo breaking up with me.
I want to be mad at him. I want to scream that he's wrong, but how can I? The reasons for him asking me to leave may hurt, but I understand. I get that he's in a dark place right now and that maybe he isn't thinking straight.
And I can't imagine the fear of losing someone you love from such a cruel illness.
"Laine, my love," says mama when she opens the door to me, resting a hand on my shoulder when I pass her.
I let my bag strap drop from my shoulder and onto the floor, rubbing my sore eyes a few times. "Is George asleep?"
Leading me through to the kitchen, she grabs a glass and fills it with crisp water, giving it over. "Yes, for about an hour. Baby, do you want to talk about it?"
I gulp the cool liquid down my throat, going over to refill the glass when one doesn't satisfy my dry mouth. "I just need some time, mama."
Ripping some kitchen towel from the big roll in the corner, she mops up the dribbles on the shiny marble top. "That's fine. Are you hungry?"
"I ate on the way home," I say, still suffering from a sensitive stomach. "How long does food poisoning last?" It's the only explanation I can give to my constant trips to the toilet.
Pulling open the fridge, she grabs the pot of cottage cheese and slices of melon to make herself a plate of food. I turn away when the sight of the sloppy cheese sends a wrench from my throat.
"I don't know. Your Opa got it once and was unwell for several weeks. Why do you ask?" she says, slipping some melon into her mouth.
Yeah, I need to look away. I busy myself with getting more water. "I think I ate something I shouldn't have when I was away. I've been throwing up for nine days straight."
She frowns. "Then we should get you booked into the doctors' first thing tomorrow. Salmonella can be very serious."
"I already booked an appointment online," I say, reaching into my pocket to shamelessly check my phone for any messages from Theo.
There's two, and several missed calls.
Guilt eats at me.
Teddy: I couldn't find you anywhere. Just let me know that you got to the airport okay?
Teddy: Let me know you got there safely. Please, Laine. I called the airport, but they wouldn't disclose any details with me.
Not wanting to keep him guessing, I message back to let him know that I'm home and safe, but I do close my phone off for the night because I need to switch off as well. It's been one hell of a day...or two.
Mama steps forward and strokes the side of my face, eyes studying my expression in a way only a mother can. "You're pale. Do you want for me to run you a nice bubble bath? It's just you and me tonight as dad is away with the Total Corporations."
Feeling a rush of warmth in my chest, I grab onto it the feeling because I know that it'll be a fleeting one. "How about I grab a quick shower and then we watch movies in bed?"
She nuzzles into my hair. "Sounds perfect, but, Laine, I am here to talk if you need to, okay? I know how much Theo meant to you."
Mama," I whisper, shaking my head. "I just want to forget tonight ever existed. I want a hot shower, maybe some wine and Ryan Gosling to keep me occupied."
"Oh." She cant stop her grin. "It's a Notebook kind of night."
"And La La Land," I reply, squeezing her into a long hug, then I slip out of the kitchen and into the hallway.
"I'll bring the wine," mama shouts after me, but I'm not sure if alcohol will kill the gaping wound in my chest today.
***
"You think I'm what now?" I yell, causing the young doctor to chuckle as he folds his hands together.
It's almost two weeks after my first doctors' appointment where they sent off my blood samples for various illnesses, dumbfounded by my symptoms when the test for food poisoning came back clear.
I have to say that I was very glad about that one, considering my GP gave me a fright when he believed the bacteria had spread to my blood.
Doctor Richards smiles at me. "I don't think anything. I know that you're pregnant, Laine. Congratulations."
"But," I say, unable to speak for a second. "You did a urine sample that came back negative!"
I saw it turn blue with my very own eyes. "Yes, and we sometimes get a few false negatives, which is why I asked for the labs to check for pregnancy."
"Why did you leave it this long to tell me? Oh, my goodness, I'm pregnant?" I blurt, one hundred things going around in my mind.
Doctor Richards gets up from his big leather chair to get me a cup of water, sensing by my erratic mood that the news has stressed me out. "Yes, I'm sorry about that. The other lab tests came back clear first, then I asked for the hCG levels to be checked. Here, drink this."
I thank him, sipping the water slowly. Pregnant. I'm having a baby. Theo's baby. Alone. I'm a single mother. Again. "Any clue on how far along I am?"
He smiles. "From the test, they think you're coming in at close to ten weeks, but it isn't accurate. I can set you up with an appointment at the clinic for an ultrasound for a few days. Or you can let reception know when you're free."
"I'm pregnant," I murmur, speaking the obvious when I stand up to leave the room. "Thank you, erm, anytime this week will be fine as I'm working the weekend so I have days off in the week."
"We'll call you," he says, tapping away at his computer. "See you next time."
I don't know how I get to the car park, but I do, and watching Dexter jump out of his car after waiting patiently for me must mean that I look as scared as I feel. Olive jumps out of the passenger's side door and follows behind my brother who has his hand on my back.
"I'm pregnant," I whisper, watching the pair of them look at each other, then back at me. "Ten weeks or so."
Dexter grabs me into his arms on a loud laugh. "Laine, oh my gosh, congratulations."
Olive places her hand on the back of my head. "How're you feeling about it? Are you okay?"
I keep nestled into my brothers embrace. "I don't know how to feel."
"Let's go get something to drink at the park." Squeezing me a couple of times, Dexter guides me back to the car where I slide next to a sleeping Archie in his car seat. "I think that you need somewhere to sit down and think."
The plan was to take Archie to see Delilah who is now home and recuperating on her new meds that seem to be working way better than her other ones. I think she'll understand if we're a little bit late, but I text her in case, to which she assures is completely fine.
Olive plugs her seatbelt in before swizzling around to look at me. She smiles. "A baby, huh?"
I chew on my gum extra hard. "Liv, I don't know if I'm ready for a baby right now."
Dexter glances at me through the rearview mirror. "Who is ready for a baby? Look at that chubster beside you. Hell, he scared the shit out of me, but I couldn't fathom a life without him now."
I glance over at my sleeping nephew who's all pouty lips and baby rolls. I like the short blue-striped two-piece they have him in because it gives me the perfect opportunities to squeeze his chubby arms and legs. I also love that it gives me the chance to take in that baby smell.
There truly is nothing better.
"I bet he looks huge since the last time you saw him," Olive says, eyes trained on her beautiful baby boy.
Archie's rosebud lips purse when I lean in to kiss his cheek, tiny bubbles of spit pushing out of them when he makes a cute murmuring sound. Dexter starts talking in a strange voice that is probably for Archie because as soon as he hears his dad, he half-opens his eyes to get a good look around the place.
I stroke back his hair that's sticking up in all directions, not able to help myself in kissing his fingers when he stretches his legs out and kicks them back up to his stomach. It gives me butterflies, thinking about the tiny foetus growing in my belly.
Dexter arrives at the park in no time, grabbing the last child car space available with a huff. They really should create more of them considering the number of parents who come here.
He and Olive work as a team with him assembling the pushchair and she grabbing Archie who's awake and curious about the squealing children on the swings. And just before she sets the baby in the seat, she hands him over to me.
"I think he wants some quality time with his favourite aunty," she says on a grin, handing me a spit-up cloth to drape over my shoulder.
I giggle, making sure he's comfortable and still able to nosey about the place. "I'm going to need the practice. George is a lot older. I think that I've forgotten how to care for a baby."
Dexter stops from pulling silly faces at Archie for a moment before taking the seat at the picnic benches next to me. "You're an amazing mum, Laine. You're made for this stuff, and you'll have the help of all us lot."
"And Theo," Olive says, wincing when I shudder like she just slapped me. "Sorry, babe."
Dexter nudges my side until I look over. "No, Liv's right. You do have him. I know things are uncertain with you guys at the minute, but there's no way I see him bailing out on his kid."
Archie wants in on the conversation, so I turn him around so his back is pressed up against my front. "We haven't spoken since the day I got back from Woodstock. I can hardly open the conversation with I'm pregnant, can I?"
Olive nods with her arms resting on the tabletop. "Erm, yes you can. It's the truth and he needs to know."
Dexter lends his finger to Archie when he starts fussing in my lap, probably getting hungry. "I mean, you could start the message asking how he is first, then let him know that you have something important to tell him."
"Yeah, that works too," says Olive, nodding her head, motioning me to pass the baby over when he shoves at Dexter's arm and throws his body in all directions. "Dex, will you cover him on me while I get my boob out?"
For some reason, this makes me giggle which pulls a loud chuckle from my brother as he takes the gigantic muslin cloth to drape over Archie and Olive's shoulder jumping when he's approached by two teenaged lads asking for autographs.
Olive turns to watch him crouch down for the selfies, waving when the crowd forms around him. "He's so good with his fans. I love to watch them shower their love on him."
A little boy stands next to Dexter while his dad takes the photo on his mobile phone. I smile. "Makes you proud of him, doesn't it?"
"It does." She softens her expression. "So, how're you really? Do you think that you should think about the news first? Then contact Theo?"
"I have no idea what to do, Liv. I want him here so bad. I need his support. I'm scared that I won't be able to cope without it," I reply, getting up to help her by winding Archie while she sorts her clothes out.
I tip him forward and rub his back until he releases the air and settles on my chest to fall to sleep. I cherish every bit of it. "I love it when they're all squishy and cuddly like this, don't you?"
"It's the best. I don't want him to get bigger, but he's doubling in size every week," she replies on a giggle, tipping her head back for a kiss when Dexter approaches from behind.
It's hard to believe that this will be me in a few months, holding my baby in my arms, doing it all over again.
...
THANK YOU FOR READING! xx