💀Jax's POV💀
It was nearing 8:00 when I finally pulling into my drive. After leaving Redwoody, I stopped and picked up a bucket of chicken and sides for the kids for dinner. Grabbing the bag of food, I walked into the house and found Savannah, sitting in the floor playing with Abel and Thomas. She must not have heard me open the door because he didn't acknowledge it. Walking into the kitchen, I placed the bag of food on the counter and then walked back to the living room. I paused into in the door way to watch her playing when them. She was amazing with kids from what I could tell. And Abel and Thomas both seemed to like her. Then it dawned on me, I hadn't seen Neeta's parked out front. Checking my phone, I saw I had fifteen misses calls, all from Neeta.
Before I could move further into the living room, Thomas spotted me and shouted my name. A very startled Savannah looked back at me. Nope, she hadn't heard me come in.
Bracing myself for impact, I knelt down and opened my arms as both boys ran towards me. But my efforts were useless, they knocked me onto my back, wrapping their arms around me hugging thr life out of me.
"Ok boys, that's enough. Let your daddy up off the floor." Said Savannah.
And surprisingly, they listened. The both climbed off of me, allowing me to sit up. Savannah walked over to me and extended her hand in a silent offer to help me up. I grabbed her hand but instead of letting her help me up, I pulled her down to me. She landed right in my lap, right where I had intended. The boys seemed to think that what I did was funny. Thomas climbed into Savannah's lap and Abel hugged me from behind. Even with me sitting and her in my lap, I still had to look slightly down at her because of our height difference. It gave me the advantage of seeing the joy in her eyes upon holding Thomas without her knowing I was watching her.
"Where's Neeta?" I asked when the kids had finally calmed down.
"She has some kind of family emergency. She said she tried to call but could get ahold of you. She came over and asked if I could watch the kids until you got home. I told her I really didn't know you or kids that well but would be happy to help in any way that I could. I hope you don't mind."
"No, not at all. Did she say what the emergency was?"
"No, but she did act like it was something serious. Hope no one is hurt or worse."
"Yeah. I know her mom has been having a hard time regulating her insulin levels lately so that's probably what's happened."
"Maybe."
Abel and Thomas got bored and went back to playing with their toys, leaving me and Savannah sitting in the the floor.
"Have they are?" I said as I nodded towards the kids.
"I'm not sure. I don't think so though."
"Hey boys, clean your toys up so we can eat dinner."
"Ok daddy" Said both boys at once.
"Have you eaten?" I asked Tinsley.
"Just a nutrigrain bar at like 4:00."
"Stay for dinner then. I picked up a bucket of chicken and a couple sides so there is plenty."
"Okay. Can I help get the kids plates fixed?"
"Sure."
Savannah got up from my lap and extended her hand once more, offering to help me stand. I took it, but not because I needed the help. I just wanted to touch her again. I didn't know if she felt the spark I felt when we touched and if she did, she didn't give any inducing it. All I know is that I felt it and I liked it. I liked it A LOT!
After dinner was finished and the kitchen was clean, Savannah helped me bathe the kids and get them ready for bed. I had to admit, I could definitely get used to having her around. I was currently standing I the doorway of Abel's room as she read him a bedtime story. Abel had already fallen asleep but Savannah had kept reading anyway. Tara used to do the same thing. I asked her why once and she said it was because she didn't want to leave off the happy ending. She wanted to make sure our kids knew that through there were trial and tribulations in life, most times there was always a happy ending. I had thought the idea was stupid when she told me because in the outlaw lifestyle, there was hardly ever a happy ending. Don't get me wrong, I wanted the best for my boys. I wanted them to have everything they ever wanted and I wanted them to feel all the love they deserved but I also knew that there was too much bad shit in this world that could take every ounce of happiness out of you.
In the time I was standing there watching Savannah, she had finished her story. I watched as he leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead and tucked him in. That's she she turned to me and caught me watching her. I backed out of the door way, allowing her to exit the room. Once outside the room, she closed the door as silently as possible and looked up at me. We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like forever before she finally spoke.
"He's an amazing boy. Both of them are. You're so lucky to have them."
I could hear the sadness in her voice. I couldn't image how much pain it would cause to know that the one thing you wanted the most wasn't possible because of some sick some of a bitch had taken that way from you. I guess in a way I kinda did. My mother had taken Tara from me. But something told me that the pain I felt because of losing Tara wasn't anything considered to what Savannah felt when every time she saw a mother and child.
"I really am. As cliché as it sounds, those boys saved my life" I said, realizing I hadn't responded to her statement.
"I hear people say that all time but never really knew what they meant by it. I guess I never will." Savannah said as she walked towards the living room.
"Savannah I..."
Turning to face me, she said "Jax, don't. Please don't. Don't say you're sorry. Don't give me any sympathy. This is my life. This is the path that was chosen for me and I have to live with that."
"Yes, you might have to live with it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't effect others around you. You say you don't want my sympathy. Well, I'm sorry but that I can't help but feel sorry for the things that were taken from you before you even know you would want them. But I also feel rage. I want to kill the man who did this. Fuck, I wanna kill any man that would do this to a child. It's takes one sick piece of shit to do the things that were done to you at a young age."
I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier by the moment. How could she stand there and tell me not to feel sorry for her? Anyone who had any kind of heart would feel sorry for any one who had been through the things she had. But they would also feel proud that she didn't let those bad things destroy her life. Yes, she had went down a destructive path that would have surely ended with her dying and yes, it took some drastic to make her want to change, but she had.
"Jax, I can't do this. I thought I could get close to someone, let down my guard you know, but I can't. I'm sorry."
She ran towards the door but I caught her by the hand before she was able to run through it. Thinking back, that wasn't the smartest move ever side I was rewarded with a solid and perfectly placed uppercut. I stumbled back, releasing her hand. She ran this time, for her house and far away for me. I didn't try to stop her this time though.
🍑 Savannah's POV 🍑
Buy the time I reached my doorstep, I was a blubbering mess. My heart ached for the things I would never have. Whether those things were children, a man who loved me, or to just be able to function as a normal adult, I knew my life wouldn't ever be anything that fairytales were made of. It just wasn't possible.
Making sure my door was locked, I stripped, leaving a trail of clothing all the way to my bathroom. Turning on the shower, I stood under the spray before it ever even got warm, needing to feel something other than the pain in my heart. The tears streaming down my face was the only warmth I felt before the water finally turned warm. I let myself cry and scream. I even beat my fists against the tile because of the pain and anger inside me. When there was no screams or anger left, there was only tears. Once the tears finally subsided, I stood under the spray that how now turned back to cold and thought about the way Jax had tried to stop me. I hoped I didn't hurt him but my had instincts kicked in.
Mad at myself for walking-well actually running- out on him like I did, I switched the water off and went to my bedroom. I crawled into bed and tired to go to sleep but I was to wound up. After tossing and turning for two whole hours, I crawled out of bed and went to my art room, still completely naked. Sitting down at the easel, I started painting, letting my feelings flow through my paintbrush.
Several hours later, I sat back, stretching, and looked at what I had created. It was very abstract but it depicted a woman who was damaged, inside and out.
How fitting I thought to myself.
It was practically a self portrait. I was damaged, inside and out. Suddenly feeling drained, I put caps on all the paints and flipped the switch off in the room.
When I walked into my bedroom, I glanced at the bedside clock and noticed it was 4:27 on the morning. Time for my run. Knowing I needed to stick to my routine, I got dressed and threw my hair up. Grabbing my MP3 player, I turned it to some Metallica, inserted my ear buds, and set off on my run.
💀 Jax's POV 💀
I hadn't slept all night which wasn't anything unusual. My jaw ached and my brain was running one hundred miles per hour.
When Savannah had ran out of my door last night after punching me, I hadn't chased her. I knew she needed to be alone but every nerve in my body had told me to go to her. I even walked over there when the urge had become too much. But she I got to her door, I heard the sounds of death metal blaring. I knew knocking on her door would be useless, so I had walked back home and sat on my couch, thinking about everything.
I was standing at the kitchen sink, washing out my coffee mug when I saw her exit her home. She was dressed in blue Capri pants with a reflective strip down the side with a matching tank top. Her hair was pulled high atop her head. I watched as she started out at a slow jog, the street lights shining down on her and she passed through them. I watched as she got closer and closer to my house and before I knew it, I was heading out to my porch. I watched as she ran right by my house, her stride increasing with every step she took. I kept hoping she would look my way, but she never did. She ran right by my home.