Mai: "It's a secret."
Nobunaga: "A secret?" I wasn't sure he was ready to hear the real reason I was staying up with him.
Mai: "And I'm going to stay." Spending time with the person I love is a pretty big benefit for me. I gave him another smile, urging the conversation back his way, but Nobunaga didn't speak. His expression tightened. He grabbed my wrist, gently lowering me back into the grass before falling there with me. "Nobunaga?" That tormented expression was so near.
Nobunaga: "Just what are you?" I'm the woman who loves you? "What is this secret? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Mai: "It's nothing you should be afraid of."
Nobunaga: "Every single thing you do makes me--" We were so close, the heat of our bodies entwined, tangled as our limbs.
Mai: "Makes you what? Tell me." I looked up at Nobunaga, needing to hear this. He seemed torn, unable to speak. Nobunaga gave an exasperated sigh.
Nobunaga: "You're a woman. Shouldn't you know? I could have you right now." Actually, if you were to ask nicely, yes. This grass isn't that bad. "Where are your spirited words? What happened to snapping at me for trying to take a single drink from your lips?"
Mai: "That was the second night we'd met! I didn't know you then. I just thought you were a brute."
Nobunaga: "And you're saying I'm different now?"
Mai: "I see you differently. I've come to know you."
Nobunaga: "Did you get what you wanted?"
Mai: "I didn't get what I expected." I never expected to fall so badly in love with you.
My feelings rising in my chest, I stared into Nobunaga's eyes. His cheeks were ruddy, either from the fire or emotion. Our bodies were pressed together in the soft night grass, we looked into each other's eyes. I could smell the grass, feel the heat of the fire warming me. But Nobunaga filled my senses the most.
Mai: "Your turn. Why do you look at me that way?" He remained silent. I went on, hoping to draw an answer out. "You used to laugh and tease me. Nothing I said ever bothered you." I want to know. Do you feel what I feel? My heartbeat quickened with hope. But--
Nobunaga looked away. He untangled himself from me, raised to one knee, and got up slowly. Don't go. Talk to me.
Nobunaga: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Mai: "Forget it then." I sat up too, and fixed my kimono. Maybe I'm wrong. But why else would he be acting this way? I faced the fire and hugged my knees, missing his warmth already.
Nobunaga: "When will you be going back to your time?"
Mai: "Why are you asking that now?"
Nobunaga: "You told me before, that you'd be going back when circumstances were right."
It's been a while since we talked about it.
*-*-*
Mai: "Yes, I will. Another wormhole is going to open in three months. I'm not certain, but I think it's going to be in Kyoto, where I arrived."
Nobunaga: "If you wish to leave here and go to Kyoto in three months, you must make a bet with me. If you can beat me in just one game, I will see to it personally you get to Kyoto in time for your wormhole."
Mai: "And if I don't win a single game?"
Nobunaga: "Every time you lose a game, I will claim a part of your body as my own. I will have you willingly submit to me, piece by piece, until I've conquered you completely."
Mai: "If that's how you're going to be, then I'm not taking your bet."
Nobunaga: "If you don't agree, you won't be going back in three months. I'll lock you deep in the dungeons of Azuchi and keep you there."
*-*-*
Time passed pretty quickly. I counted the days left in my head, unhappy at the number I came up with.
Mai: "I've got a little less than half a month left."
Nobunaga: "I see." In the beginning I was okay with using him, just like he was using me, until I could win my way back to the present. Is that what's bothering him? That I'll have to leave soon? My heart was begging me not to leave Nobunaga. I swallowed down my emotions and forced a smile.
Mai: "You know, we'll need to work in another game of Go. I still have to beat you!"
Nobunaga: "No, you don't. I'm done."
Mai: "What do you mean, you're done?"
Nobunaga: "I mean just that. The bet is over. I've grown tired of it." He's grown tired? Nobunaga looked into the fire with forlorn eyes. Okay, something's really gotten into him!
Mai: "Come here. You're not feeling well, are you?"
Nobunaga: "What?"
Mai: "You love teasing people. There's no way the Nobunaga Oda I know would say that." This afternoon he was strangely quiet. "Pardon me. You're going to think this is a little strange." I extended a hand out and placed it against his forehead.
Nobunaga: "?!" Okay, he doesn't have a fever. "What are you doing?"
Mai: "I'm checking your temperature."
Nobunaga: "Why?"
Mai: "Why? Because I'm worried you might be sick. Either that or you've been replaced by an imposter when I wasn't looking."
Nobunaga: "An imposter? You're truly beyond my ability to understand."
Mai: "Am I really?"
Nobunaga: "No." The heat cooled in his eyes. "You surprising me is nothing new. But this time-- I pushed you down and had you at my mercy, yet you were still worried about me?" Staring at me coldly, he laughed.
Mai: "What's so funny?"
Nobunaga: "A woman who cares about me and doesn't seek to gain from it. I thought you couldn't possibly get any more naïve." Arg! It's like one step forward, a thousand aggravating steps back!*
Mai: "Are people not allowed to worry about you? Maybe I should send a memo to Hideyoshi!"
Nobunaga: "I don't see why YOU worry about me."
Mai: "Do you want me to go down the list? You saved my life, what, four times now? There was arrows, the assassin, the poison! Yes, Ieyasu told me about that! Even Kennyo knew! And last night. You rushed out to save me, again!"
Nobunaga: "That was...different. I didn't intend to save you. I acted without thinking."
Mai: "Oh, where have I heard that before? That's right, it was me!" It wasn't frustration or anger that moved me to speak, it was desperation. "You know Nobunaga, this may surprise you, but I'm happy when you're happy. And when you're sad, I'm sad. So what I'm saying is-- It's my choice if I want to be worried about you!"
I heard him draw in a breath, but he said nothing. I kept my eyes fixed on him, pleading with him to understand. But I didn't speak either, afraid everything would come out wrong. No one needs a reason to care about someone. Who gives a damn if they're benefiting from it or not! No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to get through 500 years of cultural difference. I love you. And I wish you could understand what those words mean.
Nobunaga: "Mai, I-- I don't understand you." ...Ugh.
Mai: "Fine. I'm done." I turned and left, my feet carrying me into a run.
Nobunaga: "Mai!"
I shut my eyes tight and ignored the voice calling after me, so I wouldn't have to cry. We're so close, but so far away. Why is it so hard to tell him? A drop of wetness rolled down my cheek. I brushed it off. Why can't he understand? He reached my heart. Why can't I reach his?
As Mai ran off, Nobunaga leaped to his feet.
Nobunaga: "Mai!" He reached for her, but his hand held nothing, only empty air. Frozen, he watched as she disappeared into the distance. Nobunaga sighed. "I'm a fool. I have these impossible feelings for her."
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "That was...different. I didn't intend to save you. I acted without thinking."
Mai: "Oh, where have I heard that before? That's right, it was me!"
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "She's wrong. It's nothing like when she saved me from the fire. What I feel for her is--" Nobunaga just stood there, alone in the dark and silence.
----------
Night before a huge battle PLUS what Nobunaga said last night? Yeah I wasn't getting a wink of sleep. I rubbed my tired eyes and exited my tent. It was another clear, perfect day-- far too bright for my mood. What am I going to do about Nobunaga today? I don't want to be away from him, but I have no idea how to face him.
Hideyoshi: "Mai. Hey there."
Mai: "Hideyoshi? Good morning." Hideyoshi led a horse over as I was packing up my things.
Hideyoshi: "So, you'll be going with me today."
Mai: "Um, what?"
Hideyoshi: "Direct orders from Lord Nobunaga. He entrusted you to me. And he entrusted her to you. He's giving you this horse. He expects you to ride her and follow along on your own."
Mai: "And those were his only orders?"
Hideyoshi: "Yeah." That solves my problems of how to face him. And gives me a new one! Now he's avoiding me! Indignation built up inside me. I stared daggers at the grass.
Mai: "That jerk!"
Hideyoshi: "Mai?"
Mai: "He's manipulated me, teased me, nearly broke my heart, and now he's just going to ditch me?"
Hideyoshi: "I'm pretty sure Lord Nobunaga hasn't ditched you."
Mai: "How so?" Hideyoshi patted my shoulder.
Hideyoshi: "You know how he never takes back an order? But he did, entrusting you to me. Don't you think there's a good reason for that? Like maybe he wants you to be safe? I don't think he's stopped caring about you." If only I had your endless trust in him. "And anyway, you should be happy. He's given you this horse. It's an honor."
Mai: "Well, she is pretty." I hope Hideyoshi's right. Regardless, I can't stand here and take up time. I looked over at my new horse, Cheruit. "I guess I'll try riding her."
Hideyoshi: "That's the spirit."
Mai: "It's been about a month since I last took the reins."
Hideyoshi: "Don't worry. I was ordered to protect you. That includes from riding accidents. Get some practice in. You'll need it very soon. But if you feel nervous, you can always ride with me. You see? There's nothing to worry about." Hideyoshi is the exact opposite of Nobunaga.
Mai: "You're so kind, Hideyoshi. Is that the secret to your popularity with women?"
Hideyoshi: "Probably."
Mai: "And so modest!" I giggled. Hideyoshi patted my head.
Hideyoshi: "There. That's better."
Mai: "Let me guess, you were trying to cheer me up?"
Hideyoshi: "I sure was. That smile suits you."
Mai: "Thanks for helping me get it back."
Hideyoshi: "Anytime." Laughing, I was finally able to forget my worries.
Hideyoshi is right. Nobunaga's obviously had a lot on his mind lately. Maybe I'll give him a hand. I'll tell him flat out that I want to be with him. And I won't get frustrated if he doesn't return my feelings. I just want to make sure he hears them. Just as I had made my decision--
Vassal: "Lord Hideyoshi! I have a report!"
Hideyoshi: "What is it?" One of the vassals ran up and kneeled, looking worried.
Vassal: "An army has been spotted coming this way."
Hideyoshi: "Whose army? How large?" Who would be coming to attack us? We're supposed to be the aggressors here!
Vassal: "They have twice our number. And they ride under a blue standard. Most likely, they're--"
Hideyoshi: "Kenshin's forces?" Kenshin Uesugi is coming to attack US? They aren't even supposed to be expecting us! I thought they weren't ready! "I need to see this for myself. Mai, you're coming with me."
Mai: "You bet I am!" Hideyoshi helped me on my horse and got on his beside me. We rode fast toward the front. Once we arrived--
This is awful. The enemy was close enough to see with our bare eyes, as was the rain of arrows they were volleying at our men.
Hideyoshi: "What happened?"
Mitsunari: "Lord Hideyoshi! Mai!"
Mai: "Mitsunari!" Mitsunari rode our way.
Hideyoshi: "Is it Uesugi's army?"
Mitsunari: "Yes. The blue flag and swallow crest are unmistakably of the Uesugi clan. Lord Nobunaga and Lord Masamune have already hurried toward the front lines."
They're both already fighting! A chill ran down my spine, and for a moment I thought I would be ill. Even Mitsunari wasn't smiling. That made it clear the situation was serious.
Mitsunari: "Our scouts have just returned from their reconnaissance of the castle-- According to their report, the Uesugi-Shingen forces had already rallied."
Hideyoshi: "What?!"
Mai: "Then the information we got was wrong!"
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "Mitsuhide informed me the garrison castle's defenses are inadequate. 10,000 troops, along with Masamune and Ieyasu, should prove sufficient."
*-*-*
We came here with so few troops because we thought they weren't prepared.
Mitsunari: "The scouts say one more thing. That Lord Mitsuhide has joined forces with Uesugi."
Mai: "What?! No!"
Hideyoshi: "He really betrayed us? Mitsuhide--" Hideyoshi, I'm so sorry. I felt sick to my stomach, seeing Hideyoshi's painful expression.
Mitsunari: "Apparently the enemy's plan was to lure Lord Nobunaga here with false information. Convincing us they were unprepared, we arrived with a small force and fell right into their trap."
Hideyoshi: "Has Kenshin taken to the field?"
Mitsunari: "No. Their current commander is no one special. The scouts believe Kenshin is watching from the castle. It's possible he knew about our losses in the battle with Kennyo."
Hideyoshi: "No doubt. Mitsunari, I'm going to the front." Hideyoshi's voice was calm, but the rest of him was not. He looked ready to boil over with anger. I've never seen Hideyoshi so furious. "Mai, return to headquarters. Mitsunari, see she gets there safely."
Mitsunari: "Yes, Lord Hideyoshi." Hideyoshi turned his horse. Gathering his troops, he raced toward the front lines of battle. "Mai, we must be going."
Mai: "Of course." I took Cheruit's reins and followed after Mitsunari. We passed by men rushing to the front. News of Mitsuhide's betrayal spread among them like wildfire.
Ally Soldier 1: "Did you hear that! Lord Mitsuhide betrayed us! He sold us out!"
Ally Soldier 2: "That dirty snake! I knew he was suspicious, but I didn't think he'd really do it." They're all so angry. I'm shocked too. But something left me unsettled. I turned to Mitsunari.
Mai: "What do you think about the report? Do you think Mitsuhide really betrayed us?"
Mitsunari: "I can't say for sure. However-- It's a fact that the enemy knew our movements, putting us in this predicament. I estimate their number easily exceeds 10,000. There's no comparison to the fight against Kennyo."
And that was an awful battle. Do we even stand a chance of winning this one? The ugly sounds of war followed us on our way to headquarters. Clashing metal, igniting gunpowder, whinnying horses, and the fierce cries of soldiers.
This isn't right. Mitsuhide's betrayal doesn't make sense.
*-*-*
Mai: "You know, I had the wrong impression about you two. You're really concerned about him."
Hideyoshi: "My life would be a lot easier if I wasn't."
Hideyoshi trusts him, and he's a good judge of character. But that's not all--
Mai: "Do you hate Hideyoshi?"
Mitsuhide: "Hate him? If you ever find someone immune to that charmer's wiles, make sure to introduce me." That wasn't a lie. Mitsuhide cares about him too.
Nobunaga: "I know Mitsuhide well. You, too, will learn about him soon enough."
*-*-*
Most importantly, Nobunaga seemed to have absolute trust in him. I looked ahead, squeezing the reins in my hands.
Mai: "I won't believe Mitsuhide turned on us. Not until I see it for myself."
Mitsunari: "Mai?"
Mai: "Let's ask him the next time we see him. We won't let him worm his way out of the question, either!"
Mitsunari: "That sounds like a good idea." Mitsunari's expression eased. He finally smiled. "You have my support. First we need to defeat the enemy." We finally reached headquarters. When we did, Mitsunari turned to me. "Mai, I'm returning to the front lines. Please stay safe."
Mai: "You too, Mitsunari."
Mitsunari: "I will." With a brave smile, Mitsunari left.
At headquarters, I helped support the rear guard and treated the wounded who were brought in from the front lines. We're not getting any reports in. I'm worried. Especially for Nobunaga. He's been fighting out there this whole time. Is he safe?
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "Mai, I-- I don't understand you."
Mai: "Fine. I'm done."
Nobunaga: "Mai!"
*-*-*
My stomach was in knots, remembering the way we'd parted last night. It's all right. We'll both make it through this. And when we see each other next, I'll be straight with him. He doesn't have to understand. He doesn't even have to love me back. But I will tell him that I love him. I placed my hand on my heart, its steady beat. Nobunaga had asked for this, and I had given it to him. No more excuses. No more running away.
----------
With no idea how the battle was going, I continued to nurse the injured soldiers until the sky began to darken.
Ieyasu: "Everyone, listen up!"
Mai: "Ieyasu!" The curtain surrounding the tent was brushed aside and Ieyasu came in, sword in hand.
Ieyasu: "The front line is falling back to this position. So we're evacuating headquarters and moving it further back!"
Mai: "All right!" This doesn't sound good at all. Kenshin's forces are winning, aren't they?
Ieyasu began issuing orders for the withdrawal, and soldiers hurried to obey. I was gathering up my nursing supplies when Ieyasu shouted to me:
Ieyasu: "Mai! Don't worry about that stuff. Get going!"
Mai: "Ieyasu, I told you that I'm not running by myself!"
Ieyasu: "That's not what I'm telling you to do. You have a different job now."
Mai: "What's that?"
Ieyasu: "I'll direct escorting the wounded and moving the equipment. Our chatelaine needs to reach the new headquarters and begin helping the men set it up."
Mai: "Yes, sir!" I nodded at Ieyasu and hurried beyond the curtain wall--
Ieyasu wasn't kidding! Just outside, the noise was deafening. I tried to make sense of the chaos that surrounded me. Gunpowder and arrows filled the burning sky.
Enemy Soldier: "After them! Finish them off!"
Ally Soldier: "Retreat! Retreat!"
The enemy was like an avalanche, pushing our troops back. I need to get to the new headquarters! Now! There's Cheruit! Come on, let's go! I wrenched myself onto my horse. I traveled with the wounded soldiers, but the enemy's haunting laughter followed us all the way.
Enemy Soldier: "None of you will escape! Prepare yourselves!" How could Nobunaga let this happen? Where is he?! I looked behind me, afraid of what I'd see, but--
Nobunaga: "I'm your opponent." He's alive! The sight of Nobunaga astride his war horse, armor covered in blood, caused enemy and ally alike to stop and stare. He galloped to the fore of the scattered troop.
Enemy Soldier 1: "Nobunaga?!"
Enemy Soldier 2: "No wonder they call him the Great Fool of Owari! Coming out to offer us his head like this!" Even as the enemy nervously surrounded him, Nobunaga wore a confident grin. Nobunaga, do NOT sacrifice yourself!
Nobunaga: "You should have saved your last words for your prayers."
Enemy Soldier: "Wha--"
Nobunaga: "On the battlefield, your sword does the talking. So stop babbling and come on." A cool smile on his lips, Nobunaga drew his sword. It reflected the burning sunset. Letting out a battle cry, the enemy charged at him.
Mai: "Nobunaga!"
Ally Soldier: "My lord!" But Nobunaga cut down his enemies like grass, felling more with each swing. He's unbelievable! His opponents took a step back in fright. Nobunaga took that moment to address his men.
Nobunaga: "What are you standing there for? Proceed with the withdrawal and get headquarters set up!"
Ally Soldier: "But, my lord--"
Nobunaga: "Don't worry about me. I don't intend to die and leave my ambition half-fulfilled. This is an order. Go on." I'd seen him smile when things were going his way, but I couldn't imagine how he could be smiling now. "I won't allow a single one of you to die. For my sake, all of you must live."
Ally Soldiers: "Yes, my lord!" Bowing with regret, the men proceeded with the retreat, guarding each other as they went.
I should have gone with them. But I turned my horse around, fighting the flow. Nobunaga can't hold them all off! He's going to get himself killed!
Enemy Soldier 1: "Foolhardy words! You'll regret not running when you had the chance!" One man brandished his spear, thrusting it at Nobunaga.
Nobunaga: "Regret?"
Mai: "Look out!" Nobunaga countered the spear jab, knocking it away with a sharp sound that pierced my ears.
Enemy Soldier 1: "Oof--" The repercussion knocked the man off his horse, causing the men around him to stir.
Nobunaga: "I've never regretted anything. And that will continue. But I can't say the same for you. Because all of you will die here."
Enemy Soldier: "Bastard!" Swords raised to strike, the group rushed Nobunaga. I don't care how amazing he is, he can't keep this up!
Just then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted an enemy archer taking aim with his bow.
Mai: "Nobunaga! Archers!" I drove my horse into the line of enemies without thinking. Shocked by my actions, the men froze giving me the time I needed to reach Nobunaga.
Nobunaga: "Mai?!" Our eyes met just as the arrow was let loose.
Mai: "Nobunaga!" I grabbed him and pulled him out of the way. He landed in my arms while the arrow zipped harmlessly overhead. Made it!
Enemy Soldier: "Woman. Who are you?!" Now, everyone's eyes were on me, which was perfect.
Because I still have this! I took out the smoke bomb and slammed it against the ground. It went off in an instant, and with a hiss the area was enveloped in a thick cloud of smoke.
Nobunaga: "What's this?"
Enemy Soldier: "What's going on!"
And these will slow them down! I emptied the bag of ground spikes behind us, a sharp trap to keep the enemy off our heels.
Mai: "Come on, let's go!"
Nobunaga: "You are something else, Mai." Unwilling to lose each other in the smoke, we clutched each other's hands tight. Nobunaga swept me up and carried me onto his horse with him.
Without wasting a moment, we raced out of the cloud, leaving our confused enemies behind. We made it. Excellent craftsmanship on the ninja tools, Sasuke! Looking back, I saw that our troops had finished their retreat. We dismounted, resting in the cover of some tall grass. Nobunaga suddenly grasped my shoulders.
Nobunaga: "What were you thinking?! Were you throwing your life away?" Nobunaga--
Mai: "No, of course I wasn't. I was saving yours!" Adrenaline had my heart racing, but Nobunaga's pained stare did as well. I don't think I've heard him shout like that before. He was really worried. And yet, he's always telling others "not to worry" with a smile when he's in trouble. Silly man.*
Nobunaga: "What benefit is it to you to be so concerned about me?" It's so simple I'm amazed you still don't see it.
Mai: "Because I would hate it if you died!" Nobunaga stared at me as though afraid to examine my words for their meaning.
The feelings I'd developed for him overflowed. It didn't matter if his hands were stained in blood, if he was completely broken as a person. All of those things, and the tenderness he wasn't yet aware of -- I was so painfully, desperately in love with every part of him.
Mai: "My heart would break forever if I lost you! I want you to live! Every moment you're alive means something good to me!"
Nobunaga: "Mai. You--" He looked at me with eyes so full of fiery passion they consumed the field around us. "We haven't had a game of Go, but I don't care."
He didn't need to say anything. I knew what he wanted. It was what I had wanted for so long. He caught me in his arms, one hand supporting my back, one lifting my chin.
Nobunaga: "I'm taking these." His warm lips closed on mine. I fell back into his embrace as he hungrily claimed me.
...Wow.
[His POV]
Under a moon drenched sky, Mai and I faced each other, the campfire's glow illuminating the grass around us. She had said she would share the watch with me. That she would stay with me while I rested. But when I asked her why she only replied,
Mai: "It's a secret."
Nobunaga: "A secret?" Mai even smiled at me. That smile gripped my heart, refusing to let go.
Mai: "And I'm going to stay." That's not even an answer. I took her wrist and pulled her with me into the soft bed of grass. "Nobunaga?" She was so near now, yet always somehow out of reach.
Nobunaga: "Just what are you? What is this secret? Why are you looking at me like that?
Mai: "It's nothing you should be afraid of?"
Nobunaga: "Every single thing you do makes me--" ...Makes feel trembling like no battle has. I'm not myself when I'm around you. I grit my teeth, unable to put these uncertain feelings into words.
Mai: "Makes you what? Tell me." Why do you always want to know? What would you do if you did? I put aside thoughts of how close her body was to mine, how it radiated warmth. I sighed, seeking a way to end this conversation.
Nobunaga: "You're a woman. Shouldn't you know? I could have you right now." Yet Mai looked down at the grass as if considering it, before looking back at me. My confusion grew. "Where are your spirited words? What happened to snapping at me for trying to take a single drink from your lips?"
Mai: "That was the second night we'd met! I didn't know you then. I just thought you were a brute."
Nobunaga: "And you're saying I'm different now?"
Mai: "I see you differently. I've come to know you."
Nobunaga: "Did you get what you wanted?"
Mai: "I didn't get what I expected." My heartbeat thundered in my chest. The moonlight caressed her face and I envied it, wishing to do the same. When did I turn into this? The night of Kennyo's attack, I demanded Mai's heart. I fell asleep, not on her lap, but in her arms. When I woke up, her sleeping beside me, it was so comfortable and peaceful. And somehow so wrong. I should have just stayed away from her. I'd planned to. But now look at us. "Your turn. Why do you look at me that way?" I can't answer that question. "You used to laugh and tease me. Nothing I ever said ever bothered you." And everything I said bothered you. Why doesn't it now?
Nobunaga: "I don't know what you're talking about." There was no point in discussing this further. I rose to one knee, leaving her behind as I stood up.
Mai: "Forget it then." There was sadness in Mai's voice. She stood up too. The reason I look at you that way is because I want you. But it's not that simple. It's neither a game nor a power play anymore, even if that was how it started. I want you in a way I can't have you.
As much as I wanted her physically-- she was beautiful and enticing-- I wanted her to smile. I wanted her happy. But I wasn't capable of making that happen. There's no part of her I can claim that would make her happy. And nothing that could satisfy me if she were sad. For the first time in my life, I didn't know what it was I needed to do. And I would run out of time before I could find out. Mai is destined to leave me.
Nobunaga: "When will you be going back to your time?"
Mai: "Why are you asking that now?"
Nobunaga: "You told me before that you'd be going back when circumstances were right." Mai faced the fire. Shadows danced over her troubled expression.
Mai: "I've got a little less than half a month left."
Nobunaga: "I see." In just half a month, she'll be gone.
Mai: "You know, we'll need to work in another game of Go. I still have to beat you!"
Nobunaga: "No, you don't. I'm done."
Mai: "What do you mean, you're done?"
Nobunaga: "I mean just that. The bet is over. I've grown tired of it." I won't keep you here because of the bet. It's not that I've grown tired of it, I just know that now-- Trying to twist pleasure into a tool to make you mine was wrong. Trying to make you mine at all was wrong. Even if I could still somehow do that, I wouldn't. I wouldn't come between Mai and the life she wishes to have any longer. If she wasn't free, I would be in pain. My heart smoldered as I stared into the fire--
Mai: "Come here. You're not feeling well, are you?"
Nobunaga: "What?"
Mai: "You love teasing people. There's no way the Nobunaga Oda I know would say that." Mai-- "Pardon me. You're going to think this is a little strange."
Nobunaga: "?!" Bizarrely, she touched her hand to my forehead. The campfire spat out a flurry of sparks. I stared up at Mai. "What are you doing?"
Mai: "I'm checking your temperature."
Nobunaga: "Why?"
Mai: "Why? Because I'm worried you might be sick. Either that or you've been replaced by an imposter when I wasn't looking." I threatened her, did everything I could to drive her off, and she's worried about me?
Nobunaga: "You're truly beyond my ability to understand."
Mai: "Am I really?"
Nobunaga: "No." This woman has me beat. I pushed down the stirring feeling in my chest and laughed aloud, bitterly. "You surprising me is nothing new. But this time-- I pushed you down and had you at my mercy, yet you were still worried about me?"
Mai: "What's so funny?"
Nobunaga: "A woman who cares about me and doesn't seek to gain from it. I thought you couldn't possibly get any more naïve." Perhaps the difference in our times made it too difficult for me to accept her views.
Mai: "Are people not allowed to worry about you? Maybe I should send a memo to Hideyoshi!"
Nobunaga: "I don't see why YOU worry about me."
Mai: "Do you want me to go down the list?" She has a list? "You saved my life, what, four times now? There was the arrows, the assassin, the poison! Yes, Ieyasu told me about that! Even Kennyo knew! And last night. You rushed out to save me, again!"
Nobunaga: "That was...different. I didn't intend to save you. I acted without thinking." When I thought you might die, I knew I'd die myself if I didn't do something.
Mai: "Oh, where have I heard that before? That's right, it was me!" She couldn't possibly have been acting on the same feelings as I was. "You know Nobunaga, this may surprise you, but I'm happy when you're happy. And when you're sad, I'm sad. So what I'm saying is-- It's my choice if I want to be worried about you!" Mai's voice was choked. Her bright eyes were glistening with tears. Though her face was red from anger, she looked eerily beautiful in the dual light of the moon and fire. It's no good. I can't force myself to stop wanting her. Even knowing there's no way to satisfy this hunger, I need her so much it drives me mad.
Nobunaga: "Mai, I-- I don't understand you." I forced the hoarse words out of my throat. When I'd finished speaking.
Mai: "Fine. I'm done." Mai turned her back to me and left at a run.
Nobunaga: "Mai!" I reached out an arm to stop her, catching nothing but air. I stood there, my hand empty. What was I thinking just now? If I had stopped her, then what? Even if I were to claim every part of her body, this torment wouldn't end. What is it that I want?
My hand still recalled the sensation of her skin. My face recalled the sensation of her heated breath. My body recalled her warmth. There was something beyond all that. Brilliant as the moon in the sky, but still undeniably a part of her. As Mai drew out of sight, I finally realized what it was. I know what it is I want. And what I can't have. I want her love.
Nobunaga: "I'm a fool. I have these impossible feelings for her." I didn't feel the fire on my hand, I felt Mai. Her strong and tender warmth. The kind of warmth I can't possess. Not after the hundreds of thousands of lives I've taken. Even if I could have it, I don't deserve Mai's warm love. I didn't feel that way because I believed in Gd, Buddha, or some almighty power. I felt it in my heart.
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "I didn't intend to save you. I acted without thinking."
Mai: "Oh, where have I heard that before? That's right, it was me!"
*-*-*
Nobunaga: "She's wrong. It's nothing like when she saved me from the fire. What I feel for her is--" ...undeniably love. Now, finally, I had a name for this rapidly growing feeling.