“Are you ready?” Ryder asked as the last of my bags were hauled into the back of the car.
I nodded silently, feeling my stomach twist in a heavy knot. I was actually doing this- I was really leaving. I really wasn’t going to forgive Kale and I really wasn’t going to turn back. It was over.
I’d already said my last goodbyes to everybody and I was standing outside of the car, about to drive to the airport with Ryder. I don’t know why Jackson wasn’t driving me to the airport, but Ryder volunteered in his place.
“Wait.” He said quickly, just as my hand rested on the handle to open the car door. I looked up at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak. “You know that if you don’t say goodbye, you’ll regret it later.”
I knew who he was talking about, but I didn’t want to say goodbye to him- I couldn’t. Just one look in those amazingly blue eyes and I’d give in, I know it.
But I also know that Ryder is right. How can I spend the best two months of my life with the guy and not even say goodbye? No matter how rough things are between us right now, it’s the least I could do.
I sighed and nodded. “I’ll be right back.”
He gave me a reassuring smile and I numbly hurried into the familiar gray house and up the stairs. It would probably be the last time that I ever walked up those stairs and walked through those hallways and when I knocked on the familiar crème door, it’d probably be the last time I saw his face. For a very long time at least.
I inhaled deeply before reaching my fist up and creating three loud thumps against his door. My heart thumping loudly in my chest with each knock.
“If you’re Andy then just go away.” The response was almost instantaneous.
Rolling my eyes, I took one more deep breath before my shaking hand grasped the cold metal knob and, before I could change my mind, I spun it and pushed the door open. I suddenly felt self-conscious about what I was wearing- an old pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt with my old pair of Converse with my hair in a messy pony tail down my back.
Kale was lying across his bed with his hands raised above his face, examining the tickets I’d given him yesterday.
“You better use those.” I said with a teasing edge to my voice, causing him to quickly sit up and he rested the tickets on his nightstand. “I worked really hard on getting them.”
He stood to his feet and started to walk towards me, my heart broke at the hopeful gleam in his eyes. “I thought you’d be off to the airport by now.”
I nodded. “Ryder’s waiting for me downstairs. I just-“ I choked back what was about to become a sob. “I just, um, I wanted to say goodbye. I know I’m overreacting about this whole thing by leaving and I’m being a coward and stuff but I just don’t know what else to do.”
“You’re not overreacting or a coward or anything like that.” He assured me and I had to wipe a tear away from my face. Good to know he’s Kale, always trying to make me feel as good about myself as possible.
“I wasn’t going to come talk to you but Ryder said I should and he was right. I mean, no matter what’s happened in the past few days, you were still probably the best thing that ever happened to me.” I told him honestly. “And I care about you. I just don’t want you to hate me.”
“I could never hate you, Holly. You know that.”
“I still feel really bad about all of this.” Tears were falling freely down my face but I didn’t bother drying them up.
“So this is it?” He asked with a defeated look on his face.
I nodded slowly. “This is it.” I leaned towards him and kissed his cheek softly, letting my lips linger for a moment. I’d really missed the touch of his skin. “One the bright side,” I added as I walked towards the door. “If I ever do come back, and we make up, the makeup sex will be mind-blowing.”
He smirked. God, I loved his smirk. “I’m looking forward to it.”
I gave him a real smile and then I disappeared out the door for good.
“Feel better?” Ryder asked as I returned to the car, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and walking me over to the passenger seat.
“No.” I croaked, getting into the passenger side of the fancy car.
“You will.” He assured me, getting into the driver’s side. He put my hand in his in the center console as we drove away and I watched as everything floated by. Jackson’s tan house, then Ryder’s gray one. We passed the park, the movie theater, that pizza place where the guy drew the drawing of me and Kale, and the really tall hotel where Kale took me on our first date.
Eventually, I just closed my eyes, not wanting to say goodbye to Hollywood just yet. But I knew that I didn’t have a choice, I had to leave.
It didn’t take long to get to the airport. “Here’s the tickets.” Ryder said softly, handing me an envelope.
I opened it and my face crumpled in confusion. “Why are there two tickets?”
“I’m going to fly with you, to make sure you’re okay.”
“But I’m not okay.”
He gave me a small smile and parked in the long term parking. “Well I’m going to fly with you to make sure you are safe. How’s that?”
I rolled my eyes at him and he helped me get my luggage onto one of those cart things.
“You didn’t have to waist your money on plane tickets just to follow me to Minnesota.” I told him.
“Well, I already did so it’s too late to change it- you’re stuck with me.”
I chuckled a faint chuckle and we pushed the suit cases towards the doors. But when we got close enough, I let out an audible gasp and stopped in my tracks as I stared stupidly at the pillar in front of the sliding glass doors of the airport.
“What is it?” Ryder asked.
“Jackson, where the hell are you?” I snapped. “You were supposed to pick me up an hour ago and I am about to die of a heat stroke or something.”
“An hour ago? You said three!” He argued.
“And it’s four!” I argued back.
“Oh.” He was silent for a minute. “I’ll send a car for you.”
“You can’t just pick me up yourself?”
“Sorry, kiddo. I have a photo shoot at 4:30 and it will take me that time to get there.” He said, sounding disappointed.
I sighed loudly. “Fine. Send a car. But tell them to hurry and blast the AC”
He chuckled. “Didn’t dress for the Hollywood sun?”
“Are you kidding? I’m so sweaty, it looks like I ran around the Sahara and my hair is a frizzy freaking mess. California sucks.” I ranted.
Again, he barked with laughter. “Alright, alright. Kale is on his way. Twenty minutes.”
“Ugh. Fine. I’ll see you soon then.” I said, sitting my suitcase upright against one of the pillars of the airport and then sitting on top of it while leaning my guitar case against the side.
“Nothing.” I choked. “Let’s just get inside.” I mumbled, trying to forget the flashback and we checked everything that I didn’t need, leaving me with a small Vera Bradley bag and Boyce. Poor, tear stained Boyce. He’s taken a beating over the last few days since whenever I feel a new wave of tears coming, I’d shove my face into his tummy and sob. And I had to admit, he stunk really bad.
“Why do you always carry that bear around with you?” Ryder asked as we took a seat in the terminal and waited for our flight to be ready. We were running late because I talked to Kale, so it wouldn’t be a long wait.
I petted his ratted fur with a small smile. “My mom gave him to me.” I said. “When I was a baby.”
“Oh, so that’s why he looks like he just went through a dive through the sewers. And smells like it too.” He joked and I lightly nudged him.
“I love Boyce, even with all of his smelly glory. He’s helped me through a lot.”
“Which is why it reeks so bad?” He teased.
I nodded. “Exactly.”
“We are now boarding flight 3A to Minneapolis.” The flight attendant ordered over the intercom after the wave of people emptied the gates.
My heart pounded even louder in my chest and I had half of a heart to run away. To have Ryder take me back to Jackson’s house and kiss Kale all better. Everything would be perfect if I just didn’t step onto that plane.
“It’s your decision.” Ryder said beside me as if reading my thoughts and put a soothing hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to leave.”
I looked out the large window where the large plane was resting. It was huge, red, and shiny. And if I set foot on that plane, it’s very likely that I will never speak to Kale again. Or anybody else that I’m leaving behind. But if I just go back to Jackson and Andy and Elle and everyone, then what’s so wrong with that?
What’s so wrong with forgiving Kale? Or for living just another month in Hollywood. Even if I don’t fix things with him, I could spend that time with my brother.
I could make everything better.
You’re nothing but a lying whore.
“I’m sure. Let’s just go.” I said, grabbing the tickets and heading for the entrance to the plane before I could change my mind.
Ryder got us first class seats, of course, him and his spoiled ways.
“I was going to get business class because I know how you don’t like to be pampered, but I don’t think I could handle it back there.” He told me once we sat down.
I rolled my eyes at him. “I think I’ll get over it.”
But that sickening feeling in the bottom of my stomach was growing and everything inside of me was telling me that I was making a huge mistake. A huge, huge mistake.
“Thank you for doing this.” I said to Ryder. “I really don’t want to be alone right now.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I know, that’s why I’m here. Besides, there’s a lot of hot girls at the airport.”
“Can you ever keep it in your pants?” I teased.
He pretended to think about this for a moment before grinning childishly at me. “Nope.”
I chuckled and pulled out the magazine that was in my Vera Bradley, it was in there from the beginning of the summer.
“What’s that?” Ryder asked curiously.
“Something I bought at the airport on my way here.”
Ryder smirked. “Oh, right. When you were obsessed with me.” He teased.
I nodded shamelessly. “Yeah. It feels like that was years ago. I can’t believe I actually found you attractive.” I teased back.
“Oh, you know you love me and my perfect body.” He gloated, pulling me into a one armed hug as I continued to flip through the pages.
“These magazines aren’t as cool when you know everybody in them.” I mumbled, shoving the magazine in the front pouch of my seat just as the jets started to roar and the plane was preparing to fly off.
No! My mind shouted. No, I shouldn’t be here! No, let me off! Let me off!!
But I didn’t say any of that, I just looked out the window with a tear falling down my face as I watched the plane move away from the boarding area and start its short journey to the runway. The farther we got, it was like the farther I was from myself, like I was ripping myself in half. I felt like I was going to throw up very soon, but I pushed that feeling down and took advantage of our spacy seats. Without asking for permission, I leaned down and rested my head on Ryder’s lap, curling up in a ball. I didn’t want to watch as I made the biggest mistake of my life, I just wanted this all to be over. It all to end.
And at the worst possible time, memories started running through my mind and I didn’t even try to hold back my cries. I let Ryder run his hands soothingly through my hair as I sobbed into his jeans. He wrapped the complimentary blanket around me and I snuggled into it with Boyce tucked into my chest as the memories just kept coming and coming and coming.
When I was done, I nervously looked down at the bottom and shot to my feet with a happy squeal. “I got Ryder West!” I squealed victoriously. I sighed. “We are meant to be! I didn’t even cheat!”
“Did you win the lottery?” I heard a guy’s voice beside me.
My head shot up to the teenage guy standing a few feet away from me with an amused smile on his face. His brown hair looked soft and pettable. God, I wanted to pet his hair. His blue eyes were sparkling with the same amusement that was found in his sexy smile.
~~~~
“Who’s your boyfriend?” Kale asked, coming into the room from the kitchen.
“Ryder.” Jackson said with a snicker.
“Ryder West?” Kale asked with an amused chuckle.
I nodded. “Yep.”
~~~~
“Okay, if you want a piggy back ride, I will give you a piggy back ride, Mr. Whiner.” I said.
This caused Kale to scoff. “You cannot lift me.”
“I can too!” I huffed as we walked.
“Cannot.” He sang.
I rolled my eyes then stepped in front of him so he couldn’t move, I even took my hand away from his warm one, which kind of sucked.
“What are you doing?” He asked in an amused voice.
“I’m giving you a piggy back ride, what’s it look like?” I said in a ‘duh’ tone.
“No way.” He chuckled.
“Way. Get on.” I said confidently.
He sighed. “This is going to fail.” I felt him put his hands on my shoulders , sending tingles down my back again. Damn him.
“Don’t be so pessimistic.” I muttered. And in one swift motion, I hunched my back and grabbed his jean clad thighs. I’ll give it to him, he was heavy, but, luckily for me, I’m strong for a girl. “See?” I gloated. “I’m doing it!”
“We’re going to break something.” He muttered, but he was laughing as I trudged through the tiled floor, one foot in front of the other, I could do this.
“Aw, you guys are such an adorable couple.” We heard another lady say beside us. I looked up to see her looking at us and smiling.
“Thank you.” We both replied at the same time with grins on our faces.
Unfortunately, she distracted me and I didn’t see shelf in front of me. I tripped on the corner and fell backwards, causing both of us to land on our butts on the cold tile floor. My top half was laying on top of Kale as we both burst into laughter, unable to get up from the floor as everybody stared at us with amusement or just laughing at us.
Once we finally composed ourselves, I hoisted myself up off of the floor and held out a hand for Kale to take, but he was too manly so he lifted himself up.
“I told you that you would fail.” He smirked.
~~~~
“Yeah, I mean, you can do it. It’ll just take a little work.”
“Well, how do you know that? Like, last year, my friend dropped out of the talent show and I tried to perform for her but then everything went wrong and these people started to-“
I was cut off, like usual when I start to babble. But it wasn’t Kale saying something or leaving the room. He didn’t put his hand on my mouth or roll his eyes. No, he leaned in and put his lips on mine.
He kissed me.
It took me a minute, but when I got over the shock, I kissed him back. I mean, who wouldn’t?!
It didn’t last long, it was really short. But when he pulled away, he looked into my eyes with his bright, mesmerizing blue ones and when he spoke, I could feel his breath on my lips. “I think you can do it.”
~~~~
“You really like him, don’t you?” Libby asked.
I let out a sarcastic laugh while I blubbered. “Yeah, I really, really like him. Like, a lot. He’s nice, and sweet, and funny, and a really good listener. He’s amazing.”
“Then tell him that, stupid!” She said as I cried, which I don’t do often. I hardly ever cry. Damn him.
~~~~
“Hey, you know that ‘going out’ thing you were talking about?” Kale whispered into my ear.
I didn’t completely register what he’d said at first, but when I did, my stomach dropped and my throat suddenly became dry. I couldn’t speak because I had no idea how to speak, let alone say the right thing. So I just nodded into his shirt until my brain stopped shaking and I could speak. “Yeah.” I croaked.
“I think it sounds like a good idea.” He whispered.
“Yeah?” I whimpered, lifting my head so that I was looking into his dazzling blue eyes. If only I could remember how to breathe…
He nodded and moved a piece of hair away from my face with the pad of his thumb, trailing a trail of sparks where his skin touched. “Is that a yes?” He asked softly.
“A yes to what, exactly? I don’t remember a question being asked.” I said with a glint of amusement in my eyes and a small smile quirking at the edges of my mouth.
I felt his chest move up and down heavily as he let out a sigh. “Holly Thorne, will you be my girlfriend?”
And again, my ability to speak was gone. So, instead, I just nodded vigorously.
He smiled. “Good, I totally thought you were going to say no.” He teased.
~~~~
Eventually, when the whole thing was exposed, I could see that we had a front row seat to view the Hollywood sign, tucked away safely in the mountains.
“Oh.” I gasped. “Oh goodness. Oh, wow. Holy crap!”
“I told you that you deserved it.” He whispered.
I spun around in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck and looked into his deep green eyes before deciding that me and these stupid butterflies will never be on good terms. “This is perfect. You, you’re perfect.” I told him warmly.
He doesn’t say anything back, but leans down, very, excruciatingly slow, ducking his head so that his lips were nearly brushing against mine, he waited for me to close the gap. Which I eagerly do by tilting my head up just slightly so that our lips touched.
~~~~
“And what stereotype am I?” He asked curiously, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.
“Hollywood boy.”
~~~~
“Holly, breathe.” Kale insisted, using his soft touch to calm me down, putting his hands on my cheeks and keeping his face level with mine, looking deep into my eyes. I felt like he could read my soul from how intently he was looking at me.
“I love you.” I breathed before I could stop myself. Before I could look away, I noticed a smile on his face. “Why are you smiling?” I asked in a whisper.
Instead of answering, he fiercely trapped my mouth in his. I was surprised, but I still kissed back and put my hands on his chest.
He pulled away way too soon and grinned at me. “I love you too.” He whispered into my ear.
~~~~
“Stay.” I croaked when Kale was a few meters away from the stairs.
He spun around and looked up at me with excitement bubbling in his eyes. “What?” He asked quietly.
“Um, stay?” I squeaked, much less confident in my words. “Like, uh, like here.”
An amused smile started sprouting at the edges of his cute pouty mouth. “Why do you want me to stay?” He asked.
I could tell that Kale didn’t know what I was thinking. He probably thought I wanted him to stay because I was afraid to be alone at night, which was only 1/11th of the truth. “Well, Jackson’s not here, so…” I was hoping he could get the message and I sighed in relief when his eyes widened and he got the picture.
He swallowed noticeably before maintaining his composure. “So…” He urged me to continue.
I panicked, just absolutely panicked. Like complete Holly overdrive. “I’m not going to spell it out for you, Kale.” I said in a shaky breath before turning and heading for the door. “If you don’t want to, then fine. I was just-“ I didn’t get any farther because Kale was behind me with my wrist in his hand, pulling me close to his body with his mouth on my ear.
“I’m sorry.” He breathed. “I would love to stay.”
I don’t know how long it took me to stop crying, but it took a really long time.
“Are you awake?” I asked Ryder without lifting my head off of his lap.
“Yeah.” He said and I realized that he was rubbing his hands up and down my back soothingly.
“Why are you so nice to me?” I blurted, still not turning to look up at him.
“A-are you kidding?” He asked incredulously, as if the answer was so obvious.
“No I’m not kidding.” I mumbled.
“Then think harder.” He said. “The only two girls that I actually respect in this world are Andy and you. Well, maybe Elle. But I’ve known Elle forever, Andy’s my sister, so what reason would a guy have to treat a girl differently than all the others?” He asked and I could practically feel his gaze burning holes into the back of my head.
It took me a minute, but when I registered what he’d said and I understood, I let out a gasp and cupped my hands over my chapped lips. Ryder?! Ryder West?! If he just admitted to what I think he admitted to- I think I’m going to pass out. I turned over so that I was still laying with my head resting in his lap but I was looking up so that I could see his face. And by the look on his face, I could tell that I guessed correctly. Ryder West likes me. Like likes me.
“Since when?” I croaked.
He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “I dunno. A long time, I guess.”
“But- But-“ I stuttered, trying to object to what he just confessed to, but I didn’t know what to say.
“Look, I once I realized it, you and Kale were already down each other’s throats, so I just backed off enough to hide it. It’s really not a big deal.”
“It’s not a big deal?” I asked incredulously, sitting up into my own seat and I could tell that Ryder just desperately wanted to drop the subject.
“No, it’s not.” He insisted.
I sighed and laid back down onto his lap, trying to get over the initial shock of what he just admitted. “I’m so sorry.” Was all I said. I mean, if he’s not lying, and he’s really had feelings for me for a while, that means that he’s been helping me with Kale’s gifts and giving me advice when all along, he liked me? That had to hurt.
“Don’t be.” He insisted. “I’m a big boy, I can handle it.”
“But-“
“Drop it, Holly.” He told me sternly. “Just drop it.”
And so I did. Partially because I didn’t want to complicate my emotions any more than they already are and partially because I can tell that it was a tense subject for Ryder.
“I was twelve when I saw Killer Gain.” I blurted. Killer Gain was the first movie Ryder did when he was a little. It was kind of like a better version of spy kids, I guess. “And when I saw you, the first thing I thought was- I want to marry that boy. It took me a while to learn that your name wasn’t actually Kyle Killer and I think you were my first celebrity crush. My walls were covered in Kyle Killer posters and I even had the shirts. I got a detention once when I was thirteen because somebody said that Ryder West was ugly so I punched her. And then when I found out that you were doing another movie, I think I cried. That one chick flick, I can’t remember the name of it because the movie was stupid, but I just watched it over and over for the simple reason of the fact that you never had a shirt on. And the Kyle Killer posters turned into just Ryder West posers and when I ran out of room on my walls, I even put a few on my ceiling. When I turned sixteen, I took down most of them because they started giving me the creeps, but my walls are still covered in posters of shirtless yous. Anyway, you have no idea how many dreams you’ve made come true for me in these two months and I can’t tell you how much that means to me- how much you mean to me.”
“You’re insane.” He laughed.
I looked up at him, confused. “How?”
“That’s not how people confess their feelings for somebody. Like, ‘Oh, hey, I’ve liked you for about two months.’ And then you are just like ‘Really? That’s so weird because I’ve been stalking you for about five years.’ Only you, Holly.” He said with a light hearted grin.
I chuckled and shrugged nonchalantly. “Okay, well the whole situation is kind of insane, so you have to give me some slack.”
“I really didn’t mean to spring that on you like that.” He told me sincerely.
“I asked.” I defended Ryder. “That’s absolutely not the answer I was expecting, but I did ask.”
“Yeah, I guess it is your fault.” He teased.
I laughed but then we fell into a weird silence and we just stared at each other. By the look in his eyes, he was about to kiss me and by the rapid beating in my chest, I was going to let him. To confirm my suspicions, he started leaning down and closing the distance between us.
“We will be landing in Minneapolis shortly, please return all trays to their upright position and make sure your seat belts are safely fastened. Thank you for flying with us.”
The flight attendant over the intercom broke us out of whatever had just happened and I sat up to sit in my own seat with complete shock running through my veins. I’m such a whore. I’ve been broken up for about three days but I’m just going to go and kiss his brother? How could I do that?!
An awkward feeling overwhelmed us as we got off of the plane and Ryder helped me get all of my suitcases out of baggage claim. He even helped me get a cap and haul all of my luggage into the trunk of the car. But we barely said a word to each other the whole time.
“So I guess I’ll see you later then.” Ryder said awkwardly.
“A very, very long later, yeah.” I said with a small smile as the taxi driver got into the front seat. I wrapped Ryder into a huge hug with tears about to fall down my face. “I’ll really miss you.”
“I’ll really miss you too.” He replied kissing the top of my head lightly.
I watched as he waved a small goodbye and then retreated back into the building. I got into the taxi with a sad, empty feeling overwhelming me and I fed the Indian man my address. He was about to pull out, but I knew I couldn’t leave things so unfinished.
“Wait!” I yelped at the taxi driver and he immediately put his foot on the break.
“Just give me a minute, I’ll be right back.” I told him, unbuckling my seat belt and opening the door.
“I’m charging you.” He told me in a thick accent.
“Okay, charge me, start the clock. Just stay here.” I told him before running away from the small yellow car and into the airport, frantically looking for the tall celebrity.
And with a huge ring of people surrounding him, fawning over him like they’ve done all day, it wasn’t hard to find him.
“Ryder!” I yelled, running towards him. And in that moment, I didn’t care if I was a whore. I didn’t care about how wrong it was. I didn’t care about what could happen if I did this. I didn’t care about anything.
He looked up at me just as I pushed myself through the ring of girls, earning me a lot of dirty glares and without giving him a moment to question me, I wrapped my shaky hands around his neck, standing on my tippy toes.
-Never in a million years did I think I’d ever be able to say this-
I kissed Ryder West.
________________________________
And that's it! </3