Chapter Seven
Clover
Saturday 5th March 2005
Loneliness was like a terminal disease. With every passing day, you died a little bit more. I had felt as if I were dying for the past four years, and I had had enough. Combing over my hair one last time, I slid my wallet in my back pocket and picked up my keys. The girls’ room was finished. There was just one thing missing before I would be ready for them – their clothes.
On the way to the department store, I stopped off at my local florist to buy a bunch of Gerberas for my mother. “Good morning, Colin,” Mrs Koop said, and smiled from behind the flower filled counter.
I returned her smile and inhaled the fresh aroma of a mixture of flowers. “Good morning.”
“Would you like your usual?”
I nodded once. “Please.”
“Coming right up, dear.” She turned her back and gathered a handful of white Gerberas. Mother’s favourites. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine, thank you. And yourself?”
“Oh, same old, same old,” she replied, as she tied a white ribbon around the flowers. “That’ll be ten pounds, please.” I handed over cash. “Thank you. Have a lovely day.”
“You too, Mrs Koop.”
I drove to the graveyard and for a minute, I sat in the car park and stroked the delicate white petals. No man had tampered with them or damaged them. They was pure and innocent – something that wasn’t often found in this world of greed, disgrace and self-gratification. The wrong people were protected while the innocent were left to be picked at like a lion’s prey. I wanted to stop that. I wanted my family to be protected from the outside evil. I will stop that, and I will protect them. I vowed.
Getting out of the car, I walked along the familiar path. Mother’s grave was at the end of the graveyard in the right hand corner. There was a space beside it reserved for me, so that we could be together again in the end. I placed a patchwork blanket down and knelt on it. Gazing at the perfectly soft petals, I smiled, appreciating the purity of nature’s most beautiful creation.
Turning my attention to my mother’s grave, I placed the flowers where her hear would be. “I miss you,” I said aloud. “I hope you don’t feel that me getting the family I have always wanted will affect what I feel for you, in any way.” I kept my eyes on the flowers, above her heart. “I love you very much and I always will. Nothing will stop me visiting you or putting you first. I won’t ever forget what you taught me and I promise you I will continue striving for what you wanted of this world. I won’t let them win, Mother, I promise you that.”
I looked up at the sound of a young girl laughing. She was walking with her parents and what must have been a brother. Her hair was so long and blonde, it looked like a golden veil draping down her back. She was the reason I would never give up the fight. Innocent little girls like her that in a few years would be tainted beyond repair.
“No, Mum,” she shouted, “I don’t like Westlife anymore, they’re not cool!”
I smiled at the innocent, fickle comment. She must have only been ten or eleven. Not long until she discovered boys and would have to contend with other girls fighting for the attention of the one she liked.
Her mum laughed. “Sweetheart, yesterday you bought their poster.”
“Well that was yesterday!” Her parents shook their heads, both smiling with pride and amusement. The boy hung back a bit as if embarrassed to be seen with them. He held his mobile phone out in front of him and mindlessly tapped away at it.
As quickly as they appeared, they were gone, out of the other side of the fence. That was what I wanted, except I wouldn’t sit back and allow my family to be corrupted, unlike those parents. Soon enough their beautiful little girl would become just another one of them.
I stood up and gathered the blanket. “Goodbye, Mother. I’ll visit again soon.” As I walked back to my car, I looked around for that family again, but they had disappeared. My heart ached for that poor little girl.
I had been shopping with Mother many times but this was different, exciting. This was my choice and no one else’s. I could dress them how I wanted – respectfully. I walked into the department store and was hit by the feminine scent of a mixture of perfumes.
As I followed the sign to women’s clothing, I wondered what the girls would smell like. Would they always have their own scent, or would it merge into one the longer they were all together. A group of teenage girls squealing over a picture of a male model drew my attention. There were three of them, all wearing revealing, and tasteless clothing. How on earth could their mothers allow them to leave their house looking like that? The loudest one had a dark orange/brown tan heavy make-up. Society had gone downhill since women thought it appropriate to act and dress like disgusting little whores. My eyes twitched.
Swallowing my hate, I turned and walked away. They could wait. I stopped in women’s clothing began looking for the perfect outfits.
“Can I help you?” the shop assistant asked. She wore a distasteful short skirt and low cut shirt. No wonder the younger generation of women dressed like little whores if they see career women dressed like it too.
I smiled. “Yes, please. I’m looking for matching skirt and cardigan sets.”
“Oh, okay. Well, we have this one here,” she said, and gestured with her hand at a floral set beside me.
“Perhaps something a little more modern. It’s for my…fiancée.” Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes for a second to enjoy how that sounded. Fiancée. Could I have that? A normal fiancée? No, probably not. No one but Mother would understand what I was trying to do, not straight away.
“Of course, here are the more fashionable two pieces.” I followed her to the next rail. Now these were perfect. Soft pinks, greens, and blues would make them look respectable but be in keeping with their age.
“I’ll have four of each of those three.”
“Four of each?”
“Yes, please.”
She frowned and flicked through the rail. “What size?”
“Ten, please.”
“Are these all, sir?” she asked, holding the clothes in her arms.
I nodded. “That’s all. Thank you.” Their underwear had been ordered via the internet. I didn’t have any business looking through that in a shop. I paid for the clothes with cash. “Thank you for your help.”
“No problem. I hope your fiancée likes them.”
“I’m sure she will.” Grabbing the stuffed bags, I left the shop.
I went straight home. Moving the shoulder high bookcase out of the way, I unlocked the door to the girls annex. Their place was beautiful and although it wasn’t huge, it had everything they could ever want or need. It was big enough for them to live comfortably, and the separate bedroom made it more of bungalow-like. I was proud of what I had created – all for them.
Walking into their bedroom, I hung one set of each colour in the four wardrobes and smiled. I had made sure I spent more time in their room, getting it perfect for them. I’m doing the right thing. Would Mother think so too? Would she want me to be with anyone else? I shook my head. I had come too far to turn back. I needed this.
The bedcovers matched and the beds lined up, two against both walls facing each other. Between the beds were two bedside tables and two single width wardrobes on each side. Each girl had her own space. Just a year ago, this was an old cellar, housing boxes of junk and old furniture. Now it was a beautiful home for four beautiful women.
Climbing back up the stairs, I closed and locked the door, and pushed the bookcase back across. The door was hidden, matching the wallpaper, you would never know it was there, and the placement of the bookcase meant the door handle was out of view.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my nerves. Not long until I could pick up Violet now. Turning around, I saw something that made my heart sink. The ornate crystal vase now held a bunch of dead tulips. My breathing became heavy and sharp. Dead, they’re dead! The only truly pure thing in this world and they died! No!
A fog of red smoke engulfed me and I lunged for the vase. One swipe sent it flying across the room where it smashed against the wall. Water splattered over the wallpaper and sunk into the carpet. The dull tulips lay withered on the floor. I looked up and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It’s time.