November 2016
Taylor's POV
"I feel like I'm so close to being over exposed," I told Kanye through the phone. I knew that if I promoted his song about me owing him sex, I would never hear the end of it. I shuddered just watching the video of Kanye calling about his song replay in front of me. "Well, I appreciate the heads up," I stated at one point. I regret ever saying those words. He wasn't sharing the whole horrible song. He left out the worst part: taking credit for my success and calling me a bitch.
"He wasn't calling as a friend at all. That asshole!" Joe practically yelled at the phone.
I smiled at his defensiveness. By some miracle he had never seen the video or tuned into the drama. "You really hadn't seen or heard anything about this?" I questioned. I was jealous of his normal life and successful career.
"Nope. Maybe I had heard something, but I don't keep up with much gossip."
"At the Grammy's I definitely went after him saying all those nasty things. People legitimately believed that I was playing the victim. They said I lied about not knowing the lyrics. He never disclosed the full lyrics. I would never have given approval for what he pulled. I was hesitant to agree to the line 'Taylor might owe me sex' which he changed too." I was getting heated recounting the ugly scene.
"That is just not okay in any creative capacity," Joe added.
"Well, then you would be floored to see the music video. The thought of it makes me want to throw up." When that music video dropped I was infuriated and humiliated to say the least. The fact that that man would imagine me naked and then create some version of me to lie in bed next to him was twisted. I saw the video once and could never watch it again.
By now, Joe and I had been on several dates since the concert. I never expected to even half like him, but I did. He had an indescribable feature about him. We just connected in a way I never had with anyone before. So, here we were at my mom's rehashing my feud with Kanye. For this relationship to go any further, I felt like Joe had to know what he was signing up for. I also needed to talk to my mom.
"I get it if after this you think this is too much, I totally understand."
Joe pulled me in for a hug. "You think that would change how I feel about you? Not at all. I'm sorry they dragged you through that shit."
"Yeah, me too. It feels like its never ending." I rested my head on his shoulder.
"What about I cook your favorite dinner?" Joe brushed my hair back behind my ear.
"I would love that."
"I think I've got to run to the store to pick up a few ingredients." Joe picked up my car keys from the fron table.
"Don't forget to drive on the right side of the road," I joked.
As soon as I heard the door slam shut and the garage door go down, I searched for my mom. I found her seated in the living room reading a book.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
She closed her book and looked up. "What is it?"
"Uhm." I didn't even know where to start. Telling her was a huge risk. All I could do was start from the beginning. I described the day I had my meeting and how that was the turning point of my career. I told her about my role as an agent, the fake relationships, and the traveling operations. Then, I told her about my plan to leave the agency. She had a lot to process.
"Mom, you need to promise me that you are not going to tell anyone," I stared her straight in the eyes. "I told you because I trust you and needed you to know the truth."
"I promise," she replied.
"Your life depends on it," I cautioned. I couldn't bear to think what the CIA or another agency would do to my family when they found out I disappeared.
She nodded with a straight and almost fearful face. "Have you told your brother or father?"
"No, the fewer the people who know the better."
"Who else knows?" My mom wondered. "Does Joe know?"
"No, he is probably one of the last people I want to know."
"Oh Taylor," my mom stepped closer to rest her hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to carry this around all these years. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been."
All I could manage was a nod of acknowledgement. It was terrible. Telling my mom felt like a huge weight lifted from me. A new one replaced it. I was endangering her by letting her know what I did. I had to warn her though. My disappearance would raise questions and the CIA would almost certainly go to her first. She needed to be prepared. She was now brought in on the lie.
Every fan of Kanye already believed I was a liar. They weren't wrong because I had been lying to the whole world for years. Lying about my identity. Fooling myself. Lying to my family. Lying to the man I love. Yes, I think I'm in love with Joe Alwyn. Did that mean the relationship was fake? Could I lie out of love?
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Do you guys remember when the Famous video came out? Thoughts? Hope you are enjoying the story so far.
JJ